Why is my husband like this?

[Anonymous]

My husband almost always wants me on top in bed. I really prefer to have the man be in charge more often and to try different positions. I have told him this and tried to direct him to other positions in bed to no avail. He also doesn't like to talk about sex. If I try to ask him what things he likes he says "I don't know". He also seems to have a very low sex drive compared to me. I know he is not gay and at one point he had problems with pornography...he told me this was why we weren't having sex more often (at that time). Once, when we were still newlyweds, I dressed up all sexy for him and when he got home he just wanted to go to bed...said he had a headache. Later he admitted that he had been looking at porn before that and felt guilty. It has gotten somewhat better, but I am still feeling like I don't get enough. I am not unattractive...other men are obviously attracted to me. I am just so confused as to why he is like this. I want him to pursue me and desire me more and be more of a man in bed. What can I do?

[GoesTheRain]

Totally put my answer in the wrong spot. Continuing on from my reply to PrettyMochina's answer:

Like I said, you being on top is probably a mini fantasy for him. So try it. It may make you feel self-conscious at first, but obviously, if your man is having sex with you, he finds you attractive. So let loose, let out your inner sex goddess. Own the on-top position. With some practice, it gets easier and its fun and pleasurable and the guy LOVES it.

If you give a little, he will probably give also and be more inclined to trying your new positions.

Guys are pursuers. They like a game. If you just sit back and let him take you, he'll get bored. Play around, play hard to get. Strip for him, but don't let him touch you right away. Pin his hands behind his back with his shirt, or hold his hands above his head as you kiss your way around and down. If you're into giving head, move around his member, kissing/licking, touch it, rub it along your bottom lip and boobs, pleasure yourself with his member and when it seems like he's about to go crazy hold out one second more before putting it in your mouth.

Try having sex somewhere else besides the bed.

Be ADVENTUROUS. Be BOLD. OWN him.

Practice being on top of him for a little while every time you have sex. It'll get easier, and you'll be fulfilling his pleasure. Once he sees you're trying and not demanding things of him, he'll be more interested in finding out what YOU really want and like in bed.

Another thing: Oysters are great aphrodisiacs. ;)

[PrettyMochina]

Atleast it seems that he is open with you. I have a opposite problem the sex is outstanding. But the basic relationship needs work. It sounds like he wants you to be consistently spontaneous and creative. Also dominated. Explore this area if you are open to it and he might be more receptive. I watch porn because its interesting and arousing. For some people its fore play. Try jumping his bones in an unexpected place. Surprising him with something new. Its most likely that he is bored and dosen't want to hurt your feelings.

[GoesTheRain]

Okay. I know a lot of guys who like a girl on top. Its sexy because they get a super great view of your body, your breasts, you enjoying yourself, etc. Plus, it may be a mini fantasy of his to have you be on top. I think the reason he's not telling you what he wants to do in bed is maybe because he thinks its pointless. If you won't go on top, you probably won't want to do anything else he wants to do. Men can be pretty insecure about sex as well, so if he says he wants you on top, be on top.

[Married-in-PA]

See, I don't get this. I am 35, and although I have noticed a little bit of an "ease off" of my sex drive, I still want to "go" 4 or 5 times a week, and my wife? She gets it from behind almost at least half of the time. I love to "take hold of her", if you know what I mean. Once in a long while, I'll ask her for the reverse-cowgirl, but by-and-large, I like to be on top.

There is nothing sexier, than teaching a girl that although you could be rough, you won't be. Because a true gentleman takes a hold of his wife firmly, yet gently, and lets her know he belongs to her, that he will not hurt her EVER.

This girl, she cried in my arms once, because I wouldn't sleep with her because she was drunk. She insisted I "get" something for "dealing with her" that night. I told her that her company was enough, which was true. That's sexy.

[Asker]

So how do I get him to see that?

[Married-in-PA]

That's a good question. Like I said, I don't "get" his behavior. One thing you might want to try is more physical play (like wrestling). Tell him you need a spanking, most guys can't resist this. Try talking dirty, this tends to get the juices going

[johnsmith2116]

I don't suggest watching porn together . Approach him with something he wouldn't expect . One night when he is relaxing in bed, climb in and tell him you are going to tie him up and have your way with him . As long as he only slightly resists, then you know you might be on to something .

Also, think about changing his diet a little to give him more energy . More breads, fruits, and vegetables .

[x9354]

You could try watching porn TOGETHER. That way when he gets all worked up form the porn, you will be there to reap the benefits. Throw in the porn, put your lingeries and stilettos on, and then sit back and enjoy the ride.