Sexual Health
+1 y

Girls, where does last minute resistance come from?

What's up with this? You flirt with a guy all night that you know is spending the night with you. You ask him about his sex life and even tell him that he needs a FWB. You tell him that you need one too. Later that night when you're alone with him, he makes a move and you get cold feet? Where does this come from? I've heard that sometimes it's the girl not wanting to look like a slut so she'll make the guy work for it. Can you think of any times where you did this with a guy? Why did you do it? How did he react? How did you want him to react?
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+1 y
If it is just cold feet, what are we supposed to do about it? It just happened to me with a girl I've known since high school. I know she likes me but it felt like a tease. I didn't know what to do so I withdrew, stopped cuddling her, and turned over. She asked if I was mad, if I was expecting anything; I told her to forget it and went to sleep. I'm still not sure if I handled it right. I'm not sure what she thinks about me just giving up so quickly.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Usually ... just what you said -- cold feet. Generally, it's not that she wants a guy to try to have sex with her more forcefully. A lot of times, the idea of something is better than the reality of it. She may have liked the idea of being with the guy, but got freaked out when she actually thought about hooking up with him. Nerves and anxiety. Having sex with someone is generally a big choice to most females and there is an area of trust involved that guys often don't consider. Even consensual sex can become unpleasant very quickly and females worry about this, especially if they don't know their partner well enough to be sure he's not going to become too rough or dominant in a way she's not comfortable with.

    Also, if alcohol is involved ... sometimes she may have drank past the point of feeling very well. A little booze lowers inhibitions, but too much can make her feel like crap and unsexual.

    • My opinion that the best way is to not try to get sexual acess as a "one shot" ... Also realize that she may not be a viable candidate. When a girl feels coerced or pressured into sexual activity, she'll generally associate of the guy with negative feelings and avoid him. She needs to really WANT to have sex with a guy for it to be fulfilling for both of you, other than as an enhanced one-time masturbation exercise.

  • ugh yeah that's probably not the best reaction but it's an understandable one. She needs to be clear on what she wants from you it sounds like. I think she wants more than just being friends with benefits and that the idea sounded good in theory but not in practice. If that's all you want from her then I suggest you lay it out there that you thought she wanted a friends with benefits relationship and ask her if she does or doesn't. However if you actually like her you might want to tell her you understand why she pulled back and that you probably didn't react the best to it you were just surprised because you thought she was ready to take the next step.

  • the idea of having a friends with benefits seems like a good one until it's presented to you and you think "do I really wanna be that kinda girl? who has sex for sex's sake and not be in any type relationship?" Most girls are just not built emotionally for that sex is tied to feelings and not just about the guy but about ourselves and how we're taught to be selective(or maybe it's biological?) we don't do a great job of separating sex from emotion and maybe that's what she realized in that moment.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I would have to disagree with some of the male opinions here. There is too much potential for miscommunication with this philosophy of pushing despite resistance. And, can very easily result in date rape. I have found it much more effective to just respect her at her word and stop cold turkey if she throws up last minute resistance and go do something else. Internally, I realize that she's dealing with conflicting emotions caused by a society that imprints the false belief she's not allowed to enjoy her sexuality. Usually being respectful helps her overcome her resistance more quickly in my favor. And that respect makes for a better friendship in the long run.

  • sadly that's a typical girl testing a guy or it could be worse.

    she could be testing to see how you react to being led on and then being cut off for no reason (girls won't see it as leading you on all night even though it is).

    she could be trying to get a rise out of you.

    worst possibility and fairly likely is that she wanted the attention but nothing more even though she sent you signals that she wanted more. aka she used you for attention to satisfy her selfish personality.

    if she is pissed that you reacted that way then it is her problem. you did the right thing by making it clear that you don't want just a girl cuddle buddy friend.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 4

  • She probably likes you and doesn't want you to think she is a slut. I've wanted to go all the way with guys before, but I don't because I don't want them to ditch me after they get some. You have to work for it. If she's not worth it, find someone who is easy.

    • So what am I supposed to do? I know she likes me but it still felt like rejection. Like a tease. I got confused and stopped cuddling her but I have friends that told me I shouldn't have given up so easily.

  • "I'm still not sure if I handled it right."

    I think the only way you can handle it is to suppress your feelings of disappointing and resentment for being led on and then let down. Being outwardly angry does neither of you any good. Get used to it...it's something most men have to deal with.

  • She just wants him to show he wants her a little more. That's all.

    A guy who folds at the first sign of resistance, well it comes across as he didn't really want her.

    In her mind, if he really wanted her, he would try to overcome a little resistance.

  • Great question! I'm interested to read the responses.

  • It was token resistance. She wanted you to push the issue, not fold like a Mars bar on a hot day.

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