My boyfriend hit me after I kicked him in the balls by a mistake?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were on his couch kind of fooling around when he started tickling me. I was kicking around my legs (I'm sooo ticklish) and I rammed one of my feet really hard into his balls. Right after that he stopped tickling me and hit me really hard right across my face. I was so astonished and stunned. After like a minute of me just laying there gripping my face he apologized and told me it was just a reflex and he would never hurt me. He told me he would never hurt me back on purpose even if I was beating him up. (Which obviously isn't true) I left and now I'm so confused. 1st of all I have a bruise in the top of jaw and the whole side of my face hurts. So do you think it was just a reflex or he really meant to hurt me? What should I do about it?

[bubbiexo]

Reading over your comments to other people, I tend to think it was more of a quick reaction. It's good to see that you're not completely cutting him off at this point. However, you should keep a little distance and watch it more carefully for a while now because if he does something like that again, it's no longer a reflex and it's no longer "okay" or "understandable". At the same time, I am torn because slapping you across the face sounds like a strange reaction especially in relation to how you two may have been positioned. Either way, it's best to keep your guard up for a while because this could even be first in a long line of excuses for him being physically aggressive toward you. Just be careful.

My boyfriend was fake wrestling me one time while I was on the ground and he was kinda kneeling over me. I accidentally kicked him in the nose (which he has broken several times prior to meeting me). It was bleeding and his eyes were tearing up but he certainly didn't slap me in the face. He was annoyed but certainly not angry. I should add that my boyfriend is an MMA coach and a "tough guy", so heh may already be prone to those "reflexes" and could have used them on me and gotten away with it.

You never know, so be careful. Good luck!

[26ukdude]

With all due respect, you simply cannot compare a nose and a mans testicles. They are a world apart. I've been punched in the nose when doing martial arts and blood was pouring out. I've also been kicked in the balls which is a thousand times more painful and can screw a guy up for life.

[bubbiexo]

Cool. Ok.

[EntropicDecay]

I'm not buying the "reflex" thing. Everytime I've been a guy get hit there, the reflex was to curl in foetal position and wait it out.
As many other users said, it's a big red flag. Who we are is not defined by how we are when everything is all good and sunny. We reveal our deepest nature when facing adversity. If hitting you is his reflex when he gets mad, run the hell away from him. It was an accident, and he hit you pretty hard. What about the day you do something, and he gets angry again?

I wouldn't take my chances on this.
I already warned my boyfriend : I will never hit him, and if he ever hits me I'm out of his life.

Now, what should you do? I would advise not to stay with him, but I know it's easier said than done. At least talk with him about this, tell him how you feel, what you fear...
If you feel like something is wrong, stay away from him.

Good luck !

[EntropicDecay]

"I've seen"

[Isabellove]

Dang you have a bruise now! Omg girl maybe he didn't mean it but he shouldn't of hit you. If you go home to your parents and they see that and you tell them what happened they will probably flip right? Meaning it's not right. I think most of the guys are right you can't hit a girl not even how much reflex they have or not. Be careful. If he gets mad cuz your taking it too far than that's an other sign.

[Asker]

We've been together for two years and he has never hit me and we have fought before.

[Isabellove]

Girl if your sure he didn't mean it than talk to him and except his apology Goodluck!

[yawst]

I wouldn't leave him just because of one thing... just saying. ah well whatever you think

[Asker]

Yeah I'm not sure if I will leave him. He is so sweet and we have been together for 2 years. I think were really gong to have to talk about it.

[Camallunt]

The body has many reflexes that happen without you immediately thinking - spray to the face will shut your eyes, a tap on the knee jerks the leg and for a lot of people their fight or flight will cause them to swing back after pain without thinking to.

If he is genuinely sorry and he wasn't being malicious then play it down to the accident it was. Being hit in the genitals hurts and much like how men are told to ignore the abuse they get through pregnancy there is a level of it for pain in general you have to accept.

However if he didn't instantly punch back it was meditated and is where you need to consider how sincerely he apologies and don't give him too many chances to repeat.

One instance of a single punch does not make an abuser, to call it such is a mockery of domestic abuse and belittling of anyone who suffers it and is an attack on the person who out of weakness may have without thinking reacted. Let him know it is unacceptable behaviour but also let him know you will never intentionally hurt him either.

It is not acceptable to hit either gender without just cause of threat.

[Slimart]

I don't feel like typing an essay so i'm going to agree with this guy ^

[uuhhhh]

Taking your hand away when you burn yourself is a reflex. Hitting someone is a reaction. If that's his reaction to this, whatever the reason might be behind it, you shouldn't be around him. It screams of deeper issues and you know firsthand that it isn't safe. Even if what he said was true and it was a pure straightforward spinal chord influx that made him smack you, why would you stick around and risk it happening again?

I've been hit in the balls and hurt worse accidentally and I never got the urge to hit anyone, even men. I did get violent surges of anger yes, but never directed towards anyone, even people I didn't even like in the first place.

[jesseray]

I agree completely. I have tickled a woman and gotten kicked in the balls before, several times in fact. In my martial arts training, I was frequently accidentally hit -- nose, throat, chest, stomach, balls, shin, etc. I have even had the nail on a big toe ripped off by accident. That was worse than being kicked in the balls. I have felt some semblance of violent urges during these times, but I never took it out on anyone, let alone hit them in the face. Even if I did hit someone in the face, I would feel an immediate urge to apologize. I would not wait a minute before doing so. This guy did not act out of reflex. He knowingly reacted. Sure, that violent urge he felt contributed toward his action, but a decent person would not fly off the hinges upon the mere introduction of an urge. He has deeper issues. I'm sure of it.

[farmerguy]

Jesseray, I agree. He has bigger issues! He's an abuser. For some gall darn reason, a number of you woman keep getting into one abusive relationship after the other. I met a girl previously abused. She loiked right past me and jumped feet first into another abusive relationship. I stood aside and wonder WTF. I even warned her, She got pissed off and did it anyways. She still won't acknowledge she's being abused. She's lived mist her life this way. It's become normal for her. My heart breaks! What to do.

[jesseray]

Have you ever watched a moth purposefully fly into a flame, hear the crackling singe, and watch it flap its halved wings and flop against the ground in agony? And then watched a second moth, then a third, then a fourth? It is perhaps more painful for the person who watches. One cannot help but pity the poor things, but that feeling is quickly overwhelmed and drowned by a feeling of anger at the universe for letting such a miserable thing happen with such terrifying frequency. As with moths, women seek warmth in flames. We cannot stop them. We give them a reason, but they deny it. We give them a gentle shoo, but they ignore it. We give them tough love, but they reject it. We attempt to drag them to safety by capture, but they elude it. All the while, we are made their enemies, yet this is never true of the flames. One cannot help but pity the poor things...

[snowangle]

The flames are manipulative and cunning. They know exactly what to say to get the moths to come, and they know exactly how to make the moth stay and continue to get burned. The moth is just a fool for believing it.

[uuhhhh]

There's no place for poetical metaphors here. These women aren't genetically prone to seek abusive relationships, to even allude to it is a harmful justification. Somewhere along the way they were taught to blame themselves, to believe it's what they deserve, that they can't get better, that the way they're treated is an expression of their worth. They can be taught just the same to value themselves enough to leave such a situation, and they can be given the support they need to have the courage to do so. Being a witness to a woman being abused and thinking there's no way she could even leave the situation is to be stuck in the same sickly mindset that makes it so hard for her to leave.

[Neiler]

while he shouldn't have hit you like that you did hit him in the balls, that freaking hurts. I don't think it was a reflex though because the normal reflex it to just curl up into a fetal position for awhile. Not cool that he hit you really hard back but if this is the only case of him being violent then you shouldn't be in too bad of a spot. Try not to hit him again and you two need to have a talk.

[kangaru2]

agreed

[kangaru2]

agreed on the reflex

[curlyqlink]

If he paused before he did it, it definitely was not a reflex. Then it took him a while to apologize? No. Even if it was a "reflex", staying with someone who you aren't sure will hurt you or not is a horrible situation to be in. If you aren't ready to leave him be very very careful. We're all here for you when you need to talk.

[Asker]

No it was literally like right after I did that so... But I know it was weird that he didn't apologize right away. But when he did it was so sincere and he kept kissing my chert he hit and was so nice about it. So I truly don't know if should break up with him...

[curlyqlink]

You know him better than we do so only you can judge the situation. But please be careful, hitting someone hard enough to leave a bruise is not a "knee jerk reaction." Possibly talk to people who know you two as a couple and as individuals.

[thetundrawolf]

When I was younger, my brother kicked me in the nuts. I smashed through a door to get through to kill him. He's still alive today, though. But only because I was afraid of what my parents would do to me at the time.

Never mess with a dudes balls, and if you did it on accident, run the hell away.

[snowangle]

Leave him. Don't wait.

If he's truly abusive, he'll say anything to get you back. He'll tell you whatever you want to hear, make promises he doesn't plan to keep. Don't fall for it. Just go.

He should have never hit you.

[Prof_Don]

Talk about overblowing the situation... did u read the part about him getting hit in the balls "really hard"? ANY strike that painful will cause a violent reaction

[snowangle]

I understand that it's painful, but you don't just accidentally punch someone in the face. What if she was a child and she accidentally threw a ball at his parts? Is it okay for him to punch a child in the face since he's in pain?

[523206720]

He meant to hurt you. Break up with him.

[jesseray]

The reflexive action would be to grab your balls and make strange noises. Hitting someone in the face is not a reflexive action. He has anger issues and a lack of self-control. These two things will most likely plague your relationship with him for as long as the relationship lasts. In my opinion, you would do well to end that relationship and find a man with fewer issues.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Amethyst14]

Um! break up with him now!!!

That is soo fucked up

[harakiri]

Dump him and get out. His gut reaction is to hit. Bad, bad, BAD.

[molonski2]

You have been together 2 years he has never hurt you previously , you kicked him in the balls , reflex does not have to happen in an immediate action , of course it was Reflex , the shock of this attack by yourself , the pain , the disbelief , and he gave you a good solid slap.
Never commending violence , but in this circumstance dare I say you deserved it , you might be squirmy but be far more careful than this.
I think he has proven integrity as you have been together quite a while , so that's a reasonable test.

[melissa2]

He's got anger issues.

[farmerguy]

Yes he does. Unless he is facing a life or death situation.

[Skittles_lover]

Oh wow..I honestly don't know what to say and I'm sorry that happened to you. I know I would be pissed and would wonder if he'd do it again in another situation.

[farmerguy]

He will... For even small reasons. ( no pun intended)

[Skittles_lover]

@ update. Of course he brought you all this stuff and kept kissing your face, he was wrong. He knew that, you knew that. Him bringing gifts doesn't prove if it was a natural reaction or something that is bound to happen again though. I get why you don't want to leave, before that he has never done anything like this and you two have been together for 2 years now. That's a lot to just throw away. I guess when it comes down to it, you just have to think about your standards. I personally wouldn't tolerate a man hitting me under any circumstances. If you do decide to stay with him though, just keep your guard up.

[kevsan]

He probably watches Anger Management so he knows nothing.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

There isn't an excuse for what he did. I understand his reaction, but it is still unacceptable

[kangaru2]

agreed

[DodgersGM]

That's sounds like a major red flag. He intentionally hit you, correct?

[Asker]

I don't know he said it was a reflex...

[DodgersGM]

If he was getting tickled I could see his arms flailing around and it accidentally making contact with your face. But as a reaction to his balls getting hit? Nah, I don't buy that. I've been hit in the balls a couple of times (accidentally) and let me tell you, your reflex is to grab them immediately and go down to the ground.

[IUdude]

He's a douche. Ram your feet in his nuts again if you get a chance!

[ILoveLadies]

Pushing you away? Reaction
Getting away from you right after? Reaction
Grabbing balls with one hand and striking up with the other hand at the save time? Reaction
Waiting a minute before striking you.. Not a reaction.. Reactions are immediate.

[AndyWes]

Girls always downsize "hitting a guy in the balls" like it's akin to punching a shoulder or something.

Testicles are basically internal organs, except with zero fat padding. It's like if he punched you hard directly in the kidneys.

Don't kick him in the balls, and you don't have to worry about getting smacked. After all, if he "accidentally" punched you in the stomach and knocked the wind out of you, wouldn't you feel more than justified in hitting him back?

[melissa2]

It was an ACCIDENT. Everyone's accidently had a ball thrown at their heads as kids, some flipped out and hit the person responsible and some blew it off. I'm sure getting hit in the balls hurts like a bitch but it's no excuse to slap anyone in the face

[AndyWes]

Yeah, how about I "accidentally" punch you in the kidneys and see how you feel. You want an idea of how it feels? Take a clothespin and clamp it on your clit. Crude, but accurate comparison.

[Asker]

I'm sorry but I didn't mean to hit him.

[AndyWes]

Okay, well, avoid painfully kicking or punching him again, and he probably won't hit you back again.

[SandraSlip]

In other words, you simply don't believe her it was an accident. Is that what you're saying?

[jesseray]

You are really trying to argue that it is acceptable or a man to tickle someone to the point where they cannot stop themselves from kicking and then react to the kicking by hitting them in the face? What the fuck is wrong with you?

[AndyWes]

I don't blame you for being confused. Some men have really tiny balls, and they don't get hurt. So no hard feelings. xD

[SandraSlip]

The thing is, he simply chose to not believe the QA and is convinced she at least subconsciously kicked him. I mean, we will never know if she's telling the truth or not, but I'm not quite sure what the reason we'd assume she's lying. I don't quite get it.

[SandraSlip]

*subconsciously kicked him on purpose

[Taylor-heart]

This is line saying it's okay for a women to punch her doctor or husband during labor. I mean it's justified by the amount of pain she's going through right?

[AndyWes]

what sort of doctor or husband kicks his wife in the groin? O_O

[SandraSlip]

@Taylor-heart: I don't see it that way. The thing is, I wouldn't even completely disagree with AndyWes, if I had any reason to believe the QA is lying about her kick being an accident. Simply fail to understand what this reason might be.

[snowangle]

Of course not. If someone accidentally hit me in the kidneys, I still wouldn't hit them back. Much less if I was physically stronger than the person. And much less in their face. What she did was an honest accident. He was tickling her legs; of course they were jerking and kicking uncontrollably! But what he did was unacceptable.

[uuhhhh]

This guy is always an asshole. Don't listen to him. Really you have to be a real pussy to think that getting hit in the balls is enough pain to warrant punching a girl in the face for it.

[Taylor-heart]

@sandraslip I was being sarcastic

[jesseray]

uuhhhh, I agree.

[Taylor-heart]

@andywes I wasn't saying they would kick her I was just saying while she's in labor it's so much pain that it's 'ok' to hit someone right?

[AndyWes]

Oh, I actually agree, punch would be seriously excessive. Slap, no. Now I'm unsure, did she just get a smack or did he actually punch her?

[GirlRay]

Leave him. Imagine he did it again? Accidents happens - and he has absolutely NO right to treat you that way! What if you drop a knife on his foot or a plate on his face - or a bowling ball on his balls? Is he then allowed to hit you? NO! Are you scared what he is capable of doing? I know I would be.

[Asker]

Yeah I am but he'd so sweet i don't think he meant to do it...

[AndyWes]

Are you serious? Drop a knife on his foot or plate on his face or bowling ball on his balls? Most of those "accidents" are serious injuries. And dropping a freaking bowling ball on his *balls*? You realize he could be maimed for life like that, akin to if I "accidentally" shot my girlfriend in the leg with a 9mm?

[GirlRay]

How long have you been together? I just hope you know that you don't deserve to be treated that way. What would you say to a friend if it happened to her?

[melissa2]

AndyWes Oh god I can't stop laughing I'm sorry your comment was exactly what I was thinking. How do you drop a plate on someone's face anyway

[AndyWes]

Melissa, wasn't there a 90's board game like what this girl is talking about, where you "accidentally" drop chandeliers or grandmother clocks on people to avoid sharing inheritance? xD

[GirlRay]

Oh come on, I was exaggerating! I just meant that accidents happens! But you don't have that right to react that way. I've accidentally hit and kicked a boyfriend. and friend in the balls, NEVER would they lay a finger on me, because it was an ACCIDENT. Once my ex and I were playfully fighting on the bed and he accidentally pushed my head into a radiator and I had to go to the hospital - what should I have done? Kicked him the balls? I just think being physical on purpose is unacceptable, and that's just my opinion.

[AndyWes]

Lady, if a woman dropped a bowling ball on my balls, the authorities would not find her body.

[GirlRay]

Mature argument. I must say.

[AndyWes]

Yep, a girl saying "oh no, what if you 'accidentally' seriously injure him, he might smack you!"

[melissa2]

AndyWes I haven't heard of that but that sounds the same lol

[GirlRay]

I'm sure he MIGHT, but I wouldn't stay with him then.

[neisch]

reflex but i still think very little of him now -.- i mean you NEVER hit a girl. i have been stabbed and i didn't hit the girl. it just wrong...

[NovemberJoseph]

I think your exaggerating... If I got stabbed, I definitely would fight back if I could, I don't care if she's a girl if she's trying to kill me!

[neisch]

nah she just wanted to see if i would hit back. she ment to stop but it got me pretty good. lol

[Asker]

Wait so have you gotten stabbed or not?

[neisch]

yes. in the knee. se didn't mean to so it isn't too deep but its a nice scar!

[Asker]

I thought u said she meant to do it to see if u would hit back?

[neisch]

she ment to hit me with it but her arm slipped and i cut a chunk out. why are you so into this? its just weird... my parents didn't ask this much...

[AndyWes]

You've been stabbed and didn't hit back? You realize that when a living creature is attacked and refuses to fight back, that's usually indicative of something very wrong with the wounded creature?

[neisch]

yes i know. i do have mental issues they say... ya cause suicidal thoughts and attemps arnt cause of how im treated its me... idiots... sorry lol needed to vent a little.

[Asker]

Haha sorry I was just trying to wrap my head around a girl randomly stabbing a guy but now I get it.

[neisch]

yeah it was a freind. and my knife! lol it didn't hurt cause i keep it WAY too sharp lol

[JamielovesKU]

I dont think it was intentional but you never know these days.