Sexual Health
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How do I deal with my boyfriend's secret fetish?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and I discovered quite recently that he has a tickling/foot fetish. When I first found out I was really disturbed as I was trying to upload some old photos onto his computer as my disk drive was broken, and ended up finding 1000s of pictures of girls feet. The truly shocking part was there were pictures of MY feet and my FRIEND'S feet, that were dated from before we even started going out... I confronted him about this as I was so disturbed, and he just said he was ashamed and embarrassed, I ended up trying to forget about it. But today I have gone onto his computer to find an instruction manual and on the internet as I started typing, it came up with some fetish website. I'm sorry to say that intrigue got the better of me, and I searched his internet history. It turns out that last night when he couldn't sleep he was logging on to fetish forums, watching tickling p*rn, and just viewing pictures of peoples feet. I just can't handle it anymore, I know it's not his fault, but I find it incredibly unattractive and disgusting. I'm a ticklish person, and he's always trying to tickle me and I hate it. Especially ever since I know that he gets some kind of sick pleasure out of it, it really annoys me. Sometimes I wonder whether he's only with me because I'm ticklish, as he's made it clear that he didn't even fancy me when we first met, and didn't like me that much when we started going out. I just don't know what to do.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • A guy with a foot fetish is not unusual. It's common. You don't see it often because society puts so much shame on guys with foot fetishes that they have to keep it secret. Exposure is like the end of the world. Your boyfriend is probably, in his heart, wanting really bad to have a girlfriend that he can enjoy his fetish with. Does he really need all the pictures? Probably not. They're a sign that he's lonely for a partner and longing for one who will want to fulfill his fantasies. He'd probably rather have one real live girl that he can enjoy than all the pictures. It's like watching p**n, which is nothing like experiencing the real thing.

    My gut from reading your question is that you are so disgusted by his fetish that there's serious damage in the relationship that could be permanent and non-repairable. He is not going to change. He will always have a drive to enjoy a girl's feet. Like I said, finding the right partner for this will make the difference in either being satisfied, or continuing to collect pictures, etc.

    My question for you is, Would you ever be able to "loosen up" to see his fetish as not something disgusting, but something that can be a very special and a tremendously enjoyable part of your relationship? Will you be able to handle seeing him get very excited even though you don't get the same kind of pleasure from it? If he feels that you want to drive him out of his mind in a pleasurable way, he would probably be willing to get rid of his "stash" and focus completely on you, and he would be grateful for you. But if he constantly picks up vibes of disgust looking ahead, he won't find his satisfaction with you and will keep looking at other girls' feet. I'm not telling you to get comfortable. You have every right to your feelings and opinions. Just be aware that his fetish could be a deal breaker for your relationship and it wouldn't be your fault or his, but you would just be incompatible as far as a relationship in the bedroom. His fetish is a strong force inside him, and it craves to be satisfied.

    A guy's foot fetish can be a wonderful thing, but unless the girl has a spirit of "Yeah, I'm going to let him enjoy my feet to his heart's content, anyway he wants, anytime he wants, and I want to make it really good for him", then you will probably be incompatible.

    To the boyfriend, is he able to get rid of all of his "stash" if he knew he had a partner who really wanted to satisfy his needs?

    I've had a fetish for girls' feet for as long as I can remember, and was miserable having to keep it hidden, so I can relate. I've also had GFs who found out about my desires and it ended relationships. I'm not into tickling, but I like the different scents (or stinks, if you prefer), that girl's feet make in flats, heels, chucks, flip flops, etc. It's a powerful aphrodisiac for me, smelling a girl's sweaty feet out of shoes or flips, and sucking her toes, etc. It's awesome when the girl is comfortable with it.

    • Best answer.

    • I have to ask, my partner has a fetish and at first I wasn't sure how to take it but have an open mind and accepted that part about him. Im willing to understand it further and i let him have his way with my feet quite openly. However its not something he's OK with having and resorts to talking to other people in forums or private emails about it and exchanges photos stories etc without telling me. I find out and he denies it. I need a males opinion and am hoping someone can bring light as to why he may be acting this way? He tells me my feet are ridiculously attractive and that a lot of people would think so. We talk about it til he feels embarrassed despite the fact he knows I wouldn't think differently. Just curious.

    • @curious123456 what kind of fetish, what does he do?

    • Show All

  • He didn't fancy you but he had pictures of your feet dated from before he fancied you?

    No, he had some interest in you back then.

    If you can't get into his fetish some of the time with him, you should break up.

    Beyond that, I don't think its appropriate for him to have pics of friends feet. If he had a photo of your friends breasts, you'd be pissed, and -for him- its no different. He can't enjoy it as a fetish when convenient and then play it off as 'just feet' when that's convenient - to him they're sexual, that's how it is.

    • I agree with that last paragraph. The having pics of her friends feet was very inappropriate because he is viewing it in sexual nature. She has every right to be mad about that. Even the pics of her feet before they were dating is inappropriate because they were not yet dating. He took those photos of her without her knowledge.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If you love your boyfriend I don't see how you are so unsupportive of a fetish he likes.

    Has his partner you should be willing to please him in that area, I am sure he is willing to do the same for you.

    Why would you find this sick and disturbing?

    It's not like he is looking at underage p*rn.

    He finds your feet attractive and they do something for him sexually.

    Let's substitute the ticklish feet fetish with an obsession of watching p*rn (people having sex).

    Would you feel better off if things were more in the "norm" for you?

    It's a shame that you are allowing him to feel freaked out about something he likes sexually.

    He should be able to be himself around you.

    The way you are reacting is only going to injure his self esteem.

    Instead of thinking this is disgusting you should try to fulfill his fantasies.

    If you feel those needs are something you cannot meet then you need to question your relationship.

    • I think it's unfair to say that I should be willing to please him like that. If your boyfriend says he's desperate to perform a sexual act on you, one that you were uncomfortable with, would you say yes? I find some parts of what he's done disturbing, not all. I have made it very clear to him that there is nothing wrong with him and we all have fantasies, but I just can't deal with the extreme side of his. He understands that it's not for everyone.

    • Yes, I would and I have. If he is going to be my life partner I need to keep an open mind. Sex isn't all about doing what pleases you, sometimes it's about pleasing your partner. And that is what I would be willing to do. Obviously this isn't you and if its to extreme for you you should question your relationship.

  • I would react just like you did. I hate feet and a foot fetish is almost an instant deal breaker.

    This pictures are inappropriate. Make him delete them. I agree with kheserthorpe, and besides that just try to talk it out I guess. If you can't tolerate this fetish it isn't awful for you to leave him over it. It means you're sexually incompatible and he deserves someone who will be okay with his fetish just like you don't deserve to be with someone who's fetish makes you uncomfortable. Good luck!

  • Mine also has a foot fetish wich disgusts me and I've been going along with it to please him for 7 years, he's sneaky about the foot porn wich doesn't feel so good when im right here. I've talked to him about how i feel multiple times explained how bad of a turn off it is but he's selfish and thinks im overeacting. So i dont kniw what to say really but i do know its not all about pleasing them especially if its a turn off.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 7

  • wow ... 2 years and you two didn't talk about sexual compatibility earlier?

    well ... a fetish is a fetish ... you won't be able to talk him out of that ... I for myself have a thing for feet & legs too, but I would try to find out if the girl I'm into would be OK with that ... if not, well thanks for a few nice dates and I hope you've had a nice time too ...

    people are different ... some share your interests ... some accept them ... and some don't

    I for myself wouldn't want a girl to bend herself if she's uncomfortable with stuff I like, because even if she'd play along, she wouldn't be herself and she wouldn't be able to enjoy being together ...

    my girlfriend has some ideas that wouldn't come into my mind when it comes to sex ... but I can live with them ...

    so what I'm trying to say is:

    you two have to figure out if you are compatible enough ... that means talking about it ... if not, then I can only advise you to look for someone else ...

  • I don't see where the problem is. He never forced his fetishes on you. You snooped around his computer and found about his foot fetish, and somehow this is his fault?

    I admit that the whole keeping friend's pictures is weird, but still, you appear to be bothered by the fetish itself rather than the fact that he looks at other people's feet.

    Look, if you cannot be supportive of his fetish, that's fine, but don't go around bitching about it and making him feel guilty for having a darn fantasy. We all have weird stuff we're into, yet less than half of us end up trying them.

    If you are extremely disgusted by him and cannot stand the idea of him being turned on by feet, then you must leave. Yeah, do him and yourself a favor and walk away. Trust me, it's much better than trying to change him because I doubt that will work.

    Good luck.

    • he brought it up after an argument about 6 months in as he wanted to try something new with me, but then got scared... we argued because I wanted him to be honest with me, and eventually he explained to me that he wanted to play with my feet in bed, which I didn't mind, infact I kind of liked it. I didn't snoop at first, I came across these photos by chance and they disturbed me. These were pictures of my best friends and their boyfriends etc. I don't want to change him.

    • I am still unclear on what exactly is bothering you. If you are disturbed because he's looking at your friends' feet, then I agree with you. I find this behavior rude and a bit creepy, to be honest. You should sit him down and tell him that the fact that he keeps pictures of friends' feet is what upsets you, not his foot fetish itself. This way it will be less personal. However, if you are disturbed by the thought of him having that fetish, then I advise you to quit the relationship soon.

  • This really seems to upset you and make things feel awkward. I don't blame you either, if he can't control himself better then there is no point in staying. Try talking it out first before you make any big decisions, things like weird fetishes don't exactly go away overnight though. Be prepared for a long difficult road if you try to make things work out.

  • you need like a serious talk with him, and take it from there.

  • If I like your & your friends eye or I like your lips or your fingure then what do think about it ? Do you think it was a disgusting ? I am a fitish boy ?

    • If you collected pictures of peoples eyes and masturbated over them then yeah, I'd say that was a fetish...

    • your boyfriend masturbate over the pic ? No I never doing like that, but I like whose eyes looks like > this. I like to kiss the eyes & finger, & I think it's not a fetish, it's called love. I think you are confused with love & fetish.

    • I know the difference between love and fetish... fetish has more sexual connotations, and that's definitely the situation in my case

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  • its weird that he would take pics of your feet before going out. but don't think that having a foot fetish is creepy. I have a foot fetish and id certainly wouldn't want to get dumped for it. I don't judge girls for having small breasts like a breast man would do. I would feel a bit uncomfortable about that too if I was in your position. not all guys with a foot fetish are like that. maybe he finds it hard to tell you because he may think you may not like the fact he has a foot fetish. I'm sure he likes you for you and not because of your feet. you have advice from a real foot fetishist here :)

  • dont think about it.

  • talk with him about it

  • Stop over thinking everything

    • How am I over thinking this?

  • some girls have really sexy feet. I couldn't be with a girl with ugly feet.

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