Sexual Health
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Why does my boyfriend rather masturbate than have sex?

I am very conflicted, and am very much considering breaking up with my boyfriend. I could really use advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. I'm 27 and he's 30. From the very beginning, I knew something was off. We would have sex often, but he preferred me going down on him, and would rather have that than sex-fine, I like pleasing. As time went on, he would have a hard time keeping a hard on or ejaculating. Like, I literally would have to go down on him for like 20 minutes, multiple times a day, and it didn't seem like he was all that into it. What made it worse is that he didn't even show interest in pleasing me. I would have to ask him to go down on me. It turned out that my boyfriend watched A LOT of p*rn. He said he masturbates 1-2 times a day. I explained to him that I like sex, and like feeling wanted by my boyfriend, and that I think the p*rn is interfering with our sex life and intimacy. I feel like its hard to develop a connection and a bond, and that this may be the cause. He said that masturbating 1-2 times a day is "normal" for his age, and that "all guys do it" and that it's not the masturbating that is causing him this problem, but that he thinks he has nerve damage, and hence has a hard time ejaculating. I continued with saying that I think he has an addiction to p*rn, and he said he isn't addicted and would stop masturbating on the days that I come over. OK. Fine. Well, it just keeps getting worse. We still have sex, but it feels forced. He doesn't even care for me to go down on him as much as he used to. I send him dirty text messages, sexy photos, tried lingerie, talking dirty, walking around naked, pretty much anything I can think of to get him excited, and he just doesn't seem to show that great of an interest. Well, as I found out very recently, he is still choosing masturbating over me. We barely have sex, but the second I leave the house, he masturbates. Now, I am WELL aware that guys masturbate, and would be totally OK with him masturbating, if he still showed me that he was into ME. I don't get it. I used to be really secure of myself, but since I've been dating him, I'm slowly loosing that. What is going on? Thank you guys! PS: Let me just add that I don't think he is gay. When he masturbates, it's to women. Ex-Girlfriends even. to top it off. -_-
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Most Helpful Guys

  • If I masturbated twice already in a day and tried to have sex it could definitely cause problems. I would still be able to get through it but there might times where I was little softer than it should be and it would probably take a lot longer to orgasm, and forget any round two. He should know his body well if he's always touching it so I think he's been lying this whole time to cover up his addiction. Maybe the p*rn made him get into some kinky stuff and that's what he really wants but is afraid to ask you. He does sound like he's addicted to p*rn.

  • Ok I 'm gonna be completely honest. It's most likely the p*rn, but how attractive are you exactly? but it may not be you, it could just be that he prefers the woman in p*rn because that's what he's used to. And of course most woman aren't that attractive.

    • I'm not a p*rn star, but I think I'm pretty attractive.

    • I'm pretty sure he's just use to the woman in p*rn. If all you see everyday is big t*ts and perfect asses then that's what you want, what your attracted to. Get him off the p*rn.

    • Thanks

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • If he isn't willing to try to help your sex life when you find it such a big problem, then I don't think he should be with you. Especially if he is masturbating to Exgf. I don't see how this could be fixed since you already talked to him about it,so I say dump him, sorry.

  • Maybe he's use to it or doesn't wana risk pregnancy

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Its the p*rn and only the p*rn. Until he stops it'll be this way.

  • He’s probably used to the pressure, grip and other things his hand can do to his penis that your vagina can’t do. I had to give up masturbation for two weeks so my wife and I could concentrate on making our baby together. by the way success and we have a now 11 year old son 👍🙂

  • I’ve never skipped sex to masturbate, but it is nice and easy. Quick and simple.

  • well I heard that a guys sex drive declines as you age is like as soon as he reaches his 30s

  • I think you have done all you could do with him and that you two are just not sexually compatible. You might have to find someone else.

  • Your post says you are 36-45, albeit anonymous - but you reckon you were 27 a year ago - which is it?

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