Sexual Health
+1 y

I view my vagina as something that needs to be earned, not given to everyone?

i think sex is a risky thing...emotionally, STDs, pregnancy. i don't like to give it up easily and I wouldn't have sex unless I am in a relationship where I feel I trust the guy and he treats me well, then he has "earned it" by making me feel I can trust him and he is not just using me. it's not that I am saying a girl should "sell herself" but I do think sex has a higher meaning and that by having sex with a virtual stranger, especially on a regular basis, a girl is selling herself short. if you are good friends, or even have been dating a while but aren't in a relationship I totally understand. but my friend has sex with guys whose names she barely even knows, on a regular basis. it isn't even like it makes her happy, so I just don't understand it. besides, don't guys like a girl with some self respect? I always hear guys on here say that if she always gives it up easy why do I have to date her, etc... what do you think? that's why, even though it sounds a bit crude, I have the attitude of sex should be "earned"...not by money, but by building some sort of relationship and trust first, so the people are protecting themselves.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You are using your vagina as a barging chip. Sex is sex. It is to please or sate baser emotions. Making love or making a child together and f-ing are two different things. One should not have anything to do with the other.

    I am not saying screw everyone you meet. Humans and monkey's are the only mammals that have sex for enjoyment, or, for pleasure. Yet what I am saying is that if you do not show yourself respect, no one else will. Yes a man should treat you nice all the time not just for sex. Likewise a female should not try to use sex to get the man to do or give her what she wants.

    If you drop something and I pick it up for you, did I just 'earn' sex? By your last paragraph, having 'earned' or having built a relationship protects you sexually. What protects your health or reproduction cycle?

    You said that your friend gets nothing out of it. Are you sure? I am not. She got something from it and I do not mean 30 seconds of pleasure. She felt connected, safe, wanted, pretty, sexy, sought after.

    Not being able to differentiate between casual sex and making love is what causes the problems. That and society's outlook that a man can sleep with 15 women and that is fine but if she sleeps with 15 men she is a whore or some such.

  • I do not think sex should be earned in a relationship. If both people aren't interested in a mutually satisfying sex life, they shouldn't be dating.

    I do think that for many people (not all) having sex within relationships only makes them happier. But that's not a matter of 'earning' it. He's not 'earning' your vagina, and you're not 'earning' his penis. Its just that its something you enjoy fully when you feel comfortable and the relationship reaches that point. Its not a reward. Its just a step.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Some people have different view on sex.Yes what have you said is true but now more people don't think this way because of media influence,peer pressure,lack of self respect etc.After all,they have the right to make their own decision.Its their body and they are the one who need to face the consequences in the future.You might not see it now but there is always 'price' for something that we did,either it is good or bad.There are some people (both male and female) who enjoy sex a lot so they don't really put the emphasize about having it with the right person.Guys do like girls with self respect for a long term relationship but they love to have fun with social females outside there.

    • that's fine..but I don't want to be the fun girl who sleeps with everyone that no guy wants to have a life with.

  • I agree.you're a smart woman and I bet your attitude has kept you out of a lot of compromising situations and unnecessary drama.

    I don't have an issue with women who are promiscuous if that's truly what they want and aren't just doing it to please guys and be liked...but nowadays that's too risky! I'm not trying to get a disease out here

    And who cares if some guy thinks you're a snob.people tend to say that about those who have high standards they may not be able to reach.everyone vagina isn't a free for all.some women know the value of their p and won't just give it away like gum

  • It's because we all have different values of what is important! Your values are upstanding and I think it is great you feel that way.

    Myself and apparently your friend have different values. I put more value in a good friend than I do sex. Sex is something that is fun, feels great and I don't put it in a very high on a persons value scale. Sex is just that sex I like my vagina, think it is cute, but I don't put it on a petestal thinking I have to save it for something very special. My vagina and I have a lot of fun together and regret very little of it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 12

  • You have a good outlook on this. Sounds like your friend is looking for some sort of approval, and is going about it the wrong way.

    Stay true to you!

  • it should be in between. sure you don't want to throw it around. but at the same time you don't want to put yourself on a pedastal and make it seem like your above everyone else and they have to do all these big things to win your vagina like its a carnival prize lol

  • So THAT'S how you earn a girl's vagina?

    Damn, and here after all this time I thought getting a high killing streak in Call of Duty was the way to unlock it.

    Man, have I been barking up the wrong tree.

    • lol

  • i feel like my penis should be earned, its just as risky for us when it comes to STD's

    your no BETTER than a guy, this is typical of a womens perspective, A GUY HAS TO EARN SEX BLAH BLAH BLAH

    well sorry sex is something that you shouldn't have to work for, its something that when two people like each other and trust each other in that way then they have sex.

    its about trust and nothing else.

    • well I said it's about trust. earning trust. read the last paragraph.

  • I respect both views,

    personally I identify more with your idea of sex, I need to feel safe and emotionally connected with someone before I am ready to sleep with them, I think there are lots of people who feel the same way.

    but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with what your friend is doing either.

    people always assume the negative about women who "sleep around" like it must be because she has no self respect or is very insecure but why is it so inconceivable that some girls like your friend genuinely enjoy sex for it's own sake and do not feel the need for a deep emotional connection etc before having it?

    they're just different ways to live, neither should be judged.

    • but, she even admits that the sex isn't usually that good...so that's what I don't get. and she wants a boyfriend deep down, I know it, but she never gets guys who want to date her more than once. I just feel bad for her

  • I agree. I think so many women are stuck trying to please a man and cater to his needs, when in reality, you have a choice of what you want to do with your body. Now if you want to have sex with multiple men being blinded by the risks go right on ahead. A lot of guys contradict themselves though. Like you said, guys claim they want a woman with self respect yet that's the first thing they're looking for. SEX.

    • They want them for fun.At the end they will get dumped by those guys.

  • The last paragraph calmed me.. I already was preparing to make an 'in-your-face' answer & rate this question 1-star

  • You are right. The fun begins as you and and your prospect work out what earning entails.

  • I don't like such a view. They should both "earnings". The girl should "earn"penis, just like the guy vagina. They should both want each other equally. It should not just a guy, be nice (This is a completely one-sided female's view). The girl should also be nice. The penis is no less valuable than the vagina.

  • I view my gf's vagina with a stethoscope

  • Sex is nothing of monetary value. It is something beautiful that is shared between two or more people. We are animals and sex is natural.

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    according to the most people on here everybody is doing it and its not a big deal to be having sex even when you're under 18. also they have all made the leap that if you wear a condom you will be 100% risk free.

    yes guys like girls with self respect that don't give it up for free to any guy they meet. look at how many of the guys here will say that if a girl: has had a 1-night stand, sex outside of marriage, more than X amount of partners, etc he is not interested in her seriously.

    i think you should have sex when you are 100% ready with somebody you know/trust. so no you are not alone in thinking that.

  • why I do applaud your standards and morals, I would like to point out your Attitude.

    while I do believe men AND women need to prove their "worthiness" to be in an intimate relationship, you don't want to come across as a SNOB, a snob will not appear to be of high moral fiber that you want to project, but a snob will appear to a plain jerk. and NO one is going to put ANY effort into to proving themselves to a jerk or a snob.

    • okay, but I'm not a snob. all I want is commitment...don't think that's too much to ask.

    • its not what you are, its how you come across to others. do you think guys can tell the difference between a shy nice girl vs a woman who plays hard to get? men will avoid both.

  • What if your girlfriends earned it because they are your friends? makes me wonder why more girls don't do it even if they are straight because they are so close to each other throw in a little alcohol and any girl would probably do it.

    • because I'm not attracted to women

    • regular girls even kiss each others cheeks and hold hands.

    • i don't

  • Do you also feel like you should need to earn his d***?

    • if a guy needs to trust a girl before sleeping with her then sure

    • You just sound like you believe a vagina somehow has more value than a penis. lol.

    • But I agree with you that you should only do it with a guy you know and trust.

    • Show All

  • When I first read the title to the question I thought it was going to be stupid but you're actually pretty smart about protecting your body. I'm the same way except about my penis LOL. I won't ever stick it in somebody I don't trust 100% and I recently decided I'm saving myself until I'm married. After learning so much about STDs I would rather just wait. There is stuff out there like HPV that guys can get but can't get tested for so it's like why would I want to risk bringing that into a relationship? My only hope is the girl will understand why I'm a virgin and hopefully be a virgin herself.

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