Sexual Health
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My boyfriend wants me to finger myself before we have sex?

My boyfriend and I are 19 years old. I never had sex before and he has, but only a few times. We are slowly moving towards having sex, but he told me he wants me to finger myself before having sex. I never put anything inside me before and I have been trying to do it, but I just cant, I feel as if its going to hurt and bleed a lot and I'm scared. I actually want him to do it to me, I'm not so afraid of that, but I think he doesn't want to do it. Is it a turn off for a guy to finger a virgin girl? How can I stop being afraid and build up the courage and do it myself?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • What is wrong with fingering yourself. You can control the depth and the speed. Do you masturbate? If not, you are missing out on a lot of fun.

    Look you are going to bleed and feel a bit of pain when you have sex for the first time. After that it will open up a whole new world for you to enjoy. When you decide to have sex with him, use precautions (of course), use some lube and have him give you some great oral sex before. Give him a handjob before sex, that way he will not come too soon when he is inside you.

    I the meantime explore your body on your own with out him. Find out what feels good and then tell your boyfriend what makes you feel good. Even though he has sex a few times before, guys like to hear what feels good for a girl.

    Start out with your own fingers, before you let him have sex with you. Let me know how things work out. Hang in there.

    • BTW it is not a turn off to finger a virgin. Most guys would love it!

    • I agree ...have fun and hang in there.

  • If you do it yourself the first time, you will know what levels of pain (if any) you are feeling and can better control the experience. Then, after you have "opened the door", he will feel much more at ease fingering you. And no, generally it is not a turn off to finger a virgin girl. If the girl is ready and into it, it can be quite a great experience for both. But you sound nervous and would probably fell safer doing it yourself the first time.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It is very rare for a 19 year old to not have experimented sexually with herself yet. But if you haven't just do these things he wants, but go slow and easy. It will only take a moment for you to realize it is not going to hurt nor should it bleed unless you scratch yourself with a fingernail or something. Doesn't hurt to really lube yourself up the first few times just for the ease and comfort of something new.

  • i think you shouldn't worry that much, fingering is better if you do it yourself because you actuallly know what you are doing, guys don't really know how to do it

  • well I thin its more about how you can bleed or how it can hurt rather than a turn off.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 2

  • I don't think this has anything to do with being turned on and off. He's just not sure how to go about breaking hymens like a man's man. Also, in many cases it doesn't hurt, but it will if you keep focusing on it!

  • tell him he can use his penis instead of his finger

  • just do it he's jsut nervous becasue you are a virgin.

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