My boyfriend never talks about our future. Should I be worried?

We've been together for 1,5 years. I've met every important friend and family member in his life (grand-parents, family friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), which is extremely intimate to him. We say ''I love you''. We're in a committed relationship and we lost our virginity to each other last year. He's now 23, I'm 21. I'm invited to a few family functions of his too. I am extremely impatient to finish university, find a job, get my own place (I share an apartment with my brother) and work on my career and my family. That means I am not good at living in the present. My boyfriend is, but he sucks at projecting himself in the future. He doesn't have much on his bucket list, he can get excited for vacations I suggest for us but he can't imagine himself actually going in a near future, he can't say when he'll move out of his parents' house, he never mentioned marrying ME or anything serious with ME, even if it was a projection in many years. After spending 3 days at a chalet with him and his friends, I'm starting to realize that hey, the only thing on his mind right now is enjoying himself with his friends, family and me when he can, taking time for himself (vacation alone), his car and his career (internship, masters). I think he never, EVER contemplates a future with me. For some reason, this hurts my feelings. It makes me wonder if he's just sharing his life with me for the time being and he'll just end things one time or another. What do you think?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy? I have a similar boyfriend who only seems to think about the now and himself including his loser buddies. It can be complicated. I would say focus on YOU. You need to get a job and whatnot and establish yourself first. Maybe by the time you do all that you may find you really don't want/or do want to be with this guy. At 21, you have a lot of options. Don't be afraid to ask him about the future if you really want to know. That might be a good way to judge his side of it. I know how it feels thinking you put a lot into the relationship, especially your virginity, but maybe its not the best thing. There are a lot of guys out there. But I say, if you want to make it work, start by asking him about it. It doesn't have to be big, just lay in bed and ask him what he sees in his future. You just have to be prepared to realize maybe he isn't ready to settle down or perhaps he just doesn't realize right now that he wants you in his future. Guys can be silly. Just ask and go from there.

    Best of luck!

  • sounds like my ex... after breaking up with him I found out from a friend that he was planning on marrying me...some guys just don't talk about that stuff but maybe he is planning it... I don't like big talkers... but it is really frustrating to not know what he's thinking at all... I don't know just enjoy things in the moment... don't rush life... If the relationship is going good then appreciate it and don't worry, if he is acting distant or you guys aren't getting along well then I'd be a little worried...

    • Why did you guys break up, if I might ask? Was it a commitment issue? Yeah the relationship is good, it's not a problem. He seems to enjoy himself too. It's just my damn nature to plan my whole life in advance. He's a huge part of my life and he could be half of my life someday, and I HATE being so clueless about it. I wish he'd be more encouraging about our future and that he'd let me know a few things once in a while. It's tiring no try to get info out of him on these matters.

    • Yeah, we broke up after all. Thanks for the advice!

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  • I wouldn't worry. TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. My boyfriend said he wanted to love me forever, but that's it. We haven't even been together for a year and I want to marry him. Of course I would never get married before graduating and moving out, and he knows that. I told him (and I was terrified to tell him) that I think I want to marry him some day and he just said "okay". Like, he was okay with that. He wasn't freaked out or anything. He can't think of the future very well so he doesn't feel the same, but I'm not worried about that. Honestly, just talk to him or wait until you're done with school and accomplish your goals.

  • Your both young yet and he is probably doing what every one this age should be doing. Have the fun, enjoy life with friends and family, do the things that won't happen after you settle down.

  • It seems he has other things on his mind. I wouldn't worry too much about it.