What makes a girl good in bed? What's the difference between enthusiastic and unenthusiastic?

[Anonymous]

I've read men say over and over that a girl has to be enthusiastic to be good in bed. A few have even said enthusiasm is more important than actually technique or skill. Is enthusiasm really more important than technique? If so, does that mean that you judge how good sex with a girl is based on how it makes you feel mentally/emotionally vs how good it makes you feel physically? Or does one require the other..? How does an enthusiastic girl act compared to an unenthusiastic one? I mean, I can pretty much figure out the extremes of the silent dead fish compared to the aggressive nymphomaniac - but what about the inbetween where I assume most women fall? Is the dead fish thing even really all that common?

[MrOracle]

Yes, enthusiasm IS that important. I'd say that enthusiasm is 2/3 of the equation, with skills being the other 1/3.

For a girl, skills in bed are mainly needed in two areas: Cowgirl/girl-on-top positions, and BJs (and I suppose HJs). And of those, BJs are the real area where skill makes a big difference.

But so much of what makes a girl good in bed is her DESIRE to be there, being sexual with her man. If you are "phoning it in", it's going to be WAY less exciting for the guy, even if you have great skills. And even if your skills are weak, being enthusiastic will get the guy charged up, and even if he has to "take over" the action, he can still have a great experience because the girl is really into it.

That enthusiasm isn't just confined to the bedroom; part of it may be what you choose to wear, or doing your hair the way he likes it. It can be teasing him earlier in the night, or putting on a sexy movie/TV show to get him (and yourself) in the mood. And it's about NOT rolling your eyes when he wants sexy time, but, instead, smiling and racing him to the bedroom.

While there is some truth that sex is (or can be) significantly more "mechanical" for guys, while girls NEED the mental/emotional aspect much more in order to function, that's mostly just about achieving orgasm. A guy can have an orgasm but not be especially excited or satisfied with a sexual encounter, but when he ALSO gets the mental/emotional component, sex can be simply mind-blowing.

To be fair, I suspect that there are a lot of guys who never experience that, because they are so self-centered that they don't get emotionally involved, and all they know is the mechanical aspect of it, and that makes me kind of sad (and even sadder for the girls who foolishly put up with them). But I suspect that most "relationship" guys LIKE the mental/emotional aspects, even if they are afraid to admit it because they think it makes them look "weak" or "uncool."

To answer your first question (what makes a girl good in bed):

ENTHUSIASM

- eye contact

- smiling

- sex positive (not offended/grossed out/prudish)

- making the guy feel SEXUALLY DESIRED by you

- participating (initiating position changes, making noises, giving feedback)

and

SKILLS/TECHNIQUE

- Being good at BJs (maintaining suction, taking it deep, eye contact, endurance, swallowing, etc.)

- Being able to ride him well (up-and-down as well as forwards-and-back)

- Actively willing to try new positions & activities

- Using Kegel muscles to grip him (this is kind of "advanced") and "milk" him.

[Asker]

I almost would have thought it was the other way with girls absolutely NEEDING certain mechanical things to reach O and guys being more impacted by emotional/mental arousal (though not necessarily NEEDING it). You never really hear of girls getting overly exciting and orgasming before sexual contact even happens. I had a guy tell me he felt like he was going to come just from watching my faces while he fingered me. Is eye contact during BJ really a skill or another way of being enthusiastic?

[MrOracle]

Well, that's a good point, but it's also true that guys can get "friction" from almost anything and most guys could have an orgasm, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was super-enjoyable. And about eye contact: it's both. Which is good, because if you do it, you score points in both columns!

[Sovereign1979]

There is no set answer on this question. To me, an unenthusiastic girl just lies there like your making love to an downed tree. And enthusiastic girl moans, say's stuff, just sucks it verses asking if you want it sucked, grinds her pelvis back into yours if she is on the bottom. Basically shwoing she is having a good time and wants to have it.

But don't get me wrong, you can't expect an unenthusiastic to be enthusiastic if the guy is not into it or he can't work her the way she wants to. But a guy can also be unenthusiastic also. And a lot are.

If and enthusiastic girl is on top, she shows interest in riding a d***, or shows her talent, not just bounce up and down on his d***. Grind instead of ride, if that makes sense.

For me it does make it better if there is some emotion or passion there. Even if it's just a friend or a FWB. That is just the way I am. I like that connection other than my d*** connected to her because we might be doing it just to relief horniness, but she is more than just a hole. she does deserve to have fun and enjoy it also. Which is why I am enthusiastic. I will not wait for you to ask if you want it licked. I will expect you to want it licked, and have my face there just after your panties are off. I would not be with you if I can't lick it.

[Sovereign1979]

Oh yes, Justincider brought up a good point. It does help to be open to new things and be creative. That is a big plus.

[Asker]

What kind of things do you have in mind when you say "new things" and "creativity"?

[Sovereign1979]

well, I am a person who loves it to last as long as it can. Weather its oral or intercourse. I love to suck her in multiple positions. I have my one favorite that I like to do the longest, but more the better. Same with feeling her insides. I love to hear a girls creativity especially when it comes to "how she wants to take me". It's just awesome to hear it from her, make up ways, try new ways. Even anal. Touching this, touching that.

[Sovereign1979]

Also, I have to add, being creative as far as things to say while she is getting it licked. Not only do I love her pushing my head into her and she grinds her pelvis into my mouth, I love to be called names during it also and hearing her talk dirty, telling me what is on her mind and how she she feels. I also love it when she plays with my ears during it also, rubs my head, feels up on what she can reach.

[Anonymous]

a good example of an unenthustiastic woman in bed with a guy is one that's smoking, texting, calling, drinking, reading among others or all of the above, guys don't really mind much if a girl has technique or not but it helps a lot for them, but guys are more into seeing her enthustiasm, interest, lust, interest, passion, emotion during sx, if they know the girl loves what theyre doing they gain the confidence to continue more, harder and faster, if you can keep a guy very motivated he won't even rest after cmmng, lol like a wild animal, guys are more into the physical side of sx, girls are more into the intimate emotional side, but when making love (different from just plain sx) guys and girls both want physical and intimate emotional experience, errmm.. its much more passionate..

[Sovereign1979]

This, I can 100% agree with. :-)

[prophecy]

to be good in bed you need to be bad. very bad.

[Dionysos]

Good in bed: happy, horny, naughty, playful and wants to be in bed with me. If she loves oral, and can deep throat that's a bonus.

If I can tell she's really turned on that's a turn on for me.

[justincider]

Absolutely! Enthusiam, willingness not only to try things but try and enjoy them, and being creative are more important than technique. I believe everybody has the basics down, and then it is how you both approach figuring out what the other really likes. Some girls are so set in their mind that THEIR technique is the best and don't take the time to figure out what the guys likes.

[Asker]

What kind of things do you have in mind when you say "new things" and "creativity"?

[justincider]

It can be something small like changing positions, or who initiates what. Maybe she surprise seduces you or buys lingere. Basically adding things to the sex life, mixing it up. Not making the guy initiate and do everything.

[Anonymous]

lots of licking and kissing and spanking, a dead fish has no reactions are all and seems like she is bored...

[Sovereign1979]

Pretty much as like she said. Except for the spanking part. That is a matter of preference, but I wouldn't be with a girl who likes to be beat up in the bed. The bed is supposed to be for pleasure, not pain.