Sexual Health
+1 y

Why do guys get offended when asked if they're gay?

I've seen this happen a few times and I just don't see a reason for it -- why do guys get hostile or defensive when you ask if they're gay? As I see it being homossexual isn't a bad thing so you shouldn't be offended by such a question. Are they prejudiced, or just insecure about their own sexuality? I know a lot of guys are latent homossexuals -- in that case it's better to just own up to it and accept what you are, no?
Updates:
+1 y
Wow, so many prejudiced people here. Gay men are good people and not necessarily feminine... geez. It's just a question, and a perfectly innocent one at that, so men shouldn't have a problem with it. Let go of your stereotypes...
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Most straight guys would not want to be looked upon or considered to be gay. You don't have to hate homosexual people to not agree with their lifestyle or not want to be considered one. Gay men often act extremely feminine. What straight guy in his right mind wants to be told, indirectly, that he acts feminine?

    I get that there are some homophobes out there but that doesn't mean that everyone who isn't pro-gay is homophobic. I cannot in any way imagine ever being sexually attracted to another female in my entire life. I find it extremely odd that some people are actually attracted to the same gender, and feel that that goes completely against human nature. However, I do not hate homosexuals in any way, nor would I ever treat one with contempt or disgust. So obviously, I am not homophobic, just because I do not understand or agree with their liking the same gender.

    And yes, if you asked me if I was a lesbian, I would be offended. Considering that fact that I feel that liking the same gender goes against human nature (and have every right to), of course I don't want to be associated with that.

    • "Gay men often act extremely feminine" that's the wrong stereotype created by the media... in reality you won't be able to tell if a guy is gay or not...

    • I'm not talking about what I've seen in the media, I'm talking about what I've seen in real life. Of course not all gay men feel the need to be flamboyant and there I've probably walked right by guys in the mall or at a store who looked straight but were actually gay. But it is extremely often that I see gay men talking in a feminine way, or shifting their hips, or strutting as if life is one big walk down the runway. I can almost always tell when a guy is gay or not because most give off either strong or subtle vibes.

    • Thus bringing home my point: no straight man wants to be associated with that. Normal straight women would not want a guy who acts feminine or queer.

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  • Probably because:

    1) They aren't gay so someone assuming that might just make them feel uncomfortable. Typically people assume gay guys give off "feminine" vibes so that may offend them that you think they are not "masculine" enough to be straight.

    2) It's none of your business. That's a personal issue and it's especially not a question you should just go around asking people. You wouldn't ask someone if they're straight so why ask someone if they're gay? If they wanted you to know, they would tell you. Even if they aren't gay, they still may see it as an intrusion of their privacy.

    • 1) do you think that the "feminine vibes" are a bad thing... it's mysogynist and homophobic at the same time... 2) why would a straight guy feel uncomfortable when asked if he's gay... homophobic? 3) most gays are actually very manly... a brutal masculine guy is much more likely to be gay... repressed gay...

    • 1) When did I say being feminine was bad? It is a stereotype of gay men though and the vast majority of straight men wouldn't want to be seen as feminine by women. 2) It has nothing to do with being homophobic. 3) Like I said, it's a stereotype, that's how many people in society think of gay men. And I disagree, I don't think expressing masculinity means a man is secretly gay. Is a woman who "overly" expresses her femininity secretly a lesbian? Doubtful.

    • 1) being gay has nothing to do with being masculine or feminine... femininity doesn't make a guy gay and masculinity doesn't make a guy straight... 2) why would a guy be nervous about it? unconsciously afraid of the truth coming out? 3) it's called "overcompensation"...

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  • Most guys have huge egos and are very prejudiced about how gay guys act. They think all gay guys are effeminate and that therefore you must think they act feminine. And they get very defensive every time they think you're questioning their masculinity. I don't understand this obsession with masculinity.

    • My thoughts exactly...

Most Helpful Guys

  • Having personally experimented with homosexual situations I can tell you, I am not one but the reactions people give me are insane if they find out I have tried things. I've even asked around about bi-guys on here and the girls even flipped out in the question. Most feel it is "not manly."

    I also have a buddy or two who really hates homosexuals to a point where his girlfriend seems to have given up trying to at least convince him they are good people.

    It's kinda a double standard since 2 girls making out "looks good" yet 2 guys gets shunned to death. I think the problem is that homosexual people tend to "look feminine" which girls tend to shun as the "masculine" qualities are what I see most girls wanting.

  • A lot of people seem to think I am gay when they first meet me, I am not but it is not the fact that people think I am gay that offends me it is the presumption that it is ok to ask me about my sexuality, I dont ask if you are straight or gay so dont ask me, it is quite frankly no-ones business but my own.

    Also a lot of guys aren't latent homosexuals.

    I hope that answers your question

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 17

  • That's like saying that someone shouldn't get offended if you ask if they're a virgin. It's not like being a virgin is a bad thing.

    It's getting into someone's personal business. It isn't yours (unless you were wondering because you wanted to know if they were available) so get to know them first if you really want to know.

  • Being a 7 year old child or a 60 year old isn't a bad thing, but I'd be upset if I was mistaken for either.

    • I agree + being per-judged as gay is basically someone saying you aren't Masculine enough to be what you wish to be...

    • I didn't want to get into it too much, but I think its fair to say that if you are heterosexual and want to be considered sexually attractive to women, you want to project that. That isn't to suggest there's something wrong with being gay. I would imagine if you were gay and nobody every thought you were, that would be frustrating in your romantic life too!

    • ''but I think its fair to say that if you are heterosexual and want to be considered sexually attractive to women, you want to project that.'' I agree + if you happen to be a bi dude who has a Masculine & Proud personality & someone thinks you're gay it's like a slap to your own ego. lol! It's insulting really...

  • Because as a straight male, half of how you see yourself is your sexuality - you want to be seen as attractive and available to the opposite sex. If girls think you are gay - you're not likely to get laid because girls don't see you as a potential mate - but as a homosexual!!

  • I would just say no, I wouldn't be offended. Then again, I have some mighty thick ass skin.

  • because they might think everyone thinks they are gay and thus no woman will even think they are date worthy.

  • Actually, no, there are not "a lot of guys who are latent homosexuals."

    And asking if a man is homosexual is in fact an insult, because you're seriously questioning his masculinity. A normal healthy man is masculine and probably liked by the ladies.

    Combine that with how we all have met/seen the homosexuals who set off our "gaydar" because they act like women and speak with a lisp or a high pitched voice, it's insulting.

    It's kind of like if someone asked you, "Do you molest children?"

    • "no, there are not "a lot of guys who are latent homosexuals"... in ancient greece most men were gay... nothing has changed since then except most homos are reps these days... "And asking if a man is homosexual is in fact an insult, because you're seriously questioning his masculinity" guys that are obssessed with masculinity are gay... "Combine that with how we all have met/seen the homosexuals who set off our "gaydar" because they act like women and speak with a lisp or a high pitched voice, it's insulting. It's kind of like if someone asked you, "Do you molest children?"... that was sterotypical and homophobic... most gay guys are manly and brutal... it's called overcompensation... reps go over the top in their attempt to look manly...

    • Nice try... The Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, a gay and lesbian think tank, released a study in April 2011 estimating based on its research that just 1.7 percent of Americans between 18 and 44 identify as gay or lesbian, while another 1.8 percent -- predominantly women -- identify as bisexual. Homosexuals are a very tiny, tiny, tiny percent in our country. You can try to pull some statistics out of nowhere to convince yourself otherwise, but the reality is--homosexuals are not common, not at all.

    • AndyWes just ignore letmeaskthis he likes to use liberal shaming tactics in order to ''win'' arguments & debates...

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  • ''Are they prejudiced, or just insecure about their own sexuality?'' QA, LOL! I'm bi & if you think I'm gay even I WILL get offended so get off your high horse. GAWD PC is sooo annoying...

  • They don't like to be reminded what's their anus feels like when its been penetrated. Its like wasabi's burning their ass until they cry like a baby

    • WTF? Lulz!! XD!!!

  • Because if you have to ask, it means that there are things that he does that are "gay-like" which have you questioning his sexuality. No heterosexual guy wants girls to run around thinking they are gay

  • You shouldn't ask if someone is gay or not, its not your busniness other than the person you are asking. If they wanted you to know they would tell you and to someone who isn't out it either forces them to lie or be outed sooner than they want. Some people unfortunately give others a hard time for it and as a consequence they dont want everyone else to know.
    Other guys are scared of it themselves (what for i dont know) hence why its called homoPHOBIA, because it is a phobia. Im bi for the record and couldnt care less

  • For me I don't know why people flip out as well... if gay or not. Gay people don't bother me unless they are trying to go for me. Then i have a little problem with that. Happened once where a friend of mine found me very attractive and was gay. Weirdest moment of my life probably.

    Anyway, i don't get offended or defencive about it.

  • This wouldn't bother me at all. In fact people have asked that about me quite a bit. In America it seems if a guy doesn't throw is pheromones in everyone's face and doesn't go out of his way to be "manly" it means he must be attracted to the same sex. Very strange indeed.

  • Well first, I have no problem with gay people even though I don't agree with what they are doing and see it as morally wrong. Before I get hated on for voicing my opinion no this, I know people aren't perfect and we all do things wrong but even if I do something wrong I'm still going to think its wrong, a lot of people do things morally wrong and if a lot do it or accept it, it still doesn't make it right. I don't think I'm better then them and treat them like anyone else, with respect. Now that that's out of the way my answer is most gay males, or a lot of gay males are depicted as feminine. Makes there voice higher, has more feminine mannerisms which is kind of offensive to a stright guy. They don't want to be seen that way, so if you ask them that, they take it as if you're calling them a feminine guy.

  • good question... i really don't know what issues they have... they're insecure and/or unsure of their sexuality...

    • unfortunately i've been blocked by xHoneyxBeex... so i'll post my reply here..."i really hate to take any of your time but i'm afraid we've come back from where we started... you said guys didn't like being called gay coz it makes them look feminine... to the question what's wrong with being feminine you say coz being feminine is a stereotype of being gay.. i'm puzzled... would you bother to explain it to me once again?

    • Your opinion is not the only opinion in this world that can be acceptable. I'm a Masculine kind of Man who LOVES feminine kinda Women & MEN therefore me being thought of as gay is a slap to my ego, pride, & my OWN identity as an INDIVIDUAL!!

    • "being thought of as gay is a slap to my ego, pride" sounds like a typical portrait of a rep to me...

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  • Its all about masculinity. Every guy wants to seem masculine, I even have gay friends that want to seem masculine and get insulted when they are treated like gay stereotypes. It may also mean that they think you picked up on something that they don't want girls to think about them, and that could be stressful. Also I don't think a lot of guys are latent homosexuals at all. If they wanted to be gay, they would be

    • "Also I don't think a lot of guys are latent homosexuals at all. If they wanted to be gay, they would be..." ... weally? as if society didn't bash the gays...

    • In my area there isn't a lot of gay bashing. I have openly gay friends, teachers, and everything else. I was more responding to the fact that she said a lot of guys are latent homosexuals, and I don't think thats true

    • i see... i think it is true... think of ancient greece or sparta... the problem is the gay bashers are repressed homosexuals themselves... so they bash themselves in the first place... that's why they can't come out of the closet... they are afraid of their true nature...

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  • I don't get offended. I don't have the deepest voice and can be feminine is some ways, but I am straight. And I'm secure in who I am. I'd guess that they're just insecure, but who knows...

  • Dono. Maybe they think they're less manly , hmmm but some gay guys are maner than straight men

    • No one is more Manly than me...

    • Oh well, confidence is nice, but dont be a show off lol

  • Because gay guys are usually feminine. But guys need to chill out with that offensiveness they possess. Its just a question.

    • what about the term "Metrosexual"?

  • This has happened to me a few times and it doesn't bother me at all. I just tell them no and get on with whatever I was doing. Then again, I don't throw a fit easily, even if someone was questioning my sexuality. It takes a lot to get me bothered about something as minor as that.

    • a real man speaking...

    • @letmeaskthis...**hi-5**

  • A lot of people seem to be offended when asked if they're gay. I've never been offended by that, it's like asking me if I like a certain kind of music, to me, nothing to be offended by.
    Men probably get offended because they take that as a comment on a lack of masculinity.

    To me, it's a perfectly legitimate question - just as innocent as "Are you single," or "What do you like to do for fun?" Not really something you ask a stranger, but definitely something you'd ask someone you're getting to know. You can't always tell if someone's gay, so asking shouldn't be such a big deal.

    • I agree completely... it's a question like any other. I don't think it's wrong to ask strangers about their sexuality, especially at this time and age...

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