Losing Your Virginity?

[Naeou]

This is for girls wondering what to expect when losing their virginity. I saw a few questions about it and they seemed misinformed and it kinda broke my heart. One talked about being drunk or high so that it wouldn't hurt, trust me, you wouldn't want to look back and remember that you were impaired when it happen. Losing one's virginity is a very emotional experience, you can walk away feeling so happy and bursting with love, or you can walk away sad and disappointed, I can promise you you won't walk away feeling nothing. Now I want to explain the pain and bleeding that supposedly occurs with my story: Your first time is not suppose to hurt or bleed. My first time hurt like hell, I bled all over the place and the guy I did it with (I had only known him for a week, stupid to give my virginity up to practically a stranger, he was so sweet though and I fell for it, he is practically my boyfriend now, thank god it worked out!) said he had barely gone in. When I told my friend about it, she told me her first time with her boyfriend was way different, she didn't bleed, it didn't hurt, she just said it was slighly uncomfortable putting it in the first time but that was it! I was like -.- ha ha then another lost her virginity with her boyfriend a month later and she had the same story as my other friend! So what was wrong with me?! So I did my research and it turned out that breaking the hymen (located at the opening to the vagina) is not suppose to hurt or bleed, it is so thin that you can break it by just exercising and you wouldn't even know it broke! If u've masturbated then u've probs already broken it. So I did my research,put two and two together, and realized I was consentually raped! My friends did it with their bfs, they were in love, and comfortable, and so sexually attracted to them, the urge to have sex had built up in them to the point that they're bodies were so aroused and ready to expand and become lubricated enough . I, on the other hand, didn't know the guy for long, had never been so exposed to a guy before, he is absolutely gorgeous and therefore I thought I was very sexually attracted to him, but that wasn't enough, and although I thought he made me feel comfortable, it wasn't comfortable enough. Those old school tales that say to prove you were a virgin you are suppose to bleed on your wedding night, well that's Because girls went through what I went though, they didn't know their husbands very well, they werent used to being so exposed, didn't feel comfortable enough, were most likely uneducated about sex, and, most importantly, they didn't feel in love, a feeling that would have helped them get much more aroused. So in order for your first time not to hurt, its best to do it with someone that you trust and love with every fiber of your being, because with love comes all the attraction and comfort you need to be aroused properly! My boyfriend told me he lost his to a stranger too, and he regrets it, feels disappointed when he thinks about it. So be careful and good luck!

[IndecentExposure]

Don't throw the word rape around like that. In no way, shape or form is it fitting in this little story of yours, and it's very offensive.

Also, yes, it would be nice if every virginity story was, "Oh, we were hopelessly in love, it was a romantic evening, we made love, it barely hurt, it was perfect." But this is not a fairy tale, and life doesn't work that way. You can be completely in love, completely comfortable, and still feel pain when you lose your virginity. Obviously, feeling nervous around a stranger won't make it any easier, but don't paint a picture to naive girls that it's going to be rainbows and sunshine.

You can still bleed, and still feel some pain even if emotionally the rest is perfect. And, not to mention, not everyone wants a fairy tale like that. I know people who have been with a boyfriend of a month-ish, not fully loved him, the relationship didn't last, but they didn't regret it. It may not have been sugar on a puppy, but they enjoyed it. That isn't for everyone, and you're painting a picture for girls who have never done it before that it may not live up to, and it's unfair to make them feel like they are doing it wrong just because it wouldn't be featured in a film with Ryan Gosling.

Everyone has their own ideas about what they want their virginity to be like, and it is not your place to inform girls about the RIGHT way to do it - simply because there is no right way. If they want the romantic picture perfect first time, they will wait to have it. They have friends, and family, and google to tell them the facts about your first time, and they do not need some stranger forcing their opinion on them about the right and wrong way to lose your virginity.

It may be what you wish you had, but that doesn't mean it's what everyone wants. And just in case someone feels the need to say it - No, I am not saying this is bad. I'm just saying, this isn't for everyone. Romance, love, and trust, is good, and I'm not saying anyone is bad for wanting it for their first time, I'm simply saying, it isn't the ONLY acceptable option for not regretting it.

[Naeou]

The walls of my vagina were ripped just like it would have been had I been raped, so I am not throwing it around, it took me a week to heal, I wasn't joking about rape, I let that guy forced himself in even though I wasn't ready. And I wasn't telling girls that they should lose their virinity only if there are candles and flower pedals everywhere, I'm telling them what they should expect, not to let a guy force themselves inside them, and to do it with someone they feel strongly about.

[IndecentExposure]

What the f*** are you on? You weren't raped. You were "easy" and you had sex before you were ready, and that isn't his fault. "I let that guy force himself in" He did not FORCE himself in if you LET him. Rape doesn't apply here AT ALL. He was rough, and it hurt, I get that, but don't compare it to rape.

[Naeou]

And I believe girls shouldn't lose their virginity unless its all rainbows, some might be okay throwing it away but its best not to risk it. It shouldn't be someones aspiration to lose something so intimate to stranger, so don't sell that bit. Every girl deserves and should lose their virginity to someone they love. As long as the vagina is lubricated enough then first times shouldn't hurt or bleed, if they do its not because they are built that way, its because they werent lubricated enough.

[Naeou]

I wasn't arouse enough so my vagina didn't expand like it should so technically he was forcing himself in. And I let him keep trying to put it in. The damage was equal to rape, period, that is my point.

[IndecentExposure]

I'm not selling it any way, the entire point of what I said was that there is no right or wrong way to do it, whatever works for the individual - whether that be romance or someone they don't know too well. You shouldn't be telling people that they did it wrong because it wasn't perfect and painless, because sometimes, despite all the love and lube, it hurts a bit. You're feeding this idea to naive girls that they did it wrong if it wasn't how you described, which isn't true. You're full of sh*t.

[IndecentExposure]

The damage was not equal to rape, you moron. You seriously have the nerve to say what you did was equal to rape? The damage was no where near what it would have been if you were raped.

[Naeou]

I'm not feeding them ideas. I'm feeding them facts. And this post won't change the way a girl feels about what she does, the way she feels when/after she doesn't will be stronger than how this post makes her feel. If she felt fine with what she did, I doubt this post will do anything because has already accepted what she has done. I expect those girls to know themselves and know what is right for them and not to do whatever I post. Come on.

[IndecentExposure]

Then why the f*** did you post it? If you're convinced no one will act differently based on this, why the hell did you post this bullsh*t?

[Naeou]

I was talking about girls who had already done it and then came across my post, not virgines that can still learn from what I've learned. Keep up.

[why-makoto-kun]

Thank you, IE.

[IndecentExposure]

Who are you to preach to anyone about virginity, intact or gone? You have an OPINION - not FACTS - that you are forcing on virgins who will be naive about their first time that simply aren't true. Its not always like that, and that doesn't mean its bad, or wrong, or less valuable. And, to comment here so that the other woman doesn't keep getting notified, oxymorons aren't meant to change the meaning of the initial word. Yours doesn't even work, it's just dumb.

[why-makoto-kun]

Yeaaah, that wasn't rape. If you say yes and want to do it, even if your body isn't sufficiently aroused, it isn't rape. Not to be inflammatory, but these statements hurt girls who -are- raped, who are drunk/high and cannot say yes or no, girls who are scared and give in because they are afraid of him using force, who say no and may be aroused but the guy does it anyway and disrespects her wishes, a stranger hopping out of the bushes, an acquaintance, date-rape, marital rape, etc. You weren't raped.

And hymens vary in thickness, so it still may hurt and bleed even if the girl is otherwise "ready." Some girls are born without a hymen, or like you said, break it through exercising.

[Naeou]

I used the term rape to describe the damage, that's why I put consentually in front it, because I let him do that damage! And if its done its done and the people who did it already felt what they felt, wether it was a okay or not, and a message from a stranger on the internet is not going to make their happy feeling turn into bad ones when they have accepted the happiness of it. Those situations are sad situations, so I'm sure they were sad about it before I even mentioned it! Thickhymens are rare

[Naeou]

And some of the things you mentioned are things that would be out of their control, which is sad, but this comment is for girls that are in control, and should think about their choices and what they should expect. Like I said I did some research after my first time because it really was awful and I don't want other girls to go through it.

[why-makoto-kun]

It still wasn't rape. You can say that your experience was unpleasant and your hymen broke, but it was not rape at all.

[Naeou]

Haha you don't understand, the hymen isn't suppose to hurt when it breaks, pain has nothing to do with the hymen breaking, the pain and bleeding was from him tearing open the walls of my vagina causing pain and bleeding, rape was the best thing I could compare it to, it was just unpleasant, I was being ripped open :/

[Naeou]

*it wasn't just unpleasant

[why-makoto-kun]

Painful sex, with physical trauma, isn't rape if the guy didn't do anything to cause it (you hopping on him for instance) and you completely consenting to it. Maybe it wasn't healthy but it wasn't rape.

[Naeou]

Yeah I see what you mean, but again I used rape to give idea of the kind of physical damage, I said consentual before rape, which then means no mental trauma because he had prepared myself for it, I'm making that clear now. Although it was a little bit traumatizing, I was freaking out a bit on the inside. It wasn't rape, but it had elements of it.

[why-makoto-kun]

You need a different term for it, that's all I'm saying. I don't doubt that it was traumatic, as accidents happen, but rape means that a guy is physically taking you even though you don't want it, physically or morally.

[Naeou]

I'm just playing of the contradiction of words, I'm not using rape separately, I'm using consentual with it. On its own rape is defined as not consentual, so by elevating that factor by mentioning it was consentual, in my eyes it changes the meaning and makes it lighter

[Naeou]

And focuses on the physical

[why-makoto-kun]

True, but it's kind of an oxymoron. I think you'll upset a lot of people who actually have been raped (or at least taken advantage of in some way without penetrative sex) by using the word rape anyway. Just a thought.

[IndecentExposure]

Consensual rape isn't a thing. You're not changing the meaning of it, because that's an oxymoron. You had no elements of rape - none. Stop claiming you did, and stop using the word rape to describe your first time, because as I have said, and as why-makoto-kun said, IT WASN'T RAPE. Just because it hurt, doesn't mean it was rape, or consensual rape.

[Naeou]

Thats what oxymorons are for.

[MissConfused93]

You're an idiot. Rape? Are you kidding me? Rape is if he forced himself on you, held you down, and shoved it in without your consent. Didn't happen like that therefore it wasn't rape.

And I lost my virginity with my boyfriend and I had been dating him for three months. I didn't bleed but he was too girthy and I was too tight. He couldn't fit even the tip in. And I cried because it hurt too much.

According to your "theory" it shouldn't have hurt me.

Also - IT'S JUST SEX. Your first time doesn't have to be special or memorable if you don't want it to be.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the advice.