He wants me to give him a blow job... do I give in? or stand my ground?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend really wants a blow job. I, on the other hand, am scared. I'm 16, I'm a virgin, I'm a christian, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Since he is my bf... does that mean I have to? I'm really confused. He says that if I love him... I would do it. Is he right? I don't want to hurt his feelings by being rude... people at school talk about them like they are no big deal. Am I weird for not being down with this idea? We have only been dating for a month and he is my first bf. I'm afraid he will leave me if I don't give in. any advice? thanks.

[ilovelegs]

It does NOT mean that since he's your boyfriend you have to do whatever he asks. Not at all! Also, no he is NOT right saying that if you loved him you'd do it. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings when you're right. You are not weird for not being down with this idea. You should stand your ground. If he leaves you for that then I can honestly tell you that he's not worth hanging on to because sooner or later (probably sooner!) something else will come up that's similar that'll he'll want you to do what he asks even when you don't want to do it. You're still young and you're a Christian so honor your beliefs first because those are always greater than honoring what anyone else says. True as the people talk at school, it probably isn't any big deal to many of them but if they want to go there, let them because if any of them did that not wanting to, it's because they had no backbone. Also, talk is very cheap. The fact that many of them have already done that doesn't make it a good thing. Each of us should always do what we believe is right and best for US because we have to live with ourselves forever. If we do that we'll never have any regrets nor anyone to blame. Tell your boyfriend not to ask you to do that anymore because right now you're not ready because you don't feel comfortable with that, and that when you're ready you'll tell him. Ask him why he keeps asking because you wouldn't do that to him if there was something he didn't want to do. If he keeps asking and putting pressure on you then that means more to him than you do, and that should tell you something. If he actually threatens to leave you over this, then you should consider this good riddance. If he truly loves you he'll honor you wishes, and down the road when the time is right it'll be much better than it would have been now.

[Asker]

Wow, you are totally right. Thanks for sharing. I was seeing it from a totally different light. thanks! :)

[ilovelegs]

You are welcome. Good luck now!

[dave216]

Yes, let him leave or better yet, dump his sorry ass. You are obviously sexually naive and reluctant to get into a sexual relationship. Sex is for responsible people who want to have it. If one of you does not want to do something then it is not appropriate for the other to pressure or coerce sexual activities. Sex is a wonderful thing and at some point you will enjoy it very much, but you should not be involved in it before you want it. If you are actually wondering if you have to perform certain activities because he is your boyfriend, then you are not ready for an adult relationship. The most disturbing thing you said is "I'm afraid he will leave me if I don't give in." Are you willing to trade sexual favors for keeping him? You know if you request cash instead of keeping him, that is prostitution. Do not do sexual things to gain affection. It really does not work and long term is bad for your self image.

[Anonymous]

"He says that if I love him... I would do it. Is he right?"

NO!

Please, please, please do not let your boyfriend pressurize you into doing anything that you feel uncomfortable with! You will end up regretting it! I can't stress to you enough how important it is for you to be ready and comfortable to do something like this. You say loads of people at school are talking about them being "no big deal" but they are, I think that doing this is one of the most intimate experiences that you can share with another person, this is something you should only share with somebody that you love and care for and most important of all somebody that you feel safe and comfortable with! If your boyfriend loves you and respects you, he will wait until you are ready and NOT pressure you into this!

If he leaves you? Well I would say that is probably for the best, it would show his true colours, that all he wanted was sex and to use you, it will also mean you are free to meet somebody that does care for and respect you, because that is what you deserve!

Good luck! I hope he will respect your decision!

[sexycrystal54313]

first off all the "if you love me you would do it" is classic peer pressure done by guys to get you to be sexual with them, if you give in to oral he will start in with wanting full blown intercourse guaranteed. and no you don't have to do anything you don't want even know he is your boyfriend

Second do not feel that you have to give up your convictions and beliefs for any man, boy, or anybody in general

you are not weird or rude at all for wanting to wait, and you have only been together for one month do not let him pressure u

I can tell you from my experience most guys that put that much pressure on you will take what they want and then leave anyways

If he can't respect you for your beliefs then he is not a very good boyfriend at all, and you shouldn't be worried about losing him because he doesn't respect you at all if he is pressuring you like this

Also being sexually active at your age with any guy who treats you like this will most likely end up with everybody knowing what happened and a repuatation that gets out of control and much worse then what might even happen

[Reeses-pieces777]

if you're not comfortable with doing that, tell him you don't want to.

if he forces you, it's assault.

you have the right to do what you want and not want to do.

so why should you give in? it's your own basic rights and assertiveness.

i would not do something that I didn't feel comfortable with.

if a guy didn't listen to me when I said no, I would say he isn't worth my time.

if he still pressured me to do something id idn't want to, I would slap him

When you ask 'is it weird to not be down with this thing', well what is 'normal'? my point is, everyone will give you no and yes answers to that, but you've just stated you're not ok with it. you need to be strong and firmly refuse what you don't want to do.

if he leaves, he isn't worth your time.

if a guy left me for just me not doing what he wanted, I would feel sorry for any girl who is a fool enough to be with a douche like him

[Stacyzee]

If he LOVES YOU then he will accept you for how you are and not try to pressure you.

Being in a relationship is supposed to be a comforting thing. If he values your beliefs

and respects you as a person, he will let it go. He knew he was getting involved with a

virgin. And he knew he was going to be with a girl that wants to save herself.

Never do something you feel you will regret in the long run. Save yourself. Do it when you're ready.

The people bragging about sex are usually the ones that end up with stds or experiences they regret. You are saving yourself from a lot of heartache by giving in when you're not ready. You are a strong girl. Stay that way.

[Takkunlee]

If he loved you then he wouldn't pressure you for a bj. Don't be afraid of him leaving you either. He's only your first boyfriend, trust me you'll go through many more. Try looking for guys through church that have the same morals as you. You're not being rude by refusing to do something that you aren't comfortable doing.

[Babiegurl43]

ok if he leaves because you won't give him a bj then f*** him he isn't the right guy for you anyways do what you feel comfortable with not what he wants

[nana522]

stand your ground and don't do something you don't want to do or don't feel comfortable with. if he really loved you he wouldn't try to pressure you into doing something your not comfortable with. and if he leaves you then your better off. do you really want a guy who only likes/wants you for sexual favors?

[l-hedoniste]

Right and wrong isn't the most helpful way to think about this. The question you should ask yourself is whether you can get what you need from this relationship while he gets what he needs from this relationship.

Some guys like bjs, some guys NEED bjs. If he likes them, you may be able to talk him off them. If he needs them, you're done, and it's probably best to shake hands and part.

[StrykerJ]

Sweetie, you do it whenever YOU are ready! You should have slapped him when he said "if you love me you would do it" That's just using you. Your first lover won't always be great, that's actually kinda rare...So tell him to wait until you are ready, because it will SUCK if you aren't. You need to take control.

Hope this helps, good luck.

[seannabear23]

i think you should go by how you feel.

if you feel like you should not do it then don't.

talk to him about it. hopefully he will understand.

[coolguy93939]

well if your a christian as you claim

you would stay a virgin. but then again

you can do whatever you please.

for example, if you don't wanna give

what you call your boyfriend a bj,

then don't do it. it doesn't mean you don't

love him, that sounds like a line

he just uses to get what he wants.

be rude, who cares. if girls in your school

talk about blowjobs like it ain't

no thing, then our youth is heading

down a sad road.

btw many people consider oral sex

to be sex either way.

[Marrryyyyy]

no, don't do anything you aren't ready for or you'll regret it. if he really can't wait, he isn't worth it anyways. good luck :)

[doctorwhofan23]

If he loved you he would give you a choice on if you wanted to do it or not.

[Ella830]

I couldn't agree with you any more!

[Bigtime8484]

You hold the cards. See how much he loves you when you say you want to wait. You'll find out how much he really feels about you.

[lessthenliz]

clearly your not ready to do that, so don't...same thing happened to me and my boyfriend left me, but then I just grew up and ended up giving a blow job to someone else I cared about a few months later, just wait it out until your ready...BUT if he's doing everything to you and your not giving any back then that's also not fair...

[Anonymous]

he wouldn't force you to if he truly loved you. and he would respect your feelings

[Anonymous]

He might leave, hard to say.

Not all Christians are anti premarital sex, it's kind of an old testament, southern baptist or other conservative denomination thing.

Do what you are comfortable with.

If you do it, use protection, and be aware that boys your age are blabbermouths about sex. This could give you a reputation problem.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not kidding. Blow a boy at your age, and it will be a miracle if the whole school doesn't know about it.

[Asker]

Yeah.... that's true. Why can't guys just keep things to themselves sometimes?! gosh!

[ilovelegs]

Are you sure that an old testament, southern baptist or other conservative denomination thing? Where did you ever read or get that from because it's wrong information?? Christianity is in the new testament and since it's all about Jesus's teachings who is God, there's no time frame. What was said then is still exactly the same right now and will be until the end of time. We are bound by everything he said whether we believe or not.

[StrykerJ]

God is still yet to be nothing more than an idea and a belief, so there is no "we are bound to what he has said", since apparently only a few people in life seem to have "heard him speak" Yet I was under the impression that everyone was "equal under god".

[ilovelegs]

God spoke to thousands of people while he was on earth and spoke and did all that was necessary for him to say and do at that time. He also spoke through his apostles and now their successors. He doesn't have to come back to prove a point in the human person of Jesus to try and convince those that don't believe. They have enough evidence to find out for themselves.

[Opinion Owner]

Question asker, guys get better at keeping things to themselves as they get older.