Sexual Health
+1 y

Always giving boyfriend handjobs but he hardly pleases me

I find my boyfriend annoying whenever he TEXTS 'can't wait for your handjob' or 'haven't had a handjob in ages babe :p'. He hardly asks to please me or ever initiates pleasing me when we make out even though I've told him what I want him to do. If he does, it doesn't last long. We've kept it to making out because I'm not ready for sex yet. Am I the only feeling like I'm doing all the work? I'm scared to confront him
Updates:
+1 y
Sorry people! I forgot to add that he does ask to please me but I hesitate because I'm not ready. I'm just lost and wanting advice, can't really do that with the people surrounding me because they are all religious fridgets lol Guys perception would really help :)
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • A "handjob"? That's like the lowest form of sex lol

    Clearly, something is wrong with this guy sexually. It sounds like maybe there might be some issue with his sex drive or how strongly he feels sexual desire.

    For example, a sexually normal man looks at a woman he's in a relationship with (e.g., his girlfriend), and scans her body. He looks for some anchor, some base, some firm ground he can hold onto and mount his hands on as he's f***ing her. If he's a boob guy, it's her boobs; if he's a butt guy, it's her butt; if he's confused, it's her hips or legs, etc.

    After that, he looks are her waist, hips, and legs. In less than 3 seconds, his male brain has assessed whether this female is sexually desirable. If she is, it shoots out a signal that tells the rest of his brain and his body that he wants to have sex with her, with the goal of unloading his sperm insider this woman in order to merge his genetic material with hers.

    That's like the unconscious male sexual brain.

    The conscious male sexual brain has little to do with biology, and more to do with social pressures. For example, guys grow up feeling aware of their sex drive, and told by society that sex is something inherently male. Because men don't want that to be true, and want things to be more balanced, they "consciously" want to make sex about the girl. They sort of want to be like those people that serve you on boats . . . "can I get you anything else mam'?"

    So, guys want to know they turn their female sexual partner on, that they are getting their female sexual partner off, etc. The reason they feel this conscious desire is because he himself feels a strong sexual desire for her and wants to feel as if that sexual desire is equal or mutual on both ends.

    The fact that this guy is happy with just a handjob, in fact actively craving just (nothing more than) a handjob, is like a huge red flag. That's weird. I mean, if a guy had a strong, healthy, and normal sexual desire, wouldn't he - at the very least - want a blowjob? Wouldn't he ever want to have actual sex - intercourse?

    I think this guy you're with just has a very low sex drive.

    • He's happy with a handjob because he's probably also in a nice religious community where the alternative is nothing. He's probably a virgin and the handjobs are the best thing he's ever gotten.

    • LMAO @ kheserthorpe, well he has told me he's not a virgin and he's received oral sex from other girls b4. Bt then again I dnt know if guys lie about tht sorta stuff too lol. Thank you for this long answer. It has helped me understand the way a guy thinks. My boyfriend is just basically wanting to do what I want and what I'm comfortable with, that's why he's decided to stick with handjobs, tht was my limit. Sad isn't it? lol Bt if it were his choice, we would have done more by now lol sex, 69, BJs etc.

  • Well until I read your update, I was going to say that your Boyfriend just sounded like a selfish douche bag who is basically using you as his personal prostitute. But after reading your update I've changed my tune a bit.

    This still might be the case because I don't have much information to guy by, but I think your hesitation might be part of the problem. He might sense your hesitation which makes him hesitate. He's afraid of making you uncomfortable so he'll only do stuff when you practically beg, and even then, there might be this subconscious part of his brain that is second guessing his judgment even when you say that its OK do to something.

    I'm not sure which of these is the issue here, it might be both. These are just some ideas to think about, and decide which camp you think your Boyfriend falls into.

    • Exactly, thank you!. After reading all the guys answers, I have come to a conclusion that my hesitation is basically the problem. He would've pleased me by now but yeah...it's me. I need to be more confident I guess. Thanks, I will talk with him about it :)

Most Helpful Girls

  • Sometimes you have to do what you're scared of doing. If you do not bring this to your boyfriends attention he will not know he is doing this. "You can't change what you do not know or acknowledge."

    Tell him in a calm and cool manner, when he texts you what he wants you to do.

    Text him back and tell him specifically what you want and that you want him to do it longer.

    Even during the act (and it is short) and you see he is about to stop say,

    "That feels so good don't stop" or "keep going baby."

    Encourage him.

    Don't criticize him.

    It's not about what you say, it's how you go about getting your message across.

    • Thank you for this! That really made sense. Yeah I was scared cos I didn't want to come across as demanding. Perhaps he's just scared to please me because I don't really ...initiate what I want and WHEN I want? Is that what you're saying? So I have to be more...upfront?

    • Yes, that's what I am saying. When the moments represents itself say something.

    • Thank you :)

  • I know. Girls are often in the position where we please the guy without getting any back. I don't know how come but that's just the way t often is. I have often been at a party, guy chats me up and sometimes I give him a quick blowjob. I have never been to a party and just quickly been eaten out by a guy. To be honest I don't really mind giving a guy just a blowjob. I think it's fun to do and I love how the guys react.

    • Yeah true, but it'd be nice to get sexually pleased every now and then lol. I'll have to talk with him and stop hesitating on being on the receiving end.

  • You either need to get use to pleasing him and doing without yourself or smarten up, dump him and find someone who has the ability to also please you. Guys like your boyfriend will always stay that way!

    • Thank you, I will take that into consideration :) But he's not a player

    • Didn't say he was a player, but he is very inconsiderate of you!

    • Yes I understand, but I didn't add that he does tell me his desires to please me... but I told him I'm just not ready to take things further, hence why I'm stuck in this situation of pleasing him more lol

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Girls, do you have sex drive?
I just want to get fucked! How to get a guy to approach you/notice you at a party?
Are you mentally ill or mentally healthy, and is it difficult or easy for you to orgasm during masturbation?
If a guy told you he could cum farther than he can pee, what would be your reaction?

What Girls & Guys Said

4 10

  • confronting him might be a harsh term, but I guess expressing how you feel about things is the most important thing in a relationship. if you fear that you'll lose him just for talking to him about things like that, then what do you want him for anyways ...

    possibly he's just lurking for his own pleasure... you should dump him if that's the case ...

    possibly he's just unaware of what you desire or doesn't know if he is supposed to ... or if he does it right

    in any case, talking to him will get you forward ... either it's clear then that he's not the right one, or he learns what you want from him...

    • I think you're correct on the fact he's unaware of what I desire. You hit the nail there. I'm also to blame for this because despite him wanting to please me (which he has asked, not gonna lie), I've told him I'm not ready yet. You're right, I just need to communicate with him clearly.

  • You've been pleasing him the whole time and hehasnt had to, that's why and maybe he thinks you just enjoy doing things to him.

    My e you need to take another step. Suggest oral on each other. I'm sure he wants a bj. He might be willing to reciprocate. Of he says no to going down on you the wave him. He's selfish and any real man oils jump at the chance

    • No no he is dying to go down on me but I keep hesitating. I'll just do exactly what you said, spice things up, give oral and let him do oral on me. :)

  • What do you want him to do?

    • I do want him to go down on me but I'm scared he might not like the look of it lol :/

    • I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but straight men quite like the way naked women look.

  • it's not about confrontation it's about communicating. explain to him what you would like, just as he clearly declares what he would like. you can't be shy about and then complain that he doesn't do anything. you also can't say that he never initiates when he does ask to please you but you resist, hesitate, etc.

    be confident in what you want and explain it to him. then and only then can you really complain that something is wrong but up until you let him know what you want it really isn't fair to complain that he doesn't do anything

    • I like your username lol. And yes I understand, thank you. I have to stop being hesitant I guess. I'm going to have to tell him the next time I see him. I think discussing this over text with him is kinda stupid lol.

    • yeah the convo probably would be best suited to talking in person, just to avoid any confusion or misunderstanding, plus it would streamline the discussion

  • Let him give you a licking through your prettiest panties.

  • if your not ready to go further... I mean hand jobs are really not much at all and when a girl gives me one its more annoying than anything because I can do that better by myself tbh, try 69 that's not sex so you should be fine...

    • Yeah I figured it wouldn't be enough, but he was alright with just handjobs lol. I think I need to spice things up a bit without having to have sex. lol sorry I don't know how guys think

  • You are correct to be concerned He should be polite and offer to do something for you. When I was younger, I would eat out most of my girlfriends, even if they could not do oral on me. Not a big deal.

  • He needs to go down on you and finger you..those alone can get me off..lol..tell him stop being selfish

    • He actually is dying to go down on me. He's fingered me and that was real good. But he's wanting to go down and has asked me many times. Only reason why he doesn't...is cos I told him I'm not ready lol So I'm also to blame for this.

    • Let him go down on you and if that happens to be that time of the month don't let that stop you and have the tampon in :)

    • Thanks larry :). Can't wait to enjoy it lol

    • Show All

  • dont give him any more handjobs

  • Well let him do stuff

  • You set the stage of what you will and will not do. Stick to your plan on your own time frame.

    To help satisfy a male, without giving him intercourse you can do the following: handjob, footjob, blowjob, tit f***, and dry humping. So he has plenty of options other than just trying to bang you.

    Good luck.

    • Thanks alot! That list really helps :) I think the option of dry humping and blowjobs is good :)

  • Well try to let him do it, if you don't let him he won't be able to do his part of thr work and make you feel good

    • Thank you, I think it is clear from all these answers that I'm kinda the problem haha, which I just realised.

  • Well, don't think you are really doing all that much with just a handjob. A good women will suck it for a blowjob and give her guy something to think about. Just remember, he can give himself a handjob just as well.

    But the same goes for him. He needs to be spreading them legs and stuffing that clit in his mouth. It does go both ways, and it better. I understand you are not ready for sex, but hand jobs just won't cut it.

    • Good answer. Well maybe the only reason why he's backing off pleasing me is because I hesitate. He actually really loves my handjobs and has asked to please me in return by going down on me. BUT I told him I'm not ready for that either, so we're kinda left to me giving him handjobs. And for the blowjobs, I told him I wasn't ready for that either. lol

    • Well, I am not saying this to be harsh or anything, and I am not sure this guys age. But and I am sure you are great at giving handjobs, but for that to be the only source of pleasure, that kind of sucks. I feel bad for the guy. And you to get nothing because you are not ready for it and he does not want to rub you with his hand. It sounds like you two or at least you are not ready for any intimacy. It sounds like he should be with a big girl.

    • Yeah don't worry, no offence taken and all. I understand and I've told him many times before about this issue and that he should really find another girl. If I can't sexually please him further, our relationship won't really develop. But he keeps reassuring me he wants to be with me and would wait. He's crazy I know. But I like him, hence why I try my best to please him. I'll come around to things further. Has to take time.

    • Show All

  • First of all, what's the ratio that you make him cum, to him making you cum?

    • I please him more than he pleases me lol

Latest Questions

As a man, do you like giving anal? As a woman, do you like getting anal? How was your first anal experience? How did it feel?
Beside your own, who pussy or dick did you first touch? How did it feel? What was going on in your mind at that moment?
“The longer a man waits for the cookie, the more he values a woman after he gets it.” Guys, true or false?
Would you wait for sex till your marriage?
Home >  Sexual Health  > Always giving boyfriend handjobs but he hardly pleases me