Telling my parents that I'm not a virgin...good idea?

[Anonymous]

I am sexually active and I have been for a while now. My parents have no idea. I wish so much that I could go to them and tell them and just get it off my chest. I hate sneaking around and lying and always feeling guilty about it. I am just so terrified of what they would do. I honestly have no idea what sort of reaction they would have if I told them, but I know that it wouldn't be something I would want to witness, I'm sure. I just feel like it would make things less stressful for them to know, but I know they wouldn't agree with my actions and I'm sure they would be furious and hurt and disappointed. I feel so torn... I really want to get on birth control, but I feel like it is nearly impossible to hide that from them too. I'm living at home for the summer, and I don't think I could make a doctors appt, get a prescription and all that w/o them finding out. I'm sure that I am not the only one who has been in this situation so I was wondering how it worked out for anyone in that situation. What did you do? I'll take any advice I can get.

[thelittlethings]

I told my mom. She didn't want to know details but she always wondered and wondered if I was being safe. Once she knew I was active and new I was on birth control it eased her mind. It's totally up to you. It sounds like you do want them to know and if you decide that is the way to go then I would just tell your mom. I don't know about you but telling my dad would have been awkward so I told my mom and let her decide if my dad should know. She didn't want to know details, she just wanted to know that I was being safe. If you only want to tell them because you are worried they will find out there are ways to do it so that they won't. You are over 18, they are not able to get your medical records or any info. You can do something like the shot so you don't have to bring anything home, or just keep the pills in your purse or your underwear drawer.

[treehugger]

If your over 17 (I think is the age) you can go to a planned parenthood center and you can get birth control without your parents permission. If I remember correctly.

[thelittlethings]

Maybe it's different in other states but in my state you can go when you are 14.

[l-hedoniste]

Your parents don't really need the details of your sex life. Nor, from how you sound, do they want to know. Nor is it their business.

You know by now that parents often entertain fantasies about their children that bear little resemblance to their lives, and that puncturing these fantasies upset and annoy them. Why bother, really? I know you want a candid relationship with your parents, but they don't want a candid relationship with you. On some level, I think you know this.

Make your appointments, conduct your liasons, discreetly. If your parents press about what you're doing, feel free to answer, "You don't want to know." Especially if this is the truth.

[boi818]

YES, I'm sure you feel quite awkward and I think that if you're going to tell them it's best to talk to your mom first. Moms are usually more understanding especially because she was once a young girl that had to go through some of the same things as you. This can actually help you guys get closer and give you someone you can turn to for advice later on.

[erockc31]

You put your age between 18-24, why does it matter that your parents know? Are you still at home? Are you religious? What's your reason for wanting to tell your parents?

[Asker]

I'm just at home for the summer, while school is out. And I am religious, but obviously not as strongly as my parents. I just hate feeling like I have to sneak around them... because they still treat me as though I were in highschool, and not like the adult that I am.

[erockc31]

Well, I think if you want to tell them that's your decision, but I don't think they need to know that part of your life other than that you have a relationship with someone. If you really think they will continue to treat you that way after any conversation you have with them then you should try your best to get out on your own where you won't be under that obligation. While you are under their roof they do kind of have some control on what goes on, so your best option is to get out on your ow

[Asker]

Thanks for the answers. I do plan on getting out on my own. I've got an apartment starting in the fall and I'm pretty sure... hopefully sure that this summer will be the last large amount of time that I spend at home. I'm sure that after that things will be much easier with regards to my romantic relationships, I just have to hold out until then.