Girlfriend with very very troubled past and present

Hey guys! I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible, even though I could easily write 20 pages about the problems I posses. I met my girlfriend on Facebook 5-6 months ago. We became best friends and we met after 2-3 months of talking over Skype, phone and Facebook. I had strong strong feelings for her even before we met, and when we met, I was shaking all the time and my tummy was crazy. We lived a like 3 hours away from each other if we went by train. She has had an insanely hard time growing up. Her parents used drugs, her father died when she was young. She moved around from family to family, treatment home to treatment home. She has been raped 3 times, by both strangers and "good" friends. She has had like 10 "boyfriends" before me (excuse the insane amount of quote signs but I'm 19) and non of those boyfriends have been togheter longer than two weeks. My feelings grew insanely strong and fast. I love her so much! Know, we met 2 times, first time we were togheter at her city for like 8 hours. Then she came to me and we were togheter for around 4 days, not being away from each other besides when she were at the can or showering and one time when she for some reason didn't wanna go into McDonald's with me. After 2 weeks of relationship, she started getting wierd, wanting to break up with me for no reason at all, getting mad at me for sh*tty things that was nothing to get upset about. She said that she loved me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to and that we would be togheter for ever. Once she sent picture to one of her exes because she promised him to do that and "she always kept her promises". I was very confused of why she would do that because Ofc it would hurt me and is it more important to send pictures of herself so the guy can wank off to somethings? She once went to a party and ended up naked with another guy in his bed, That almost killed me but I didn't brake up with her since I think that It's her past that makes her do these things. After we had been togheter a month, on the day, she was sent to a locked treatmentcenter because she had broke a girls nose for some reason at the home she was at. She has really had a though childhood so don't judge her, I don't. She wasn't allowed to call me from the home she was at because it was locked as I mentioned before. I cryed for three days straight after she was moved without warning. Her mother called me sometimes out of the blue, (she still have contact with her real mom) after like 3 weeks since she was moved, she told me that she had used drugs when she were with me and that she used it reguarly. A couple of weeks after that she said that she lied to me all the time before and that she never really had strong feelings for me. I don't want to break up with her but It feels like she used me and tricked me and it also feels like she's forcing me to break up with her saying these things and doing things that hurts me! Anyone have any knowlege of this things? thanks
Updates:
+1 y
I asked her if she thought that It would be her and I in the end she said no. She also said that she never felt bad for ending up naked in bed with that guy. Her mom said that she treats me this way because she wants to push me away so I can't hurt her since she has been hurted so many times before by family and friends. I would never hurt her. I would seriously die for her. I were a really lonely guy with horrible self confidence when I met her, and she's really special so I care for her alot
+1 y
Also ever since she was moved I've been insanely itchy and sleeping very very bad. Also I feel like crying all the time and I'm really worried. I've met a psykiatrist but it don't help and I have no friends that I can talk to about this stuff, only her mom.
+1 y
Okay, thanks guys, you really made a difference in my life, I'm going to brake up with her. Maybe you saved me from disaster, or years of pain!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well you have the white knight complex...i know what it's like...damaged goods are something you want to repair. You see the beauty in it and you want to bring it out, rid her of her past issues and provide a safe, steady, supportive environment.

    Fact is though: she is really your own repair. She needs counseling, perhaps medication, probably treatment for her drug use. It sucks because I'm sure she is a nice girl. But there are things that stick out like a sore thumb about her.

    -Didn't want to go inside McDonald's? Does she have a fear of french fries...most likely there is a person there she didn't want you to see her confront

    -sending pics to ex dudes...probably she still has a relationship with him. perhaps she wants to break it off but she appreciates the attention she gets

    -ended up in bed with another dude...thats a straight betrayal

    It sounds to me like either her past or her mental capacity prohibits her from maintaining steady relationships. Again it sucks that you can't help her but you simply aren't capable, she needs help of experienced professionals. People who can get to the true root of her problem and help her deal with it, if possible. The best you can do is be a support system for her but also keep your distance and protect yourself.

    Sorry if that comes off harsh, just the reality (and I've been through it with a bipolar ex, who's mother&father were abusive, mother was an alcoholic, 2of3 brothers drug addicts and she saw her baby sister drown when she was 5years old. You want to help. I wanted to help. The reality is we aren't capable of providing the real help they need)

    Good luck!

    • She used drugs when I was in Mcd. She told me so a couple of weeks ago. I don't know if I have the white knight complex, Because I had no Idea that she had these many problems since she didn't tell me until I started to call her honest to get make her tell me what she had hid. Also she used drugs and alcohol when she ended up with the guy. The worst part is that she sais that she's not inlove with me and she never were. If I knew she loved me things would be a lot easier. But I agree with you!

  • Hey man if you need someone to talk to let me know. Your situation sounds incredibly familiar to me. I've lived through this and spent many hrs in therapy figuring it out.

    • Thanks a lot for offering, but I'm a 100% clueless on what's going to happen, what I should do and what she feels right now for me so everything feels pointless, so not right now, but I might come back when I'm really down in the dirt! thanks a lot again!

    • The guy above me is right. Time doesn't need to tell and I don't need a crystal ball to tell you what's going to happen. This girl is messed and young. Recipe for disaster. She will hurt you, not intentionally but you have to let her find her way. Usually what happens to people in a situation where they have had a terrible upbringing, push away love and fill the empty with recklessness. This goes on til they have hit the bottom, then they rethink their lives.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Sorry that your goinh through such a hard time but some of us have had a hard or horrible bring up as well but that is never an excuse...sorry but she is just using that to get away with what the hell ever she wants to just because she knows ull feel bad.for her...you deserve somebody that won't treat you like crap...she doesn't care about your feelings let her go...and if those things are supposedly the reason she acts out its bs because some of us myself included have gone through more then what she has and to me she's had a better brining up then I did and I never used it to my advantage...sorry but she needs to stop using it as an excuse...get better and move on for yourself you.are the main priority your not a babysitter...

  • You really should be carefull, because her problems already became yours. I was in a relationship and my ex had many problems as well (nothing compared to that) but even these issues made it ipossible to have a healthy relationship, because he wasn't able to deal with hisself- so it was for him impossible, to take care of my needs. If you need someone to talk- let me know

    • The only real need is that I feel love and appreciated and that I still have the hope that things will work out and it will be her and I. But she has no hope for us it seems so that's making it really hard to be there for her. Always a stone in my chest. Thanks a lot for offering your help, I might take you up on that one but not right now! thanks for sharing you experience!

    • Your welcome

  • Brake up with her and do her a favor and tell her why I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you should be harsh with her what she did was wrong and it sounds like it hurt you really bad I would never even think about sleeping or so much as flirting with any one besides my bf

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Dude, RUN! I'm not even trying to be funny. This girl has just has way too many issues. Your attraction to her is simply because you are want to be her white knight. You may not think so, but trust me it is. You want to come to her rescue and if you love her enough, she'll get better and change. She won't. She has far too many issues and what she needs is professional help. She shouldn't even be in a relationship. All she is going to do is hurt you. All she knows is hurt and pain so that is all she knows how to give. Let her self destruct on her own, before she brings you down with her.

    • I would probably hate myself for a very very long time, I have insane problems letting go on things and people. And I believe that she can change, but you could very well be correct on many things that you write! Only time will tell

    • There's no need to hate yourself. I know you want to believe that she can change, but she can't. Trust me, it will take more than what you can offer her. Now, if you want this woman to corrupt your soul, then by all means, continue to think that you can help her. Like I said before, she will bring you down. If you value your life, then you will leave her and find someone more stable and worthy of your love. Don't wait until you're down in the dirt. You might not get back up.