Sexual Health
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Why do guys never let the girl pay but then complain about it?

Ok so most guys complain that when they have a girlfriend they always waste more money and they always pay for their girlfriends and what not, okay but whenever I've been in a relationship or went on a date and we went out to eat whenever I offered to pay they never let me and a few even got a little "offended" that I even offered, so why do you complain about your girlfriend wasting all your money but you never let her pay for anything?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • i think that depends a bit on how much money you have ... if you are running on a low budget, every extra expense hurts more ... and if you then have a girlfriend who throws out your money with both hands, that will lead to an argument at least ... on the other hand, you feel obliged to pay the bill, so causing extra costs or insisting on paying your own bill will remaind him on his low budget ... he want's to pay, but can't afford ... that's no situation a guy want's to be in ...

    there are also guy's who won't understand some *girls things* like *you* wanting a new expensive pair of shoes, looking *exactly* the same as the other three pair you got of that kind of shoes (obviously guy's and girl's perceptions differ here)

    my girlfriend and I live together and share our income, we have a deal: at the end/middle of each month, when I know my earnings and my customers have paid their bills, we fill up a budgets for going out, buying stuff, save for vacation, etc.

    those budgets are either fixed per month or are made up by a percentage of the money we have earned (savings)

    she has a fixed salary, I am self employed, therefore we can't know exactly how much we have until all my customers have paid their respective bills ...

    certain payment's have priorities, like taxes, rent, insurances, etc but in the end, we both have our share... pocket money is a percentage of what's left after all other budgets have been filled, and the rest is saved to be able to pay for unexpected costs

    (calculating that stuff may sound pretty confusing, but in the end, all I have to do is type 2 numbers into an excel spreadsheet...)

    we try to split everything between our incomes by the respective relation of the incomes ... if I have 200% of her salary in a month, I pay two thirds of everything in that month... usually that works, and since we both allways have the same pocket money for the next month there is no reason to complain ... if our budget for going out is used up, and I have the idea of going out with her, that goes on my pocket money ...

    but I have to admit that I noticed one thing ... it doesn't matter how good or how bad a month was, my girlfriend is *allways* short by about 50 euros ... I don't really complain, but I notice things like that ... I also silently included that in my calculation but I bet my girlfriend would look stupid if she knew that she allways gets 50 euros from my pocket money ... she never reads the spreadsheet, she never summs it up ... she just looks for the ammount she can still withdraw ... and she never notices that it jumps up by 50 euros every 3 weeks ... at least she said nothing ...

  • 1. If it's not chivalry then it's male ego as to the girl or the soceity or even themselves perceive them as not man enough

    2. Not every one complains but one of the things I observe is that those who 'complain' do so cause either, some or all of these

    (a) to let everyone know that they did take her somewhere (and spent some money)

    (b) It's a 'man' thing (generally married or long relationship, just like women gossip about their men lol)

    (c) to keep reminding her that he earns and she spends (to keep her in control etc)

    (d) a feeling of being the man in control and a high ...

Most Helpful Girls

  • lol so true..

    my boyfriend keeps paying for everything when we're out even just casually, food, movies and such are reasonable even though I'd like to pay sometime but he even spends for my equipment, utensils, and instruments, I wanted to buy a really nice watercolor tubeset and artline linepen set a week back and I had more than enough money to pay for it and yet he paid, I even went as far as to lure him away so I could buy it.. that's about the only thing I can't agree with him, I wanna spend for us too, I know he means well but I feel really crappy and guilty every time he spends..

    @handsomeraj

    1. you make a good point, but I hope its not like that.. at least for mine

    2. a) perhaps, but its not really a broadcasted relationship with us

    b) lol, so define "a man thing", I'm curious :D

    c) uhh, I know he makes money, I don't need to be reminded

    nor am I blind to it, I intend to be an animator after college :)

    d) likely but we're not into the sovereignty thing nor do

    we believe in chivalry, or dominance over submission

    good questionnaire but it didn't help me figure him out with this.. oh well

  • Those are the men who just want something to complain about.

    Personally, my boyfriend and I typically split the bill or he pays for one part of a date and I'll pay for another. Money is never an issue and neither of us complains about it. Some people just like to whine and complain any chance they get and those are the people who will never fully be happy with anything.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 18

  • In my LDRs, I usually paid about 2/3 of the time, and let her pay the other 1/3 of the time. In most cases, I was making more money than she was, so this worked out okay. There have been times when it was closer to 50/50, but that's normally temporary.

    Now, let's be realistic here: girlfriends cost money, often a LOT of money. That fact can't really be argued against. But I've never complained about that; to me, it's more than worth it. I've always worked for my own living, so I never had a problem paying for what I wanted in life. You DO have to admit that a guy who has little or no income (in college, say) is going to have a very tough time trying to date girls, and I understand why guys get frustrated by that, but that's just a sacrifice that sometimes has to be made.

    • That should have been LTR (long-term relationship), not LDR.

  • Ok, Guys don't mind paying for girls, what guys mind is paying for girls expensive shoes that look so simple yet they cost 300$ and 10,000 bags that you don't need. That's where complains are coming from. Whenever I eat out with a girl, restaurants, movies, trips, some kind of recreational activities I absolutely never complain because that's my obligation. But when it comes time for a vacation yes I do want a girl to chip in so instead of good vacation that I'll be able afford on my own we can have GREAT vacation if we can put our money together.

  • I think it is good that they offer to pay because it shows they are not a gold digger.

    I have to worry about that with online dating. Many girls who write they want dinner dates I avoid because those are the girls who take a dinner date then never contact you again and have dates lined up during the week all from different guys.

  • Ok this is going to sound stupid, but because of all the silly stuff that women do I think we deserve a pass. The problem comes from the fact that you offer to pay. Doing that pushes the decision back on us and we feel obligated to say "No, I got it." If you want to pay just take the check and pay without even bringing it up. If he says something just nonchalantly say "It's cool, I got this one." and then go back to whatever you guys were talking about. When you say "Do you want me to pay?" what the guy hears is "Are you incapable of being a real man that can provide?" Don't make us answer the question because societal pressures are hard to overcome.

    • ok but the waiter/ waitress usually puts the check on his side and I've tried just taking it but they wouldn't let me so...

    • on that note QA, I've a friend who manages classy restaurants, she said they do that because its supposedly disrespectful for a waiter to give the bill to the woman especially if it looks like a date, some kind of french thing but that's why anyway

  • Paying is a signal that its a date not friendship.

    When you offer to pay, guys are upset if they are taking it as a 'we are just friends' signal.

    When girls let guys pay and then aren't interested in him guys feel ripped off. It's not that guys feel they are owed sex for buying dinner (at least most don't). It's more like if you slept with a guy in the understanding that you were a couple then he didn't get you a birthday present. You're not owed a present for sex, but you expect a present if you're in a relationship.

    When guys pay they do so with the understanding that the girl is legitimately interested.

    When it's an actual girlfriend it's a different situation. It they earn the same, it's probably time to move away from the early date chivalrous signalling. But it's something he doesn't want to bring up. if he earns more, he might be happy paying but expects her to not take it for granted and actually seem happy and appreciative.

    • Here here!

  • I only complain if I don't get something out of it. That's why I would never be the guy who buys girls drinks because they are pretty, only to see them say thanks then turn their backs. When I throw money in one direction it's an investment. I refuse to make bad ones.

    If the event was my idea, I'll pay. If it's her idea, she pays. If I want a nice car, I can buy it. If she wants a nice car, she can buy it. If she doesn't want to do anything because of this, then she's going to have to be content with not doing a whole lot because I'm fair.

  • I think both parties should pay 50/50 or at the very least pay for their selves.

  • I always pay and I never complain about it.

  • The guys who will let you pay or split it aren't the ones who bitch. Its the ones who pay for everything eventually hoping she will offer and never does. The only time a guy would get offended is if he offered to take her out and she insisted on paying, a way of her showing the guy she is not interested in him. He should pay for the first few dates even if she asks, but after that it should become more equal.

  • personally I never complain but guys just do tht society says men pay on a date... feel as though they re obligated to do so...even if a girl offers to pay...

    i wouldn't let a girl pay either but then again I make decent wages so paying for a hundred dollar dinner isn't really anything but pocket change...

    theyre not really bitching about women more so the standard set by society...

    and those guys might have gotten offended by taking it as you think theyre poor...

  • Because of societies expectations...

  • I think whoever is taking the person out should pay. If I was taking my girlfriend out somewhere special I would definitely pay. If she was taking me out somewhere special I think she should pay. Whoever is making the gesture should follow through I think.

  • I prefer to pay, but I wouldn't have a problem letting a girl pay for her half, nor would I ever complain about paying for a girl.

  • Why is this question under Sexuality? Is there some Freudian reason for that?

    • is it really bugging you that much

    • It was an attempt at humor...clearly not a very good one.

    • sorry

    • Show All

  • I personally like when she wants to pay but I wouldn't let her pay the full bill. I'd much rather split the bill every time

  • I've noticed that too. Those guys are usually the same guys that call a woman a gold digger for accepting money from a guy and usually say that dating is prostitution. *eyeroll* You can usually spot these idiots from a mile away.

  • There are several reasons for this.

    1. A lot of men have confidence issues and think that if they don't keep paying for everything then the girl won't like them anymore. These men often throw money at the girl despite her protests because they can't believe the girl would like them for any other reason.

    2. Some people enjoy spoiling their girl, but also just like to find reasons to complain about stuff.

    3. Even though women have had great success at getting out of their gender roles, a lot of men are still being brought up to treat a girl a certain way by fulfilling our gender role. If they don't live up to those standards then they will feel like a failure as a man.

    I would say that reasons one and 2 are most likely.

    • Actually, I think #3 makes the most sense...

    • Maybe, but I think that really depends on your area. Some places are worse about it than others.

  • Why do girls say they don't care about money then refuse to date guys who are unemployed or don't own a car while lusting after millionaires?

    • why are you answering my question with another question instead of just answering the f***ing question?

    • I'm showing you how it feels when people make generalizations about your entire gender.

    • if you read you can see I said MOST guys, not every guy, so I'm not generalizing a whole gender

    • Show All

  • Paying? In the "Sexuality" category? Prostitution?

    Anyways: I mostly pay and I don't complain about that, so I'm pretty fine with how it is and therefore can't really understand the problem :/

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