I found out that my boyfriend isn't a virgin but I am...and I'm upset?

[Anonymous]

So I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend is not a virgin, and I am. He slept with his ex of three months, though I don't know how many times they slept together, but I know it was more than once. And I am so upset about it. I cried all day yesterday and I can't stop picturing him having sex with some other girl. I know I'm jealous, but I'm also really sad. I've had to take four shots of vodka today just to help numb the pain. Am I overreacting? Has anyone ever been through this.

[cheeky_starfish]

Perhaps you started dating this guy from the idealistic viewpoint that you would both be virgins and you would both lose that to each other... Unless he specifically told you that he was a virgin when he met you, then this guy has done nothing wrong. I think you are getting a little bit carried away in your own mind about this and you need to calm down and think to yourself that this is completely normal and any guy, or girl for that matter, who has been in a relationship previously is very unlikely to be a virgin! As hard as this may be, try to think of the positives... He can use his experience to help you both when you become intimate together.

You just have to remember that this situation is completely normal and no one has done anything wrong here... Try to calm yourself down and come to terms with that reality. I hope that helps you somewhat... :o)

[kambo_trick3y]

Ohhh man, you just mentally f***ed yourself. Prepare for a never ending mental grinding of images in your head for months and possibly years to come.

I also know, no amount of words will soothe you, cause I've seen this before.

[redsunrising]

I don't think you should worry about whether or not you're overreacting. The fact is that it bothers you - why? Did you want a partner that was saving himself for marriage? Are you afraid you won't measure up to his ex? Does the fact that he slept with someone else make you feel like your relationship with him is less special somehow?

Whatever the reason, I think you need talk over how you feel with your boyfriend. I do think it would be overreacting to break up with him or fight over this, but it would also be a strain on the relationship to quietly suffer about it. He can't change the fact that he slept with her, but he's with you now because you're the woman that's important to him, not her.

[Theditzyasian]

Well.. I'm a strong believe you should never being consummating anything before marriage. And I can see your point, I would be deeply sadden if my boyfriend had several sexual encounter before me. I would think that maybe I will be like his past girlfriends who had sexual needs for and not love. And him being your first makes it that more intense and real. No one should think your overacting because in the end it's going to be you who have face the problems and what ever way you handle it is your choose. And you can't control your emotions.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yes you're overreacting. What he did in his past is just that, his past. You can't change it and neither can he. Obviously it didn't work out with them and now he's with you. Finding a virgin at your age (assuming 18-24 is your correct age group) is rare. It doesn't mean he still has feelings for that girl, clearly he likes/loves you since he's with you. Relax. Honestly, it's nothing to get THAT upset over.

[kheserthorpe]

Are you planning to wait till marriage, or were you hoping you'd both be each others' first?

[Asker]

I was hoping that we'd be each others' first.

[britannny]

Oh my god YES you are VERY MUCH overreacting. Calm down. Reality check: Whatever he did before he knew you has nothing to do with your relationship with him, and honestly isn't even your business. No matter how many girls he's had sex with, it is not important to your relationship with him now. This is year 2013. You're age group is 18-24. I'm assuming that's the age group you're dating. And you will not find many virgins in that age group. So take a chill pill.

[upsyndrome]

Why does it matter?

[artfullyliving]

it is usually more than once

funny

[Anastasia13]

Something just happend to me Ik how u feel and yes it sucks

[Anonymous]

People usually have the sexual history conversation before becoming official.

[Anonymous]

You're too idealistic, get realistic girl.

[Anonymous]

Break up with him if it bothers you THAT much.

[Anonymous]

thing is but that age its rare to be a virgin anymore , lots of people have sex during high school or college so not a lot of virgins around .

if he lied to you about it , I guess you have a reason to be upset . if you just though he had never had sex before you were maybe a little foolish to think that as most guys that age have