Do most women in marriages withhold sex as punishment?

[Anonymous]

Studies say they do: "While women generally need emotional intimacy to make love, men express emotional intimacy through sex, says Marla Taviano, author of Is that All He Thinks About? When a wife turns down sex, in her husband's mind, "she's turning him down as a person," explains Taviano. Using sex as a bargaining chip to get your needs meet isn't negotiating-it's emotional blackmail, which can alienate him. "Withholding sex may make your partner feel less love from you and give you less love in return," says Dr. Haltzman. " I don't think id ever do that. Then again I'm not married. So what do I know. There is an argument that says: we are just simply not capable of being intimate with someone who has hurt or upset us emotionally...sex for men is physical, for women it's emotional, and if she's not in the right place emotionally she'll never be able to make it happen physically. That's not withholding sex out of spite it's being true to her own emotional self...which she has every right to do. However, I say bullsh*t. Because Millions of women provide sex in direct exchange for money. And not "ALL" women who provide sex for money have terrible childhoods and didn't get their spinach growing up. There are tons of women interviewed at the bunny ranch who were on Oprah saying that they STILL love their job and who had incredible loving parents and better lives than probably 99% of people reading this right now. With this logic I would have to ask you then, why are you NOT a prostitute? This idea that someones bad or good upbringing is the "cause" of their actions is stupid. Its an influence, not a cause. Anyways, now that I got that out of my system. So its not a matter of being completely "incapable" of performing physically, its just that she would "rather not" do something to please her partner, because she's selfishly thinking about only about herself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this describes the majority of marriages I know. Not all, but a majority.

In some cases te woman does it on purpose, tying sex to things she wants. She promises good or wild sex if he does X it buys Y. The price always goes up over time.

In others it's more like you said ' she needs to be happy to want sex '. Do te entire relationship becomes an exercise is him trying to make her happy enough to have sex. If you look around at marriages where the guy is nice but seems to lack backbone, this is generally what's going on. This kind of behavior actually makes most women less happy so again, the conditions under which she can be happy enough to have sex always go up.

Some couples actually don't deny each other.

Some couples the woman has a higher sex drive. I've spoken to those women and the men don't seem to make vague 'if you did this more I'd want sex more' bullsh*t that wives do. Rather these men seem to act like they're normal an the wives are sex crazed freaks. Low drive wives play tht card too but it seems the only move used by low drive husbands.

If I were doing it over again I would never consider a monogamous relationship with someone Ho didn't view or part of monogamy as an -obligation- to try to meet the vast majority of their partners needs, and were delighted to be the one to have that opportunity.

[ming13]

Not all women would treat a guy this way, though I do have a buddy who's wife kept rejecting sex saying you always want it, you always want your own way. Well I told him that as she had withheld sex from him for 16 years, I reckon she was getting it her way, not him getting what he wanted,. 16 years in a sexless marriage and she believed he was the was the selfish one, in this case I don't believe he could be called selfish, not if she refused him for 16 years.

[Asker]

Why do most men get into marriages? is it "easy access to sex?" most studies say yes. Because its the number one need of men. If you are not having sex in a "sexual relationship" then you are FRIENDS by definition. Both parties are therefore obligated to keep having sex. Yes?

[ming13]

Sex should be part of marriage but if one partner doesn't want it, they should tell the other early, 16 years being denied sex is unfair, yet if he cheated on her she would have been furious. Men need sex as a way of bonding as well as for pleasure. Sometimes it looks like it is harder to get sex when married than when single for some people.

[Asker]

Yeah. If you don't like sex and you are in relationship with someone who hates it, you essentially married someone under false pretenses and that's wrong.

[ming13]

My poor friend married again to a friend of mine, she withheld it too, more on medical grounds but was not up front with the truth either. I am glad I am single but do miss the intimacy that sex can bring. So I can understand my friends situation.

[Steve1181]

Some do im currently on a punishment now no sex but its my fault.

[Anonymous]

Eh I call bullsh*t to all of this... If I turn down sex because we recently had an argument, it's because I can't get in a positive mood, not because I want to use it against him. Even if my reason IS that I would "rather not do something to please my partner," what's wrong with that? People (women or men) shouldn't have sex when they seriously don't want to. I wouldn't demand that my partner have sex with me when he's upset with me over something.

The prostitute argument you made I can't understand, they're not in relationships with the people they have sex with. It's business, it's a service. Their clients aren't hurting or upsetting them, and if they do, the worker often gives their money back and asks them to leave. Anyone can refuse sex.

[Asker]

"what's wrong with that? People (women or men) shouldn't have sex when they seriously don't want to. I wouldn't demand that my partner have sex with me when he's upset with me over something." You don't understand that sex for a man is the most important thing in a relationship. Let me put it this way, is it wrong for you to "demand" a man to get up off his ass from the couch while he is just watching TV and get you some medicine to help you when you are sick? Yes.

[Asker]

Is it wrong for a woman to demand a man to help lift a box that is too heavy for her while he just stands there with his hands in his pockets and laughs at you? YES. He should do it because he wants to make you happy and not doing it makes him an a**hole. He should also WANT to do it because he wants to make you happy. This is the same thing.

[Asker]

To have the man sit there and not help the woman lift the box on the counter because he's "butt hurt" over what she said to him 2 hours ago is frankly stupid. "Nope I don't want to help you lift that box on the counter, I don't care if the dogs pee on it and ruin the stuff. I seriously don't want to." Yeah that's not right.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh you're gross. I'm not entertaining a conversation with someone who believes sex is an obligation.

[Asker]

So your man HAS to goto to the store and pick up tampons because its an "obligation"?

[Opinion Owner]

No. Also, picking up tampons isn't sex. False analogies aren't necessary.

[Asker]

Are there ANY obligations in a relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

Yep, and having sex when you don't want to isn't one of them.

[Asker]

Why not. Because its sex?

[Asker]

No one wants to do ANYTHING they are obligated to do regardless of what that act is. Feeling "obligated:" to do something is a negative emotion. So you can put "insert obligation here" when you don't want to isn't one of them. Because the same reasoning applies.

[Opinion Owner]

lmao what are you saying, all of the things you don't want to do are all the same?

[Asker]

All feelings of oblations are negative. so therefore we shouldn't do any because we don't want to do them?

[Anonymous]

This never made sense to me... if I withhold sex, I don't get any either. LAME! Haha!

I won't ever withhold sex as a punishment... it's just stupid.

[Asker]

YEY! I feel the same way.

[dudeman]

i consider withholding sex to be abuse

[ming13]

I agree, it is

[Asker]

Its not abusive because women don't want to do it. Nobody should not do anything they don't feel like doing. (this is the stupid argument other women will use on you.)

[dudeman]

my bud is in a sexless marriage. they have two kids and she's embarrassed of her body now. its f***ed up. he still provides for the family and takes care of all his duties but gets no love for his effort. that is abusive. so now he's forced to f*** women on the side simply because he doesn't want to lose his kids.

[Asker]

Yeah I have a friend who is the exact same way. She doesn't want to have sex with him because SHE feels unsexy. Meanwhile when he married her she was skinny and said he loved her then and says he loves her NOW. But it doesn't matter what he says or does, she won't have sex because SHE feels bad about herself and doesn't care about him.

[dudeman]

yeah like sh*t do you really think they like going to work all day and not getting to see their kids just so he can support her to stay home and raise their children. hell no but he does it anyway. I don't know the nerve of these women only thinking about themselves.

[Asker]

There are a few women out here like me that put out all the time not just because we want to and like sex but because we know it makes you happy. Unfortunately I've read the statistics that show that women like me and some other friends of mine are rare.

[dudeman]

like for real he could work a third as much and have a similar lifestyle if it was just him, and he feels like the bad guy for cheating. I have to tell him he's not he's just reacting to a problem she caused and won't resolve

[Asker]

Well two wrongs don't make a right I don't condone the cheating. I understand it, but I don't condone it. Sometimes its better to get a divorce than it is to do something bad on TOP of providing your children to live in a loveless home.

[dudeman]

well maybe that's a good option for women but he would have to pay alimony and child support. so he would still have to keep up his end of the marriage but he would never get to see his children and that's not a trade off. for men you are forced to still provide your roll and you get less for in it divorce so that's not really an option on his end.

[Asker]

Yeah get a good divorce lawyer.

[dudeman]

lol the law is the law a lawyer won't help that

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Your argument bothers the heck out of me. Men aren't sex-crazed a**holes, I'm not going to die or "feel less love" for my girlfriend if she doesn't want to have sex with me for a few days. This whole thing just seems primitive as f***.

[Asker]

Do you always pretend to be a guy or is it just now?

[Opinion Owner]

My whole life apparently. I had no idea I'm a woman.

[Asker]

No man would make this argument. I'm sorry they wouldn't.

[Opinion Owner]

Yep, we're all the same. Good job with the misandry.

[Asker]

Good job with the multiple accounts. anon user woman.

[Opinion Owner]

It's always funny with GAG users project their own sh*t onto other people. I could have said the same thing to you, but decided to actually confront the topic. My bad.

[Asker]

its always funny to have one guy who talks with the same tonality as a girl who disagrees with a male topic and the rest of the men disagrees with him. Yes. hilarious.

[Opinion Owner]

How is this a male topic? You're apparently a woman and you're asking about women.

[Asker]

yes just like sparrow24 "his never made sense to me... if I withhold sex, I don't get any either. LAME! Haha! I won't ever withhold sex as a punishment... it's just stupid." Im asking the question because just like her "it never made sense to me."