Would you be in a Polyamory relationship?

[systemsuck]

A polyamory relationship is such a relationship in which a "couple" agrees that it is OK to go out with another people, whether it is an occasional swing or having another committed relationship with another person, or even having a threesome committed relationship. What do you think about this idea? I'm the kind of person that likes questioning human thinking and emotions, and my first thoughts on this are: Well first of all since I'm heterosexual I would only be willing to do this with one or more girls, with that said I think it would actually be healthy to have such a relationship or at least for just a time, since you would have to learn to communicate and express your feelings to not just one, but multiple people at a time. Picture your group of friends, now imagine how would it be if you all shared a deep intimate relationship. What are your thoughts? What would be some pros and coins of having a polyamory relationship compared to a monogamy (regular couple) relationship. Would you be willing to try it out? Would you prefer it to be all guys/girls or a mix of the two? And are you heterosexual, bisexual or gay?

[ja123]

I have kind of been in one before but it wasn't as extreme as the examples you have

Me and my ex broke up because I messed it up.After a while we started to hang out again and after a drunken night ended up in bed together.After that we started to act like a couple,we would spend a lot of time together,kiss and cuddle.Basically a relationship without family or friends knowing.Because it wasn't given the title of a 'relationship' we effectively could still be with other people,so we both kissed a few other people.Which I found very frustrating because I hated it but couldn't complain because we weren't really together.So we spoke about it and decided to be exclusive and only focus on each other.It was only actually 'open' for around 2-4 weeks,but I hated it,yes I liked the freedom I had but I never wanted to go any furthur than kissing because I only wanted that with my ex and felt like I was cheating and I hated the thought if then being with other people.I think it was only so bad because we have previously had a long term exclusive serious relationship so this was a very big change.

I would have another but only if we had only started dating and weren't serious.As soon as we started to get serious I would want it to stop and I wouldn't be happy if they had sex with someone else,so I think I would only agree to kissing others.

[renogaza]

im not even sure if its existence in our relationship but I did tell my boyfriend that he could go out with and date other girls and even,have sx with,them if he wants now or after marriage as long as he doesn't make them pregnant, he replied by shouting at my face with a big "NO!" and continued saying,that he woukd never do it and that he'd always stay with me and such, then I said srt to him.. lol, I really don't mind if he does it and he thinks because I said that I might have another relationship and but every time he brings it up I always tell him otherwise lol, my punishment for saying weird depressing things, I hope he gets over it..

anyway many people have that anf sometimes it works out, sometimes it backfires, its sometimes a response to lack of confidence in themselves or their appearance or ability or libido or even their personality, but often ends uo hurting them, those that manage successfully are those with both partners agrering to and liking it, which pretty much nulls the point of the relationship/marriage, it may not be both partners and just one of them, in my opinion its better just to trust and have faith your spouse fully especially if you know them completely, you might just find out that he/she would never do that :P

the key is both trust, faith and communication in this issue :)

[selfishstars]

I've been in an open/poly relationship for the past 6 years. I have an amazing primary partner and we're incredibly committed to each other. Neither of us has had any serious relationships with other people. We're both okay with that, but it's never really come up. We've both had friends with benefits, however.

Being in an open relationship isn't always easy, there have been bumps along the way... but we've both grown significantly. We have a lot of trust, we've become extremely good at communicating and working out any issues that arise. A lot of problems that commonly arise in monogamous relationships (related to trust, jealousy, flirting, cheating, and so on) are non-issues for us.

[systemsuck]

May I ask what is the point of being in an open relationship? As odd as it may seem I'm a little conservative so I don't really see an advantage of having an open relationship, or I do but to me they seem to be out weighted by e emotional problems which once resolved and understood could lead you to live a more fulfilling life, but is it really worth the trouble?

[selfishstars]

Well, think about relationships in western society. People engage in serial monogamy. You date one person monogamously until you get bored with them or someone new and exciting comes along, then you break up with them and start a new monogamous relationship. Or they break up with each other because they're wondering if they're "missing out" or if the grass is greener elsewhere; people form close friendships with someone and it ruins their relationship because they're seen as "emotionally

[selfishstars]

cheating". People cheat on each other sexually. Plus, so many people are looking for "the one", but how realistic is it to expect one person to meet all of your needs, all of the time, for the rest of your life? To share all your interests (sexual and non-sexual), and so on? I have a great partner who I love dearly and I want to build and spend my life with. But say I meet someone else who I think is really cool and get along with. Maybe he shares some of my interests that my boyfriend doesn't.

[selfishstars]

We can become close friends, share deep conversations, and so on, without my boyfriend being jealous or worrying about me leaving him for my friend. Maybe there's some sexual chemistry between my friend and I. We can flirt, or cuddle, or have sex without it being a problem. No dishonesty, no jealousy, no guilt. It also means having a larger support network; more people that I care about and who care about me. If I need help with something, or emotional support, or whatever, I'm not just

[selfishstars]

relying on one person. And sharing strong connections with more than one person enriches my life. Different people have different things to offer to a relationship. Is it really worth the trouble? Every relationship encounters issues from time to time. Ours might be a little different, like making sure we balance our time and no one feels neglected. My partner and I rarely argue/fight, when lots of people in monogamous relationships do. Certainly it wouldn't be "worth the trouble" for some

[selfishstars]

people. Some people are very jealous. Some people aren't very good at communicating their needs. Some people are naturally monogamous and have no desire to have more than one partner and couldn't handle their partner being with someone else. But it works pretty well for us.

[systemsuck]

Makes sense, specially "having a larger support network". I'm oddly conservative on some areas so I don't think I could be in an open relationship however I would be thrilled to be in a poly relationship I guess I like to keep it very intimate and I like having deep connections with people so ocational swing wouldn't be something I would like to try

[1biglow]

@Selfishstars, I'm really curious about how everything works for you in your relationship. Do you mind if I ask you questions about your lifestyle and relationships? If I can ask questions do you prefer I ask right here or should I private message you?

[selfishstars]

Feel free to ask 1biglow. Here or PM is fine with me.

[selfishstars]

Well, if you think the answer will be long (and I do tend to be a bit wordy :P), PM might be better because you don't have to break up the answer in the comments.

[1biglow]

I tried sending you a message but it said you have to be my friend first :) I really want to ask you stuff because I fee in love with my girlfriend but at the same time I still feel attracted to other girls & can feel a connection with them also. I think a poly relationship would work best for me personally but not sure. Things that worry me are what happens if one person is seeing somebody else a lot! lol And hows do you handle it if one person is getting lots of sex so they don't crave it with you?

[lghulm]

Hmm it isn't what I picture in my mind when I think of what I want out of life however I am not completely against the idea and I perceive that humanity may very well head off in a direction like this. Of course the jury is out at this stage.

I do think that true love means allowing your partner to be happy. In my mind this means that if some point my partner and I were separated by a large distance or I wasn't fulfilling her that I would allow her to pursue another man if she thought it would make her happy. I am not saying for sure I would be OK with it but if she was completely open and honest about it then I wouldn't hold anything against her. And for me, well, I would have liked the freedom to explore my connections with other women at times during my past relationships (that I didn't out of loyalty and now kind of regret).

For me though I wouldn't really want a semi-permanent bond with others, if I did they would have to be some phenomenally cool people, otherwise I would be more happy with just a single partner.

[lghulm]

I know what I have described is not really polyamory but there you go, it is about as far as I can take it. Having a loving relationship as a group of people (say 4) I think I could handle (mix of guys/girls or just girls) however each person I would have to be totally cool with (and they with me, and I guess all of us with each of us) and I find that highly unlikely (especially on the male side).

[normalice]

I'd be okay with it. I wouldn't want to move in with anyone involved, though.

Obviously, I'd prefer it to be mostly girls and me, but that wouldn't be fair. So, whatever.

I'm hetero, but mildly bi-tolerant.

[samhradh_leannan]

Personally, I could never do this. I am naturally very monogamous and also wouldn't feel comfortable with a non-exclusive relationship. Plus, I think I would be prone to jealousy. I think for me, a more traditional relationship is best. However, I don't have a problem with other people being in open relationships as long as they are comfortable with it and know what they are doing. It's a personal decision.

[Morava]

I'm in a quad, live my realtionship. I feel happier being non monogamous. However we are all made for different things.

[teasegirl]

i don't think I would be okay with sharing my partner at all. I mean I am very selfish so I know for me it wouldn't work at all. But for some people it does work. It all depends on personality. Like I could picture myself giving love to more than one person, and I don't mean in a sexual way. Like actually caring for more than one person, I've had friends so close to me at one point in my life that I really could have dated them and I'm sure they would have felt good about it since we were really inseparable. But we just stayed on being friends nothings ever happen. This is an interesting question. And question for you, Don't you think someone in that love circle would be left out? like developing a stronger connection with one person or more than one (depending on the number of people) and someone that will be outcast.. Don't you think jealousy would be an issue? insecurity? comparing people?

[systemsuck]

It could very much happen that one of the 3 or 4 or whatever num. Of people in the relationship could feel left out due to jealousy but at the same time I think this set up would actually help you and your partner get rid of the jealousy factor. I mean to start with you would have to be a pretty open minded person to be willing to try this out, and secondly it would be harder for you to ever feel alone, bored of your relationship or unsatisfied.

[teasegirl]

thats the key word "partner" you just said it you are talking about "your partner" as in a relationship between two people and a 3rd person to be pretty much the way to let out some tension. Is like you would be sucking emotions and sexual needs from the 3rd person without considering him or her as another partner.

[systemsuck]

Yeah I think there would always be a favorite or a primary partner with which you feel more connected to, but it doesn't mean the other person would be left out he could simply be bringing something to the table, or adding excitement on the rrelationship.

[teasegirl]

But then is not a polyblabla relationship is just a couple with a pet.

[systemsuck]

Everyone likes pets! :) lol no yeah that's true but then she could have her primary relationship with another man outside of our threesome and from her point of view we would be her pets.

[teasegirl]

Hahaha you are just a horny dude. You better not have serious relationships just f*** buddies.

[systemsuck]

Not even! o:) see the halo? I'm a good boy :)

[teasegirl]

Haha yeah me too ;)

[systemsuck]

You are a good boy too? o.o

[teasegirl]

Oh yeah I have like three d***s

[systemsuck]

Creepy ._.

[teasegirl]

Haha creepy is always good

[KaraMcNulty]

Never been in a poly-amorous relationship before, but I'm not against the idea at all. I would definitely give it a try. I've been in open relationships before and found them more relaxing than monogamous one's where people have been too 'clingy', 'possesive' or 'controlling'. I guess it all depends on the people involved, but, we're human and if you have feelings for more than one person, I don't deem that as a 'bad thing', it's just what you like. So long as all parties are happy and treat eachother equally, are loyal, stick to boundaries and limits, then it sounds good to me.

[Belgie]

I think there's a reason the triangle is the most stable basic shape in engineering.

[temptationfalls]

I don't think I could do a polyarmory relationship but I am a fan of open relationships (on both sides) with no exclusive commitment.

[AtomicMuseliBar]

I already am in one.

[CountryBoy21777]

Fuk no I feel that label is just a cop out for people who wanna be whores or waiting for something better to come or just fukd in the head