Sexual Health
+1 y

Do I need to tell my boyfriend about walking in on his daughter having sex with her boyfriend?

I'm 30 years old I'm dating an older man he is 39 and he has a 16-year-old daughter. His daughter and I are close I have talk to her about how I'm not trying to be her mother or anything I would just like to be her friend/ female adult figure for her. I know it's probably somewhat awkward to see her dad dating a younger girl. Her mother passed away several years ago and she does not really have a mother figure. Yesterday I came home unexpectedly during my lunch break, I walked to her room to get my phone charger that she borrowed from me the door was cracked open so I just kind of peaked my head in because I wasn't sure if she was home or not. When I looked in the door she was completely naked on her knees giving her boyfriend a blow job. I wasn't sure what to do I quickly walked away from her room and they never saw or heard me. I went to my room and was thinking to myself what should I do, I'm not her mother and it's really not of my business but she is only 16 years old and I am the adult here. I waited about five minutes walk back out into the kitchen and I could hear her moaning from the bedroom, at this point I knew they were having sex and I had to do something about it. I walked back to her room knocked on the door really loud as the door opened. When I did she was riding on top of him having sex. I could tell they were embarrassed I told them they need to stop and think about what they're doing and how upset her dad would be if he found out. I left the room while they got dressed and her boyfriend left. She asked me not to tell her dad that they were having sex. She asked me how old I was when I first started having sex I told her I was 21 but in actuality I was also 16 when I started having sex and I sure wouldn't want anyone to tell my dad that. Her dad is my boyfriend and I feel like I need to say something to him but I also do not want to ruin my relationship with his daughter. What should I do in this situation should I just have a sitdown talk with her or do I need to tell her dad? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • i think you shold talk to the girl. about discretion, safety, etc. One of the worst things you can do here I think is create an environment where she feels like she can't trust you. it's not that you want her to be you friend necessarily but you do want your children (or in this case your bf's children) to see you as someone they can rely on. so if I told your boyfriend I would tell him that he absolutely cannot talk to the daughter about it because it will only create an environment where she feels like she has to sneak and potentially lie to you two in order to do what she wants.

    I think if you talk to her about being responsible, practicing safe sex, and using discretion and explain taht you are not going to tell your father you'll create an environment where she may feel more able to be honest with (at least) you rather than acting irresponsibly and potentially doing things that are dangerous or risky behind your backs because she feels as though she doesn't have a person she can trust in.

    also as a woman I think you are more prepared to handle her issues, feelings, concerns, etc regarding sex than her father.

    but if you tell the father you need to make sure that it's only for his sake and not so he can confront his daughter because in that simple act you will lose the trust of this girl and create an environment where she may feel the need to sneak around and be dishonest

    • You should get best answer.

    • agreed this is the best answer

    • also just as commentary (cause this guy already worded what I was thinking better then I could have) kids don't stop having sex well ever for the most part and definitely because they got in trouble or daddy found out. she needs support and protection from STDs and pregnancy. Take her to a gynecologist so that you can rest assured that she is safe medically. At the end of the day you may not have told her father, but you protected his daughter and showed her the unconditional love of a mother

  • Well.. this is a very difficult situation for sure. First, I don't think it was appropriate that you lied to her and told her that you were 21 when you first started having sex, when you were her age, doing exactly what she was doing.

    I think it is important for you to play a role in her life, but I am not sure it is telling her dad. I think she can relate to you a little bit more, and may want to have conversations with you about these kinds of things that she can't have with her dad. You can be a great resource for her, and a friend, but telling her dad might not be the answer.

    Friend request me, and we can talk more about this, and I can give you some additional feedback.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First, she doesn't have a mother! You need to be her mother! it would be different if her parents were divorced but they aren't. She NEEDS a mother figure in her life not a "best friend". I would suggest you take her out to dinner, tell your husband you need to have a girls night. Talk to her about what happened. But most of all TELL HER THE TRUTH, tell her you were 16 when you had sex for the first time. If you regret it explain that to her! Ask her if she's ready for a kid, ask her if she uses protection. Let her know you are going to be her mother figure only because you care. I wouldn't go right ahead and tell her father. I would suggest you tell her that if she wishes to be sexually active that she needs to go on birth control. If she says she wants to be explain to her that her father has a right to know this his daughter is on birth control and why she wants to go on it (due to the fact that there are many reasons girls/women go on it). You can't just let her do this knowing the consequences her actions could lead to! If you care about her as much as you seem to you need to let her know that! You need to make sure that even though you know she's having sex, that she can still go to you with questions and concerns, sometimes after an embarrassing thing like that happens you don't want to talk to that person anymore!

    • I read that wrong, I thought you were married to the guy. Even still you need to be more of a mother then a best friend but I guess being that you aren't married it can be weird. And at least he was wearing a condom!

  • I feel like if you werent going to get involved you shouldn't have interrupted and lectured them. You should have just walked out of the house and pretended like you didn't see a thing. now she knows you know and at any time could reveal that so I guess I would have her talk to her dad about it. I mean is he gonna freak out or just be upset and get over it?

    I don't know that you need to reveal what you saw but you do need to encourage her to open communication with dad he might want to get her on birth control or do a better job of keeping up with what she's doing in his house. I guess you could tell her that it's not your place to tell her dad she's having sex and tell her that in relationships you don't lie(IE you can't lie to him) and if she's mature enough to be having sex she's certainly mature enough to talk to her dad about it and not put you in the position to tattle on her. Put it back on her she knows the rules of the house if she's breaking them its not your fault. are you having sex with her dad in that same house? perhaps showing that same respect for her might be in order.

  • I honestly don't think you need to tell him. In reality, the majority of teens do have sex. Whether or not you agree with it is irrelevant. My advice would be to sit down with her, and only her, and discuss it. Make sure she is being safe (condoms, birth control, etc.).

    The best thing you can do is teach her and guide her to make good decisions regarding sex because in the end, she's going to do what she wants anyway. Telling her dad is only going to make a bad situation even worse. I think education in this instance would be more effective than punishment. Protection against STD's, pregnancy, and how to have safe sex is important.

    So, don't tell her dad, just talk to her, give her any advice and answer any questions she may have. If she's not on birth control, maybe that's something you could help her with. Anything like that would be better than telling her father in MY opinion.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Girls, do you have sex drive?
I just want to get fucked! How to get a guy to approach you/notice you at a party?
Are you mentally ill or mentally healthy, and is it difficult or easy for you to orgasm during masturbation?
If a guy told you he could cum farther than he can pee, what would be your reaction?

What Girls & Guys Said

6 8

  • You need to say something. It's kind of an act of betrayal if he were to find out that you knew and didn't say anything. If she's "grown" enough to be having sex in daddy's house then why be so scared about him finding out about it? Part of being a woman is being able to face what you did. So if she can't handle her dad finding out then that's a sign she has no business having sex.

  • Hubby and I have walked in on our girls and heard them many times

  • Its her actual boyfriend, or just some guy?

    You busted her, I'd talk to her about birth control etc. If she's being responsible, I'd probably not say anything at this point. If she's not being responsible, I'd tell her you will talk to her dad with her.

    My guess is she's using condoms at most. If she's going to be having regular sex she ... may want to use something else. And that would likely require her acting like an adult, being open that she's sexually active, etc.

    • It was her actual boyfriend they have been dating for about six months now. Seeing more than I wanted to see I did notice he was wearing a condom

  • Say nothing. Offer a warning should you catch them again.

  • I think you owe it to her dad to tell him.

  • I would have left the girl to it, no way would I tell her dad

  • She isn't your daughter. It's really none of your business. You think a father wants to deal with that? N. She is 16, leave it alone. At 16. If my mother's boyfriend told my mother. My mother would ask "Was he wearing a condom? If not He is in trouble" Then I would be mad at the dude because I would have to have the convo with my mother. No way man. None of your business.

  • No just jump in bed with them next time, lol

  • Why you stopped them?
    You could have joined them and teach the better lesson

  • I would talk to her when her dad is out of the house over a cup of tea or coco or something.

    Tell her about all the risks, and heartbreak that can be involved. Also, I would ask her if she would be willing to tell her father what happened. If not, you should tell him.

    Yes you want to preserve your relationship with his daughter, but you should not keep things from your boyfriend either.

    I think if you two talk about it, then she will not be mad at you for doing what you feel you need to do. Just explain that you would feel like you are lying if you keep this from her father.

  • Yes.

  • I wouldn´t say anything, because you know by yourself what it is like having sex at that age. And this is why I really don't get what bothers you. Why should her dad be upset. For sure Dad´s don't want their little girls to grow up...but it is not a crime...really don't get your concerns.

    Who are you to judge, that she did something wrong and they should think about it?

    It is way better she experince and discover her sexuality at a safe place than drunk as f*** at a party.

    • When I was having sex at 16 I was thinking like a 16-year-old not like an adult. Now that I'm an adult I understand the consequences a little bit better such as sexually-transmitted diseases and having a baby at 16 years old and what that might be like. I'm not sure where you said I did judge her I'm not saying sex is wrong I'm just saying it can create some large consequences at 16 years old.

    • well that is true. But you can just sit down and talk with her about birth control etc...Even today I don't want my father to know I am sexual active...for sure he knows I am not a virgin, but never ever would I want to talk about sex with him. But having someone mature, trustworthy , understanding and trustfully person she can talk to, might be really good. You can answer allt he questions her friends and her age probably cant. I think this is the best thing you can do

  • Me and my boyfriend have pretty much the same age difference , I don't see him as "older".

    Children pretty much see adults the same way, not by younger or older (unless thr age difference is obvious) so you have nothing to worry about .

    I wouldn't tell her dad what I saw, I would just tell him that he needs to have that talk with her because she seems very curious.

  • If she doesn't have a lock on her bedroom door, get her one. Say nothing to her about it.

    Your relationship with the boyfriend is more important than your relationship with the girl. Tell him tactfully what happened, and try to make sure he doesn't blow his top.

Latest Questions

How many dates did you wait to have sex with your current partner?
What is the age range of all your sex partners?
Do women enjoy being pregnant and see pregnancy and giving birth beautiful?
Do you believe that sex should wait until after marriage? Is premarital sex a sin?
Home >  Sexual Health  > Do I need to tell my boyfriend about walking in on his daughter having sex with her boyfriend?