What's wrong with being a slut?

Question

I say this as a person who is NOT a slut.  I've had a few sexual partners but all in all, I really only do relationships, and monogamy.  However I have friends who like to hook up, and they get so much crap for it, when they are not even hurting anyone.  If you use condoms (or just make out and not have sex), don't hurt anyone, and don't sleep with guys who have girlfriends, what's wrong with being slutty?  I feel like girls especially, give so much hate to these women, who really aren't doing anything bad to them.  Maybe it's not how you would like to live your life...but it's no different than choosing any other life choice, like being a vegetarian or eating meat.  And a lot of the girls who hate "slutty" girls hook up with guys themselves as well.  Is it all just jealousy, or is there some sort of evolutionary psychology behind all of this?  Afraid that they're stealing all the men?  What's going on?  I am so sick of girls giving other girls a hard time just for being in college and having fun.  It makes all females look terrible.  And if "only guys" hook up, who are they hooking up with, other guys?  Girls do it just as often!

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

there was a study on this in the Univ. of Michigan

at least 68% of women fall into a PURE "whore" (prostitute) category

at least 2% fall into a PURE "b*tch" category

and at least 2% fall into a PURE "slut" category

b*tches don't seek emotional intimacy.. feel no guilt or shame for lying or hurting others.. and thus feel no need to lie to themselves or justify their actions with some sort of morally correct excuse.. they are calculating, cold and manipulative characters.. they just want sex.. with muiltiple guys

prostitutes feel guilt and shame.. and thus need to lie to themselves first in order to justify their actions.. usually through the guise of morality or tradition.. sex is enjoyable.. but above all.. it's a tool used to attract, hold onto, and eventually permanently commit a workhorse to take care of her

sluts also feel guilt and shame.. but are not that interested in the material.. therefore not looking so much for financial stability from a man.. they instead seek emotional and sexual intimacy.. they're usually very warm personalities who need affection, attention, comfort, and connection.. actively seeking a relationship (so far the perfect girl) with multiple men (damn it!)

the mating strategy used by prostitutes and sluts have been the most successful.. this however places them in direct competition with each other.. since there are far more prostitutes in the population than sluts.. prostitutes hold the upper hand on establishing moral and social standards.. and casting negative associations with being a slut, while creating positive associations with prostitute behavior under the guise of morality and tradition

it's not beneficial to a prostitute to "lose good business" to a slut.. this man the slut just took from her.. could have been taking care of the prostitute instead.. if the slut simply seeks emotional and sexual intimacy.. the prostitute's logic is simple.. "go find a man who isn't a good provider type.. otherwise.. leave all the good workhorses alone you slut"

this is why WOMEN attack the slut type..

men attack the slut type.. because of two reasons:

1. to go with the flow and simply mimic what other women are saying.. trying to feel morally correct

2. because they were emotionally involved with a slut at some point in their life.. got hurt when she left him for someone else.. or was simply seeing other guys and didn't become emotionally involved in him the same way

other than that.. I agree with you as a guy.. there is nothing "wrong" with being sexually safe and smart.. and enjoying only those who are worth sexually enjoying.. that's not slutty.. that's healthy..

slutty is having sex with ANYTHING.. to validate your low self-esteem

but again.. the numbers work against you.. so what is really "right/wrong" and what society chooses to "label" right/wrong can be two very different things..

lefthand · Accepted Answer

A woman who doesn't demand a high price for sex ruins the market for all the women who do. If the only way to get laid is to commit to a relationship where you give up much of your time, freedom and money, many guys will do it (yes, sex is that important to many men). This works fine unless there is a way to get sexual release without striking the above bargain. If someone is willing to have sex without demanding such a dear price, that would bust the market and make the steep price much less attractive. The only logical response (if you want to continue to charge serious admission for sex) is to denigrate the people who are willing to have sex for pleasure (and no price).

If this was just a market problem, this would be laughable. The problem is that if you spend your life thinking sex is cheap and dirty, you can't get out that mind set when you are permitted to have sex (when married). Even worse, the women who are trading sexual access for relationships frequently renege on the agreement, leaving the poor guy in a sexless marriage where sex is not only harder to get but he gets full social disapproval if he finds it somewhere else.

My solution? If you don't like sex, don't have sex, ever and don't pretend you do just to trap the poor chump into a dead-end relationship. Furthermore, get off the people who do like sex. It's healthy human behavior and really shouldn't be used to manipulate people into relationships under false pretenses.

(fwiw: this is the same place a lot of the anti-gay feelings come from in women. If a guy can get blowjobs anytime he wants, why would he accept the relationship for sex bargain?)

Finally, most men get married eventually so the argument that withholding sex is the only way to get them married is a shabby one at best.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think I speak for a lot of girls when I say some of us crave to try being slutty (I hate the term but I might as well use it), I mean lets be honest, sex is fun, and so is attention, but the reason some of us don't do it is cos we don't want a bad rep. And also maybe cos of confidence (certainly with me), and also cos if you hook with a random guy you are kind of putting yourself in a vulnerable position that a guy in the same situation maybe wouldn't quite relate to. Two of my friends have a great time at house parties sometimes - showing their boobs, grinding guys, even doing stuff like having competitions to see who can make out with or suck off the most guys, but a lot of people outside our friend group don't really respect them as a result. If there was no name-calling id probably do that kind of stuff with them too, and a lot of the name calling comes from other girls maybe even more than it comes from guys actually. If a guy gets with a lot of girls I'd say other guys  aren't  bothered, or think he's cool, and most girls aren't too phased by it either, or even sometimes want him even more cos their mates have. But basically I think it would be better if people just were more tolerant and chilled about this kind of thing, but it ain't  going to  happen anytime soon!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, as you said in some way, this is only hypocresy, not only of the girls who "hate" slutties, but also from the society in general.

Even if society has developed a progress in topics such as "individuality", "freedom" or "equality", there are still some things that are difficult to change, like the racism and machismo.

Think about it, guys are considered "heroes", "real men" or "cool guys" if they do it, while girls are considered "sluts" or "whores". The only way to look bad a guy is if he is having an affair with another guy. In the case of lesbians, society doesn't see them bad, because of two things:

It's not unusual that girls (two minimun) hang around and that they can show physical affection between them like caresses, hugs, kisses, tears, etc.

For men, in general, it's not disgusting seeing women kissing and in a sexual act, au contraire, it's exciting.

janelov · Accepted Answer

Yeah ... I just don't get why other women bullsh*t other women... even if they are slutty... well, they just like to have sex period... it doesn't make them less of a nice person... I am sure slutty girls are just like any other girl except that they may like to f*** more and more comfortable with their sexuality and stuff... I don't judge those women at all... I am far away from being one but I don't judge those who are... I don't get it either but I guess it's society and what's consider morally right or wrong...

protogirl · Answer

There's nothing wrong being one. Seriously. Unless you have a BAD heart and mind then being a smut/slut is an issue. :)

cun7n1nja · Answer

Amen. This is what I've been saying for years. This is also why I don't use the term 'slut'. We all know what a slut IS, but I don't think it's necessarily as negative as most people seem to view it. I don't think sleeping around is bad at all if you're safe and responsible, etc. 'Slut' is a derogatory term, so I don't use it because I'm not going to demonize something I don't think there's anything wrong with, haha.

I like to think I have an 'enlightened' view of sexuality. I don't view being a sexual person as a bad thing. I'm a sexual person.

CaptainFrost · Answer

The word 'slut' is contextual

In different countries, what is perceived as a slut are different circumstances

Places like asia and the middle east, if a woman goes outside with a short dress on , she's considered a slut end of story. There are some exceptions. Also in some places if a woman even shows her hair this is seen as immodest.

In western countries, a slut is less of how someone loos, and more to do with their actual behaviour. A slut is like the kinda girls you see on Jerry Springer, you know, the girl that slept with her boyfriends best friend and his brother etc.

She may or may not use condoms depending on her mood. It just has a disgusting aire about it.

A girl that sleeps with lots of guys I wouldn't neccessarily call a slut. She's just promiscuous.

A Slut comes into being when what she's doing starts hurting people. Like the girls from the Maury show who brings 3 guys on the show to find out which one is the father and its none of them. That's a slut!

Of course if you're wearing Latex boots and booty shorts in public, you can be perceived as a slut. You may not be one but that's the image you are giving out. People may even thinks its a prostitute. Sometimes there's a fine line between being classy sexy and being trashy sexy. Trashy sexy is the kind that a guy may like, but if he gets with her he probably won't tell many people about it.

So if you are dressed fine, and you aren't hurting anyone(including yourself) and you are having freelance sex with different partners, that's promiscuous. If one of those guys is your fiance, then you just might be a slut! ^^

BirdofParadise · Answer

I think its more of a traditional thing we got from our mothers which is slowly becoming less and less. I mean, we generally learn about sex from our parents and I know my mom used to go on all the time about waiting for someone special and that she didn't want a slut for a daughter. I think our parents passed down this negativity down to us because their parents passed it down to them.

white_wizard · Answer

SLUT is two things.

1. Not something to be overly proud of. Some guys are sluts, but they &@*( it up for the good guys because we get brushed by the broad brush chicks use one they've run across a slut (ie. all men are pigs etc..) so the reverse applies as well.

2. It's what everyone really wants to be at certain points in their life. Those who get it a lot enjoy it. Those who don't get it call those who do 'sluts' to make themselves feel better.

The answer is somewhere there in the middle. If a guy sees a girl he likes sleeping with a bunch of guys, and he's not a part of that 'shes a slut'... if he scores, she's a notch on the bedpost, and if she sticks around for a while, she's a trophy whore. Kinda hard to come back from that kind of rep. imho.

I'm a long term quality over quantity type of guy myself tho.

EmberlyMai · Answer

Nothing. "Slut' is just a  word other women use when they feel jealous that another woman is getting more attention from men. And evolutionary psych has a ton to do with it. (Read The Selfish Gene)

ohioguy · Answer

What is a slut?

If you can answer this, we'll talk about what's wrong with being one.

You're talking more social pariah, less social responsibility.

It's no ones business what you are doing with your body or how many partners you CHOOSE to have. All of this nonsense about sexual promiscuity being 'horrible' and 'wrong' is nonsense. It's the antithesis of humanism.

Grow up quickly and realize that sex is something that is natural and something that happens. Also be aware that sexual promiscuity can lead to diseases if you're not safe or even if you are safe. Get checked now, get checked often and never take sex for granted.

DrJones · Answer

Wow, popular question.

I don't look down on girls for sleeping with lots of guys (or girls). If I'm in love with someone, I'm not going to change my mind whether she's had zero boyfriends or dozens. Also, I like it when girls have sex with me, so why discourage them by calling them a nasty name when they do?

I don't really understand why people look down on "sluts," so I'm basically guessing here. It could be a evolutionary leftover instinct from most of human history when birth control and STD testing was primitive at best. Or, it could be because men want to feel that they are different and superior to other men, just like women want to feel better than other women. Insecure boys want a girl who's inexperienced because that makes him feel special: "she'll f*** me, but not all those other guys." If she's slept with lots of guys, then we have to worry about whether we're "the best." If she's a virgin, we win that title by default.

I don't like to think of sex as a contest, so I don't even think "the best" means anything. Also, I'm lucky enough to have slept with girls who weren't shy about letting me know what they thought of me in bed. Consequently, I know how to get a girl off and I'm not worried that my performance is below par. This might be why I don't care if a girl has slept with lots of guys.

I'll admit, I'm judgmental towards women sometimes for *why* they have sex, but not for *how often* they have sex. I think it's time to retire the word "slut," or possibly reclaim it as a mark of pride like the words "punk" and "queer."

lollipopgirl23 · Answer

some people just have higher sex drives. it can be a women or man. some people think about sex all day, some a little and some don't think about sex at all. so why if a man has a high sex drive there cool and a girl a slut. if your a girl I suggest just have 2 guys you have sex with constantly. don't just sleep around with different guys. if your horny you have two choices. if ones not in the mood hopefully the other is ;) that's only if your single. not for people in a relationship.

Greg_B · Answer

Quite frankly I think it devalues us as human beings. I'd rather have some good long term female friends than "quick lays". I'm obviously a guy, but if all I mean to a woman is a quick lay, then I think that's insulting. Next, I'm not really too interested in having a go with a woman whom all my buddies have had. Something about that is just nasty.

The last point is that there are a load of nasty diseases and sh*t out there. Condoms just *reduce* the risk of getting one. And when it comes to AIDS, that's got a 100% fatality rate. I'm just not too comfortable playing Russian roulette. Something that "reduces the risk" of getting a disease that is a death sentence is not exactly cool.

Bill: $0.02

Greg

Cool-Relax · Answer

"Slut" is a derogatory term, of course it's seen as a bad thing. Both men and women engage in casual sex, but referring to it as "slutty" behavior makes it seem a lot worse.

Subotai · Answer

I agree with you as long as people aren't cheating.  I mean the hypocrisy of this is the double standard.  I don't have a girlfriend right now so hooray for sluts.  I'm not sure why they get a derogatory name and I don't though.  Guys really shouldn't use that word at all if we like sex.

neuroticfluxion · Answer

I totally agree! I just find it hilarious how you're defending promiscuous girls but at the beginning you wanted to make it known that you aren't 'slutty' so you won't be judged.

bonitachica1123 · Answer

ooh stereo types... I totally agree with you. A girl can have sex a lot if she wants, everyone else is just jealous  because she's having all the fun! I say this as an inner slut haha cuzx I've never had sex or made out or given oral I have NOOO experience buuuttt I know what I want and I want it often :P so yeah, I think people shud be able to do what they want without bein insulted all the time.

SinHiro · Answer

First, I will say, I am male and I do not like sluts.

Reason being is that being a slut shows you either have little control, low moral standing, or are just too stupid to think for yourself.

Lets say you meet someone when you're both 30, and you've slept with 5 people, very decisive and within relationships only, and the other person has slept with 100-300 people. Doesn't that make you cringe just a bit? that they may have not had any kind of emotional connection to that person and were just f***ing to f***? Just to say "yea I did her" or "yea I did him" Why would you want to be with someone who was like that. That you are possibly another person to add to his list or her list.

It's not having fun, it's seeing how many people you can sleep with while still justifying your stupidity. Whether with alcohol, drugs, or even claiming rape just so you can get out of having to admit you slept with some ugly guy.

So...whats wrong with being a slut? the fact that you may not like who you were in 10 years, the fact that you will be treated as a member of the less respected part of society, the fact that you have to use your body, and sexual aptitude to get attention rather than your head, the fact that you must consider the partner you may be with in 10 years and how they will see it as. Of course you can say now 'well I wouldn't be with such a close minded person' but when that time comes, you'll regret your actions if you really love them.

tony8832 · Answer

Why do you have to call it "slutty"? Can you just call it living your own life.

nickiw1992 · Answer

Im kinda like one of those 'slutty' girls you described.

But I don't consider myself a slut because I don't do things with guys who have girlfriends and I at least know them. I don't see why people care what other people do because it's their own life. If someone thinks its wrong then they can keep their opinions to themself.

self1 · Answer

Intimate moments are support to be special. Girls like that often don't have respect for themselves, and neither do the guys around them. They come off as easy and not someone a guy would want in the long run.

Jd_Ecid · Answer

To me it's like she's been with all those guys...sure she said that she used protection every time but...just...no. Would I down her for being a slut? No. Would I hook up with her for being a slut? No. Otherwise it's their body and it's their choice what they do with it so why judge them.

Wont_Re_Veal_ · Answer

Uh... allot of things are wrong if ur a slut, you mess up ur reputation everywhere, unless you like the slut girl attention.

What's wrong with being a slut?

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