When a guy never initiates sex?

I've been with a guy off and on since the beginning of the year. Something I've noticed is that he never initiates sex at all. Even in the beginning when he was really into me, he never made the first move, though it was like a dam had been released as soon as it was initiated, so I never picked up the vibe that he didn't want to. I think the closest to initiation I've seen was him feeling me up, but nothing beyond that, not even the first to kiss. It baffles me a bit. Guys, any idea as to why a guy would do this? Initially, I just figured it was him not wanting to make the first move so he had a back up to cover his ass (hey, you're the one who started it, I was just a willing participant type of thing). Other than that, I got nothin.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well I can say that movies have told me and brainwashed me into thinking/believing that the first kiss is everything, and that a bad first kiss is the end of things. sooo, that's why I've put that off for as long as possible even though it sounds weird

    As far as not initiating goes...

    I feel like women have been made to believe that ALL a guy wants is sex and that if I initiate things well I'm playing into the stereotype.

    Also if I do initiate things, I have no clue if she wants it or not. For all I know she's just going along with it. If she initiates, I know she does.

    • See, I'd get it in the beginning if he wasn't sure. If anything, that's what I figured it was. But at this point, he has to know that I haven't exactly been one to turn it down if he were to initiate since I'm the one who always does. Kinda a green light, no? Something else I found odd was that one night he was getting pretty touchy feely, which was a first for him (and I did not mind at all). I made a comment about how someone wanted to start something... He stopped immediately.

    • Needless to say, I was rather surprised because I wasn't upset, the tone wasn't negative, etc.

  • me personally I often don't initiate because I feel like guys are pretty much always game so if a girl asks she doesn't have to worry about being turned down for the most part...but for guys they can ask and often times women aren't in the mood, and me personally just got tired of the rejection so I've been less inclined to initiate with gf's

    • So far the consensus seems to scream "insecurity/being timid" scenario. Which I'd understand. It just surprises me because so far, in my experience, the guy had no problem initiating. I don't either, but all the freaking time? Even if a guy is insecure or timid, come on, after all this time? Overall, I'm not all that bothered by it, just been kinda stumped as to why it could be. I could ask, but we're not serious or anything so I'm not sure its worth delving into with him, tbh.

    • i don't necessarily consider me insecure as much as in my experience if you ask 10x's for a cookie and you are told no maybe you just stop asking... but that is my experience and not necessarily his reasoning

    • No, I know it is, but it's just interesting how many responses here were along the same lines. My biggest question is that does the same scenario apply to an established situation like this one?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Idk my boyfriend gets like that sometimes. I think it's because he knows I'll initiate 80% of the time anyways. Subtly tease him and see if that gets him to - find reasons to bend over in front of him without bending your knees when you're not wearing pants, accidentally grind against his package. Etc etc. etc.

    • I don't need ideas on how to seduce the guy to get him going. I can do that just fine. I just don't get why if I don't initiate at all nothing will happen on his part. :/

    • I don't know! I just know if I want him to initiate and I do things like that, he will.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

1 5
  • have you talked to him about this?

    it's very hot for a guy if the girl initiates sex but that can't be the only reason.

    maybe your sex drive is much stronger then his, and he already gets more sex then he would need.

    • Nah. I've thought about it, but I'm not sure if I should bother since this isn't anything serious/almost a friends with benefits type scenario I guess. I know my drive is definitely much higher than his though. The whole thing is just odd to me though is all. If it's just being shy/timid, I'd understand.

  • Because if you initiate and she isn't up for it it is kind of deflating, in more ways than one.

    • Yeah, I get that, but after all this time? I've never reacted negatively, so I don't know why he'd still be this "timid" if that's what it is.

  • maybe he is just self conscious

  • It's not that he doesn't like sex with you (I'm sure he does), he is just afraid of a few things.

    He will not do a successful job and embarrass himself.

    You will reject him at that moment/time.

    Something is going on with his... thingy. Something he's uncomfortable about.

    Pregnancy.

    Something else.

    Why not talk to him about why he never makes the first move. Try having a peaceful, honest conversation with him to try and get the reason out.

  • I'm very scared when having sex with a girl I'm not completely in love with. It's trust issues for me. I always feel that if I make a move towards sex, she'll call it rape or assault then I'm screwed because the law is on the girls side.I play things safe because women can turn on you just like that.

    But when I'm completely in love, I mean platonic love, then the sex just happens, smoothly. I trust her and she trusts me without a whisker of doubt.

  • He's just like that. This happen with most women and some guys, it doesn't mean anything. Some people are more pro-active and other people are more passive. When I want my girlfriend to initiate sex I have to withhold sex for weeks, you might want to try that.

    • Eh, withholding sex shouldn't ever be an option, tbh. :/ But I get what you're saying- don't initiate and see what happens.

    • Exactly :-)