Is anyone else here a fat virgin? Or virgin because you're fat?

It's not fun is it? It's worse for women, but I guess guys suffer from this too. Or are you sexually active AND fat? How did you get to the point of being confident enough to be that way? Idk this is such a blah question but I'm having one of my depressed days :/
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm a 26 year old male virgin. I lost weight but still look fat. For me being fat, skinny or muscular makes no difference. The only thing that went up are my testosterone levels. But my depression, OCD, ADD, social anxiety and approach anxiety got worse. Some guys barely workout, eat whatever they want and can look amazing. Some guys view their super intelligence as being their own, when in reality it's pure luck that they are intelligent. Some guys believe they're good with girls, but the truth is it is all luck. I've worked out and completely fixed my diet, nope I still look like dump. All girls hate me without ever even talking to me. They have complete disgust when they see me. People have called me retarded, ugly, and even a monkey. It hurt really bad, but I always kept a blank face and moved on. I've seen the ugliest, poorest, dumbest guys with garbage personalities getting any girl they want all the time. Am I jealous? Before yes, now I'm just angry. I believe everything depends on luck. What people mistake as their own skills is just extremely good luck. I don't believe in skills. My dreams even serve as markers for my existence. My dreams often show me that my life has already been predetermined. Many times events occurred in life that I have already foreseen in my dreams. So far, my life has been nothing but complete failure. I can't make anyone happy. Everyone hates my existence. Everyone I meet thinks they are superior to me. If that's the case, I give up on humanity. If just one girl accepted me, I would've saved this world. I'm going to let this planet get destroyed. In 2 months, those from Nibiru will finish off humans for good. I'm not saving anyone. I'm not evil because I chose to be evil. I turned evil because no one showed me mercy. People tortured me everyday. In the past, when I went outside, I faked my smiles and laughs around people. In 26 years of my existence, my true self has always been in absolute despair, anger, and sorrow. Humans don't want the truth. Every human I know worships false gods. Not one human worships the real God. The real God doesn't even want to be worshiped. Every religion is false. The real God wants humans to use their freedom to do what is good, not destroy each other. It doesn't matter what I say though because no one will listen to the truth. Based on my experiences in life, humans closed their minds off from the truth and what is good. I am ready to face the destruction of humanity.

  • No. I am normal weight ... I am just not really that attractive to be honest.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh Girl, I read all of your comments and I'm so astonished at there being another me out there. I'm an over weight virgin with like, no self-esteem whatsoever. I've always been fat. I was actually a 10lbs baby. So I was literally born this way and I feel like I've been on a diet my entire life. I've always been made to feel like I'm inadequate as I am. So naturally, as I got older I had no confidence in school to even try to put myself out there. I was the only girl of 4 kids and the youngest. All I ever heard was them all just dissecting women on the tv, my father would as well. And I'd just be there loling at these jokes they'd come up with. But suddenly it would dawn on me their describing me. This all from as far back as I can remember. I was never told I was pretty either. The only ways I ever heard a pretty comment was "oh you were such a cute baby, what happen?" That is so funny when you're like in your 20's, but not when it started happening when you're 7 continuing on through to your 20's. It's like Geez guys, I know I look like a spitfire full of confidence here, but do you think you could pull it back a little while I patch up my crumbling mental state. Being depressed for your entire life really sucks. What sucks even more so, is looking back from this point to when you were really young and realizing that you were actually depressed and you just didn't know any better cause it's just always been that way. I actually fell for a guy not long ago online, and I always lie about what I look like, and I did with this guy. Even topped it off with a picture of a really skinny friend of mine. I fell for him after showing him the picture wished I didn't. I couldn't handle the lie anymore so I told him the truth. He made it seem like I was crazy to have thought he'd think it was a big deal. I went all out told him everything that I was a virgin at my age and all. He said he didn't care. He spent that whole day telling me there was no way I'd be ugly enough..

    • he'd stop loving me, he joked about putting a bag over my head, to which I thought was funny cause that wasn't even the problem. By the end of the day he asked.. "so what do you look like" I said you pretty much know, then I gave my features and nothing more. then of course he asked what my body looked like. I just wanted to die. I said I was "thick" even now thinking about my having the nerve to say thick instead of fat LOL! he said well I like thick girls.. I was like well I'm really thick. to which the tone changed and he said he wouldn't wanna be with an obese girl. So all I said was I'll get you a picture. All this and I'd never even seen a picture of him either. But I knew what I felt for him. I didn't care what he looked like. Anyway, after I said I'd get him a picture he never said another word. He went off and played video games. So I finally worked the nerve up to show him the photo I have on here now, and with in 14 minutes of him seeing me, any post with my name in it...

    • Twitter was removed. He basically removed any link tying us romantically. He also sent me a message saying something like "well you are pretty, but you were right, you aren't my type at all." and just like that this guy I cared enough for to show my real self to just took back every I love you and every conversation because of my weight. I told him I didn't want his pity pretty and deleted him from my stuff. To which he for some reason was all broken up about. Anyway. That's a great example of how guys have it easier, cause if he was super fat I wouldn't have gave a shit. I always had it in my head that this image he described was a lie. Because who in this day and age has the means to get online, but not to get a picture of yourself online? Give me a break. He had his flaws and I was more than willing to accept them. He lost out as far as I'm concerened at this point. But it all still hurts and is a mental blow.

    • But it all still hurts and is a mental blow. Because it's like saying I can have the best personality in the world and be as kind and as caring as all, and it still won't be enough in the end.

  • I am sexually active and chubby. I'm currently 5'3" and a size 16. At my largest I was a 18/19 and at my smallest I was an 11/12 but on average I was a 14 for the longest time. I feel like one of the most important things being a chubby gal is dress for your body type. No outfit is going to make you look skinny or perfect. Your body is what it is unfortunately but you can always work it it. For me, I am overall proportionate but I do tend to carry my weight a little more around my tummy. So because of that I try to wear clothes that aren't as tight around my middle, same goes for jeans. Even if they are a little loose on your legs its still better than having a huge muffin top. Plus in my opinion it just looks like you care about yourself more when you take those things into consideration. I also try to play up my eyes and hair to draw attention away from my body and more towards my face.

    As far as the guys go, every guy has a different preference. There are of course tons of guys out there that won't even glance at a chubby girl because they only like slim or fit girls and thats fine. You don't want to be with a guy that doesn't want to be with you right? I know its wrong to assume but I can kind of tell what guys seem more shallow and I wouldn't even both batting an eye at them.

    As far as sex goes if a guy is talking to you and flirting with you, he's not blind. I mean he can see what size you are and if he's still talking to you then he doesn't care. Once a guy is turned on, unless he's like a solely visual guy he's gonna be happy he's getting laid regardless of your body type. And if you're really self conscious you can always turn off the lights so there's less to see.

    I don't really feel overly confident, and I have chronic resting bitch face so I don't really get approached but when I have flirted with guys its usually reciprocated. Sometimes with confidence "fake it till you make it" is a good motto to follow too.

  • This questiom discusts me...I'm fat...a size 18actually and guess what I lost my virginty at 18 to my boyfriend who was hot...like actually hot...my second guy at 21 average guy...and my fiancee now he's seriously gorgeous. Just because your fat isntt why your a virgin...there are other reasons. if you are a good person with a good personality and attractive you will find someone...and I'm pissed people are saying fat chicks will take anyone...uk what some will but so will some gorgeous little sluts. There an equal amount of hungru for sex skinmy chicks as fat seeking attention.Have confidence in your self...take care of your self health wise...fix what YOU don't like about you and then ull find him.

    • Well I mean my fat as a whole issue. I don't like my body so as much as I want to have sex with everyone lol I won't do it because I haven't gotten to the point where I am comfortable with my body. That's probably a bigge issue than my fat itself but the way I feel about myself has a lot to do with being fat. I'm trying to lose weight, and I am, but it's taking so long and I can't stop feeling things until I'm skinny. I'm a fat virgin still regardless of what attempts I'm making at losing weight

    • And I'm sorry if my question upsets you, but it's how I feel. I'm trying to be more body positive but I'm still not confident enough to be naked with anyone and I'm still trying to lose weight. I know fat girls with attractive men as well but that doesn't stop me from being insecure. Sorry.

    • No hun I should have worded my answer differently your question does not offend me...some of the answers do but that's not there problem either its there opinion. You want to have sex with everyone? or your just sexually frustrated hahah hoping option two girl! hahah havimg a friend who qill support you is a big help...keep working on what you domt like hun but I will tell you its deeper than weight sometimes...u have to love yourself as a whole...its not easy but in the end it will do wonders for

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  • When I was a virgin, I was fat. I lost the weight and lost my virginity. It was amazing. One day I was a porker, the next I was walking high. No, not really, but that is what it felt like. Yes, I was a porker, but the other part, no, lol. But that was 17 years ago.

  • I know plenty of overweight people that are sexually active. Some even more than me. It's really not that big of a deal for some people I think confidence has a lot to do with it.

  • Nothing to be ashamed of. well I'm not fat but I did lose it at a later age. Surely its not fun, but think of it this way At least you won't be used & thrown around like a toy for any1 sexual gratification purpose. You definitely meet the right guy, there are guys who are interested in a woman with curves & flesh

  • My friend is obese and she was the first one out of my groups of friends who lost their virginity aged 14. Too be fair she is the most confident person I have ever met.

  • Being fat is a result of choices you have made.

    Try being rejected for being ugly, its much worse.

    • How is it worse? A lot of people think fat = ugly by default, FYI.

    • I would agree with those people. Being ugly is worse because you can't change it, its part of who you are. If you are rejected for being overweight you should change your diet and exercise more.

    • But if you agree that fat is ugly, aren't we both ugly then? I know ugly people who are having sex or in relationships. I'm still not. I think more people would excuse being mildly ugly than being fat woman, don't you?

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  • its not worse for women don't ever believe that ever lol

    and no you've not lost your virginity because by the looks of things that isn't even what your after anyway you want a boyfriend.

    i was a right porker when I lost mine, and I lost it right at the moment I decided I wanted sex for sex's own sake and stopped trying to find a girlfriend to do it.

    its got nothing to do with looks really just how you put yourself out there

    • i never said I *only* want a boyfriend but even if I did - if the guys I like don't want to date fat girls, then...problem. lol i still think women are judged more for their looks, sorry. but thanks for answering and sharing your experience. good for you! that makes one of us I guess haha

    • not true about the looks, I find girls to be a lot more judgmental on that than guys lol we don't even get a chat if we don't come up to par lol

    • well as with many things, we agree to disagree. women are prized more for beauty in society in general, so I don't see how you could disagree with that. its just a part of our society, but okay. you are entitled to your opinions :) all I know is that not as many people ask me out as those who don't lol and I see it happening all the time - guy likes personality, probably thinks I'm pretty, but doesn't want to get with fat chick so he doesn't go there. c'est la vie.

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  • This is awfully black and white.

    I think it also is a lot about confidence.

    BUT, as someone said previously in this debate: The fact that you're fat, is a lifestyle choice, NO MATTER what "fat-gene" the doc might say you have. There are meds for that, FYI. But most people don't need them. It sucks that you might have a condition (congrats, by the way, only 4% of the obese has that), but a lifestyle change (directed by a doc and a nutritionist, NOT the internet) will be able to change that.

    Stop whining about it, and get out there and do it!

    (sorry for being a bit harsch, but nothing will get you out of your obesity and depression if you don't open your eyes, consult professionals and DO SOMETHING! Only you can change this. )

    • congrats? for a doctor to tell me that all my weight loss efforts haven't succeeded as much as I would like in part because of my body chemistry and that I will always struggle with weight because of that is not a "congrats" situation. that's f***ing depressing lol I would rather it be all my fault instead of my body fighting me. doc has suggested medication, but the biggest thing pushed isn't about my weight, its to prevent me from getting diabetes, insulin resistance = prone to diabetes :/

    • and just as I addressed the ignorance in his comments above, ill repeat it here. I got fat as a kid, most kids don't choose what they eat or understand diet and nutrition. my parents chose that. and choice is such a simple description of the problem that doesn't account for hormonal problems, not just with diet, but "mental" issues. childhood depression was something I dealt with, was never diagnosed, but I was definitely depressed. still am somewhat, but much better now.

    • and also congrats for not understanding sarcasm :) I'd say your issue is more that you don't realize how LITTLE that means for your system. You just need to ajust your diet, because you can't really stuff your face with fattening foods and go "it's OK, I have a disease" now can you? Stop blaming it on everything else, and start changing your attitude towards this. Either that, or stop whining about it. I'm studying this right now (dietetics&nutrition) and I see changes like this every day!

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  • I gave you 5 stars for openness.

    Kept me out of the game until my 9th grade growth spurt when my weight stopped being fat and started being football.

    Fat girls I knew tended to be sexually un-selective and careless so they could get their share. An incredibly bad set of choices. Please don't.

    • Well thanks for the stars, kid. :) Omg I want a growth spurt! Can I have yours, please ?! Being fat AND 5'4 is not cutting it. Fat girls who are taller look better. I'm still crossing my fingers hoping 5'9 will come my way but at 23 it seems unlikely. Oh yeah, I'm a 23 year old virgin. 23! I'm getting old too! Lets add salt to the wound. Lol excuse my crazy, please.

  • don't be sad :) I honestly think that girls who are heavier set are soooooooo beautiful. I'm a really really rail thin girl (virgin by choice), and I really sometimes wish I had a bigger body. No one likes to feel bones, or hear bones clack while they walk. At the end of the day, if I thought like that 24/7 I'd never get out of bed. Be confident, and people will see that instead of your flaws :)

    • oh, that's different. :P I think some women who are plus size with a certain body shape, like really bottom curvy with lots of hip action, have pretty beautiful bodies but I don't have that body shape. boo. but thanks. and a lot of people would love to be rail thin, girl! lol @ bones clack. stop it. Thanks for your comments though :)

  • Hey there,

    I appreciate you sharing this. I think that you're not alone.
    I would disagree about it being worse for women though. In today's culture, there has been a big push for accepting women's body types of all varieties. There is even a pretty large fetish group for big women. But this does not exist anywhere near the same scale for men. If you're a fat guy then you're just plain gross, and undesirable (in my experience). I've lived a wide range of weight (from 190lbs to 370lbs), and I'll tell you I've had next to no interest sexually/romantically when I've been heavier.

    I'm partly a virgin by choice. I've had a few opportunities, but have always refrained because I want to wait until marriage. It gets frustrating though.

  • I would say that accurately described just about every person on gag.

  • Girly, we are buddies!!! I'm a fat 23 year old Virgin as well. I do have insecurities but because I have been fat all my life I have been able to cope with them. I have had 2 major issues with the dating world, 1) guy's are ashamed of liking me (surprisingly a lot of them really do) and 2) they are extremely intimidated by me. Like you, I am very opinionated, and I have the intelligence to back it up (from your comments, I believe you have that intelligence too). Btw, I get best friend zoned all the time by guys I like, and they end up confessing their emotions. It's frustrating for me because it is no doubt the result of our societies view on beauty and women (and also the shallowness of the guys too). It helps to pretend you are confident, after a while, you won't be pretending anymore. While you will run into the issue of men being intimidated by you and your confidence, they will like you back. Hopefully we both meet a guy who isn't so ashamed. Just know your not the only one!!!

  • I was the last person in my highschool class to lose my virginity, and I was always and still am fat. I never had any guy approach me, even for a date, so I always assumed it was because of my weight.
    I did end up dating the end of my senior year and I lost my virginity to a guy who was 130lbs, I was 230lbs. We're still together now, 4 years later.
    I'm still not confident with my body and sometimes I struggle to be sexual because I'm having a bad body day but I know he loves me anyway. That's really all that matters.

  • More often not an over weight woman will lose her virginity a lot sooner than some of the same age and a lesser weight. She'll do this, because a lack of self-esteem.

    • That's funny, some would argue that I'm a virgin because of low self esteem lol I guess you just can't win that battle. Better to know yourself and your own reasons for doing whatever you do

    • And again, I disagree. In high school almost all my thin friends were having sex and my fat friends were pretty much in the same boat I'm in now.

    • Well, weight or not you are a beautiful girl, so don't let anyone take advantage of you.

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  • Fat women have it easier than guys.

    A fat guy can't find a girl.

    A fat girl can find a guy, provided she lowers her standards.

    It's like what Jo Rogan says, when you see a fat girl at a night club, she's putting it about "I may not be the *best* ride, but I'm a sure thing and there's no queue!"

    She'll go home with a guy.

    You never see desperate horny girls picking the fat guy instead of going home alone.

    • This I 100% agree with.

    • I completely disagree. Women are valued for beauty and bodies far more than men are. I know more fat guys with gfs than the other way around. Way more. Random hookups, maybe. But they aren't likely to walk around holding that chicks hand.

    • Well, that's a whole different question isn't it? Is this about losing your virginity (trivially easy for a fat girl) or about finding a loving relationship? If you only talk about being sexually active in your question, then don't expect the answers to reflect your hidden unspoken need for a loving man who will hold your hand.

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