This isn’t going to be like any of the other articles that you will ever see me write. I always write with a particular message or intention in mind and try to avoid ranting and complaining, because my main goal is to create work that will BENEFIT the people who are kind enough to take the time to read what I have to say. I have actually been working on multiple articles on and off and dropped everything I was doing to write this one. Today (more like tonight because this shenanigans got me so worked up I can’t sleep) I am going to give you all a little diatribe about an issue that I have been having for nearly two months now, along with some well-meaning, humble advice to all of the people of the vast world we live in.
Without any further-adieu, I am going to introduce the topic that I will be focusing on for this article, and that topic is harassment. Now, before you clench up your butthole and try to click away because you think this is another feminist rant about men sexually harassing me, it isn’t. There’s much more to it than that, because I’m not only focusing on sexual harassment, but harassment in general. As in any person, male or female, who partakes in the act or instance of harassing, disturbing, pestering, or repeatedly troubling another person regardless of their age and/or gender.
I live in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) so it should come to no surprise that, due to the sheer volume of people in my city alone, that I encounter quite a few people that I could have gone without meeting and been better off. It was never too much of a problem, more of an annoyance really, because I was so rarely ever on my own. My roommate and I always went out together, so it was only really occasional that anyone was ballsy enough to try and bother us, especially given that my roommate is 6’3” and a very strongly built young woman with a naturally more aggressive attitude. I on the other hand, am the absolute opposite. I stand at only 5’2” and weigh in at 115 lbs, and unlike my roommate, my demeanor has always been much more passive, ignoring most people who made an effort to hurt, offend, threaten, or sexually harass me rather than acknowledge their existence. Part of it was due to a lack of confidence, and another part of it was out of fear, both in putting myself in a bad situation and stooping to a level that I didn’t find morally right. Little did I realize that I was essentially making myself a target for the types of people who thrive off of harassing others.
Whether it’s my stature, my demeanor, or what have you, I have found that if I ever leave my apartment without someone else accompanying me, I have to be cautious. I have to worry about what I wear, and where I go; I have to make sure my iPod is charged enough that I can wear it to deter people from approaching me and I have to make sure my phone is in the front pocket of my purse so I can grab it quickly and easily. It might seem a little bit dramatic, but I assure you, it isn’t. In the past two months, I have been subject to various forms of harassment, from both men and women. For the sake of time and my own certain level of discretion, I am not going to go into super specific details about every experience I’ve had, but I will admit that I have been harassed in ways that were completely unwarranted and unnecessary. I have been sexually harassed, verbally threatened, insulted, gawked at, followed, and have even been physically touched by absolute strangers in a way that was not appropriate. Being somebody who suffers from an anxiety disorder, the negative experiences have left me hesitant to continue going out on my own and actually questioning if I should intentionally make myself look less “interesting” by going to lengths like wearing my maintenance uniform, so that I could fade into the background and be less of a target.
It’s a concept that breaks my heart, because it isn’t something that should be necessary for anyone just so they can feel comfortable going to a store or to the bus terminal to get from point A to point B. No one should have to worry about being stuck in an elevator with one other person, and no one should have to feel disrespected by another person who chooses to direct their anger at others with no concept of repercussion.
I would never follow through with any radical means of dressing down to avoid harassment by eliminating the likelihood of being noticed, but I will admit that the way I dress has often been dictated by the very unfortunate victim blaming culture in our society, along with the misguided view of others. While I will never stop wearing what I like entirely, I do have to pick and choose where I wear a skirt and what time of day it is when I go out, all because of the unfortunate likeliness that I will be targeted based solely on my appearance, be it because someone wants to sexually harass me, or simply decides that since I caught their eye that they're going to throw their anger in my direction. It's a sad reality that I and many other people have to live with, but that doesn't mean we have to accept and encourage it either. We need to stop making excuses for people who actively choose to be the aggressors simply because we're too afraid to tackle such a big problem, or because we're just afraid of acknowledging that this kind of thing can happen to anybody. No matter who you are, what you wear, or where you are, you are not at fault for someone who decides to force you into a situation where you are the victim of any kind of harassment, regardless of your gender or any other distringuishing attributes.
With that out of the way, I hope you don’t click away just yet, because I have something else to say. I want to turn this article into something that could potentially really benefit someone, rather than have it just float around the internet serving as a useless rant. I want to spread a message, and that message is one that I hold very close to my heart. That message is the message of good will. If you are someone who has been harassed, has harassed somebody, or has witnessed harassment, I want you to consider the effects that it truly has on a person, especially if you have ever done any of the following things I mentioned prior to somebody (e.g. touching, verbal abuse, sexual harassment, etc.) I urge you all to take into consideration what this kind of behavior can do to people, and see how it doesn’t serve any of us any good to allow it to continue.
You don’t know what someone is going through or has gone through and how severe they will react to your behavior. They could have PTDS, they could have been raped or molested, they could have lost somebody they loved, and your actions could cause more detriment to them then you realize. You may think it’s no big deal to yell insults at somebody to get a laugh out of it, or to tell someone that you’d bend them over if you got the chance … but know that those actions don’t benefit anyone. You may get enjoyment out of it, but you also create a stigma that poisons our culture and causes it to persist and negatively affect others. You put yourself at risk as well, because as my grandmother used to say “You don’t know who’s crazy.” More than anything I encourage you to consider your actions and how they could affect other people before you thoughtlessly act out on impulse, assuming that it isn’t a big deal. And for the victims and witnesses of harassment, I urge you to stick up for yourselves and others in whatever way you can, be it by voicing your discomfort (in a rational way and assuming it’s safe to do so, as not all situations are safe to act upon), reporting it, or stepping in on someone’s behalf, don’t passively allow it happen and ignore it. Keep in mind that by choosing to make a positive impact on this world that we encourage it to change for the better.
Thanks to anyone who decided to read this emotional rant of mine and I hope you enjoyed it. It was another hefty one but I stand by everything that I said ... I hope this reaches somebody and makes a positive impact to at least one person.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I am sorry you were moved to write this take - Harassment is wrong period - Noone should be made to feel uncomfortable by the words or actions of someone else.
I must say I just can't get my head around it and can see no good reason for it to exist. That said I am lucky being male and I live 98% of life with my head in the clouds, I don't think I notice half the attempts to harass me and as you say demeanour can get you through a lot. Quiet confidence is somewhat effective, you mightn't feel it but a good bluff is helpful.
I live in the GTA area too and I notice lately that more and more guys are following me around during the night its getting fucking annoying! like leave me the fuck alone. Now I stay indoors at night because I can't deal being scare to death by these guys anymore.
You do have to be safe in the GTA, especially as a young girl.
Yup but it wasn't this bad in the last two years that's what happens when more population happens.
Well I'm glad it hasn't been severe.
Jesus... y'all are making GTA sound like detroit
Well there more crazy people lately dude. I remember last year I got someone harassing me because he thought I was 10 years old.
But.. were you really harassed or did you just meet a few annoying/insulting persons?
Was your car vandalized in daylight while you were in it?
Did someone try to knock you out in broad daylight?
Did you have to run afeter a couple of thieves to get your handbag back?
Did you have to knock out a bouncer at night?
Did someone pull a knife on you at night?
Was the place were you stayed shot at?
I don't wish you any of that but one can survive these, trust me.
You realize that's not harassment, that's assault. I don't think you're really understanding the point of this. This behavior, this "trivialize it because it's not as bad as it could be" is why things don't change. Things like ASL weren't considered as "big" as say, breast cancer, but it doesn't make it less important.
You're ignorant, and a coward for not even having the balls to make this comment without going anon. I'd be ashamed to have your mentality. I hope you change it in the future.