Boyfriend says he feels repressed sexually but I feel like he's always horny and it annoys me, please help?

quick rundown -boyfriend of about 3 months -great guy, I really do like him, he's amazing -we were both each others' firsts -he's always horny, always wants to do something or at the very least dry hump or play with my boobs, which is awesome sometimes but when I was to sleep and we are cuddling, he starts dry humping me while I'm trying to sleep... -i tell him to stop, but he thinks I'm either joking or playing hard to get most of the time -but when I really sternly say "no" he backs off but seems really sad no matter how much I tell him not to take it personally -says he feel repressed sexually when literally 3 days ago I gave him an awesome bj but we had to stop because something came up but nonetheless the other night I had major homework to do and he was in my room, we were cuddling but I told him I needed him to leave so I could focus, but he kept trying to finger me, which is great sometimes but I really wasn't in the mood so I kept telling him "no", which barely worked until I finally forced him very harshly out of the my room and he was sad. then he comes into my room the next morning after my early class to cuddle and sleep for a few hours which was great but then after we part ways, he texts me 20 min later saying he wants us to have a sexual encounter in the near future and that he's really repressed i was like "what?" i tell him "k" and he says that he doesn't want me to do it unless I want it, but I said the text he sent made it seem like I have to then we got into an argument and he claims that I'm implying he's a selfish dick and that everything is his fault but I believe I never said or even implied that, actually he's really very giving and always wants to please me and I tell him that! I tell him that I'm not always in the mood like he always is, its just the way I am - I don't always want the d or anything, especially when my mind is occupied. i told him, and he knows this, that sex still doesn't feel good to me and I'm hesitant, worried and uncomfortable still because if it does feel good, it starts hurting or it hurts off the bat (and we do a lot of foreplay). I told him that, yeah, I know it gets better with practice but I'm still not totally good for it please help? is there one person right or wrong here? he told me we need to talk about this in person but honestly, we've had so many "serious" talks in the past month and I'm sick of it
Updates:
+1 y
i don't want this relationship to end, I want this to work out. please don't tell me we have to end it, why can't we just try and work it out? does this really seem like an immovable issue?
+1 y
we resolved it, we're doing really well now, there was some mis-communication. to some of you, thanks for the comments, to others, fuck you.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • A bj three days ago that you didn't even finish? I'd be going up the wall too. You do realize that a guys sex drive is entirely based on cumming right? That's the ENTIRE point for a guy, so not finishing... his balls probably have been purple for 3 days straight.

    And not enough time to have sex? You can't take 20 minutes out of your day? Really? How much time do you expect him to take out of his day to listen to your emotional crap that won't matter in a day or two? You said right in your question that he's really giving and always wants to please you, but you can't return the favor?

  • I know it's not what you want to hear but I doubt this is fixable. As a guy, there is nothing worse than always being horny and having a girl who isn't. It's not just the lack of sex but the emotional pain of knowing he is not wanted as much as he wants her. That will manifest in serious problems, sooner or later.

    As others have said, it;s not your fault nor is it his. It just is what it is.

    • You're welcome, and fuck you too.

Most Helpful Girl

  • No person is right or wrong. You're just not sexually compatible.

    • Either you need to want sex more (or be willing to do it without resenting him) or he needs to want it less (and do so without resenting you).

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 7
  • If he's 18-24 like you, he ready, willing, horny all the time...he needs a release like once every other day...just hormones.

  • Wow he is a whiny smothering little boy! I can't believe you put up with that! I would think that as a girl, you would get tired of his desperation very quickly and lose interest in him. I don't have any advice on how to work it out.

  • You need patience. It's only been 90 days and for sex probably less than 30. Things mellow out, actually.

    • A miscommunication you say? What was it? Curios.

    • the texts that I took as sarcasm he meant sincerely. mostly that type of miscommunication. its because we were talking about this via text when we can't tell tone or mannerisms. the moment I told him that sex still hurt for me, he realized he thought he was being a bit of a jerk and he never saw himself as one to say that kind of stuff (asking for sex or expecting it)

    • Ah, the problem that was never a problem. Good ending!

  • It's pretty simple. He's young with extremely strong hormones. It's like telling a lion not to attack an antelope. He's going to do it anyway. He's going to keep hounding you for sex. If the relationship is that important to you, you'll have to find a common ground. Find out the minimum amount of sex he has to have and try to compromise. It works.

  • It's easy to see why he'd feel that way. You wonder why he'd want sex after a bj 3 days ago, where I'm guessing he probably didn't come because you had to stop (which would only have made him mire frustrated)? Seriously? I need it at least every couple of days, and I wouldn't say that I have a particularly high sex drive. Honestly I feel sorry for you I you can't see that lol.

    • i don't have the time to have sex every damn day. I'm a college student working hard for good grades in a high-demand major. also, the only places we can have sex is in the dorm which is stressful as hell because roommates walk in all the time or get pissed off when we sexile them causing more issues. he was fine for 18 years of not having sex and now that he's had it, he needs it all the time? he's not in a demanding major at all and had plenty of free time but I don't. I need him to get that

    • Fuck that..

  • He has a higher sex drive than you .

  • Your sex drives are nowhere close.

    Pretty much non resolvable.

    Having sex during college is about as easy as it will ever be in your life.

    If you -wanted- sex frequently you would make time.

    I'm not trying to blame you. But the issue isn't being busy. It's wildly mismatched drives.

    The only bad news I have is his sex drive sounds average, not high. High drive people your age want sex multiple times a day. So I fear you will run into this a lot.

  • I don't think this can be reconciled. I think you simply want to take your leave. You're not going to change him and he is not going to change you.