Boyfriend lied to me about watching p*rn?

[pandah]

OK I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 months now, we see each other every weekend. I have a really high sex drive and give him it all the time. Before he was with me he said he watched p*rn as he was single for quite a while which is understandable but he told me "I don't need it now I have you" which made me feel really good about myself. I have really bad confidence and self esteem and am always self conscious about my looks, even though he tells me all the time I am beautiful. He even said to me on the phone "I don't watch it even look through my internet history if you want!" When I was at his I went on google and underneath it showed up a p*rn page and I was like okayyyy. So I decided what the hell, I'll look on his history as he did say I coula (even if in jest, ha!) and found he'd been watching p*rn and not just that, p*rn with women with big boobs. Which I must say now my boobs aren't exactly my strong point and I have mentioned wanting to get a boob job before and he's told me he doesn't like fake boobs and loves mine. But now I'm thinking, you liar! You jack off to stupid sluts with big boobs and now I feel really ugly and worthless, and not just that but the fact he lied to me about it! He got upset with me that I had invaded his privacy which is fair enough but I felt annoyed he'd lied. I don't know how I should react, I just don't feel good enough. After a while he said "oh I don't see you all the time so I watch it so I can last longer when we have sex" I'm kind of thining, was that a last minute copout to make me feel better? I just feel he's gonna want some other woman with bigger boobs or something and that I'm not enough for him, Because we do have a good sex life. I know I seem a bit controlling saying I don't want him to watch it, I mean I'll never know but I just can't get over it emotionally, I feel really hurt, do I need counsellling or something I don't feel good enough, I just want to be enough for him sexually. Is this a white lie and is it acceptable? Has anyone done it before? I did ask him also if we lived together if he'd watch it and he said no, Because I do want to live with him soon Because I really love him and he loves me too (I know strange for 2 months) and I want to know I will be enough and not feel hurt like this again. I

[MrOracle]

Assuming you don't live with him, and aren't available for sex with him virtually anytime he wants it, there are going to be times when he masturbates, and when that happens, he's going to watch p*rn. That's normal, and it has nothing to do with you. Every guy does this, even when they live with their gf/wife, because even then, their partner won't always be available when they are horny.

If he was choosing p*rn over having sex with you, then p*rn would be a problem for him, but that's not the case here.

Also, since this is something you don't seem to understand about men, I have to mention this: men have evolved to desire VARIATION in women. It's in our genes, and in our instincts. No matter what we've got, we have a desire for something DIFFERENT. Not better, DIFFERENT!

I have no idea what you look like, but it doesn't matter. If you were a blonde, he might want to see girls who are brunettes. If you were tall, he might want to see short petite girls. If you were Latina, maybe he'd want to look at black or Asian girls. If you had big boobs, maybe he'd want to see girls with small boobs. If you were skinny, maybe he'd like looking at BBWs. The point is that he has a desire for something a little different than what he HAS, no matter how much he likes what he has. I don't care how much a guy likes steak, if you feed him a steak dinner every night, even if it's the most premium cut and cooked to perfection, he'll eventually want a burger or some chicken or pizza or whatever, just for something different.

This doesn't mean he wants to break up with you and get with a girl like what he watches in p*rn. Women often make that assumption, but it's not the case. P*rn is FANTASY, and (the vast majority of) guys fully understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and while they enjoy both, they don't want one affecting the other. Sure, many guys might want to imagine banging Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson, but in real life, they probably wouldn't choose to date them. And many guys wouldn't want the girls in real life that they enjoy looking at in p*rn.

Your guy is no different than any other guy, so if this is a problem with him, it's going to be a problem with every guy you ever date. This is what guys ARE, and it's something you need to accept, just like he has to accept certain things about you that he might not like or understand about women in general, because you are a woman, and those things are just part of who you are, and can't be changed.

[madhatters4]

it's not acceptable that he lied but it's forgiveable.

i think the fact that he watches p*rn should not affect your confidence but the fact that he felt he couldn't be honest should concern you. I think a lot of guys may lie about if they watch p*rn or how much they watch but the fact is most guys do. It has nothing to do with any "lack of" in their relationship and typically just is because guys are horny sob's.

I think he may have lied because he knew honesty might trigger those insecure feelings you have. again it is not acceptable that he lied but it is forgiveable. You need to be able to accept that p*rn may be something he watches and that it is no slap in the face to you, or the fact that he is watching chicks with large boobs is any indictment of your physical body...IT ISN'T.

If I were you I'd want him to be honest and it is up to you not to overreact...then you need to decide whether or not you can handle it because it can't be an ongoing issue. you may not love it but you either have to accept it or tell him it's unacceptable to you...which is fine but may result in a potential break up

[raineydaygurl]

Well maybe he should have been honest but there isn't anything wrong with it. As another very insecure girl here who often asks herself if I'm enough for my Boyfriend you are. p*rn isn't nessecarily about wanting those other girls it's about the sex itself. when me and my Boyfriend watch it it's not oh that dude or girl is so hot its oh that would be so hot if I did it with my BF/girlfriend and makes us want to fuck each other.

Tell him how you feel because maybe you can work through it together that way but you do have to try to be understanding as well not just ask him not to watch. but like others have said you don't live together so there will be times where he's horny and your not around . try watching it together it might make you feel differently, my Boyfriend and I only really watch it together and then it's mostly just background noise because were to busy with each other. don't make him feel ashamed of it though because then he might feel he has to lie. again talk about it and your feelings and try to come to common ground where you are both happy. good luck :)

[AverageJoe4U]

Good answer ! 5 stars

[Troian]

He lied to you and that's bad. But the fact that he watch p*rn he's not such a big deal in itself. If it was an obsession, I'd understand. Don't compare yourself to those girls. Most men like p*rn until they cum, then they often find it bad. He's with you because it likes you. You've been together for a few month and he probably though you wouldn't like him watching so he lied.

He needs sex. When he's with you it's not a problem but he doesn't see you the rest of the week. He needs to masturbate and for men it's easier to watch a p*rn. They don't work like women who just think about something.

I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you. Talk to him about it but you shouldn't ask him to stop it. honestly, it's not a big deal if a guy does it. It's a problem if he'd rather watch a p*rn than be with you

[MissConfused93]

You're being extremely controlling. Guys watch p*rn. It has nothing to do with you not bing enough. If that bothers you well I don't know what to tell you. You might need counseling.

& trust me you're not that in love. It's two months.

[kheserthorpe]

How often do you actually have sex?

I suspect expecting his consumption of p*rn to go to zero is unrealistic. Its realistic to expect that he turns to you first when he's horny, if that's what you want (and most people actually don't, kudos to you if you do).

If you're not living together though, he's not always going to be relying on you.

If he chooses p*rn over you, there's a problem. If he chooses p*rn when you're not available, that's normal.

As for the breast thing, I don't know. Some guys look at stuff in p*rn that's -different- from what they get in life for variety. Some are looking for something they miss. Is it p*rn that happened to have women with big breasts, or was it clear he was specifically choosing that? Generally p*rn has women with big breasts unless you specifically look for 'small breasts'. Which some of us do ...

[Anonymous]

get the boob job then

[Anonymous]

Why does he feel the need to lie about it? That's the question you should be asking yourself.

Read the first female response here. She's spot on.