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How many partners is OK or too slutty?

I'm currently a college student who has had 3 partners. There are a few guys I'd like to sleep with, but I'm worried I'll be considered slutty if my... Show More

Most Helpful Opinion

  • Girl A has had sex with 8 men. She dated each of them exclusively for roughly three months before sleeping with any of them, she always used protection, but none of the relationships lasted more than about a year.Girl B had slept with 4 men. One she slept with in the back of the car on the first date, dumped him after a few weeks. Another she meet while drunk underage in a bar and screwed in a bathroom stall. The other two she screwed in a threesome while high as a kite at a frat party. She didn't use protection and wasn't on the pill.Which one is the slut and how much does the number of partners she had actually factor into your answer?

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    • well put

    • This guy should get best answer.

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What Guys Said 17

  • The older you get the less a 'number' matters and its more a lifestyle.Some girls wait till marriage.Some girls do XYZ with serious boyfriendsSome do XYZ with anyone they are monogamously seeing.Some hook up and have ONS.Some might be waiting for marriage for anal, have sex with serious boyfriend, oral with anyone monogamous and have jerked off a few guys while making out drunk. How many do I consider OK? If I were single, the most important thing is ... I want to feel she wants me. If she has one night stands with other guys but doesn't want to fool around with me a few dates in, its over. Whatever HER standards are, I want to feel that she's moving as fast with me as she'd move with anyone. Otherwise I'd feel like she wasn't that into me.But that's me. Other people see things differently.

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  • As long as your clean it does not matter do what you want its your life!

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  • it matters... I'd say keep it down. girls tend to go down slippery slopes once they start f***ing randoms

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  • If a guy asks just tell him ,...you can count them on one hand. That's a good line my ex told me that, but in reality she had slept with about 50 guys.

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  • Three guys is fine. In today's day and age, I'd be more worried about dating a girl who've slept with LESS than 4 guys than one who've slept with more than 8.

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    • You know multiple studies have said that women with more partners are much more likely to divorce, right?

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    • ... and my own study is saying that women who have too many hangups on sex are usually pretty bad at sex.

    • Hey, you want to get cheated on/divorced, go right ahead. :) Used goods are usually cheaper, anyway.

  • I wouldn't worry as much about the number. As guys get older they care much less about the number and more about the circumstances behind it. Stay classy and most won't judge you in that way. As far as being concerned about how you look to guys currently, the quickest way to develop a "slut" persona is to start sleeping with guys who all know each other. If you start basically passing yourself around they will eventually find out about it from each other and you will be labeled as such. I would keep your sex life away from your guy group of friends as much as possible. If you do decide to sleep with one I recommend you stick to that one and don't deviate to another one in the group. It won't look good.

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  • In my opinion there is no number, sluts are girls who jump from one guy onto the next, cheat, sleep with guys just because they can and hurt a guys feelings and then just don't give a sh*t about it. Just don't sleep with guys to frequently, and don't go back an forth. Also don't try to hurt guys, because then they might try to spread rumors around that you're slut as a revenge...Definitely don't sleep with a guy if you know he really likes you but you just want sex!

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  • Quite frankly, I think the number of people one sleeps with should have no bearing on how well a relationship goes, or how a partner looks at another partner. As long as you don't go above 8 partners you should be fine.

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    • "it should have no bearing..." "as long as you don't go above 8"mixed messages much?

    • Yes, as long as you don't go over 8, it should have no bearing on ones relationship. Anymore than 8 is slutty in my opinion. Have a great day :)

  • Don't tell anyone. I don't recommend using men just for sex. That is not good. You won't be treated the way you will want to be later. Guys will likely find out and think of you as a girl who only wants sex and will never want to be in a long-term relationship or marry you.

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  • I'd think that you just sleeping around like this in college would be enough of a deal breaker for me. It is your life just means that I wouldn't date you.

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  • Do as most women do in your situation, f*** them and lie about it.For me, numbers are relatively important. If you have had sex for fun, I'll put you in one category. If you never had sex outside a long term relationship, I'll put you in another. In the first scenario, I won't allow you to demand commitment in any way; if it happens, it happens, but if you think things are going too slow or you feel I don't commit enough (like making long term plans, living together and the like), you can leave whenever you want. In the second scenario, I wouldn't commit faster or differently than the first scenario, but I would be tolerant with your demands and I'd try to explain my position to make you feel comfortable.If you only had sex in relationships that lasted a few months, depending on the number and the moment in your life, there are two other categories. If you were a teenager and had a couple of short relationships, and then only long term relationships, I don't care. But if you're 30 and you've been jumping from one 3-5 month relationship to the next, I won't date you no matter what.There are a lot of exceptions and important details, but as a set of general rules, I won't allow you to demand from me ANYTHING you didn't demand from your previous partners, whatever the situation: it's not fair to me. I'll also expect you to give me as much as the most in your previous relationship and I'll expect you to demand as little as in fewest. I don't care if you think your needs have changed or that you've matured or whatever, you can't demand from me things you didn't demand from previous partners and you can't deny me things you gave to previous partners. Also, if you've been screwing around, incapable of having a long term relationship, I'm not interested. If I like you, I need to know that you're capable of having a LTR. Numbers (high and low) can give you hints about it, but there's much more to it.

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  • It's all in your head. No one else needs to know your number. It's your prerogative to sleep with whoever you want to right now. If you can handle/ want whatever comes from a casual dating/relationship now, that's fine because it's right for you right now. If in the future you want to settle into a serious relationship with a guy, he needs to be comfortable with who you are, not who you were. As a single guy with a low number who would like to find a girl to settle down with, I couldn't care less about a girl's number. Her sexual history isn't very interesting to me. I just want to know who she is now and who she plans to be in the future. Long story short: Past doesn't matter. The only number that matters for something serious is how many people you're currently sleeping/ in a relationship with.

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  • Women have the hardest time understanding, that their sexuality is their biggest selling point, if they want a relationship someday. If a girl has given her ass away for the price of a beer, why should I, or any sane guy, ever go through more work than that for her? Women 18-24 love to hook up and have fun, and then they want guys to "man up and commit" when they're 27 or so. They don't realize the simple truths--men don't go through *more* work for a girl after she's older, more jaded, and has given herself away for a drink. If a woman is basically saying, "Hey, I'm in my absolute most awesome prime, and I'll have sex if you're entertaining/hot" then how does she have the nerve to complain later, "I'm older, I've had sex with a van full of guys, how come men won't wine and dine me? They just want to hook up and then be on their way, no commitment..."

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    • what century do you live in?

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    • BTW, according to four nationally representative studies, the more partners a woman has had, the more likely she is to cheat on or divorce you. Oh, of note, curiously, premarital sex *with the man she will marry* does not increase her chance of divorcing over a virgin bride's risk of cheating/divorcing. (Heaton, 2002; Kahn & London, 1991; Laumann et al., 1994; Teachman, 2003).

    • End message is, no rings for sluts, bahaha.

  • Realistically? If a girl has had 5 or more partners and isn't married... slut. And yes, your number is important. I'm sorry to tell you, yes it is. Three, isn't such a bad number, it won't bother *that* many guys. Most importantly, according to a study based on the National Survey of Family Growth 1995 cycle, with data on over 6500 women, divorce risk drastically increases per the amount of partners she's had. You can find more studies if you look. link So basically, yeah, girls get pissed that guys don't want to marry girls that slept around--but studies confirm that the more a girl has slept around, the more likely she is to divorce the guy.I understand that girls don't share the same feelings, that not nearly as many of them are grossed out at the thought of how many girls a guy has been with--it's different for guys. Honestly, that kind of helped me get over a girl I positively adored. All I had to do was think to myself, "Hey, 4 guys have had her naked with her ankles skyward, but didn't think she was worth sticking around for. Who am I to argue?"

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    • Yep, thumbs down by either a mangina, or some girl that's had her ankles in the air for quite a few guys. Seriously though, it's a super effective way to get over a girl. Just guess her number, or if you know it, and picture that many guys standing around her while she's on her back. Guaranteed to kill that case of "oh, she won't date me, I'm so depressed!"

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    • Pray tell Tervold, what did I say that sounded *gasp* bigoted? ^^

    • Of the many flaws in your arguments, the second most offensive is your assumption that "after a few guys", girls are still stuck with the "ankles in the air" position. Women are much more intelligent and sensitive to their (and our) pleasures and are more than capable of figuring out many more pleasurable positions for coitus than "ankles in the air".

  • Do you . link And don't worry about what others say or think and use protection.

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  • It's up for interpretation. If you don't find sleeping around slutty, that's fine. You'll find a guy that will find it acceptable.If you want my opinion, I'd say you are about half way there now, and if you've had casual sex (i.e most forms of sexual contact) outside of a relationship, I'd already have you in that column.I wonder how many down votes this will get me.

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    • You hit the nail on the head with this comment, good job :)

    • With the caliber of girls on here, I easily expected double the down votes by now.

What Girls Said 12

  • Just don't worry what others with think. Do your thing and don't let others run your life.

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  • boys can't tell. why tell people to give them the opportunity to judge you ?i don't recommend casual sex though.

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  • Do what you feel is right. It's your body. And if any future guy can't accept your past then that's his problem, not yours. Different people have different views on the "right" number of sex partners. One guy may expect you to be a virgin and another may not care at all how high your number is. Just live your life for you and no one else.

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    • IDK, it seems to come back to bite some girls. link I mean, if I want to be a guy that bangs hookers and mugs people, that's my choice, but would anyone blame a girl who was sane enough to say, "No way would I date you, you're trash."?

    • Did I say men should still date her regardless of her number? No. I said "different people have different views on the "right" number of sex partners. One guy may expect you to be a virgin and another may not care at all how high your number is." That imply's that not all men will accept itbut she should still do what she wants regarding her own sex life.I mean, did you even read my entire answer? And really? Comparing a woman's active sex life to mugging people? Please, grow up.

  • There isn't a magic number...Already, one guy has said 6, another 8...But you know what? The guy you meet, might think anything more then one is unacceptable...He might also not care how many, as long as you are clean... Live life, do what feels good to you, be safe.

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  • Who cares? It's not like anyone will know besides you. You don't have to tell future boyfriends how many guys you've had sex with.

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    • What if they ask? It seems to be a common enough question when people are dating.

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    • Obviously, one wouldn't ask that on a first date, but for me, when things were turning sexual, it's been a fairly common question. I've never asked it and had a girl be offended at me. Seriously, you're saying you haven't gotten that from guys, or asked it? This is curious, to me. It's certainly relevant if you're being sexual with someone. And I'll keep that in mind, but saying that 40-50% of girls are trashy enough to lie about their history sounds sort of mean.

    • I'm not saying anything that isn't true. A LOT of girls lie about it. And why not? Read the guys answers. If a girl feels insecure about her number it's a pretty easy thing to lie about and no one will ever know the difference.

  • Have as many partners as you would like so long as it's not more than what makes you comfortable.

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  • I really love how we can only have limited partners in life but guys can have as many as they want :)

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  • From the people I've known, most won't really care, as long as you don't have any STDs. (Seriously, though. Always use protection.) I slept with 4 different guys before I started a relationship with my boyfriend, but he really doesn't care. I've seen this question posted in other forums before, and the consensus was that guys don't really care about before a relationship, as long as you remain faithful to them. Also, sleeping with different guys can help you be more comfortable/confident in bed once you are in a relationship, because you know what you like. (Unless you've only slept with a**holes that didn't care about what you wanted)

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  • It's not important. It may be important to quite a few guys, but those guys are idiots, and not worth dating anyway. Just have fun. If any guy ever asks your "number", tell them to mind their own business.

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  • Here's the thing: No matter who you are, what your gender is, what your race/ethnicity is or how old you are, you will be judged for all of your actions. Some people will judge you for how you choose to dress in the morning or how you choose to style your hair. Or even judge you by your appearance or the way you walk or talk. You will also be judged for the way you drive, the school you choose and the career path that you choose.Judgment is inevitable. If you want to be promiscuous, then do so. It's your body, your desire and your life. Just make sure to always use a condom and make sure that you're also on birth control such as the shot or because pills.But, you will be judged for your sex life. If your number becomes too high, yeah, guys will talk. Then you may gain a reputation. Or there's the possibility that the guys will keep their mouths closed.But understand that like the way you walk and how you dress, there will be judgment. It's not about a magical number. First, you need to accept that there will be negative feedback and neutral feedback.Determine whether you're willing to withstand the possibly negative judgment and live your life as is.A lot of people will give you different numbers because everyone is different. There is no universal number. Of course, most guys prefer girls with the least amount of experience (although not necessarily virginal)

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  • I think as long as you stay under 10 it's goodI know everyone says "Oh don't let the number define you!" blah blah blah, but come on, there's diseases out there, and there's something called self-respect and dignity...I've seen girls who have had 30+ partners, and frankly, that's just slutty and disgusting.

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    • Self respect would be using protection. That's respecting your health and body, because with sex there will always be the risk of disease or pregnancy.Dignity has nothing to do with sex.

    • And you think those 10 guys that are acceptable to sleep with aren't carrying anything?

    • That makes no sense. Even one of those 10 guys could be carrying STD. So we shouldn't have sex at all? No. She should be smart and always use protection.

  • No matter what you will get judged. It's all about not caring what people think.

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