Would you be OK being someone's fetish?

[pickledxtofu]

If the guy or girl you're dating had a fetish for people of your race, ethnicity, skin color, weight/size, height, would you be OK dating or marrying them? I personally wouldn't date a guy who has "jungle fever" but that's just moi. I'm not overweight nor am I extremely thin so I doubt anyone would fetishize me.

[UlsterScot]

"Fetish" is another word like (appropriate here) "racism" that has lost its meaning.

A racist observation would be that Blacks are of predictably low intelligence and must be controlled for their and "our" best interests. Since this is objective facts will disprove it. Assigning to and judging of a certain ethnicity by a negative perception (Blacks are lazy, Irish are drunks) is not racism. It is bigotry. Bigotry will never be eradicated because it is subjective,

A fetish (my definition) is assigning an extraordinary sexual character to something not directly related to sexuality, such as finding feet (the linguistic root of "fetish") as having sexual character.

A physical attraction can be (stretching things a bit) the opposite of bigotry; assigning compelling sexual desirability to individuals with a particular set of physical characteristics. Here is a set:

Southeast Asian (my attraction).

Long, straight, black hair.

Black or dark brown eyes

Generally petite bodies

Modest sized breasts.

Relatively narrow hips and modest sized bottoms

Brownish complexion

Relatively un-hairy bodies

Contrasting pigments at sexual zones

"innie" vulva architecture of modest vaginal capacity.

My lover is this and is OK with this.

Sure, there are variations, but these characteristics can be argued to be at the top of the bell curve for Southeast Asians and, for me, suggest increased sexual desirability (and more). Should this be a warning sign to my Southeast Asian lover? No. She should correctly see it as an advantage resulting in more and better sex and better treatment, generally..

Can this apply to any other ethnicity, say natural pale blonds, blacks, Latinas or Kim Kardashian? Absolutely. They will have different details and be equally attractive to someone else.

[pickledxtofu]

See, with fetishes come large generalizations. And guys who fetishize races generally only pay attention to or create "positive" qualities of whoever they have fetishes for.

[UlsterScot]

Which sounds healthy and normal to me. I like Corvettes due to a set of characteristics. Other guys like Porsches. They both provide somebody satisfaction. Is there anything inherently wrong with my wanting a petite Thai riding with me in my Corvette while Kanye West chauffeurs Kim K around in his (?) Porsche?

[UlsterScot]

Why, Pickled, are you disturbed with preferences? I have no reason not to believe that you may be on the top of somebody's A list.

[pickledxtofu]

You seem more bothered by this than me. You can try to justify your fetishes but I'm simply not comfortable with being a fetish. Few guys have jungle fever to begin with. Even those that do, the guys who have jungle fever or yellow fever are typically less attractive white guys

[kangaru]

@QA I disagreed that just because white guys like other races it makes them less attractive. Have you seen all the white guys to conclude this?

[pickledxtofu]

What does this have to do with liking other races? Usually white guys who "prefer" black or Asian girls are less attractive. You never see a Liam Hemsworth with a black or Asian chick. Usually some washed up, rejected dude who knows blacks and Asians are desperate for white guys and will take any white guy

[pickledxtofu]

I'm also not sure why you took issue with what I said but not with what the answerer said. He generalized as well. The only difference is what I said stings cause there are a lot of desperate black and Asian chicks on here who want to believe all white men are hot Gods and only the hot Gods like 'em

[kangaru]

Because you seem to dislike Asians and black a lot which I don't know why. You make it sound like we are inferior

[pickledxtofu]

You're picking and choosing. You either accept all generalizations or deny all generalizations. I don't dislike black or Asians. I'm just stating the obvious. Even the guys on here who try so hard to worship black girls or Asian girls are less attractive. In real life all I see are ugly/old white guys with ugly/poor black or Asian girls.

[UlsterScot]

Wow. I'm hurt. I've always thought I was an A-list guy. :-( Another reason I have made the choice I have is my sense that there will be far less psychodrama than main stream white girls. This and others of your dialogues affirm my perception.

[UlsterScot]

All right, Pickled. Try this exercise. You do not like the hard-wired system first step men use, which is selecting visual characteristics that appeal to us. These may or may not be racial but may tend to be clustered with one or another ethnicity. You call it fetishizing . I call it preferences. Where we cannot see into a girl's heart, what other system would you substitute as a basis for selection? Everybody selects everything.

[UlsterScot]

And this. You object to the use of stereotyping (which I freely admit) in assigning a set of desirable characteristics to an ethnicity. Should you not also object to stereotyping characteristics (old, ugly, desperate, loser, has been, washed up, etc) Isn't this stereotyping far less valid than obvious visual attraction?

[pickledxtofu]

That was my point. Apparently you choose to not comprehend what is being said. If you're going to stereotype the good and attempt to justify it then you need to accept the bad. And attraction is not a male thing. Yellow fever/jungle fever are fetishes, not preferences. You're trying to justify it because of your own fetish. You're not gonna make me agree with you

[pickledxtofu]

And the comment you left down below on Kangaru's response shows a fetish lmao Automatically saying a girls race makes them your favorite or makes them like you is a fetish. People are individuals lulz But now I see why you're offended. You're one of those people who will take any Asian girl as long as it satisfies your preference

[kangaru]

@qa no I am not picking and choosing, I am very curious as I have been observing your replies and you always come across very strong and hard on interracjal rs even though you are in one. I have been wanting to find out why you have such negative reactionto people choices. That's all :) by the way not all Asians are poor

[pickledxtofu]

Yes, you are picking and choosing. You can accept only the good generalizations, and that goes for everyone regarding race, nationality, religion etc. I'm not against IR relationships at all. But stereotypes for certain pairings exist for a reason. And I never said all Asians are poor, but white people are still at the top of the chain. And a lot of Asians (even on here) who have never met a white person prefer them. Same for some of the guys on here who prefer Latinas

[UlsterScot]

Actually I have mostly been stirring the pot and the only things that upset me at GAG are popups on my smart phone. Please don't let anybody fetishize you. I mean, how shallow can that be? We should only love you for your mind, right? Now, where did I file those sexy pictures of Lucy Liu?...

[pickledxtofu]

I never said that appearance doesn't matter. But it's obvious you have a fetish. Calling any ole Asian girl desirable simply because of their race is a fetish. And those with fetishes tend to settle.

Guys who have a fetish for black chicks want this: link

But settle with this just to satisfy their fetish:

link

same for guys who like Asians

[pickledxtofu]

They want this: link

But end up with this: link

[UlsterScot]

I promised someone here is not bother with your racist rants any linger but I can't help myself. The Japanese (?) in your first Asian link is certainly elegant but the Filipina (?) in the second is lovely and would not be "settling" at all. It seems like you have an "antifetish" regarding Asian women.

[pickledxtofu]

Racist? Ok, didn't realize pointing out the obvious is racist Guys will settle for any thing on here to satisfy a fetish lmao

[UlsterScot]

Is that first sentence a quote from Adolph Hitler or Heinrich Himmler?

[pickledxtofu]

Of course the guy with the fetish who compliments the most average chicks solely because of their race plays the racism card lmao

[UlsterScot]

who is that? I'd like to meet him.

[pickledxtofu]

You.

[RedThread]

Absolutely not! People who proclaim things like that I generally stay away from. I just find attraction like that to be so shallow. It is really a different type of racism in my opinion. If someone finds my skin color or height to be an attractive quality that's fine but there is A LOT more to me than that and if they can't see that then they wouldn't stand a chance in hell with being with me.

[UlsterScot]

Fair enough, but the first step in attraction is visual. On pure visuals, select 1. Rosie O'Donnell Jessica Simpson

[RedThread]

Yes I understand that but I would eventually want to get to know the person. A fetish implies that you're seen as a sexual object and nothing more. I'm talking about respect not noticing someone's beauty.

[AnnabelLee]

Well, I would not only be okay but love the fact I am his fantasy, and so he's super turned on just by me being me ^^ That is, of course, if he appreciates other characteristics in me besides "fitting his fetish".

[kangaru]

Preference for my race is fine but fetish would make me feel weird.

I wouldn't want to be with a guy who choose me because of my race. ..I have other qualities which he can focus on.

[UlsterScot]

Yes, Kangaru, but those will take time to detect once a relationship has started. We have to meet and talk first. There are many possible choices, so we narrow them down based on how we perceive beauty. You, by the accident of your birth would be on my A-list.

[kangaru]

Yes I do agree we have to know each other first so risk has to be taken. What do you mean I am on your A list?

[pickledxtofu]

It means he has a fetish. Guys who have fetishes automatically find everyone of their fetish attractive. It's like guys who find Sofia Vergara hot and think all Latinas are hot--but in order to satisfy the fetish they will accept and take any Latina regardless of her looks or personality

[Jonny_]

Doesn't bother me at all, I mean usually someone dating you has something in particular they often bring up as what they like most about you, it'd make no difference if the something in particular was to do with my race.

[kheserthorpe]

Yes, as long as I felt they also connected with me beyond that.

I also understand why it makes people feel uncomfortable, and I might have moments where I felt that way too. You don't want to feel like some interchangeable part who just fulfilled some basic requirement.

The reality is though that to a large extent, that's how life works. We -are- interchangeable parts who fulfill some person's requirements. But that doesn't mean you can't also feel love and become important and build a history together that only you share and really satisfy each other.

[kangaru]

Agreed

[Anonymous]

No I'd feel weird about it

[Anonymous]

I would love it. I don't even understand why someone would have a problem with it. If I can make my partner happy, and turn her on just by showing up, then I would be thrilled. That seems like saying my guy loves my size boobs so I need to dump him. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

[pickledxtofu]

Cause you'd only be a sexual object to them. When they wanna get serious they'd find someone of their own And I wouldn't wanna deal with corny "your skin is beautiful"/"I love your chocolate skin" comments

[Opinion Owner]

People can love a person, and still have a fetish for them. There is no reason to think they will give up their fetish just because they decide to get serious.

[pickledxtofu]

Few people do. A fetish is nothing more than sexual, especially in the case of race. A lot of people are culture vultures but would never bring one home at the end of the day

[Opinion Owner]

Most people would never bring home a what? A person of a different race? Both of my brothers did and no one had a problem with it.

[pickledxtofu]

Again, a fetish is different from a preference. A lot of people confuse the two. And as I said, a lot of people are culture vultures (meaning they'll date, f***, hook up with) someone of a different race but they would never bring one home. And certain IR relationship pairings are frowned upon. White men in particular manage to justify it to themselves

[Opinion Owner]

People can have a fetish, or not have a fetish and use someone for sex. Them having a fetish in no way determines how they value their partner. Interracial relationships are no longer the taboo they once were. If they love the other person race won't be a barrier. If they use race as an excuse then they didn't love the other person to begin with.

[AnnabelLee]

My boyfriend is an European and has a fetish for Latinas. Fetish, not preference. I am a Latina, and trust me, he's not in just because of this. Maybe he approached me because of that, but stayed for other reasons... And I met his family. Maybe that just depends on the guy... And I'm sorry if you've had this experience.

[pickledxtofu]

You likely have a racial fetish and are trying to justify it to me. No need to do so. But I can deal without the corny "your skin is so beautiful" nonsense

[Opinion Owner]

Does someone that is only attracted to their own race have a fetish? No. Race fetishes only exist when someone is attracted more to a race other than there own. Calling it a fetish is a remnant of racism, that shows the disapproval of interracial relationships. I don't understand why you can't accept anyone actually being attracted to a black woman. You seem to hate your black heritage. Women spend hours changing their skin tone. Heaven forbid a guy make a remark they like a woman's skin tone.

[pickledxtofu]

What does this have to do with black women? It's obvious you're biased because of your own fetish and misconceptions. The only dudes attracted to black women are washed up and rejected guys who are desperate after feeling rejected by white females. And people do not fetishize their own race like they do others. They create illusions regarding other races

[kangaru]

I think I do understand based on what you mentioned below. Anyway it js your choice to choose who you want to be , fetish ; preference doesn't matter to others

[Anonymous]

what about peeing/water sports, or any other fetishes that don't involve weight or race

[pickledxtofu]

That's not being someone's fetish. This is about being someone's fetish, not fulfilling someone's fetish

[UlsterScot]

Those are real fetishes. Weight and race are physical attractions directly related to sex.

[pickledxtofu]

Who said anything about them not being fetishes? If you'd read my question correctly you would know why what he has listed are not part of the discussions

[Anonymous]

if we were dating!