Stop trying to tell people what their sexuality is

[Anonymous]

I write this after a recent event on GAG, which involved an aggressive male GAG user messaging me on here insisting I am bisexual/lesbian. This happened after I answered a question saying that I found female bodies more pleasant to look at but that I was sexually attracted to male bodies. Even after I tried to explain the fact I have never felt any sexual urge towards a woman, this man still insisted he knew I was bisexual/lesbian.

It was extremely frustrating and I eventually just blocked him. But then I thought about this issue in a wider context. There are people who are often told by others that they are gay, when many of them are not.

Asserting that you know someone's sexuality, thus implying you know them better than they know themselves can be damaging. Namely, it helps perpetuate the stereotypes surrounding the LGBT+ community. These stereotypes say that if you are a man and you do not fit the socially-constructed idea of 'manly' then of course you must be gay. They give bisexual people a reputation of promiscuity and put hetero people off dating them because of the myth that they are more likely to cheat.

So here are my main messages:

1. You are not and should not be defined by your sexuality - Your personality and your sexuality are separate. People don't define straight people by their sexuality, so why should anyone else be defined by that?


2. The only way you should ever claim to 'know' someone's sexuality is if they have told you themselves. - You don't know who someone is sexually attracted to (if indeed anyone). It is not something you can work out by spending a bit of time with someone. This links back to the point that your personality and sexuality are separate. Those stereotypes can be damaging.


3. Try not to assume everyone is straight - (i.e. when speaking to a teenage girl/boy don't be gender specific when asking if they are in a relationship, because it automatically implies they should be straight)

   

[RedRobin]

Almost the whole way through high school and still a lot of the time at uni people try to tell me I'm a lesbian/bisexual. I know that people are going I shouldn't let it get to me but after a while it gets f*cking annoying, especially when you've already told them you're straight. One girl even tried to tell me that I'm just too afraid to come out, like wth. Seriously, you really don't have a right to be telling someone else what their sexuality is and if they've already told you what they identify as, go build a bridge and climb over it. Rant over.

[RedRobin]

* are going to say

[Unit1]

Good take!

My sexual life is no ones fucking business but mine. MINE!

[myTake Owner]

thanks! you are correct

[Unit1]

Everyone's welcome to become motivated, that one's sexual life is it's own business. Readers, mind your own.

[krash2002]

I'm seeing that a lot of males disagree and women tend to agree to a point. So, I'll give my
Heterosexual/male point of view.

I actually agree with most of what you're saying. Just because a male who has a lower voice, with a lisp, and uses a lot of sensual hand movements. Doesn't mean that he is gay, and the opposite applies for women who are seen as butch.

One of my close friends has every manerism of a gay male, but he is absolutely straight. People thought otherwise for the longest time, but he's getting married now to a beautiful women, and if you've known him for years like I have. You'd see that his mannerisms are just who he is.

Society as a whole doesn't need to know your sexuality. Whether at work, at home, at school, or wherever. It's only needed to be known for someone who is interested in yourself. If you are bisexual, and you show interest in a male who has an interest in you as well. Then he should know what you label yourself as. It's only fair to be truly honest in the relationship. For everyone else who will never be a potential partner. Then it doesn't really matter if they know or not.

Crazy enough, I think that a label of ones sexuality can be defined with a grey area. I think this, because I've slept with a few women who are die hard lesbians. They would only date women, and love women and everyone around them (even close friends) said they were die hard lesbians. However, I ended up sleeping with them, and their take was that they loved the female body, but it could not replace the enjoyment of the male penis. Thus, on occasion when the right guy came along. They would have a little fun, and it would end at that. Which as long as you're honest with yourself. It doesn't become an issue.

[myTake Owner]

thanks for your response. really insightful :)

[MissNowhere]

Similar thing happened to me. After I said I was heteroflexible, this dude VERY aggressively attacked me insisting that I'm bisexual and that there's no such thing as heteroflexible, he didn't stop no matter how many times I told him I don't care what he labels me as, cause I know who I am and his opinion is irrelevant to me. Some people just don't understand that everything isn't black or white.

Labels are stupid anyways. Why is it so important to label people? It literally doesn't matter, everyone should just have fun and not think about such things as labels too much.

[Anonymous]

I hear you lady! I've had this argument on here many a time. Yes I find the female body attractive, but I live cock. I adore penis. I want it in and around my mouth. The idea of licking pussy repulses me because I am a hetero woman. I e also kissed and groped women, I've even had a woman go down on me but there is absolutely no way on earth I am bisexual or lesbian. Guys like this often think this is why women don't like them, a lot think that women prefer women naturally so that's why they can't keep a dame. Actual fact they're just wholly unappealing.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

The way i see it, people like and act and look and behave the way they want. It doesn't mean anything other than thats just who that person is. Some guys are into other guys, some act feminime some act really masculine. It can be any different combination but it doesn't really mean anything. I dont understand why people think that how someone acts somehow indicates their sexuality.

[myTake Owner]

completely agree

[sp33d]

If you know your sexuality yourself, there is no reason to get so worked up. Similarly to your suggestion, stop trying to fix the world.

1. Yes, it does. Personality, however, is not dependant on sexuality.
2. Agreed, but then again, who are you to tell others?
3. A moot point.

I don't like this topic, there are bound to be those irritating extremists who, sort of, seek to exploit the moral ground of this topic in an attempt to victimize themselves and then go on about tolerance and equality and how awful this or that person is and yada yada yada. Hypocrites' playground, as it were.

If you believe it to be normal then why do you set off at such a dramatic tone? Why must it be proven?

[takumii]

Maybe she wanted to be a superhero.

[weegin]

I don't know how I feel about the rest of your post here, but if there is one thing I can wholeheartedly agree with, it is #1 here.

It irritates me so much when a person cannot see beyond their own sexuality, even in terms of how others see them. These are the people who believe that you avoid them 'because they're homosexual' rather than because their personality is nasty. And unfortunately, this perpetuates the stereotype that a lot of homosexuals are like this, which most aren't.

And just to be perfectly transparent, I don't really agree with homosexuality or all of this sexual and gender ambiguity. I think people take it too far. But I also think even these people who take it too far deserve to be treated like any other person, because they are, in fact, people. Just because they made decisions (or as some might claim, didn't make decisions) that I consider to be in poor taste does not give me or anyone else the right to mistreat them.

[Mesonfielde]

Actually, my sexuality is part of my identity (as much of it as I have, in the sense of "what I am"). Meaning it does define me to a point.

I can also claim to know someone is a homosexual or bisexual if I see them making out with a member of their own sex.

And being heterosexual is the default state, as the primary purpose of our reproductive systems are - you might have guessed it - reproduction.

Otherwise, sure, bullying someone over their sexuality doesn't change them so it is pointless.

[MeltedCheese89]

Oh, how I WISH more people were exposed to the idea of gender and identity and orientation and all that being a slider instead of being a strict binary or something like that.

People are so much more complex than bathroom labels, and the sooner people realize that, the sooner all of life's mysteries will be unraveled for so many people. Thank you for spreading such a positive message! :)

[lePoivre]

I feel like we may have been contacted by the same guy. I stopped talking to him after what stared as a normal conversation abruptly ended with "you're lesbian" and haven't heard from him since.

[myTake Owner]

i've heard he's known for this kind of thing

[NatashaJ]

I know it pisses me off like I had a ex accusing me of being a lesbian because I was close to my friend who pansexual. He got to jealous of her and I never did anything "gay" so I don't know why he thought that.

[Fibbett]

There is a difference between science and ideology.

Science only allows for two genders (exception for genetic mutations such as bernaphrodites).

However, it's also true that you cannot claim to be a better judge of someone's sexual orientation than they are- especially over the Internet!

I think you just need to make peace with the fact that trolls exist.

[myTake Owner]

it's not really about me. that incident just got me thinking about the bigger picture. thanks for your response :)

[Gommers]

I have a few girls that believe so heavily that I'm gay, because I won't give them the time of day, that they've made it their mission to make their friends know I'm gay and to not date me. Women decide people's sexuality even if you're a straight, well built, male with a good job.

[Someguy17]

I'm in the same situation. I'm a manager and a few women at work started a rumor that I'm gay because I never chose to date any of them. It's a way to save face when they feel rejected. "If he doesn't think we're hot, then he must be gay!"

Funny thing is, I did date a couple of them. I just picked women that knew how to be discrete.

[RandomUsername3464]

@Gommers @Someguy17 Yeah, same for me too! It's ridiculous! They think I'm gay because I don't chase after them. And they also think I have something wrong with me because I am naturally shy and they think I don't notice body language. I am completely straight and I notice the cues people give me. It's not fair when we are labelled like this just because we do our own thing.

[PublicEnemyNumber-1]

You know why we made those phrases? So we could know what they are. Everything needs a label, that is like going to a grocery store and not knowing what brand of hotdogs you want to buy because it isn't labelled! And don't say "They are just hotdogs." because as a food enthusiast, I can assure you different brands mean different things. But now we're getting off topic, labels exist for the sole purpose of organization. Let's say you were a lesbian, but the term gay did not exist. You'd have to go around saying "I like women instead of men." whenever someone asks. The terms make it easier, so this mytake is completely meaningless. Try harder next time.

[ginnyweasley]

*insert slow clapping*

www.reactiongifs.us/.../picard_clapping.gif

[Someguy17]

And we slip further and further into this pc nightmare. I have gay friends and we rip on each other for our sexual preferences. All of this kids glove shit is garbage. The only way to move forward is by actually viewing fellow humans as equal, not by regulating what everyone should or shouldn't be saying/thinking.

The only thing we ever got from pc is being in denial and lots of confusion.

[Bards]

Those dudes who call girls bi or lesbian becauae they like lesbian porn 😒 Dumbasses. Good take.

[myTake Owner]

ikr lesbian porn is the only kind that i watch because it focuses on female pleasure. in a straight film there will maybe be a 30sec bit where the guy goes down on the girl. that's hardly appealing

[Bards]

Exactly! I don't watch girl on girl but rather straight or guy on guy but I totally get it.

[Anonymous]

I understand what you are sying, however I must disagree with your view on not assuming everyone is straight because that doesn't make sense at all.

At the most 10% are homosexuals (even less to some statistics), so it safe to assuming people are straight unless stated otherwise.

"because it automatically implies they should be straight" what do you mean by should be, if you mean if it's safe to assume, then I'll say it is.

[myTake Owner]

Think about it. A few decades ago that 10% statistic would be nowhere near that. More people are coming out these days but there is still a large group of people who live their life not admitting to themselves or other people that they are not straight. 10% is definitely much higher.

A better question to a teenage boy than "have you got a girlfriend" is "are you in a relationship" or "do you like anyone at the moment". That's all I'm saying

[Opinion Owner]

The 10% is the highest number I have seen in any creditable source, reality could be hinger we can't know for sure, besides some are bisexuals and how do they count in this statistic!!

What I am sying is, I thing is very bad when people wants to make the uncommon common by pretending homosexuality is "normal". It never have been and never will be normal, that's not how procreation works.

I think we should in society presume people are normal until they claim otherwise. We don't have the right to presume everybody around is gay or potentially gay. Some a gay, good for them, but society should assume normal as being the norm and the make the uncommon seem more common that it is.

[myTake Owner]

It is normal and has been proven through hundreds of studies of homosexuality in animals. And it has been proven to have biological advantages too. A small amount of research on your behalf wouldn't go amiss.

How about we don't assume anyone is straight/gay and just let them live their life the way they want to

[Opinion Owner]

That's not how you define normal, you are thinking of natural vs. unnatural.

Normal is defined as "conforming to the standard or the common type" or "serving to establish a standard", heterosexuality is the standard and it is the common type of sexuality, hence it's normal. All other kinds of sexuality other than heterosexuality is not the norm or normal, it's minority that too is a fact.
You can research it if you wise, but is common knowledge.

"How about we don't assume anyone is straight/gay" but what wrong in assuming the normal, we do in any other context why should this be any difference?

"just let them live their life the way they want to" sure nobody have said anything else, that's not the point.

[Opinion Owner]

"It is normal and has been proven through hundreds of studies of homosexuality in animals."

This is not true by the way, even if you replace the word normal with natural. Homosexual behaviour is not the same as long-lasting predisposition to engage in such behaviour nor to the exclusion of heterosexual activities.

However cannibalism, rape and infanticide are seen more frequently in the animal kingdom than homosexual behaviour, yet most humans would not consider cannibalism, rape and infanticide as natural behaviour in our own spice.

All this gay propaganda is really stupid, gay right sure it's civil liberty issues, but don't try to make the uncommon seem common for political reasons, accept it not normal and it's a minority standpoint only.

[LittleSally]

See we'd love to live and believe in a world where you're not defined by who you are and the choices you make. Unfortunately we live in a world where being defined by those things is simply reality.

[myTake Owner]

are you defined by being straight? (assuming you're straight) didn't think so

[LittleSally]

No but the sum of what we are (including sexuality) and our decisions defines us as people.

[myTake Owner]

then why is more weight placed on sexuality for gay/bi/pan etc. people?

[LittleSally]

Is it?
I guess because people accept what's most often as being the norm.

[myTake Owner]

and i am challenging that

[LittleSally]

Only you know if you are - depends what kind of an effect you have in the real world.

[DarkHumorRUs]

What I hate is the fucking "don't assume everyone is straight" thing. I'm biologically programmed to find a mate, a female, and I'll try to find one regardless of information I'm not aware of. That's just silly.

[myTake Owner]

oh please! i mean you can privately assume people are straight but don't shove it down their throat. simple concept

[DarkHumorRUs]

It's not shoving it down throat. That's like assuming everyone is colorblind, so you have to ask everyone if they can see certain colors before you show them a picture.

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[myTake Owner]

you misunderstood the whole thing

[DarkHumorRUs]

That's where you're wrong.

[myTake Owner]

from your response i can assure you that you misunderstood

[fuuuark]

Labeling is how we communicate, calling a cat a cat is labeling, just because you don't like being called something doesn't mean you aren't that thing, don't be politically correct to the point of absurdity, being called heterosexual or bisexual aren't negative things, this take is just ridiculous and asks us to forget language because it doesn't suit a few people.

[fuuuark]

As in your sexual orientation doesn't define you, but it does obviously define your sexuality. Just because you say you are something doesn't mean you are that thing. I have had girls on her say they are sexually attracted to girls but say they are straight because they would never date a girl, they obviously don't know what they are talking about, so them self identifying means nothing.