I offered to have sex with him, but he refused?????

[kl1235]

Long story short, I met this guy, hooked up with him at a party (no sex) and we kept in touch and got to know each other really well and we had everything in common, but he lives in another state. Recently, I just confessed to him. He said he used to like me at the beginning, but that he "talked himself out of it." He also said that the distance was a factor. Although he rejected me, he said he wanted to stay friends. I said I couldn't stay his friend while I still had feelings for him, but that once I got over him I'd get back in touch. However, I basically said that if he were ever in town, he could call me up so that we could hook up. He said, and I quote, "I think your 'offer' is poppycock. I have too much respect for you to do something like that." WHY? WHY WOULD HE REJECT MY OFFER? He is a guy and we had talked about the fact that guys could sleep with girls they didn't have feelings for. Does he find me completely repulsive now, since he said no? Why would he reject an offer to have sex with no strings attached? Also, his friends say that he sleeps around a lot. Apparently he has slept with upwards of 27 girls... so WHY won't he just have sex with ME?

[elle1]

LOL omg

anyway, um shouldn't you think it's good that he has that much respect for you that he doesn't want to take your virginity? I mean come on that is so sweet :) He probably, want to keep you as a friend so doesn't want to ruin it with sex. Or he's scared to take some-one's virginity.

Besides some guys are just different like that and yer can resist a girl throwing themselves at them, so don't be hard on yourself about it, move on and find a guy that does want to be with you, because if your still a virgin then you shouldn't want to throw it away to some man-whore who won't appreciate it, you've come this far and I am proud, might as well wait for some-one more special.

:)

[kl1235]

Hey! thanks so much for your kind words. I really needed your words, they really made me feel better, at least for a little while! all my friends that are girls say the same thing as you... but I am unsatisfied with their answer, so I keep asking others. I guess that I will not stop until I hear what I want to. which is sad, because I don't actually know WHAT I want to hear, so I will probably never stop asking...

[elle1]

Hey, maybe you should try not asking and sitting down and having a think about how important it is to you, what you should do etc.... sorry I gotta go to work, otherwise I'd right more

[Rebel28]

Well it's one of two things (possibly both)

1) He isn't interested in having a relationship with you. When you "confessed to him" it probably killed any chance of hooking up because he's more than likely worried your feelings for him would only get stronger, something he seems like he's trying to avoid.

2) He isn't your average douche and really does respect you. It's normally a pretty huge deal for a girl to lose her virginity. He probably just doesn't want to ruin that for you since he isn't interested in being in a relationship with you. A lot of guys wouldn't show you this kind of respect, you shouldn't be offended by it.

[kl1235]

Yes... but he has also apparently slept around a lot! and he told me himself and gave examples of when he had slept with a girl that he didn't have feelings for at all. and if I hadn't refused to have sex with him the first time we met/hooked up, he definitely would have had a one night stand with me! and he knows that I can control myself in regards to getting attached. I have explained it to him and that is why I'm keping away from him (aside from my offer)

[metaldave20]

Ya I remember ya, he still knows you're gonna get more attached, sex does that to many girls, and some guys too, if you really want to know, ask him why he doesn't want sex

[Littletad]

Even every player in the world has to meet and eventually fall for someone. I'm not sure if he's playing you like those 27, but stop and think about this for a second. Do you still like this guy after hearing something like that?

I'm guessing that he isn't willing to say yes right now cause he isn't sure if he really will ever be near your town. He'd rather you think, "He respects me right now". And then when he is near you, he will use that trump card of his and finally take you up on your offer. All the while having you think he is "respectful" by "waiting".

Don't... be... fooled.

[dave216]

if he were ever in town, he could call me up so that we could hook up" He does not at present have access too you. By feeding you this line of crap he is able too keep you wanting him for when he is in town. His plan seems to be working quite well so far. You seem to be falling for it from what I read.

[kl1235]

Do you really believe this? I'm not being sarcastic or mocking, I'd really like to know if there is a possibility that he is saying all of this to make sure that I really will have sex with him when he is around... this thought had not even crossed my mind until I got yours and littletad's answer. right now, with the details that I know, he is one of the most upstanding, good guys out there... I sort of want what you are saying to be true. he has me wrapped around his little finger, honestly.

[dave216]

Nobody but he can know for certain his true motives, but it is my best guess based on your statement that "his friends say that he sleeps around a lot" some of the other things in his post. It just sounds as if he is saying what he imagines you would most like to hear in order to keep you available if and when he is near too you. Just consider the possibility and factor it in with his future actions with you.

[metaldave20]

he knows that having sex with you, will only make you like him more, girls tend to get more attracted to a guy after sex, its just how it works

[kl1235]

Hey, metaldave! I'm wondering if you remember me. we had a chat in the live section about my situation (except it was about chatting online, haha). well, here's your update! it all hit the fan i don't understand why he would refuse still. I made it clear that I am not clingy even though I aready have such strong feelings for him. I hate currently cut off communication from him because I told him I couldn't talk to him without getting more attached. so he should know sex wouldn't make me clingy!

[l-hedoniste]

LOL, this is rich.

What I'm supposed to say--and what your boy would probably say--is that you're an innocent little flower, not to be ruined by the likes of him.

The truth, however, is that you've landed yourself an idiot.

If you're determined to bag this guy, try this approach: if he REALLY respected you, he would respect your sincere, considered wish to get laid. Otherwise, he doesn't really like you, he's playing games, or he's patronizing you.

[Littletad]

Sigh... Thank you. It feels all she really cares about, is that she was refused. Talk about wasted advice if she doesn't listen.

[kl1235]

Hey, I just sent you a message little tad! but I think to clarify... is that I seem so upset about his rejection of my offer because, in my mind, it is connected to how much of a "bond" we really built in the time we got to know each other. i'm not kidding when I said that we have everything in common. we have talked for hours and he has said himself that he really shares lots of interests with me and likes talking to me. he says that we get along and that he wants to be my friend. --> cont.

[kl1235]

But I feel that if he really did value me as a friend (he said he'd wait until I contacted him again since I said I would keep away), he wouldn't mind having sex with me... it just really boggles my mind when he refused me. I can't decide whether he just suddenyl finds me completely unattractive/platonic or if he really feels a bond with me that he doesn't want to taint with taking "advantage" of me and my offer.

[l-hedoniste]

"I can't decide whether he just suddenly finds me completely unattractive/platonic or if he really feels a bond with me that he doesn't want to taint with taking "advantage" of me and my offer." Very likely the latter. Unless you've done something ferociously cruel, you wouldn't just turn unattractive.