I accidentally slept with a guy who has a girlfriend.. Now what?

[MisBHaved1]

So Saturday I really messed up... Long story but I met this guy on POF like 6 months ago and we chatted but never met because he was too secretive he wouldn't tell me his last name or anything really about him, even though he was super hot. I stopped talking to him and yeah.. so fast forward he messages me accidentally Weds and we just start talking he was still really secretive but I don't know he was hot and I let it go. He made some sexual comments I ignored it because he said he didn't want a relationship.. all I want is a relationship so I had no intent to have sex with someone I wasn't dating. Anyways he was being weird so I asked jokingly "do you have some secret girlfriend or something?!" and he eventually came out and said he had a girlfriend for 3 years.. I was PISSED because I was hopeful that I could date him and he was so hot and a military man. We fought and I was like "whatever I'm done talking to you" and he said the same and I thought it was over then he messaged me and asked me if we can just hang out as friends. I actually had no issue with trying to be friends so we hung out Saturday night and he was just being a douche so I was gonna leave but then he was like just follow me home if you want.. I am dumb and I did. Even then it wasn't sexual, he taught me how to disassemble a pistol. Anyways long story short one thing led to another and we had sex. Unprotected sex... He looked like he felt bad after and I felt bad but then we did it again a few min later. He said he hasn't ever cheated and I actually believe him. So Sunday I got plan b because I missed because pills this week and he was freaking out about that. We talked and he wants to do it again kind of, we both feel guilty but liked the sex. I just don't know what happens now? Do I talk to him, or just let it pass? I feel awful for the girlfriend even though after 3 years together I doubt she would leave him and he is gonna marry her and start a family so to me she wins.. I am still relationshipless :(. I just feel bad, like a bad person and sad because I want to be a girlfriend so much and I compromised what I wanted and felt and now who will want me. I just am so confused.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

Okay what you did wasn't really the best thing in the world but don't kill yourself over it to much. What I really want you to get from this though is that this doesn't mean no one's ever going to want you. Don't say that. People will screw up but the past is the past and plus you feel bad about it. If someone really cares about you in the future they aren't going to look at this as a big deal.

Besides, holy sh*t, think about how many guys sleep with girls who aren't available and feel absolutely no remorse because of it. Not to mention no one ever blames them, because they just don't care.

Anyway, you should probably leave this guy to be. I mean, he cheated on his girlfriend, so regardless of what happens now, he's gonna have things to work out with her. Unless he plans on keeping it a secret. I don't know if he might like you a bit or not and there's also the fact that "oh he cheated on his girlfriend, he might cheat on me with someone as well" but I don't really like this because it doesn't happen all the time. Sometimes people cheat and it's a mistake and they feel bad about it and never do it again. But still though you can't really do anything until he breaks up with his girlfriend.

If you're still looking for a boyfriend find someone who is willing to hang out with you just as a friend first but like not a FRIEND friend you know make sure you two do things couples do like hold hands and make out and sh*t or else he'll feel like he's just an ordinary friend and that kinda sucks for guys especially when sex is something we want (because it might not be). But this is important because you have to make sure the guy really wants to stay with you and likes you for who you are and isn't just trying to have sex with you. If you stay with someone long enough and they still feel like talking to you and want to hang out even though you haven't had sex yet and it's been months, then that means he's really interested in you and isn't just gonna leave you after you two had sex.

[madhatters4]

this might sound harsh but please read with an open mind.

it seems to me you have very little self-control and self-restraint when it comes to your convictions. I just don't understand how after all you went through, all the bad stuff about this guy, all the douchey behavior, lies and dishonesty that you ended up sleeping with him... And if that wasn't so bad you are actually considering sleeping with him again.

I'm not going to condemn you for sleeping with guy who has a girlfriend. Look it's sucks, I've been cheated on and it is one of the worst things in the world but I always blame more than anyone the person in the relationship (the cheater rather than the cheatee). You are just a person looking for something. He is a person who has something and treats it like crap...so I won't blame you or frown on you for having sex with a guy in a relationship...

But if I were you I'd just be disappointed that despite all my better judgement I didn't tell this guy to f*ck off. You said you want a relationship so show some conviction and just let this guy go. Do not talk to him. Unless you are ready for a casual sex situation where you are the other woman (and it doesn't sound like that's what you want) you are going to end up alone and hurt at the end of this thing. He on the other hand can go back to his girlfriend. Stick with your convictions. You have good judgement (shown by your initial evaluation of this guy) so stick with it. Do what's best for you, and I honestly don't think that this guy is best or even good for you

[madhatters4]

sorry not quite sure why you were blocked...

[madhatters4]

@update: is it bad? not bad but it's not good. honestly just cut this guy out of your life. onwards and upwards. What is he offering you other than attention and a superficial relationship? I think you deserve better

[MisBHaved1]

Aww well thanks.

[xHoneyxBeex]

...How do you "accidentally" have unprotected sex with someone, not once, but twice? Please, don't try to justify helping someone cheat.

1) He has NO interest in you beyond sex. He will not leave his girlfriend for you, you were just a side chick. Bottom line, he's an ass and I sincerely hope his girlfriend finds out and leaves him.

2) Sleeping with a guy will not make him suddenly want a relationship with you. Sleeping with a guy too soon ruins that option (in most cases).

I'm not trying to be insensitive or sound too harsh, I can tell you feel bad, I just can't stand cheaters and women who knowingly sleep with men who have girlfriends/wives. However, he is the jerk in this situation. What he has done is not fair to his girlfriend but it's not fair to you either. You claim you want a relationship, well, that's not going to happen with this guy.

Your best option is to just move on and find a single guy who is a lot more honest and trustworthy. I mean think about it, hypothetically if this guy did leave his girlfriend for you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you with someone else too? He obviously can't be trusted in relationships and if you believe that this is the first time he's cheated on his girlfriend then you're just naive. The dude had a POF account, I'm sure you're not the first girl this has happened with.

His girlfriend deserves better but so do you! I'm honestly not trying to attack you as I truly believe that you know what you did was wrong, I just think you could do better than being putty in this guy's hands. He's playing you hun. Don't let him continue to do that. Be smart about this. Cut him off and find someone who has more respect for you and is more trustworthy overall.

[rotinaj10]

She doesn't deserve better, she deserves exactly what she gets out of this situation. People who want serious committed relationships don't chase after people who are taken. You are spot on with points one and 2. Personally I believe helping someone cheat is just as bad as cheating yourself.

[MisBHaved1]

I have tried to find relationships with people who are single and it didn't work. Don't tell me what I don't deserve rotinaj because you have no idea what I have gone through

[xHoneyxBeex]

No my point is that no one deserves a dishonest, untrustworthy, partner. She said that she wanted a relationship with him but the guy id a total douche. I'm not saying that it was right for her to sleep with him. I'm saying that she should move on and find a better guy for herself rather than this sleeze.

[xHoneyxBeex]

is*

[katiesmuff]

At first I wasn't going to respond to this question, then I now see your update and have to say something.

Certainly I don't know you personally or even what kind of person you actually are, but several things I do know is this.

1 Even the lifestyle I have led sleeping with a guy who is married or in a serious relationship is a complete NO NO!

2 Almost any girl when she is horny and wants someone to f*ck her can fairly easily find a guy willing to step in and help out.

3 You called the other girl lucky to have him. How wrong you are as he has proven what a cheater he is and that is unlikely to ever change. He used you for your pussie and he'd do the same with the next girl to happen along.

You feel bad and sad as you should, but it happened and nothing can change the fact that his penis was in your pussie with your permission, twice I might add so all you can do now is learn from this and move on hopefully never doing anything like this again. The one smart thing you did however was the Blue Pill.

Your day and your guy will come along, probably out of nowhere and totally unexpected so until then f*ck all the single guys you want and have fun.

[MisBHaved1]

Have you ever had an unprotected one night stand? That is the part I'm worried most about

[katiesmuff]

Many of them and as long as you took the plan B within 72 hrs of him breeding you, you should be quite safe. I'm thinking Sunday was yesterday and if that is true you might find yourself cramping today and feeling like you might have stomach flu and that is normal. It will pass quickly

[MisBHaved1]

I took it at 1130 yesterday morning. I am more worried about STDs, I talked to him he said he knows he doesn't have any and I know I don't but it is still scary

[katiesmuff]

Odds are he doesn't have any!

[MisBHaved1]

Thanks for putting my mind at ease! I don't think he does either especially since he has had a girlfriend for 3 years, I would think if he had something it would have been taken care of by now

[katiesmuff]

Exactly my thinking

[Stacyzee]

No body "accidentally" has sex.

You didn't trip on the floor and somehow land on his penis.

So therefore, there was nothing "accidental" about this.

Did you make a bad decision ?

Yes.

If you want to make wiser choices, you have to start by being honest with yourself.

His intentions were to sleep with you all along which is why he seeked you out in he first place.

He may feel "bad " about it but not bad enough to not want to do it again.

You can't changed what has already happened, but you can prevent it from happening again.

Do not hang out with this guy and cease contact.

[Stacyzee]

@update: Even though the guy may treat you like you have the front seat, it will only be for a little while because he wants "sex" from you. Please, do not be fooled by this. You must understand, he would never give up his relationship for what he has with his long term girlfriend. That is how it usually goes. What ever happened happened. You can't change the past but make wiser decisions in future.

[MisBHaved1]

Do you think his girlfriend should know?

[Stacyzee]

She has the right to know. But that isn't your duty to tell her. He owes it to her to be honest, after all it is his relationship.

[Newgirl1979]

As much as others may not like my answer, this guy was the one with the girlfriend and commitment, not you, so don't beat yourself up over it too much as he should have kept it in his pants. You haven't made any promises to anyone then betrayed them - he has.

However, he is just using you for sex, so stop all contact with him now. You will get a reputation for being 'cheap' and 'easy' then no man will want to date you. You certainly don't want this guy because he has probably cheated before and if he was your boyfriend, he'd cheat again with someone else. Get yourself checked out (as if he is that sort of person, he could have all sorts of diseases) and then just be comfortable and confident being single - to feel like you need a boyfriend or be so desperate that you would lower your standards so much and be used for sex is not attractive to any potential boyfriends! Find someone worthy of your time and your affection.

[Abhijit3101]

If it was by accident forget it and take care in future. If he has used you intentionally - cut off relation with him.

[xxjetaime]

It's pretty clear..he's only using you for sex because he's not satisfied with the sex that he has with his long term relationship girlfriend, but in the end like you said he's going to marry her.

[MisBHaved1]

Thats so sad to me

[xxjetaime]

I know it sucks, so I would recommend just move onto someone else that would cherish you.

[Jonny_]

Let it pass, you made a mistake... You won't feel any better, and will probably feel worse for letting it continue. Oh and military men, often a horrible choice for a partner... I'm ex military, I would recommend probably less than one percent of the guys I worked with they were almost all cheating on partners because 'it was easy, and they're in a different part of the country' seriously, that is the reasons they had. Plus when a guy pushes for sex that much and doesn't get it... and suddenly wants to be just friends? Yeah that's a load of crap too, no guy is going to push that much for sex and then suddenly be happy just having a friend. It's an experience, just learn from it... It sucks being single I know, I'm almost two years single... But I know there are many great people out there, this guy was attractive? so what, he was a cheater and only seemed interested in sex... There are attractive people out there who don't do that. You just need to remember that there isn't just the one person. As for telling his wife or talking to him, I wouldn't bother... it would create all kinds of issues and would especially come back hard on yourself. She'll probably catch him out eventually, I don't think finding out earlier lessens the blow.

[ryanontario]

unfortuently some people on dating sites aren't who they say they are , I'm sure his profile doesn't say he's in a relationship . I don't think its your fault for what happened . you just meet a guy who turned out to not be what he said he was and fell for his tricks . you need to try and do a bit more research into the guys your trying to date next time , know that is hard when meeting on sites like POF but maybe try and go on a couple dates first before getting sexual and get to know them

[kambo_trick3y]

Did you read the story? He didn't trick her, he out and out stated he had a girlfriend and she still had sex with him.

[ryanontario]

ok he did tell her when she asked but it still wasn't likely on his POF profile so he was still out there trying to trick girls into doing things when he was already in a relationship

[MisBHaved1]

exactly and I asked why he had a profile at one point and he said "he was just being stupid at the time".

[kambo_trick3y]

No one's doubting he's a scumbag, he's not off the hook. But she had CLEAR vision that he was a scumbag and the opportunity to turn away, and she willingly chose not to. Say you drive down a road, there's a fallen tree that you spot a MILE away, hell, you even got a pair of binoculars to SEE them clearly, but you decide to drive forward anyway and WRECK your car. Then blame your wrecked car on the fact that no one put a danger sign on the road earlier. No, no it doesn't work that way.

[ryanontario]

unfortuently some people do choose to go after people already in relationships , its an odd situation since he put himself on that site when he wasn't single but she still went for him after finding out the truth . there both in the wrong for what happened . I'd use this as a lesson for future if guy is giving you a weird vibe and setting off red flags it might be a sign he is not telling the truth about things

[kambo_trick3y]

Sigh.

People like you and this guy in your story give me less hope for the human race.

[MisBHaved1]

I'm sorry. Believe me I feel horrible.

[kambo_trick3y]

I'm sorry I know that doesn't answer your question but truth be told, there isn't exactly an answer to this question. You knew the guy was married, and you still went for it, and he walked off after he blew his load. Like, what? Do you expect him to come back and jump into your arms? Don't take a gun, knowingly shoot your own foot, and then ask what to do next. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try not to act like a sex starved monkey next time. Be a human being.

[MisBHaved1]

He isn't married

[kambo_trick3y]

Right right, had a girlfriend. You get the point.

[G_GTom]

I'd have to agree with you. The reason I stay single. People cheat a lot, including women. At this point, women screw around just as much as guys and probably more due to them not being any better people and have more opportunity.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You need to learn some self control and learn how to take responsibilities for your actions. You didn't "accidentally" do anything.

[MisBHaved1]

I agree

[abundantlyrich]

He was just using you for sex. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[G_GTom]

I suggest you stay out of relationships for a long time. If you do get into one, you'll probably "accidentally" cheat. I know you will probably say you won't, just like you never intended to "accidentally" have sex with this guy.

[MisBHaved1]

I was in a relationship a few months ago and I never ever cheated. I would never do that to someone, especially since being in a relationship is so important to me.

[Anonymous]

he needed some strange and so did you.

chances are that he needed to know if he had wasted all that time with his girlfriend or not.

perhaps talk to him sometime and see what he thinks about it. if he doesn't want to ever talk to you, then respect that. if he needs time to figure out what he did or is going to do, respect that. if he wants to just be friends then realize he is probably just being nice because he thinks you're cool and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

[Anonymous]

This reads like a Maury povich episode

[Anonymous]

How do you accidently sleep with some one?

[Anonymous]

Well, from your story I can tell you're not a very nice person (not the kind I like, at least), but he's the one who really screwed up. Apparently you tell yourself a lot of excuses about why you two slept together, but I could have told you were going to have sex since he asked you to go out with him and you said yes. Yeah, if I were him, after that moment I'd knew we were going to have sex.

It's an old story. Hot guy in a committed relationship bangs a nobody who tells herself constantly she's not going to bed with him. If you didn't want to f*** him you should have stopped talking to him the moment you knew he was in a relationship. The only thing you can do to redeem yourself is thinking about that poor girl and warn her, out of deference; next time, YOU might be the girlfriend.

[MisBHaved1]

She has been with him 3 years I am not telling her

[Opinion Owner]

So you knowingly f*** her boyfriend, without using any protection, and now you're going to help him keep the secret... don't you think she deserves to know her boyfriend has unprotected sex with random girls? Wouldn't you want to know? IMO, you're not prepared to be in a relationship, but you can still do good by this girl.

[Opinion Owner]

PS: If I were you, I'd get tested for STIs. You're not the only one.

[MisBHaved1]

I am going to get tested and I don't want to ruin her relationship. They have been together 3 years I doubt she would leave him

[Opinion Owner]

You wouldn't be ruining anything. As I told you before, he's the one who screwed. If you don't want to tell her, don't tell her, but she's the one who's actually being hurt and doesn't even know it. He might end up giving her AIDS from one of his hookups. Even if you don't push it, that relationship is already condemned.

[Opinion Owner]

BTW: I've been with my girlfriend for three years but if I find out something like this (and I'd like to know, believe me) I would dump her in the spot.

[MisBHaved1]

She was with him while he was deployed so I doubt she would leave. I know if it were me I wouldn't leave either not gonna lie

[Opinion Owner]

Well, I'm just saying that she deserves the opportunity to reevaluate her relationship. I'd want that. It's your choice. Sooner or later she's going to find out, anyway, I was just giving my opinion :-)

[MisBHaved1]

I agree, I am just scared of him and what would happen

[Opinion Owner]

Well, that's a whole different take on the issue. If you are scared of him, you should begin by cutting off any communication. First thing first: you have to be and feel safe.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it again.

[Opinion Owner]

I just read some of what other people wrote and realized that I didn't read all of your question. I just read the start of it. Complete mistake on my part. I missed out on being able to properly bash you for your piss poor decisions. I promise to never do that again.