Sexual Health
+1 y

How do you fix being attracted to jerks?

i have a pattern of being attracted to jerks who usually only want to use me for sex, or at least won't get serious for me. i don't end up having sex with them but I get ditched in turn. i only had sex once and I'm 21. I am not a slut or a party girl. I don't get sh*tfaced often. I'm smart, I have a BA and I'm going for an advanced degree now. I'm pretty studious. between body and face I am an attractive girl, I'm not adriana lima but I'm told I'm attractive. however I think I am past the point in life where guys will think "big boobs, let's have casual sex with her!" and I don't dress like a ho. am I just getting this because I am attracted to jerks? I know I am attracted to jerks and I used to not realize but now I do. now I know I am attracted to the wrong types and have learned my lesson after dating a bunch of them. I used to think jerks were attractive but I'm pretty much over it. he doesn't have to be the sweetest guy who like kisses my feet and spends all his money on me. I just want someone who wants a real relationship with me and not just for sex. do you think now that I KNOW my issue and have learned through experience what wrong and bad behavior/ways to be treated are, I will stop dating jerks and find a nicer guy? do you think there's something wrong with me that guys want sex all the time, or am I just dating the wrong ones?
Updates:
+1 y
to mention I have dated a nice guy, my ex boyfriend didn't treat me like an object, he actually cared for me. but a lot of the jerks came after him too and since then haven't dated nice guys. maybe it's luck?
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • Now that you KNOW your issue, all you have to do is choose the right people. Some people are downright great at acting like they care about you (and it's more likely to happen when you're a hottie, haha), so it's not like it's your fault, but you still have some power over what happens.

    I think a lot of people would have much better luck if they got to know someone pretty well before dating them. People jump into relationships and then have to deal with surprises, like "oh, this guy/girl is actually awful" or "oh my god, they're a neo-Nazi." (joke)

    Get better at recognizing "red flags," like if the guy talks about women in a certain way, the conversations don't show that he cares about getting to know you as a person, he nudges conversations towards sex a LOT, impatient and doesn't seem to like the idea of being friends before you date, etc. Have the willpower to just move on from the guy when you notice these things, don't just ignore them and think it doesn't mean anything.

    My subconscious list of red flags is so big that I end up hardly ever being attracted to anyone, haha. I'm not saying that's the right outlook for everyone, BUT I don't get hurt, and my boyfriend is so perfect that it's still surreal to me after three years of being together.

    TL;DR - I believe in you! :P

    • i definitely ignored red flags with the last jerk because I was too weak but I honestly think it hurt me too much to overlook those traits again. I feel like I've hit a wall that I'm so sick of jerks that I can't stand being around them anymore. before this guy I didn't have that fed-up feeling.

    • I experienced the same thing with my first two boyfriends. There were things about them that I knew were kind of douchey, but I just pushed it aside and I don't know why. Live and learn! The fed-up feeling may seem cynical but it can also prevent you from wasting your time and feelings on someone...

  • Learn to not ignore the red flags. As much as it sucks to have to walk away when there's red flags, its hurts more to ignore them. Been there done that and somehow got over it. I fell for the classic player... and it took some really really wrong things for me to walk away.

    Find out what attracts you and then teach yourself to control your own actions. All guys do eventually want sex... the nice guys are the ones that are wiling to wait a bit. I'm at the point where I was shocked when my most recent date didn't try anything. So there are nice guys out there, just takes a while to find them (and not at a bar... met him a sports day).

  • Switch up where you go to meet people. Stop going to bars and see about volunteer places, church groups, etc. Sounds lame but think about the possibilities. lol.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well you're 21 which means you're probably meeting guys in their 20s and 30s and every guy in that age range has a heat seeking missile in his pants that wants to go straight between your legs. The nice guys will keep accepting the fact you aren't ready for sex yet and stay by you while the jerks will get pissed and then leave. Keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

  • What is it that attracts you to jerks? their look or confidence/arrogance?. Maybe look at the quieter more shy or reserved types may be the nicer type someone who isn't all loud and ahhh yeah bro I'm so cool.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 2

  • It won't fix until you date a nice normal person.

    • My bad, it was likely bad luck

  • may be wahtyou call jerks are really game players so if you go for them you can only blame yourself

  • You can't. It's genetic for women.

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