I had a threesome and I think he likes her now

[Anonymous]

I had a threesome with my boyfriend and one of my really good friends a few weeks ago. My boyfriend is really close to my friends but never in an inappropriate way or anything. Well while we were doing it he had sex with her and then when he moved to me he couldn't perform so well. Then the next morning she was all snuggled up to him but I really dint think much just brushed it off. Then stuff has started to get weird. She left and then called him an hour later asking him to come over and see what was wrong with her car and he was gone for three hours but he did say he had to change her breaks. I see her number in his phone all the time and she is over our house a lot more lately. Then I came home from work the other day and they were on the couch together and when I walked in she stood up really fast and walked in the other room. Last night she stayed over and slept in the guest bedroom and I woke up in the middle of the night and he wasn't there. I didn't want to walk in on them IF they were doing something but I don't know if they are. What do you think? IS he cheating?

[Anonymous]

You invited the friend in, now it is time to invite her to leave. You need to sit them both down and discuss what happened and what you feel is happening now. As far as whether or not he is cheating, he may not see it that way since you invited her into your bedroom. You said it was okay. Now it is time to tell her to leave. Also in the future you need to set up some ground rules before the threesome happens. My wife and I had a threesome a few years ago, we had ground rules, like, she was first. No intercourse with the other woman. We also had signals if either of us was feeling uncomfortable. The other woman was a close friend of hers and now she is a close friend to the two of us. But we have rules established so that our primary relationship comes first, always!

[dave216]

Cheating, no, as he is only a boyfriend, not a husband. What he is doing is straying from you and you need to discuss it with him. You can not control the feelings of others so ask him to be honest, to make a choice, and move on if he is wanting her instead of you. It may be hard to let go, but better you find out now than after a child or a marriage has really complicated the situation.

[John-Bee]

Where do YOU get the understanding that it is only considered cheating if you are married? So any couple that "cheats" on the other one has only strayed? What AARP world do you live in???

[dave216]

John, Cheating, by definition, is acting outside the applicable rules of the situation under discussion. Since there has been no formal agreement, such as a marriage vow or contract, there are no agreed upon rules to violate. If something I say exceeds your understanding, it is good to request clarification, but why do always need to include some attempt at an insult? That is childish immature behavior. I would think at your age you would have gotten past that.

[V-Girl]

You always have to put people down. YOU are a troll on this site. Cheating is cheating between a boyfriend and girlfriend too. Does it lessen the pain because there is "no contract" or legally binding piece of paper? You got 5 thumbs down. I wounder why.

[dave216]

V, if you have an opinion, why don't you answer the girls question? What I told her is entirely accurate. It is also good advice. Put people down? It was you who resorted to name calling, that is a put down, not I. Cheating between children, is not worth my time to consider.

[Shlei3]

And here lies the the problem with having a threesome with a boyfriend and a good friend. I am sorry to say that yes this man is now starting to increase his interest in your friend. I would talk to him about it but you must understand that he may blame you for allowing the threesome to occur in the first place. Talk to them both about it at the same time and go from there.

[thelittlethings]

I agree. Don't let him blame you though, you said it was ok one time and while you were there. Don't let him make you feel guilty for him cheating.

[Anonymous]

yeah if I were in your place I wouldn't enter so that I wouldn't see my boyfriend is f**king my friend ...this is hard and even if I know it is happening I'd better refuse to see it with my eyes its just enough to figure it out ...

so it's better to break up OR you catch him first to be pretty sure you were fair enough with him

[katiesmuff]

How can you call it cheating if you were part of starting a threesome?

Sounds very much like your boyfriend is in guys heaven right now, getting his p**** from two places and nobody complaining !

Good Luck fixing this!

[chica1]

Hello you already know!

[djdunn]

Im really sorry to say that, and yes it is cheating

you opened up a door and its going to be a very hard one to close again

[l-hedoniste]

I have a hard time accepting that you didn't want to walk in on your boyfriend while he's SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN YOUR HOUSE. Could you describe the thinking you had there?

[only-lonely-me]

I too am sorry to say that I think he is cheating.

There are a lot of questions about threesomes and I always advise against it for several reasons but this is THE main reason.

I hope that others can learn from your lesson.