The psychological explanation for a sexually dominate man?

[Anonymous]

Looking for a response from maybe a psychologist or some dominate men who think they have figred themselves out? I am dating a 27 year old guy right now and he is so aggressive like I've never seen before. I'm talking like hard face F'ing.. pulling hair so hard, slapping, throwing me around etc. He choked me during sex the other night so hard that I almost fainted. He said he wanted to destroy my face and watch my eyes tear up.. I'm not saying anything is wrong with this.. I actually like it. I'm submissive but how does a guy get this way?

[renogaza]

omgwtf... you actually like that? I mean sure your submissive that's overkill! it sounds like he intently wants to kill you o_o

that whole question you said made me sick and terrified me.. you'd think sure whatever and because I dislike/hate being submissive but I was actually attacked by a rapist who acts just like your crazy overdominant bf

followed me since I was in the train going home, gave him the slip when I got out, managed to follow me still, into a darkly lit street, countered my attack, pulled my hair, slammed me to the wall, threw me to the ground, molested me and tore half my clothes off, whipped his out and tried to put it in but I kicked his gut instinctively and ran to the police station, that whole experience triggered my androphobia 5 years ago and now even though I'm now used to being with men I know and have a great patient boyfriend I'm too terrified to do anything sxual with him, he got caught a week after the incident and the cheif of police told me that the guy they caught was also a serial killer with 4 known underaged deaths in his record, his plee to the court was that it was his fetish to see the girls trying to fight him while crying for help silently, gasping for air, choking them and then crushing their necks as he soils their wombs with his filth, if I let him do what he did I'd be dead by now, dumped into a river filled with his disgusting essence, but instead I escaped.. but still defiled by a monster that deserves to be executed publicly but only got 10 years in jail.. I prepared a grand scythe just for him when he escapes..

[renogaza]

no I don't mean he's released, I'm gonna make sure he pays for his crime for each and every girl he's raped and killed, I think the reason he got 10 years is because I only pressed charges on him for myself, so I'm gonna make sure I sew him with the deceased girls parents help so he'll stay there the rest of his miserable life, if he gets out and tries to escape my legal hold he can't run from my bloody murderous hold, my scythe shall always reach his soul wherever he hides I will find him and kill him.

[renogaza]

hmm, I just realized now after calming down and not looking at your question that I went a bit overboard.. sry, I'm just really affected by it.. I respect your likes and fetish but I really really think your boyfriend is going way overboard even if he does like it, its already at the point where its really wrong, potentially dangerous and lethal, what if he's pissed off one day and actually kills you by accident? do actually wanna die like that?

[Asker]

That is okay.. I understand you POV and I'm sorry you had to go through such a horrible thing. This guy isn't a rapist or a killer though.. just a guy that has some crazy fetish that I wish to understand.

[KJT6989]

Safe word or safe action will help you feel more comfortable! I think that's hot! But I am into it others aren't and that's cool! But if you don't like it move on and find another guy because he isn't going to change!

[MrOracle]

Different guys do this for different reasons, and not always what you think.

Some guys may do this because they've seen this on p*rn and think it's hot, or think it's "how you do it."

Some guys may do it because they want to be taken seriously, or are afraid to be "exposed as a fake", and so they take it to extremes.

Some guys may do it because this is exactly what a previous girl liked/wanted, and so he assumes you'll like it too.

What's important is that you are communicating, and if he's going too far, or you suspect he might next time, you NEED to tell him. Communication is always important in a relationship, but in a power-exchange relationship, it is absolutely VITAL, with potentially life-altering consequences if you don't.

It's okay to like it rough, and to dominate/be dominated, but there is a line beyond which it isn't safe to cross, and you need to make sure you don't cross it.

[kheserthorpe]

I think it turns me on that she wants me enough to take it. That with gentle sex it just feels good and that's enough. On some level I don't want her having sex wig me because it feels nice, I want her to just -want- me. Having rough sex with someone who wants me to use them like that makes me feel wanted.

That may just be me.

The scenario renogaza describes? Not only would I not do that, but it would, I think, undermine most of the point to me. For me it's her consenting to submit that I think I like. But obviously since some guys do attack women, there is something else going in psychologically with them.

[kheserthorpe]

I will also note that - and this seems unusual for people who like rougher sex - I'm not personally into choking. Don't know if that makes a difference.

[sexyasianboi26]

It is a form of fetish, kind of a mixture of pain and pleasure. I don't know, his ancestors were probably tortures or rapist back in the medieval ages, haha.

I am sexually aggressive too, but if I see the girl I'm having sex with; in pain or not enjoying it, then I tone down. Id rather see her smile than cry a river LOL.

Ask him who his idol male p*rnstar is, I'm guessing it will be either Manuel ferrera, or Lex steel.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Sounds like he's watching too much prn.

[cavmanier]

Does he have anger issues? Do you know if that is the only way he can get aroused?

[jacquesvol]

"How does a guy get this way?"

He has been watching too much very bad p*rn or he had a dad abusing his mom.

"..like . what's he gonna do to me this time?"

"..pulling hair so hard, slapping, throwing me around etc."

"..He choked me during sex the other night so hard that I almost fainted."

"..He said he wanted to destroy my face and watch my eyes tear up.."

"..When I didn't do it he slapped my face so hard."

Think about ONE thing: you know where he starts but you do NOT know how far he might go.

I would NOT feel at ease in such a situation.

Just saying.

[Anonymous]

"...how does a guy get this way?"

Bad upbringing, and watching to much p*rn.

[Anonymous]

I agree it sounds like he is watching too much p*rn. I notice I have got way more aggressive in bed the older I get though. Just more dominating hard thrusting, holding her and doing what I want to her, spanking and calling her mine. It's like during sex I want to send her the message she is all mine and just for me and I'm the dominant one.