My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now. He's a 39 year old ex-smoker of 10 years that drinks occasionally. He has a great... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
I feel for you, its quite a difficult problem to tackle.
I had a similar problem when I first started seeing my current girlfriend of 4 years. It was insane because I found her massively attractive and wanted to have sex with her so much it just didn't seem to make sense. I decided to go see a doctor to try find out if this was physical or just in my head. The doctor took some blood samples and it was confirmed that the issue was not physical, which I guess was a slight relief but then I had to address what psychological issues were causing this.
To cut a long story short I am pretty sure that the cause was a loss of self confidence that stemmed from a pretty messy breakup from my ex. I also put myself under quite a lot of pressure as I really liked this girl and really wanted to please her, so I think I was struggling to relax in the bedroom.
Once these problems start to occur it can become a vicious circle as you start to worry about it happening in advance which obviously does not help and you also worry about how your partner is going to feel. This problem did not last long for me as we were able to talk it over which I think is key. Things are great between us now and we have an amazing sex life.
In your case I think the best thing to do would be to try and get your partner to see a doctor first, just so you can eliminate the possibility of it being a physical problem. Then the next step is to just try and talk about it, try and be as open as possible about things and hopefully things will start to improve.
Sensitivity is probably the most important issue from both sides here as these kinds of problems can cause so much insecurity for both of you. Him making comments like 'Its never happened to me before' is pretty thoughtless as its almost like blaming you.
I don't think you need to worry about it being an issue relating to your physical appearance (although the comment he made about breast reduction is pretty crazy). It sounds to me as though this is him struggling to adapt sexually to a new partner.