Sexual Health
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2 for one question: What do YOU consider cheating?

So when I get into a relationship I sit the girl I am with down and I have a talk about what it is I expect from her, and what I consider to be cheating. That way later on down the road there are no excuses. Of all the people I have dated I have never met a faithful woman. What do you consider cheating. example: Some women consider watching p*rn as cheating, men typically do not consider it cheating. So my second question is if you consider your spouses actions cheating, and he or she doesn't what happens now? Is it cheating?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • When I was younger (early 20's) I used to feel that if the woman I was with had engaged any kind of sexual contact with someone other than me then it was cheating. It was an iron-clad belief that I held to strongly. Then at a convention over 20 years ago I met an Aussie gentleman and his wife and we discussed differences in our cultures, and the topic of infidelity came up. His views were markedly different from mine. He separated 'love' into two categories. 1) agape love, which concerns emotional bonding, trust, etc and 2) physical or sexual love, which deals with the carnal pleasures.

    He and his wife had made an arrangement at the time of their engagement that was basically an open relationship, with the underpinnings that you don't fall for the other partners. When I eventually met my wife (over a decade later), I proposed the same thing to her. She could have sex with other guys (or girls if she was so inclined), as long as she observed a few caveats:

    1) Don't fall in love with the other person(s)

    2) Avoid drug addicts and abusive people

    3) If he gets you pregnant, he pays for the child

    4) ensure that he's STD-free before going bareback

    5) remember rule #1

    Neither of us have taken the opportunity offered by this arrangement, but it was put there by me before we got married to alleviate any possible stress down the road should she feel 'tempted' to try a different sexual partner. So if she were to confess to me that she'd been having sex with someone else, I'd only be concerned that it was by consent and not rape.

    That long answer boils down to the following: if she falls in love with someone else, to me that's cheating. If she's just exercising some carnal lust; more power to her as long as she's safe when she does it.

    • I have to say that is by far the most interesting statement I have read. Very interesting.

  • 1. I don't believe "cheating" is possible simply because such attachment to a person is relatively juvenile in my opinion. I do understand the concepts however so if I were to consider such it would actually be any action in which one acts purposefully to subvert the truth with intention based solely on personal gain. This covers many aspects though and isn't just related to sex as sex is the least of the offenses in my opinion.

    2. If you were clear about your boundaries AND they agreed to it then yes it is cheating because they essentially signed a verbal contract.

    If it was unknown and there is solid reason to believe that it is not an unreasonable stretch to presume the action would not be considered as such then a discussion is due and an agreement must be met. At that point refer to the first portion of this question. In this instance it is considered a misunderstanding and not cheating.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I knew a couple, that the girl doesn't has guys as friends.

    And the guy does not has girls as friends..

    Now, that seems a bit insane to me hahah!

    But to me cheating is ...

    If I would for example be flirting with a guy and smiling to him, touching is hand..

    Because I would 'like' him.

    To me, THAT is the point where cheating starts..

    It would not make you feel comfortable right?

    If your girl would do that in front of you.

    So if you really would want to keep her happy

    I think you should ask yourself these questions:

    (when you think you are going out of line with a girl)

    Would I be oke with it if she did this with a guy? No? Then quit it.

    And if you like someone next to your girlfriend, don't hang out with them.

    It would make it harder for you. So if you are serious in this.. Fight for it !

  • Cheating to me is anything I (or he) would not want the other doing / would not feel comfortable with the other doing / would be hesitant to tell the other they did it.

    To me, p*rn is not cheating, but I know he watches p*rn and he knows I do as well. But things like flirting with someone else, I'm going to have some problems with that.

    Cheating is not an end all for me, I'd prefer to work it out. I think you need to respect your significant others' wishes and if you disobey their wishes you are cheating whether you want to or not. I will be very hurt if my boyfriend were to cheat on me, however if he still loved me I would be willing to work it out.

  • I read somewhere that cheating is simply doing something that makes your SO uncomfortable. So by that definition, the answer to your second question is yes, it is still cheating, even if the other person doesn't consider it "cheating". Where you go from there is up to you... the only thing you can do is make your spouse aware that their actions upset you. And it sounds like you lay it out on the line from the start! Sorry to hear you haven't yet met a girl that appreciates your forthright expectations. Don't give up, they are out there!!

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 6

  • What you consider cheating is all that matters, f*** what the other person thinks. If you think having sex with someone is cheating, and she doesn't, then what? you're just going to forget it and be like " oh well since she doesn't think it's cheating...maybe it wasn't...". F***that. You have boundaries, if she crosses one, don't accept it or she'll just lose respect for you.

  • I consider kissing to be cheating. Anything less than that, from holding hands to cuddling, is fine.

  • Anything you wouldn't do in front of your partner with/to a member of the opposite sex is cheating in my opinion.

    If it was something that the spouse didn't think was cheating (aside from the obvious of sex) I wouldn't consider it unfaithfulness, but it is definitely a breach of trust that has to be discussed.

    • The same as my answer, but then simple said! ^^

  • LOL. Speak for yourself. I have never dated a woman that was unfaithful.

    Have you considered that maybe it's just you?

  • Cheating is when you have sex with another person, oral or intercourse.

  • I'll tease and joke, but I make no effort to "win over" anyone. I'll turn down offers from gals for making out / sex / whatever. I even limit contact with other girls that would try to win me over. P*rn is bad for plenty of other reasons, so I consider it something to avoid out of principle, whether it counts as cheating or not.

    I've often been told to date more than one woman at a time. But I can't do that. When I have my one, I cannot justify dating on the side. Doesn't stop me from keeping "backup plans." But I will not pour out the affection on backups until Plan A becomes a lost cause. I keep my friends close, but my love interest closest.

  • Watching p*rn is definitely not cheating. As for your second question, that wouldn't be possible since he would know that if he had done anything sexual with someone else that would be cheating.

  • If she sleeps with someone, she's cheating.

    • so making out with another guy, or perhaps a bj or stuff like that is okay? Curiosity my sister has the same view point

    • I'd think it was rude, uncalled for and disrespectful... but I wouldn't call it cheating.

    • Interesting. Okay thank you.

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