Sexual Health
+1 y

I'm a Christian... But I gave a blow job. I need help! Did I ruin my chances of being a true believer?

So, my boyfriend recently talked me into giving him a blow job. I was really hesitant because I am Christian and have planned to stay "pure" until I was married. At first, I told him that I wouldn't, but then he begged and made me feel guilty, using the classic "if you loved me..." line. But now... I can't help but hate myself for it. I feel terrible. I mean, that was something I was going to save for my one and only husband sure, it was only a blow job... But sex is sex. I'm so upset with myself... How can I fix that? I'm afraid that God doesn't love me anymore, and now when I go to church, I feel like a dirty, lying, hypocrite. I don't know what to do, Does this mean I can't be a good believer any more? Will good guys still be willing to marry me anymore?
Updates:
+1 y
I forgot to say... I'm not trying to blame my bf... I take full responsibility for my actions.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • If this helps you at all, I'm a Christian as well. I was with this boy who I told him up front that I didn't want to have sex until I was married, which included oral and anal (if your thinking that's weird, I actually know a few girls who enjoy getting anal). well one day we were making out and he told me to close my eyes. I did and then he started to undo my pants, I asked him what he was doing and he just told me to trust him, so I did. Then I felt him pull down my underwear then this weird feeling. He was eating me out and I spazzed out. I felt horrible that I had did oral sex because some people consider you not a virgin if you've done that. But every time I went to church for the longest time I felt horrible and one point I actually cried cause there was a talk about sexual acts and it was brought up. But God forgives you for it. Just don't repeat your actions. And for another, you sounded like you didn't even want to do that, religious or not, he shouldn't of pressured you. Next time he uses that line that says "but I love you" or something like that, if he really loved you, he'd respect that you didn't want to do those types of things. I hope this helps. And sorry its so long.

  • Jesus died for us because He knew we would not be perfect. I know an amazing amazing amazing Christian woman who was in your situation a few years ago. The beauty of Christ is accepting His grace and nott feeling guilty or beating yourself up. But that doesn't mean do whatever you want to do. You live a pure life because you love Christ and want to honor Him with your actions. But you will sin. it's inevitable. When you do, you repent, but! you accept His grace. "It is by GRACE you are saved, through faith, and this NOT from yourselves, it is the gift of God, NOT BY WORKS, so that no one may boast." - Ephesians 2:8-9

    But God demonstrates His own love for us in that WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blodd, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him." - Romans 5:7-11

    desiringgod.com

    • Blood*

  • God won't stop loving u! I thought that id stay a virgin until I get married but I really truly love my boyfriend and decided to give it up for him !

    God won't be upset and trust me, the church put on these rules that a girl should stay pure ! but no girl can stay a virgin cz after all she will lose it! I really don't think that you disappointed god or that he's mad at you! I'm a believer and I go to church frequently and I'm the leader of Virgin Mary's scouts !

    dont blame yourself, just stick with ur belief and keep on praying.. after all you didn't have sex you just gave him a blow job!

  • you shouldn't have caved in if you didn't want to this badly. you're in pain right now because some boy wanted 5 minutes of pleasure. I'm not religious so I can't speak to you about whether god still loves you after this, but I can advise you to be stronger next time you're in a position like that. he's young and selfish, he wasn't thinking about you or how it would effect you, the only one who can protect your feelings is yourself, so start putting yourself first, and if you really don't want to do something, don't! you don't owe anybody anything, you especially don't owe any teenage boy a blow job.

    • I like this answer.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm not sure if your being honest or if your making this question up to ridicule Religion.

    But anyhow I'll answer in a religious sense, no you didn't ruin your chances of being a true believer. Remember that Christians are forgiven for their sins when they ask for forgiveness. However, that doesn't mean do what you want and everything will be fine and dandy if you ask for forgiveness. Obviously it's a greater sin if you know what your doing and yet you still do it.

    As for your boyfriend, I seriously think you should consider the relationship. Not because of religion, but because of your age. Your not exactly old enough to be doing such a thing nor understand it fully, and yet having a boyfriend who is pushing you to do something like that. Your boyfriend needs to respect your decision to be pure or not until marriage. It's your choice, your decision, and your right. If he can't handle that, and all he does is manipulate and encourage you to do what he wants, then you should leave him.

    Don't worry so much and just take this as an example. You'll be alright.

    • My point was not to ridicule religion, just to let you know. it really was a problem that had been haunting me. so,i talked to him about how I felt today and he didn't understand my point of view of wanting to stay sexually pure, he said it was dumb. Anyways, it ended in a fight. ultimatly, he broke up with me. I guess nice people really do finish last. Oh well, I guess that's life sometimes. Your post made me realize, maybe I don't need him. We'll see, I guess. thanks for ur time.

    • No... you don't need him. And don't listen to anyone else telling you your religion is stupid either. A part of being Christian is that our views and beliefs are to be tested and scrutinized by those who do not believe. Persecuted by those who hate us. It's your choice, and your decision that should be respected. I'm glad you see that at least.

    • No, I don't think you lost your Christian faith. You may, however, have lost some of your Christian innocence. Even if you enjoyed it, you're still a Christian girl. Even if you dropped your panties & laid-back & let him push into you... ... you can still consider yourself a "good Christian girl," just not an innocent, virginal one. MANY Christian girls engage in sexual things with the men they date. It doesn't hurt that bad during that first time. The guys assure them they can still be a "good Christian girl," even while giving themselves to their men in all sorts of positions... "No one will know this thing we do..." "I won't tell anyone" The Christian girl can still go on portraying herself as a Christian.

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  • To answer your question, NO. The "Christianity" you speak of is superficial hypocritical bullsh*t that your family and pastor fed you. God forgives all, and don't worry about it. I am not encouraging you to repeat your behavior, but your actions do not suddenly make you exempt from being a Christian.

    Christianity is defined as believing that God and Jesus both exist and believing that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead. If you believe in those simple things then you are a Christian. It's that simple. But you must also reject all other religions. There is no such thing as a hybrid when it comes to Christianity. But that does not imply you have to persecute people of other religions.

    • They don't even know, thank God. i think they would kick me out of the family if they ever found out. I do believe all that you said... i just hate myself for making a stupid mistake that I can never take back. Your post made me feel a little better, though. thanks.

    • As a Catholic (also Christian) I can say this is true. God forgives all people, no matter how bad of a sin they may have committed. But in my opinion, religion should not be looked at by those preaching or those receiving it as an authoritative force to govern you and prevent you from doing wrong and make you do what they see as right. Instead, it should simply be a guide that you take into consideration when it comes to your decisions and values. I think there is only one religion that gets it MAINLY correct out of all of them, which is Catholicism. Just my opinion though lol. But notice how I said “mainly”, because I also truly think humans have kind of f**ked up most religions because, well, we are all imperfect anyways and religion as a whole is governed mostly by humans. So yes, use your religion as a guide, but also turn ultimately to Jesus, who not only gives you the wisdom and strength to fight against sin and live a happy life, but also lived a sinless life and died on the cross for you so that you may BE FORGIVEN!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • God loves you even when you make errors. That's the whole point of 'forgiveness'. It wouldn't exist if people didn't make mistakes. It doesn't change your belief in God and a mature man who truly understands and follows what he preaches *will* want to marry you. Please don't buy into the notion that you aren't 'pure' or are a hardcore sinner. You did something that you regret. You realize it and aren't going to do it again. Don't spend the rest of the time wishing you could undo it.

  • lol your so funny.

    if you think your god or the person who loves you will condemn you for doing this then I think your with the wrong man or the wrong god.

  • I don't think it's a bad thing to give a blowjob or receive oral... it's bad when you have coitus sex because that could lead to multiplying... you should multiply when your married as it's very hard to raise a child on your own... it's hard with a husband too... so stick to giving blowjobs... i'm a catholic girl too.

  • yes your a true believer. just read ephs. 1-3 or so. (chapters). or the rest of the good news. that news: God loves you and knows your a bad person but he does not care! I know simple, but it took me like a long time ot really understand it.

    look. you feel terrible. I can understand a probably similar feeling, I dunno maybe not but I pressured my ex (not ex at the time..just to avoid random weirdness) to let me finger her. it was not verbal, but we would make out and I would get closer and closer to sex every time. like starting to feel her etc.

    i would still marry you and I consider myself a good christian person. Like this: it would be disappointing that you have seen another man's Johnson and have used it. but if I loved you then it would not really matter.

    here is some kind of fix:find someone at your church you trust and respect and tell them. seriously do it. I know that it sounds dumb but I told my youth pastor and it helps a lot to have someone in real life to talk to and to pray over you.

    Jesus did offer "living water" to the woman at the well, who was a notorious prostitute.

    personally purity is over-rated. I mean its good, but people get so worked up and buy purity rings, but ironically you can lose a purity yet the ring is supposed to mean infinite love, such as a marriage or of God to us. I heard someone say this to me once when I was talking about some of the mistakes I have made in relationships, 'God is not interested in your problems or even in fixing them, rather he wants you to live a better life'

  • Isn't a basic component of Christianity that everyone sins and that by asking forgiveness those sins are washed away?

    You are obviously not well schooled in your own religious beliefs. If you are going to lay claim to being a Christian and living a pure Christian life then it is incumbent on you to learn about the religion.

    As for the blow job, you are too young to be engaging in any sort of sexual activities. I do not mean you have not lived enough years, I mean you are not mature enough. You lack the self control to not do something you don't want to do. To be sexually active you need to knowledgeable about the body, able to accept responsibility for your sexual activities, know how to protect yourself from disease and pregnancy, and self confident enough to make rational decisions and not be controlled by someone else.

    • Oh, don't be a prude, Dave. I am willing to bet that you lost your virginity before 18.

    • Smith, I am not a prude, but did you read what she wrote? Do you think she should be allowed out without somebody to watch her? "Does this mean I can't be a good believer any more? Will good guys still be willing to marry me anymore? God doesn't love me anymore," WOw, there is something wrong here.

  • First, I promise you that the fact that you gave a guy a blowjob isn't going to ruin your life. Easily, 90% of all women in the USA gave a blow job before they got married. And they are living perfectly wonderful lives. I would say for today's never-married women over 20, 95% of them have given a blow job; and for the over-25 crowd, let's go with 98%. Sooner or later it happens.

    Second, guys can put a lot of pressure on a girl to do sexual stuff, and if you like the guy, it's very hard to say no. Face it, it wasn't really that you didn't want to give him a blow job, but rather, it was that you wanted to wait until you got married to give him a blow job -- it was the timing, not the actual activity that you are upset about.

    Now, if he was an uncompromising jerk and all but forced you to do it, then you should dump him. If it was more like he was you two were making out and he pulled out Mr. Wiener and you were weak at that moment and well, it happened, just chalk that up to things that happen in life and well, it was going to happen sooner or later anyway (it was just sooner than you wanted it to be).

    You are worried about being a "good" believer. The Bible says NO ONE is "good," except God. But I understand what you mean by your statement. Of course you can still be a good believer; just know that "good" in this context doesn't mean prefect. If you discovered that giving a blow job upsets you so much, then try not to do it again. (And if you sort of liked it, I wouldn't sweat it too much if it does happen again.)

    As for the question of whether, at some point in the future, some random man out there won't be willing to marry you because you gave a guy a blow job, I just wouldn't worry over it. Now, your profile says you are between 25 and 29. So, I presume you are dating guys who are your age or older, and well, let's just say it probably wasn't the first blowjob that your boyfriend ever had. At your age, you were the definite exception to the rule as far as whether you had given a blowjob or not. When your boyfriend first met you (and found you interesting and wanted to ask you out), he had no idea that you had never given a guy a blowjob before. And to not sugarcoat things, if a guy is asking out a woman who is over the age of 25 on a first date, there is a 98% chance there has been a penis in her mouth before, and an 95% chance some other guy has already taken her virginity. So, a guy really doesn't have the luxury of rejecting a woman who has given a blowjob (or more) to someone before she met him, because if that's his attitude, the guy won't have anyone to get married to.

    So, the take-home is that you need not be so worried over giving a blow job. And if you lose (give) your virginity before marriage, know that the same basic principles apply.

  • First off everyone sins. There is no one who has never sinned except for Jesus himself. So God knowing that we all sin made a way for us to become clean again, that's called asking for forgiveness. Do you really think Jesus/God loves you any less for what you did? We all sin everyday and by being a christian you shouldn't be trying to show the world your perfect because no one is and trying to be perfect and sinless is a sin in itself. The truth of the matter is christians sin, just like everyone else, we are not perfect. and that's ok because he accepts us with all our problems and baggage. The great thing, the "good news" the gospel was trying to spread was that Jesus came and died for our sins so we can be forgiven. God knows your heart just ask to be forgiven. And also you shouldn't let your boyfriend talk you into something your not comfortable doing. You should sit down and talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel when he tries to pressure you.

    • Yah, I agree. I know sometimes I tend to ask the girl I like to do things that makes her uncomfortable, and when she tells me it does so, I tend to let it down for I respect her. well sometimes I push it if I'm really horny.

  • Learn to separate big things from little things.

    Joy in another's cruelty is a big thing. Indifference to another's suffering is a big thing. Silence in the face of evil is a big thing.

    A blowjob is a little thing.

    You wind up a much better person, a much better believer, and a much better Christian if you spend your time worrying about--or better, working on--the big things. Let the little things pass.

    • "Learn to separate big things from little things." Where did she say how big it was? JOKING

  • Oh please...you can believe in god and not be tied down by the bible. Keep faith to your god, but don't put faith in a book written by men in a primitive era...

  • It was very wrong, for your boyfriend to pressure you into something you weren't comfortable doing no matter what the reason. I myself am not religious, nor do I believe in any type of god. You should reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend. If he will pressure you into giving just a blow job, where does it go from there? I don't want to make to much of a comment about the religious thing, however if you feel that you should wait until your married; stick to it. You appear to respect yourself, so find someone that will respect your views and beliefs.

    • Well, this isn't the first thing he has talked me into... I don't know why I just can't say no. I think its because I just feel bad afterwards. Thanks for your time. :)

  • People who claim to be true Christian believers are responsible for the most horrific atrocities, eg. look how much blood ex-president Bush has on his hands!

    You giving a blow job has only harmed yourself, and that's only because of your silly religion!

    I don't recall Jesus ever saying anything against oral sex! He occasionally criticized adultery, but sex was not one of his main preoccupations, at least not from what's found in the gospels.

    I think that most Christians believe that God can forgive any sin if it's repented, so if your determined to continue believing such nonsense, and feel that you have sinned,repent, ask forgiveness and hey presto! God's pleased with you again!

  • God I f***ing hate religion. So now you're hating yourself for giving a blowjob? Nice work Christianity... I hate how some jackass writing a jackass book 2000 years ago causes so much pain to people now.

    Assuming its all true, Jesus died for your sins. So there is no "staying pure until marriage." God loves everyone (except for that time he wiped out humanity -2 people because he's a dick).

    If you're catholic or some version thereof, you get to eat the cracker and all is good. If you're not, its still supposed to be all good. If it's not all good, then you can hang out in hell with the rest of us, because heaven will be a terribly boring place.

    The real question is, did you enjoy giving the blowjob? Did he enjoy receiving it? If those answers are yes, then you should keep doing it and enjoy your life, and worry about god when you're old.

    • A persons decision to be religious is their own and no one else's. I'm quite sure if the answer is legit, it was meant for opinions of other religious people. Not from secularism.

  • God will forgive you if you are truly sorry.

    Mind Treasure / Pure Soul > Material Objects + Lust

    If you have a clean spirit and don't fall into the lust of devilish acts, then your treasure in heaven will be a lot better than anything you get inside of this earth.

    So if a "true christian" stay a prude and tries hard as he/she can to love God and his words, you may live a "dry/boring" life, but you will be a really nice clean soul and have such an amazing eternal life in heaven. I can't even explain how great it would be but you know how people love getting high and pleasure?

    Well in heaven, your mind will simply be the best of the best and you won't be afraid, ever.

    You will also be able to travel across the Universe and feel so much different than you feel as a human.

    If you want to join the devil, then go ahead. Have your sex and feel the lust.

    It will feel good but put dirty water in your soul.

  • Nah!

  • no you didn't its just things that makes you think that...

    your still a believer

  • Babe from girl to girl let me break it down to you. Blowjobs suck, literally and figuratively #LOL. Have you tried anal? The bible says anal sex is a sin but its like mmmm whatever babe this is 2014 and i love anal.

    Hope it helps xx

  • Hey if this post is still going, I hope to help you. Sorry you were convinced. To tell you the truth, you're boyfriend probably isn't ready for a loving relationship. Sex should be at the end of the intimacy chain. If someone really loves you, and wants to be devoted to you for life, he will treat you as a friend rather then persuade you to any form of intimacy such as what you stated. Do not feel dirty. The Lord says if we repent to Him, He will forgive us for any sin. You just have to tell this truth to yourself! God loves you. Don't believe the lies of this world that there is no God. I hope you are able to still read this after a year, and hope you're doing well. The Lord loves you. I'm here to comfort you, if you need help. I have been through a lot too, but am now in a loving relationship where my girlfriend and I do not kiss, and barely have hugged. We have been together for a year. Feel free to email me at thespiderthespider@gmail.com Hope this helps unknown friend in Christ.

    -Jesse

  • Depending on how old you are there is nothing wrong with what you did, and the only person you could have possibly harmed is yourself, not in the case that nobody would want to marry you (because people still will, and plus, nobody has to know) but rather in the case that you are feeling so guilty about it! I am a very moderate Christian and a lot of stuff in the bible is not relevant anymore. Do you also feel guilty about eating shellfish, wearing two different fabrics at the same time, or planting your crops a certain way? Why do we throw out those rules, but keep this one? And even if it is wrong, God still loves you and everyone makes mistakes.

  • If God didn't want us to have sex, he wouldn't have given us the equipment. The old testament ban on premarital sex was simply because there was no birth control in those days.

    Jesus befriended a hooker. Sex is not a sin, premarital or otherwise.

    • He also gave us the ability to kill does that mean we should go around killing people? And no sex is not supposed to be a sin for it is only supposed to be used inside of marriage. But it is one when you have it outside of marriage, but that's the great thing about forgiveness we all sin no one is perfect and Jesus knew and accepted that, which is why he gave us a way to wipe the slate clean and start new.

    • Jesus turned water into wine, and associated with a hooker. I think he was much less uptight than many of you who call yourselves followers of his.

    • He gave us the ability to kill so that we are able to eat and protect ourselves. so yes, I guess the answer is we are supposed to go around killing, and many people do, that's how you're able to eat all those big macs. but the majority of the population were not also given the urge to kill, however they were given hormones causing the urge to have sex, hm... now why would that be?

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