Sexual Health
+1 y

Guys, if you found out your girlfriend had given bj's to two other guys...?

So last night my boyfriend found out that he wasn't the only person I'd done sexual stuff with. We were dating for a year and a half, and lost our virginity to each other. Then we broke up for 6 months, got beck together, and now have been together another 8 months. During the time we were broken up, I hooked up with two different guys and gave them blow jobs - no intercourse though, and I didn't orgasm either. He knew about the two guys because we talked about how many people we'd gone out with/kissed when we got back together. I assumed if he wanted to know details of how far I'd gone with those guys he'd ask but he never did. I didn't want to just bring it up and have him feel bad about it. Then somehow it came up last night and he asked what I did and I told him. Naturally he's upset and I understand that can't be nice to hear. I was confused at the time I did those things and had just gotten out of a long relationship so yeah I didn't make the best choices. I hate that it's hurting him now, even though I didn't know we were going to get back together. What should I do now?! What should I say, or should I give him space to think about this, or...? I mean I don't think he wants to break up even though I'd understand if he did, but I want to help him feel better. How do I do that?
Updates:
+1 y
Thanks for the answers everyone. I think part of why he's upset though is because I didn't tell him this before so it seems like I have secrets. Like I said if he asked I would have told him but I didn't want to just tell him for no reason. Maybe I should have told him before?
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • First, he needs to process this information and basically you both don't have enough experience to know how you are going to react on an emotional level to information like this. You've been bombarded with sexual ideas for at least 10 years; then you start having sex and guess what it does't turn out to be like all the stuff in your head. This is particularly true when it comes to your partner and all the various insecurities (which are totally normal).

    Your role here is just to take the high road. You did nothing wrong and there are cases to be made for going all full disclosure on him when you got back together and also for leaving it alone until it came up. There is no right answer. Give him space just as you'd like him to do if he told you something that surprised you about what he did when you were broken up. The Golden Rule definitely applies here.

    Finally, just for your own piece of mind, younger guys are incredibly insecure (usually) about their own sexual prowess and experience. And, where they get the most freaked out is their experience relative to their partner. It isn't that they need to have more or less, but they want to be in control of that information. The only real way to avoid this drama is for you is to go out with guys who have more experience (and are over this crap), but that comes with its own challenges (like you being freaked out when you know what he's done).

    This is a natural evolution of your sexual relationship. You probably required him to be pretty sensitive to the fact it was your first time; now it's your turn to be sensitive to the fact you may now have more sexual experience than he has. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Give it time and if your relationship is built on trust and respect you will get past it.

    Hope that helps and that you guys can get past it.

  • It's a blow to his ego and a lot to process. You didn't do anything wrong. It was completely your right to hook up wtih whomever you wanted to whatever extent you wanted.

    He's just feeling a little insecure now. It's a shock to his system but one he should get over. He should be able to understand that you didn't betray him or do anything particularly wrong. Perhaps the only fault is in the handling of it in the aftermath but that is really all questionable and you shold feel bad for it. Just give him time, tell him you understand that he may need a bit to process the feeling. Explain that you are willing to be patient and help him through whatever emotions he needs to process but at the same time he can't make you feel guilty or feel like you've done anything wrong.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Tell him to grow up, you are a grown woman, and if you wish to have sex with someone you will. At the time you were not dating, so there is no reason for him to be upset, he doesn't own your body. Did he kiss, another girl or worse yet have sex with them. You had fun, which is your right.

    • You clearly are a great at empathizing. The guy didn't say she didn't anything wrong he just is going through someone and it has nothing to do with his age. Insecurity doesn't end the day you turn 16,18,21, etc.

    • Absolutely everything you said was right (and I up-voted you), BUT... there's a way to say all of this while still being sensitive to his feelings.

    • Agree, being they were split up for a time, she needs to have the option of dating. She can't call him before she has sex with someone to get his approval. Best part is they are back together. Lets hope they stay that way.

  • If you were single at the time, you did nothing wrong. It's his problem not yours.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 4

  • Well Unfortunately it sounds like your dealing with a maturity issue mostly. There's not a lot you can do in a case like this except protect his ego and come up with something to make him feel "manly" again. I agree with Claire when she says he needs to grow up but that just comes with time. Your past is your past and no one is perfect. But seriously, just tell him something that will boost his ego and he'll get over it eventually.

  • Give him space to think. You did nothing wrong. If he can't accept that, he's probably not mature enough to be in relationships with girls at this point.

  • What you did was not wrong, and you were the bigger person to tell him. All depends on if you guys broke up because he thought you wanted to be with other guys. If that was the case, and then you were, that would be the only legit reason to have issue with it. Give him time, talk about it when he is comfortable, but shouldn't be a relationship ending thing. If he didn't hook up while you were apart, it is just him being jealous...

  • Oh no, his penis isn't only one that's been in your mouth! Oh, the humanity! The horror!

    Your boyfriend is being a selfish little twit. Did he think you were going to sit around and pine for him for six months, not even bothering to TRY to move on?

    He should be happy you didn't run out and have a string of rebounds coming in and out of your p*ssy. I've seen far more than a few girls react that way after a breakup.

    • No, you shouldn't have told him before. A LOT of people out there don't WANT the details. He knew you were with these guys, and for a lot of people, that's enough. There'd be no reason for you to volunteer information when you don't know whether or not he wants to hear it in the first place.

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