Feel like a loser because of my sexual experience...?

[Anonymous]

I am 20 years old and have never had sex, nor kissed a guy...who I would date (more on that later). Part of it is my insecurities as I am not satisfied with how I look. I have 3 jobs and it'll probably be a while until I can afford all the makeup and hair products I need to make me feel better. But it's hard for me to not feel unwanted or undesirable while I'm waiting and it makes me feel really depressed. So I called an adult entertainment company where I have to give topless massages. It was a way for me to feel desirable and make money in the process. The first and only time I've went was the first time I kissed a guy ( he kissed me even though I asked him not to). I even gave him a handjob. I don't know why I feel the need to resort to such desperate measures lol. I've always been smart and worked hard in school. I even go to one of the best colleges in the country though I am taking a semester off because of my depression. I guess it kind of goes back to middle school. I was kind of geeky and throughout middle school and high school no guy ever talked to me. I always envied the popular girls because they seemed to have everything I want. Hell, I'd give up everything I've worked for academically to have what they have if I didn't have to be so lonely. I guess I put to much value on sexual attractiveness. Can anyone give me any advice on how I can have a healthier view of myself or any other advice you think would be helpful?

[HughR]

First, I have no idea what you look like but, in my experience, very few women who think they're unattractive are really unattractive. There is certainly a societal ideal - skinny-except-DD-breasts, long blond hair (except clean shaven everywhere else), 38-24-36... etc. but that's actually a freakshow and women who look like that crave any attention they can get that doesn't focus on using them as a sex toy.

On the other hand, you write very well so I can assume that you're very smart and erudite. The human brain is the largest sex organ. No many women would think of trying topless massage jobs in order to get more experience with men. I'm not sure that you're going to find the cleanest, sexiest, smartest men in those places but you'll definitely get to see a few hard cocks and you set the limits on activities excepting a few pushy customers.

However, all of this is being masked by what sounds like depression. I hope that you're getting it treated. That sort of thing also hints at an exceptional mind since, to be blunt, stupid people are too stupid to get really depressed.

[bigboi38]

You should not feel bad about your insecurites. You will do things when you are ready in fact its good that you take care of yourself. Sometimes people over think things and feel bad about themselves but they don't see how others respond. I am pretty sure there are guys out there who have been interested but you were to worried that you didn't see it. THe massage thing is not bad cause it helps you get out of your shell. The hand job, you shouldn't feel obligated to do things like that so someone would give you attention. Just be you and I am sure things would work out.

[Anonymous]

This isn't fixing the problem, this is just a way of you feeling powerful, and wanted for that time being.

The only way that feeling will truly go away is if you dig deeper, and realize how great of a woman you really are.

You need to find yourself worthy before you can ever truly believe someone will see you in return.

Your job is only something that makes you feel great for the current, but isn't going to help you long term (in your feelings towards yourself).

[unighted]

i think that you did what you thought would make you feel better, my mom says that to improve how you feel about yourself you should tell yourself everyday compliments while looking at the mirror

[KingJR]

You are, who you are. It's pretty useless to feel sorry about something you CAN'T CHANGE.

Just workout and eat well to keep yourself fit and healthy. Yes, hair and make up might make you feel better, but that's just temporary. Also, just because no boys talked to you while you were growing up doesn't mean they don't want to talk to you NOW.

[martyfellow]

Stay far away from adult entertainment, for one thing. Be satisfied with yourself; look at all your good points. Are guys all sexually attractive? Very few, right? So why get down on yourself for being a nerd?

Nerds can be desirable! I'd join some clubs for people with your interests' there you will find some people with the same insecurities you have.

It's good you are taking a semester off, away from pressures. Enjoy yourself, don't try to be someone else!

[lauramor]

Then I'm a loser too hahha

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You need to work on your self esteem issues, That is the only thing holding you back. I would stop the massage job. Guys don't want to date women with that type of job.

[Asker]

Nobody knows that I'm doing this and I don't think I'd ever tell anyone lol.

[biggysohail2300]

Maintain a heaithy lifestyle you don't have to change your pesonality for another and it will go for a disaster. I want to do it with myself but I failed miserably and except myself as I am.U know how hard it is to find a good girl nowdays,it is the inner personality that matters to me or how she treat me ,.Try simple makeup and you will look fabulous trust me.best of luck.

[Anonymous]

It seems that you're just jealous and want to experience things for yourself.

You shouldn't give out yourself just for the sake of sexual experience. It's best if you wait until marriage.

[Anonymous]

You're not the only one.