He says that he wants to be my first, I'm still a virgin. Red flag?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 20 year old college student, and I have been talking to this 24 year old guy whose a cage fighter. The night before his big fight, he called me at like 2am Because he saw I was on FB, and about thirty minutes in we start asking personal questions. He knows that I haven't been in a real relationship before which I can tell that he proud of because of what he says. He asked if I was a virgin, so I told him yeah, then he asked if I was waiting til marriage. I told him I want to wait for marriage but I understand that not everything works as planned, so then he shares information about him losing his virginity and past relationship to me. He also shared some info about a problem he suffers from which our mutal friend does even know and they have been friends for a year now. We have only been talking for about a month, went on one date, I don't even know what we are right now. After he shares he gets all cocky about how he want to be my first that he scared he's going to hurt me and how he going to put the moves on me. I said the only thing that came to my mind which was we will see about that and don't get super cocky about it. We were pretty much kept talking afterward still and he keeps saying that he wants to give it to me sometime in May, which I don't know how I feel about it. Is this a red flag? Even though he admitted before had that he was more physical (cuddling, hugging,ect) which I kind of knew but its barley been a month and he's already talking about sex. every time we are on the phone he tells me how cute I am, he miss me, how he wish I was with him, I was cuddling with him, and how much he like me. We barely text each other so we always call each other and talk way over two hours every other day. Right now I'm confused he's a sweet guy, and by the way he talk sometime makes me think he wants a serious relationship but I don't know about giving my virginity up to him. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to try to make this more self-evident: "24 year old guy whose a cage fighter". That's screaming out loud "NOT marriage material". If you want a temporary boyfriend or a hookup, that's fine, if you want a faithful husband...

Look, if I have to explain you why that kind of guy won't make a nice husband, you'll definitely won't lose your virginity to your husband.

I've trained martial arts my whole life (since I was 8 years old), I've even taught martial arts occasionally, so I've spent a fair amount of time surrounded by these kind of people. Cage fighters (and most MMA fighters, TBO) are completely nuts. Their life priorities list is completely messed up and don't quite understand how the world really works. Essentially, they value people depending on how much ass they can kick (if I can kick your ass, I'm better than you) and they're CONSTANTLY talking about that. I feel really really uncomfortable around them. They talk and behave like brainless thugs. But this shouldn't take you by surprise since they don't hide this behavior (I've come to the conclusion they think this is normal). So, if you're considering him as a future husband I'm guessing you're not too brilliant yourself. If you're lucky, he'll f*** you, leave you and brag about it with his buddies. If you're less lucky, he'll f*** you, cheat on you, and brag about both those things with his buddies (and it won't be the first time, as I said, too much time around those kind of guys).

But go ahead, I bet you'll do it anyway. Just don't say nobody warned you.

[abw121290]

It sounds to me like there are some red flags, but go into this with your eyes wide open and make the decision that is right for you.

[Anonymous]

I had sex with a guy who had did cage fighting. He was in the military and he was really big. He spent 2-3 hours in the gym everyday. He was very aggressive. When we had sex...he was really rough. Normally I love rough sex. But this guy was to rough. I woke up the next morning with bruises. I would be scared for a guy like that to take my virginity. You want a guy who will be gentle and caring. I would not let him be the one.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Don't give your virginity to this guy. You'll regret it. This guy doesn't sound interested in much, just sex. Yes he may call you and chat to you but it's cause he knows that there's a chance he'll get sex. Some guys like challenges and in this case you're his virgin trophy that he'll get after the challenge. Don't allow this to happen. Find a decent guy who doesn't just have sex on his mind.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's a red flag. He's being all sweet and "serious" (the fact that he told you a "secret" that "nobody" knows) to make you let your guard down. What I don't understand either is why he would choose the exact month, May, for when it will happen, and why he's being so confident about it. He's after you because of your virginity. Don't have sex with him, and cut all contact.

[lotsavagyna]

HUGE RED FLAG. RUN FOR THE HILLS. I'm serious.

[bluexqueen]

Lots of red flags in my opinion. He's trying to butter you up to get into your pants to be your first. I'd say resist all of his moves if he tries to get sexual. At least wait one year to get to know him really well before losing your virginity to him. If he's after your virginity he probably won't wait a year.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

What do you mean red flag? He wants to f*** you and take your virginity. You like that he is cocky and a physically strong man. You'll likely give it up to him.

[Cottoncandydreams]

Yeah.. I wouldn't have sex with this guy.

[1inmillion]

"Napolean, you know I am training to be a cage fighter." ~ Chip from the movie Napolean Dynamite

[Anonymous]

That's indeed a red alert. If you don't want to lose your virginity, stay away from him. He doesn't really sound like the sweet, kind guy who would wait for you or take it slow.

[Anonymous]

Really?!

"He says that he wants to be my first, I'm still a virgin."

That's the red flag?! Nothing about this: "24 year old guy whose a cage fighter"?!

Girl... you won't marry a virgin, that I can tell...