She told me she has herpes. Would you date someone with herpes?

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing this girl for about 2 months...she has performed oral on me and we make out a lot, I have fingered her but we have not had intercourse yet...last night she told me how much she likes me and I told her I felt the same, she said she had to tell me something. She told me she has herpes, she got them when she was young from someone who didn't tell her. She wanted to let me know before we went further. SO, my question...would you date someone with herpes? What are the risk? She says she hasn't broken out in years, but I know even though you are not showing you can still pass it along. I care about her, we have a real connection, but the possibility of contracting something that I will have for the rest of my life is very scary. Give me your advice, I think I know what I have to do.

[MtnDewMan]

well if you really care about her you will always have to use protection unless this will be the last women you are with and I doubt that. if that is not the case where you will be marrying her and with her until you die the choice is pretty clear and cut. Wear a condom and hope you don't get it. I don't blame people for having such illnesses especially when we make choices when we are young and have to live with those...in this case until she is no longer on earth. It is sad and it sucks but that is life. I would be very happy someone told me that before we had sex. I know I enjoy unprotected sex a lot lot lot more than with a condom on I think we can all say that. So its your choice. Condom gives you a better chance to not get it but condom are not perfect the don't cover the genital area and if it breaks wells its not good. And if you just decide you don't care well that's an option too but then you must tell whom ever you are with if you move on past her. I personally would end it unless you plan on only having oral sex from her and she can handle only being fingered. like I said its not all her fault and she is not being punished if you walk away but its a really big risk I would seriously put all your feelings aside for her to make your choice, risk vs pleasure that's all that needs to be considered. Herpes is for life!

[martyfellow]

She was responsible and told you this. There's no easy solution. Condoms would reduce the risk, but it can spread very easily from any intimate contact, as you know.

Sometmes it can disappear with time. You could ask her to be tested and see if she is still carrying the virus.

[Asker]

My understanding is, once you get it, it doesn't go away...I can't tell you how much I care and respect her for sharing it with me.

[martyfellow]

There are a certain percentage of cases where id does go away. I do't know the stats off the type of my head, but she could easily get tested to see if she's still carrying the virus.

[Anonymous]

I recently had a genital herpes scare. Thankfully, it was a false positive. Anyways...

I would suggest she get tested again just to confirm that she has it. But if she's broken out in the past, then I'm 99.9% sure she has it. But, tell her to get tested anyways. Even though they say an antibody count of 1.0 or higher is positive, that doesn't always mean you have it. If the antibody count is either 3.5 or 5.0 or higher (can't find the source on whether it's 3.5 or 5.0), then she definitely has it.

Genital herpes is a lifelong condition, but it's not life-threatening. I can't speak for how painful or annoying the outbreaks are, but it's just a skin condition. If you really care for her and can see a future with her, then think about whether the risks outweighs the benefits. That's what I would do.

[Opinion Owner]

Condoms can reduce the risk of transmitting it. Also ask your doctor for this brown solution to clean yourself afterward. I don't remember what it's called...sorry

[Asker]

She has had it for over 20 years...she had a child two years ago, so I am pretty sure she has been re-tested for the pregnancy. Thanks for the advice, it's killing me, she has a lot of great qualities, its just too soon I think to take the risk if I am not 100% sure where the relationship goes.

[Opinion Owner]

Good luck with your decision. I was seeing someone when I was going through my scare and he suggested that we stay friends and get to know each other on a non-sexual level. He said he would be fine with getting it if I was the one.

[BrunetteNYC]

I do know a lady who got it from her husband and later on she divorced him. The thing is, in her next relationship, she'd abstain during an episode, They'd use protection only sometimes but not always. 3 years later, he never caught a thing from her.

So the medication usage and not having sex at the wrong times seems to have worked so far. So she's had to make adjustments of course to her sex life but it seems it's not as horrible as she thought cause she did not transmit it to her new boyfriend.