Do most American men find American women unattractive?

[Anonymous]

I keep hearing American men complaining that American women are too feminist-y, too fat, too independent, too rude/loud, etc. I'm slim (5'6" 120 lb), kind, not particularly career-oriented and very much into making my man happy, cooking, looking nice, etc. I'm not that uncommon- there seem to be a lot of American women like me! But I constantly hear American men say they will only date foreign women, or they travel miles and spend hundreds of dollars to marry foreign women they barely know. Are we really that awful? My boyfriend has dated foreign women and American women and he says they're basically the same, but I feel like he's just being kind- I want to be as "foreign"-looking/acting as I can. What can I do?

[Kiran04]

The whole "American women are too feminist" has more to do with the absurdly unrealistic expectations western women put on themselves and men. They want to work and make loads of money, but at the same time they're completely unwilling to date men who make less than they do. I'm sorry, but what's the point of financial independence if it doesn't free you up to date men who make less? Why should your career narrow your selection of men instead of expand it? Men are perfectly willing to date less successful women. Western women also have very skewed standards of beauty, especially when it comes to men. Styled hair, washboard abs, huge biceps, rippling shoulders, designer clothing labels, expensive shades, nice car, nice house... the list goes on and on and it's completely insane. And then they have the gall to say that men have superficial standards when it comes to women. Talk about hypocritical. Another loaded word that sends men running is "independent". Western women like to think they don't need a man, yet at the same time they want kids and a family. Last I checked, families have men in them. Men do not want to be an optional extra. We are not a redundant role in our families. We do not want to be redundant role in a woman's life. We want to be important, someone that brings her something that no one else can. If we don't feel like we're doing that or you don't act like you want that, we don't want you.

These are what tend to turn me off to American women. Bare in mind, not all American women are like this and I've only ever dated women from the states, many of which were loving, wonderful people. Just don't let feminism fool you into thinking men are obsolete. We aren't. Nor should you let it fool you into thinking you only deserve prince charming. You don't. You're no more perfect than we are, so please don't project your standards of perfect onto us. We don't want you to be a maxim model, regardless of what we like to stare at in our magazines.

[Asker]

Thanks for so many details, and thanks for not putting this on ALL American women. I'm nothing like the women you describe but yes, I know women like that. I also know men with unrealistic expectations that basically guarantee they'll be single forever (a girl can't be a slut, but she needs to be open to butt sex right away- huh?) Anyway, I have dated plenty of guys who made less money than I do. Hope other women are open to that too- rich guys (in my experience) can be arrogant.

[Anonymous]

I'm British. But I've been to America. I have some American friends.

My experience of American women is that they're like British women but more open about what they want and less shy (though that's true of American men too).

I would say some of the American men who complain about American women are butt-hurt. They're bitter for whatever reason.

But some of the complaining is legitimate, I think (a lot of this is applicable to Britain too). Fatness is a serious problem in America (for men too, not only women). If you work hard to keep yourself in good shape, you may feel it's wasted on the opposite sex in America. Also I think America has become a more gender-neutral society than before. That can be frustrating too. Saying "I'm a feminist" is really another way of saying "Men, keep away from me". A feminist woman may claim that she doesn't hate men (maybe she really believes that she doesn't), but trust me: we men can always sense at least a trace of hostility in a woman who identifies a feminist. After all, if feminism simply meant a belief in equal rights for men and women, almost all of us would be feminists, regardless of our other political identifications. In as far as American women are more likely to identify as feminists, yes American men will perceive that as a negative.

[Asker]

I stopped calling myself a feminist when I realized how many annoying feminists there are out there- really, all I believe in is equal opportunity. (personally I prefer a traditional lifestyle but I know not all women do). If obesity is the main issue, I do get it- but once again I feel like in cities most women are pretty thin! My BMI is 19 and if I go to NYC, most women are thinner than I am! Thanks for being so honest and straightforward (and not contradicting yourself).

[kholland65]

I think the way you describe feminism and how men perceive it is spot on.

[peace-love-couture]

No

The ones who say that are the ones who are butthurt that the specific women they seek won't worship the ground they walk on, so they talk about going to a poor country and finding a golddigger who will worship the ground they walk on for citizenship.

My mom has worked with countless dudes who've gone to Asia to find wives and they've all been f***ed over. One guy was screwed over by a chick from Mexico, the Philippines and Russia(though it's questionable as to whether this one was a girl or not)

But most Americans marry other Americans. It's not just the women who are the problem, it's the men.

I know I'm in the minority when I say this, but I am traditional and I do believe the man should be the head of the household. I do a lot of things for my boyfriend that some of my friends roll their eyes at or question. But he does a lot of things for me as well.

Those bitter guys find it cute and endearing when a foreign woman is a golddigger, but not an American. They rationalize it in their minds.

[Asker]

I do wonder about this- a lot of the time if a woman marries you after a week of knowing you, it's not because she's madly in love, it's because she wants something you have (material). I never understood rationalizing this, but then calling American women golddiggers- personally I hate women who are golddiggers, but I don't discriminate by country, lol

[lauramor]

I totally agree with peace.love.couture people who claim American women are feministy and stuff or say other things bout other races is because they got rejected by them or had a bad experience

[Prettygurl12]

I'm an American woman. I would not consider myself unattractive.

[MrOracle]

The guys who say this are REALLY saying that they prefer women who have a more traditional view of the roles of men and women (and husbands and wives) in a relationship. Meaning: the man is expected to lead and to make the major decisions, but also to be the primary provider, and the woman is expected to support the man and the family by caring for the home and kids (if she isn't working outside the home). It's a more family-centric view, rather than a career-oriented view.

Feminism told American women that they could "have it all", meaning an education, a career equal to a man's, plus be a wife and mother and raise a wonderful family. The problem is that that's a lie; something somewhere has to give. There are women who have careers that are just as successful as men's, but they generally have to forego being parents, because you can't stay on-track with your career and still take several years off in the middle to have and raise kids. And if you DO take that time off, then you're going to be behind the curve when you come back compared to the people who didn't take time off. This is where much of the "in-equal pay" comes from too.

Men have always known what they've sacrificed to be good providers for their family. They know all about the long hours, stress, endless commute time, and so on, and they've always know that you can't do all that AND be a mom who raises her own children, yet men want their own wives to raise their children, because there's no one he trusts more to do the job right.

Some women will say "it isn't fair" that they can't "have it all", but men don't "have it all" either. We bust our asses all our lives, mostly to pay for things not for ourselves, but for our FAMILY. We miss important events in our children's lives, because we know we are responsible for making sure that there's money for new clothes, braces, and school trips, among a million other things. And it's not our fault that, biologically, the majority of the work of having and (at least initially) raising children falls on the woman.

Radical feminists (which aren't mainstream feminists, but are LOUD) tell women that "they don't need a man" and that "men are worthless." Well, guess what? Men have no interest in being with women who think this way. Men want women who want to be part of a team, not women who want to be "free agents." And to the extent that the idea of "not needing a man in your life" has invaded mainstream American women, some men have decided to look for brides among foreign women who have more traditional ideas of relationships and gender roles.

There are still plenty of women in America who are okay with these traditional ideas, and those are the ones that a lot of other guys are looking for.

The appearance issues only matter in that they reveal the underlying attitude of the women. Sex In The City depicts the type of women who care about looks, brands, and status, and it's this type of woman that these men are looking to avoid.

[kholland65]

Well I put B even though the reality is I actually don't plan on dating foreign women. I plan to date American women, since I am from America, but I put B in order to indicate that I do in fact dislike this "American women" you are referring to.

I don't to what degree I would call this distinctly American, but you are probably right in that its a common mentality that is being adopted by American culture and many of its women.

Let me get a bit more specific:

1. Yes, feminist women are a turn off to men. Why? They sound selfish, lazy, self entitled, arrogant, and man hating. These women honestly feel that they are standing for a worthy cause and in a sense they are, but the truth is these women are coming off to men much different than than they think. To men it sounds like a bunch of whining children who want special treatment while still having men be servants to their needs.

2. Yes, American women are definitely more overweight on average than women from other countries. I'm sure the same can be said about American men. Point is, even my parents have noticed that so many young people are fat. I find that about 50% of American women are already off my radar solely because they are too fat.

3. Emotional dependence is a turn off. We don't want you to "need" us, but we want you to "want" us. We want a girl who can be her own person and doesn't need her man to act like her father. But at the same time, we as men have a primal need to care for and be needed by women. A women who goes through life acting like she has no use for a man, is not sexually appealing to men because she's not appealing to his primal needs. We like opening the jar of pickles, but we don't like managing your personal finances...get it?

4. Most guys don't necessarily mind a girl having a career. I mean, if its your passion to be a doctor, a teacher, or whatever, I'm not going to stop you and I would encourage you to do those things. However, I would advise that you don't do so at the expense of your family and duty as a mother. Also there is something primal about a women carrying for her children and household, just as there is something primal about a man going out and providing food and security for his family. Simply put, its attractive to us when a women seeks to fulfill her primal role as a mother and let us fulfill our fatherly goal as the breadwinner. This has nothing to do with oppression or dominance. It's also about primal nature.

Obviously we're generalizing since every American or foreign person is different, man or women. Not every guy likes this nor is every girl like this. But generally speaking, I know I speak for most men when saying what I said. I've read a lot of articles about the subject and its nothing new that many men in America aren't exactly happy about what women are morphing into or what dating and social dynamics between the genders has become. I think given the choice, the majority of men would go back to the way things were 50yrs ago.

[Asker]

This all makes sense to me except I find #3 a bit confusing. A huge amount of what I do/think is about my boyfriend, being with him/making him happy etc. I would say I need him, although since I have my own job I'm not relying on him to pay rent or organize my finances- is that what you mean? lol

[kholland65]

Yes, having your own job and being financially dependent is an example of the good kind of independence. Basically, If I up and walked away, would you still be able to survive. Same goes for emotional independence. It's OK to love us and want to be around and with us, but it crosses the line when you can't go 5min without seeing or talking with us otherwise you're an emotional mess. That is not attractive. Remember, a person should be happy on their own and their partner should only make them

[kholland65]

happier than they already are. If a person bases 100% of their happiness and personal well-being on another person, that places too much of a burden on their partner who will eventually get tired of the lack of independence of their partner. Basically when it comes to independence of a women, most guys typically want a women is somewhere in the middle.

[martyfellow]

If they've had the chance to meet women from, say, France, Japan,China..actually from pretty much anywhere else, to be honest with you..but I'd say especially those!

Then yes, our women pretty much look like boys, in general, unless they're from minority cultures in the US.

I'm not trying to insult anybody Hey, there's a reason a female is asking this question!

[amameninas]

Not anonymous on my answer.

I know this is stereotyping but I will proceed. I'll put on my fire suit.

I married an Asian woman just 10 years younger.

Asian women may well be better now but it is because American women stopped being feminine and deferential to men. Like it or not, we want that.

American women have become too sexual-centered, as in Cosmopolitan Mag.

Solution: Stop being so. Be feminine, not challenging. Dump the Vic Secret in favor of sports bras. Dump the thongs in favor of bikinis. Let your bush grow out and groom it just like with your hair and make up. Learn how to REALLY clean your flower so it sweet all the time. Grow your hair (up top) long like Asians and Latinas. Don't consider sexuality a scored sport where you rate assets and performance. Let the guy lead and be relaxed and cooperative. BUT reward commitment and respect with additional sexual "bases". Reserve intercourse for several months. Hand and oral should keep him if he likes you and keep you if you like him. (see cleanliness above).

5'6" and 120 is good. Your domestic orientations are good. Become family and child oriented if you aren't already. Develop interests other than status, looks, clothes, hair, Facebook, "hanging out" and, generally, consumption culture.

There's more but I have to catch a flight.

[Asker]

Interesting- you think it's bad to wear lingerie or shave your pubes? The vast majority of guys I know would be bothered if a woman DIDN'T do those things...

[amameninas]

I think the best bedroom attire is one's birthday suit and a well looked after bush. Lingerie seem artificial to me and a shaved vulva looks both underage and overly sexualized in an adult girl.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Where's the "I'm a guy and I'll date any woman if she's a good woman, don't care about being American or not" option >.>

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I think the problem many guys might have with American women is that they are really spoiled and they keep demanding more, refuse to take responsibility for themselves, and can be bitchy (not assertive/aggressive in a good way, but just bitchy). At least, that's usually what I hear from such men. Personally, I think every nation has such women, but every nation has good women too. Same goes for men and nations (good and bad in both and likely proportionally about the same).

[McQuacker]

A. Most Americans are overweight as are the women.

B. Americans value money more than any other women I've met.

C. Americans have a strange role reversal where it is more acceptable for the masculination of women of men, and the emasculation of men

So you have a combination of overweight women, money grubbing women, and masculine women. Why would that be attractive

This goes both ways. Men are NOT exempt. So many guys are p****** in this country.

[Asker]

I actually prefer American men to all other men- to me they're less sleazy and more humorous, just from my experience. I guess on average you're right about obesity, but if you live in a place like NYC or LA, most people are pretty fitness-obsessed. As for money- I know there are gold-digging Americans but I find it hard to believe that mail-order brides aren't doing the same thing.

[McQuacker]

American men are more favorable to women in general. They aren't rude, they're not as sleazy, and they definitely hold back if assaulted by a girl. They're feminized basically. Americans in general are more humorous because our personality is better. We are more individualistic. LA, Boston, and NYC isn't representative of all of America. America is more subtle about things like mail order brides. Other countries are upfront, but American women will destroy you during divorce times.

[Asker]

I've only ever lived in cities- so when I saw LA and NY that's all I know. But fair point. But if you think American men are feminized, how is their personality also better? Just trying to understand. (personally I don't think American men are feminized, I often feel they're more masculine than others, but that's just me)

[McQuacker]

Go to other countries. We have freedom of speech so we say whatever we want therefore are more creative in thinking. I could talk smack about the government and be a retard in public and everyone is like "Oh he's just an American. We pretend we're snooty and more polite than him, but deep down we like his enthusiasm." Bro code is a replacement for what should be masculinity but that's more of a polarity of what should be there. Look at 50's America for a reference for what was male behavior

[Asker]

Well to be fair, in the 1950's it was pretty commonplace to beat your wife and have affairs. I certainly hope you're not advocating for that. I'm not even a feminist but I like to think in this day and age, we're not proud of domestic violence.

[GreatnessPersonified]

True that the guys are p******. With an emphasis of masculinity being a bad thing, many guys are being pussified. It seems better to be in touch with a one's feminine side, than knowing how to defend one's self. BULLSHIT!

[McQuacker]

Violence is always wrong, no matter what the context. why would I advocate that?

[McQuacker]

@GreatnessPersonified The best example is how men are told that we need to be in touch with our sensitive side which is feminizing a man

[Asker]

Just wanted to make sure what you meant by 1950's masculinity didn't include the very negative side of it. If a guy wants to defend/provide for his family and know how to fix a car, that's great- just wanted to make sure you weren't including the dark side of the whole thing.

[McQuacker]

Yeah but now in 2000's I have to worry about a divorce where a women gets half my money, half my property, all my children, half my retirement, and I have to pay her half my check for the rest of my life. Every time period has its problems. The balance of powers just shift between men and women if you view it in terms of gender. Personally, I'd rather by beat than enslaved, but I'll avoid both.

[Asker]

In the divorces I've seen, men had it easier- they remarried quicker, and had jobs (the women didn't) so even if they paid alimony, they wound up richer than their ex-wives. I only know one guy who was screwed by his divorce- I do feel bad for him. But most of these divorces were instigated by the man, or happened because the man had an affair.

[McQuacker]

NYC is NOT representative of America.i keep trying to tell you that. Even to live in NYC comfortable you have to have a good amount of money. NYC has the greatest concentration of rich men, that's why all the women there are so pretty.

[kheserthorpe]

Perspective matters. Saying 'since they earned more they end up richer' is one perspective. Another is that the poorer partner, with alimony, is better off then had they stayed single, while the higher earner is worse off. Its true that men remarry more easily, but that's for other reasons.

[Asker]

True about perspective, although if they only got divorced because the man is leaving the woman for another woman, or had an affair, I feel like the woman is still losing out. of course, if the woman is the one leaving, I feel like the man should be sympathized with.

[Malcom_Reynolds]

I think that there are way too many sub categories of American women to really make a blanket statement. I think that there are a lot of American women I wouldn't even consider, but there are also a lot that I'd swim all the way there to be with.

[MikeK]

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet -

American women (or non-American women who become Americanized) = More trouble than they're worth. Period.

[Tiger288]

Foreign girl are better, nicer, sweetest and give u compliment unlike American girls

[Xi3s3r]

only unlike the Feminism ideology

[dommage]

I believe American women are gorgeous why would that be true

[Anton86]

Your comment speaks very negatively of American women.

[Anonymous]

Most American women no longer care about companionship, are hyper sexualized, and suffer from some form of emotional truama that they see no incentive to heal from because the culture praises them for being single and strong. Any place where feminism hasn't confused women, is where most men will probably prefer.

[Anonymous]

I am originally from a different country and I can speak more openly. Most of American men live in constant fear, they are afraid to say something inappropriate. Freedom of speech, lol. So, you are 30+, and you are no longer feminist as you said in your comments. So let me tell you the truth. According to almost any traditional (foreign) standard, you are already a waste. You would be very unlikely to find a decent husband in such societies. You've been sleeping around with random men during the best years of your attractiveness and fertility. By this age, you learned to be very manipulative, you know how to use laws and divorce against men. Only a much much older men can keep you under control, so that you don't ruin his and your life, but then why would he need you if he can get a 25yo? In your post you try to ignite empathy to yoursrlf, but it's too late, and I don't buy it. You were a feminist, you turned down a bunch of great guys who needed you and who'd be great life partners to you. So the answer to your question is that American men just like any other men like American women when they are young. When you are older, they still may like you, if you have been loyal and supportive to them for many years, especially if you have kids. But when you are 30+, you used all your best years for fun, then no, thanks.

[Anonymous]

American women generally rock

[Anton86]

You are just humiliating yourself, lol.

[Anonymous]

I think the feminist thing could be true google misandry. most amercians and canadians are too fat but that's just the average % now days.

say please and thank you more, try to be generous.

I admit my views on general amercians isn't very good.

[Xi3s3r]

blame to Obama era for created the SJW-metoo...

[Anonymous]

I've traveled overseas a lot and dated both American women and foreign women (and am American myself). I don't think it is an across the board statement, but I think there's a much higher proportion of American women that are feminist and have negative attitudes toward men that are quickly apparent when meeting them.

There is a much higher rate of obesity, too. I put a lot of effort into staying in shape, so I am not interested in putting that kind of effort in for someone who is not willing to do the same and is OK with being overweight. With all of that said, though, I am currently in a relationship with an American woman that does not have the negative traits I just mentioned, so they aren't general traits..

[Anonymous]

The American men who you hear complaining are not wrong. But there are plenty of good American women. You sound wonderful, but I do wish there were more American women like you. Don't ever change.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say they're too "feminist-y" as they are just bitchy, have their little teenage girl attitude, and just play into the cliche/clique type of social norms far too much. It persists because there are guys that will play the game because they think that's what is normal.

Having experienced plenty of foreign (non-American) girls, they are an absolute charm to be around. American girls are pretty oblivious because we are so far away from different cultures, unlike someplace such as Europe. But if American guys knew any better, they'd be heading out in flocks to see what the rest of the world's people (and women) are like. Of course they'd hit a wall after they realize you have to have some more class than what they're used to, but I imagine this wouldn't be too hard to overcome.

If we Americans do start connecting more closely to the rest of the world through travel and such, American girls are really going to have to start getting their act in check. I mentioned this to a co-worker once and she gave the absolute expected response. She chuckled and said "keep it in America"...something said when a person has nothing else to say. Just say something without thinking and hope the other person goes along with it.

As for being like them, I wouldn't try to emulate anyone because that wouldn't appear natural. It sounds cliche but just be yourself but don't accept someone acting like a pig towards you. If you demand respect from people and accept nothing less, then you'll weed out the people that don't matter. Unfortunately the pool of people we all have to deal with bats around the same behaviors among themselves so it will continue. People here tend to be more concerned about either fun/themselves, or vanity issues. While this isn't a problem if someone wants to be like that, our culture seems saturated with it.

[Anonymous]

A lot of American girls suck. Entitled, selfish, snobby, all come to mind describing most of them. The American female herd mentality is very annoying too. Many girls here lack good, cultured personalities and seem unable to think for themselves. Instead of being their own person, they only care about fitting in.

[kholland65]

Short but to the point. I agree with this.

[MikeK]

YEAH!

[peace-love-couture]

And yet those are the girls guys want and get mad when those girls pay them no attention

[Opinion Owner]

Yep they're usually the attractive girls, but then they don't even conduct themselves in attractive ways a lot of times, when they have all the reason in the world to do so. They already have the looks going for them, they could easily have a good personality going for them as well, but they choose not to. Some girls seem really nice and cool at first, but turn out to be bitches. It's rare to find a girl that is great all round and even harder to find one that likes you back.

[Anonymous]

i'm canadian but I've definity seen a lot of attractive American girls online , I confess to doing some browsing on Facebook and have seen a number I though were really attractive but it sort of depends on the area I noticed .

i do think there are some weigh issues in the USA but of the girls I've seen I didn't notice that was an issue . personally not that interested in foreign women but could see why out of frustration some guys might try and date one as it can be hard to date some of the girls here in north America

[McQuacker]

I've been to Canada around the Montreal area. The FIRST thing I literally thought was "Why is no one fat?"

[Opinion Owner]

lots of good looking women in montreal area , I don't know how they stay so good looking , lots of models in that area , there still are fat french women though just not as obvivous to see but they do exist

[Anonymous]

American women seem to be able to some how pull off being materialistic while being unappreciative.

They go after rich guys, but then act like the rich guys are just randomly lucky to have a great job, while their horrible paying job that's more like a hobby should be treated as just as important.

No, not all women do this, maybe not even most. But there's a touch of hypocrisy in it that drives men nuts.

[Asker]

That definitely would be annoying and I do know women like that, but in my opinion they're a minority. Personally I just want a man to be able to pull his own weight- if I want to buy something, I use my own money or I don't buy it.

[peace-love-couture]

"while their horrible paying job that's more like a hobby should be treated as just as important." that's actually funny I had a professor who said that's the reason for income gaps between men and women. women work less relevant jobs and expect it to be more valued than they really are

[Opinion Owner]

QA: to be honest I see this behavior far more with married women then single ones. PLC: I think men are groomed from childhood to go after money and tie their self worth to income more then women are. Whether this is unfair to men or to women is hard to say, but men are much more likely to sacrifice happiness for income. If you think women's preference for men who earn well is innate, then its as things should be - men are being groomed -correctly- to get what they need.

[kholland65]

peace.love,couture this is actually one of the factors that has been used to explain the "income gap" that doesn't really exist.

[Opinion Owner]

Anyone who expects their job to be valued by something other then supply and demand annoys me. But a lot of people have -never- operated in the free market, and seem oblivious to the fact that the world they operate in (generally public sector where funding is based on arguing worth) sits on top of a world where people get paid because someone wants what they offer for that price.