What does it mean if my boyfriend wants me to use a strap-on?

So my boyfriend told me he would like for me to use a strap-on. He enjoys anal play. I'm not sure what this means, if anything at all. Are there other straight men who have this fantasy? I think I am the only girlfriend he has ever asked to do this.

Is it a submissive thing? I know he does like when I am in control of him sometimes.Which makes me wonder if I should get a dominatrix outfit for the first time using it on him. The request took me off guard but I will do just about anything and everything to keep my man satisfied in the bedroom.

I would also like to note that my boyfriend was a victim when he was young and his like for this kind of play may stem from that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, I think you are worrying too much.

    For starters, I don't think the whole gay, straight, bisexual orientation is always as easy as one of those three options, and the lines tend to get blurred a lot when things like transgender / transsexuals are involved. Still, I can tell you a few things that might ease your mind.

    First, if he hasn't cheated with another girl, and if he has given you any reason to suspect he's cheated, or ever will, this whole shemale thing should not be much of an issue. Sure, transgenders and transsexuals are harder to come by than regular girls, but come on, that doesn't mean that's the factor that will push him over and cause him to cheat. So you don't need to worry about that.

    I also want to continue talking about the interest of shemale pornography, I once watched some incredibly long video where some eggheads were talking about what they've studied in people interested in shemales. Apparently, the majority of them identify themselves as straight. They went into the reasons why, and part of it has to do with visual queues, optical illusions and other various psychological trickery, but eventually they just get into it. Apparently a lot of them are mostly just into watching it.

    As for the the strap-on. Don't worry about that too much either. I mean you don't gotta do it if you really are that opposed to it, but really, it's not as uncommon as you might think. There are a bunch of couples out there into pegging. It's supposed to feel really good for a guy. Guys have this sort of G-Spot of sorts in their asses, that's hit through anal stimulation. It's in the prostate glands I believe. Anyway, I've been told that if worked right, you can actually give a guy an orgasm, and even make him cum.

    All in all, there are studies by smart people saying that this kind of stuff is apparently not all that far off from normal, so really it's probably not something you should worry too much about. As I said, if he hasn't given you reason to suspect cheating you shouldn't worry about it too much, now.

    I think you really should talk to him, though. I think you should talk to him about ALL of this, and if he gets embarrassed about the shemale porn, try to calm him by making him feel he has nothing to be ashamed of. Then talk to him about ALL of this, but whatever you do, try not to launch a full offensive. You don't want to sound accusatory. Come from a stance of caring. A place of concern. Just let him know you're insecure, and you're really just trying to understand, or get some reassurances.

    If you can't talk about this, then you have a problem. You NEED to talk about this.

    Best of luck to you.

    • Does anybody want to explain to me why they disagree with those like myself, Madhatters4, Yaddayaddayadda02, so darned much?

What Guys Said 15

  • not interested in transgender p*rn but if I was I wouldn't see any reason why I'd leave my girlfriend to go have sex with a transgender person

    why would he be more likely to cheat because he likes shemale p*rn? Wouldn't he be just as likely to cheat whether he was into straight, shemale or gay p*rn? I ask that rhetorically to help you get some perspective.

    Are you worrying too much? The only concern you should have is if you are uncomfortable with what he is looking at or aren't really interested in doign the strapon stuff.

    But I wouldn't be concerned with him being extra likely to cheat just because he like shemale p*rn. P*rn is about fantasy and clearly your guy has a fetish for certain stuff. But a guys p*rnography habits don't make him any more or less likely to cheat

    • Let me clarify: it's because he likes women and transgender women (unless there is something else he likes this fantasy for) therefore I don't just compete against women but transgender women as well.

    • yeah but that doesn't make him more likely to cheat it just makes you feel a bit insecure. But again it doesn't make him more likely to cheat. Even lets say he was bi-sexual or pansexual. There is nor correlation between sexual orientation and higher frenquency of infidelity.

  • Being interested in tranny prn doesn't make anyone more likely to cheat. If his fantasy is to have sex with a woman,who has a penis to penetrate his ass, and you are willing to wear a strap-on and peg him - that's him wanting to be with you, not a TS.

    Just like if he watches prn of straight girls, he's not going to leave you for them, either.

  • It may surprise some people how common this fantasy is, men just usually are too afraid to admit they want it, so yes, plenty of straight men have this fantasy.

    As for what it is, hard to say, where it stems from, hard to say, does it really matter?

    Does he just enjoy anal play or does he enjoy overall dominant and submissive play? If it's just anal play the strap-on by itself will be fine, if he enjoys D/s then a dominatrix outfit would be a good idea, I would also suggest getting for him a collar, blindfold, riding crop and some handcuffs.

    Have fun :)

  • He apparently likes the feeling of a penis living inside and making a home out of his ass.

    You should consider talking dirty to him, buy a "Welcome Home" mattress and hang it on his waist for better effect.

  • I don't know how common these fantasies are, but they aren't uncommon. I don't think that they are necessarily related to his experience as a "victim" either. Good for you, too, for being so game! Don't forget though too that it's only reasonable that he reciprocate.

    (Interesting how many reasonable answers have been down-voted! What are these people (voting the answers down) so scared of? No one's asking them to bend over!)

  • I don't think you're worrying too much...here's why: Obviously your boyfriend is hiding aspects of his sexuality from you, most likely because he's afraid that you wouldn't approve. Somehow you've got to both be honest with each other about your interests and your limits. Possibly, things that don't appeal to you now, could be fun for you, knowing that it's making your boyfriend happy. He's got to do the same for you. It's also reasonable to set some limits (eg no sex w someone else). If you can indulge his kinks (ie strap-on sex, dominate him, whatever) and vice versa, then hopefully you guys can make it work.

  • if I were you I would take him shopping for a strapon. Let him pic the size or sizes and take him home and have fun! just remember lots of lube is the key. I have enjoyed this kind of play with my girlfriend for several years and I love it and she enjoys the feeling she gets when she is the one doing the fu****g. Good luck,Paull

  • i'd be very worried. he's probably having sex with transvestites on the down-low. get tested for STDs

  • It's his fetish.

  • Coming from a person that does watch it, you don't have much to worry about.

    If you are the same girl that mentioned the strap on thing earlier, I already addressed that part, so I won't go through that again.

  • A guy's g-spot is back there so it can feel good for him. And if it's with a female how is it a gay thing?

    Could it be he wants to do a dom/sub thing? Maybe. Or maybe he wants to do a role reversal. Or maybe he just likes the feeling. Maybe he's just experimental and wants to try something different. Maybe cause it's a taboo subject so it excites him. There are lots of possible reasons. The only way you'll know why he wants to do it is if you talk to him.

  • He's bicurious, if not actually bisexual. But that doesn't necessarily mean he'll cheat on you. You should discuss it all with him.

    To me, shemales are just males. I have no desire to watch shemale p*rn.

  • Yeah, straight guys can like it. You are a girl with a strap on and not a guy, so it's not gay. lol

    It being a submissive thing plays a part in it, but it's also that apparently prostate stimulation while orgasming feels good. Some can orgasm from that alone. He asked because of that and the fact that he trusts you enough for it since you said that you are the only girlfriend that he asked. However, if you are uncomfortable about doing it, you don't have to.

  • Well, I think a bi guy is more likely to enjoy anal play, but many straight men enjoy it too. I'm straight and a dildo would be too far for me. But I do love rubbing the outside of my anus with my fingers while masturbating my penis: it feel so good.

    If he is submissive, I'm sure he'd love you to wear a dominatrix outfit.

    I suppose his past could be a reason. But it might not be.

    You sound like a really thoughtful, caring girlfriend :)


What Girls Said 12

  • Yes, I know straight men who have this fantasy. Just because he likes it, doesn't mean he is gay, if that's what you're wandering. Doesn't even necessarily mean he's bi. That doesn't mean anything, milady, and probably doesn't have to do with his past. Just play along and have fun! He is lucky to have a girlfriend who will get out her comfort zone to please him in bed, and has an open mind like you do. ^^

  • He wants to be dominated.It is usually bi-sexual men that enjoy that.

  • This is some Jerry springer sh*t!

  • Not a gay thing. It is a submissive thing. Could also be he likes some back door and prostate stimulation. Victim thing - could be from that, who knows. If you try it, and he seems different after, may be, and he may need some therapy.

  • If your open to the idea of giving it a go I say go for it. I have used a strapon on my guy and I was very unsure at first but it is fun to give for a change. Also he gets so much pleasure from it because it hits his prostate. But I warn you it can be hard work, we just don't seem to have the muscles guys have to do the fucking, and I'm not just talking about the penis. Oh and on the whole can a straight guy like it yes, my husband is very straight. Good luck and let us know how you go

  • That he's feminine

  • RUN.

  • "Run Jenny, RUN." :D LOL

  • It sounds like he's into kinkier things, possibly bi-curious.

    He's wanting to spice things up with you, he's becoming more comfortable with exploring what he really likes. If it's something you can't handle, you guys will need to talk about it.

    As for his sexuality - who knows? People are into all kinds of fantasies, straight or gay or other. It doesn't necessarily mean their sexuality changes, just that it takes more and more to get them off. A lot of people become desensitized to vanilla p*rn (or vanilla sex) and so they keep turning to things that are stranger or kinkier than before. It happens all the time, because p*rn is no accessible.

    Talk to him if you can't handle the direction the relationship is going.

  • the idea of being turned into a man for like a day turns me on... doesn't mean I want a sex change

    • That answers seems kinda besides the point, don't you think?

    • no, p*rn does not represent what you actually want to do is my point

  • Don't worry about it. Action and desire are two different things. I watch A LOT of girl on girl p*rn (and have been with women), but I'm not going to cheat on my Boyfriend with a girl or otherwise.

    I have been with two hetero guys wo were into anal play. Try it out, you may like in control too. It's great that he trusted you with his sexual needs.

  • He has an inferiority complex or an oedipus complex. Take your pick.

    • are you really that clueless or just trying to be mean?

    • Take your pick know-it-all