How do you feel after sex ?

[Anonymous]

I always read / see / hear , that people are so connected after sex , cuddling , being truly together and whatnot I always feel disconnected , lonely and sad - thinking about things , feeling guilty , telling myself I feel sad because I don't love her. I'm not talking about a one night stand thing , but a long relationship... I usually follow the cycle of Loving -> Horny -> sex -> Sadness-> Loving I can only think of one or two times where I was truly happy after sex. Sometimes I just don't feel anything and want to sleep or shower or eat. Anything but being with my girl. How do you feel after sex ? What do you think about my feelings ?

[Troian]

I'm happy after sex but my boyfriend does not get tired by sex...at first. I was used to men just falling asleep while I was in their arms. But my boyfriend often just stay 30 seconds and go back to what we were doing before. We live together and usually he goes to bed late in the night so he wakes me up, kisses me and cuddle at that time.

I know we are mostly connected during sex. We cuddle when we try to sleep. But we're not like many couples who cuddle a lot. I don't feel bad about it because I've got my share of cuddles and kisses with him :)

Do you think it's because you don't love her? if the connection is there when you have sex and if you cuddle other than that, it's not such a problem.

[Asker]

sometimes I feel like she's the only one I want and I want a great future with her. Other times ( after sex) I feel like it's never going to work , and it's an empty relationship and I need to move on

[Troian]

It's weird that you feel this way. Not everyone stay in bed after sex but it doesn't usually change our views toward our relationship...do you have any idea why you could feel that way?

[Asker]

we are from different countries and it's a difficult situation - might be because of that , but I don't really know... Maybe it's just lust , and I feel reality after sex.. it makes me sad and depressed

[Troian]

Honestly, if it was just lust, you would feel like this at other times. I don't know where countries you guys come from but I don't think it would play a big part in those feelings. You should see a therapist to understand why you feel that way

[Anonymous]

It varies. The most common feeling I have is calm and thirsty. Orgasm usually makes me feel somewhat more connected to my partner, but not hugely different. That's from oxytocin, which has a higher effect in females than males.

Maybe you just need some alone time right after you get off ... I don't think its that unusual for young guys. Just another mean trick of nature.

[Asker]

yeah it's very confusing to say the least.. - thirsty I feel too , complety dehydrated :D

[Opinion Owner]

link

Maybe get up and grab a drink and snack and then come back from some cuddle time later. My last boyfriend did pushups after sex ... which was not typical, but I guess it helped him get rid of leftover adrenaline or something. Orgasms do strange things to our brains and bodies.

[Asker]

yeah , I was also thinking like in that article - workout and shower helps to make it get away for me too. It just sucks , and I have to limit myself to one time sex a say or it gets bad ( In the beginning we had lots of sex like 3-4 times a day , but I ended up crying on the toilet sometimes) But then I started thinking maybe I'm emotionally not attached to her or not ready or not really feeling it...

[Opinion Owner]

It might be something physiological rather than emotional -- especially if you don't have issues with sex in general. I do have to throw out there that my ex and I had both been sexually abused as children (although we didn't know this about each other for most of the relationship) and both had mild anxiety disorders. You mentioned that's not the case, but perhaps you do have some anxiety surrounding relationships in general? Or it could be completely chemical.

[Opinion Owner]

For a long time, I did feel super anxious after sex, to the point that I even questioned my sexual orientation because I'd freak out so bad. But I worked out some of my emotional issues and a lot of that went away. So I could see it going either way.

[Asker]

yeah , in a way I might feel afraid to be tied down , and I am very afraid to get hurt. I basically set myself up and prepare myself for being hurt or breaking up ( which is very bad). And yeah , that questioning my orientation I've had too ! But I'm 100 % sure I'm not gay ^^

[Opinion Owner]

Having your trust severely damaged in early experiences (either in childhood or first relationships) can create trust and intimacy issues. It's also possible that you could also have anxiety problems, which latch on to nearly everything if you have them. My anxiety was all over the place, not just dating and sex. Same with my ex. A therapist could help you sort it out.

[Anonymous]

I think that you must feel this way because you don't really love her cause I can't imagine this happening to me! After sex I feel connected to him more and I think your feelings either reflect your guilt because you wish to have sex with someone you love but aren't or you're sort of insecure.

[Asker]

wel it's hard to imagine when it's not happening :) but also women have it , and men - I don't know what causes the feeling in me , but there is a biological condition too ; Post-Coital-Blues

[Opinion Owner]

well if you've been diagnosed with this by a professional I stand by it unless you googled it cause it's common these days. However I still believe it's caused via a psychological rather than a bilogical issue but that's a personal view.

[Opinion Owner]

hehe knew it had to be another reason :P I take clarinase too

[Asker]

yeah , it gets me little bit hyper though :p first time I took it at 6pm , big mistake :D

[palek]

I too feel guilty, and deeply ashamed and often fall into fits of uncontrollable weeping. Then my wife tells me it wasn't THAT bad, and I always feel a little better.

[Asker]

do you feel in love with your wife at that moment ?

[palek]

Eh, she's awright. She's better than my first four, but not quite as good as my fifth.

[Asker]

lol-i suppose..

[palek]

; - )

[AustinMan]

You're giving yourself one hell of a guilt trip. If it's consensual and you're on the same page or close, the rest is optional.

[standUP]

I feel like since it was so great may as well go again. with a Gatorade break of course. and a fresh tray of icecubes lol... Oh Yeah Baby !

[katiesmuff]

I'm feeling great after sex

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

It like depends on my partner and on if the sex was good or bad.

Like if it was good sex I feel satisfied and happy.

If it was bad sex I feel regretful

Then again I'm not talking about relationships because I don't do that no more . And when I did I think I mostly felt dissatisfied with most of my exes after sex.

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel guilty?

[Asker]

I feel guilty , like I might use her , because I feel sad ( and I feel not in love with her after sex) it feels like I use her only for sex - sometimes I want to break up during this period , but afterward I always feel good again and in love. Needless to say it's killing me

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you definitely have some weird connection to sex, that's not normal. You should see a therapist. Did something happen to you when you were a kid? Like were you molested or something?

[Asker]

nope never molested , luckely :-) I'm planning to see a therapist though , to see what it might be..