The truth about daddy issues!

[zombiebabe]

I've noticed that some people misunderstand the real meaning of the term itself and therefore they tend to judge (badly) the ones with this issue.

What does having daddy issues really mean?

In my opinion someone with daddy issues are the ones that have been growing up without having their dad around or even if their dad have been around they were not present in their kids lives. A father neglecting their kids leave them feeling broken with no emotinal support and this causes some particular attitude and behaviour in the kid's life forever

For girls mostly that have an absent dad (emotionally or physically) might be more wanting to date older guys so that they could have a mature man to take care of them and to provide them with love and affection/support (what their father never gave them). Girls in relationship might try to "compensate" what she didn't have with her father..

So I think people should quit judging other people's life without knowing them!

[front2back]

It really fucks a growing woman up when her dad is either absent, a POS, and/or disrespects her mom. I've dealt with these girls personally and they feel lost and unlovable. Oh course some guys will take advantage of this because these hurt girls will cling to a guy that gives them some security and care, even if he himself is a POS (like the girl I knew who kept getting back with her abusive ex). Because of this they have the reputations of being sluts, but that's really not true. She didn't sleep around at all.
It's a really unfortunate situation but where there are shitty guys in the world, there will be shitty fathers, and the cycle shall continue.

[zombiebabe]

yea i know :( >:(

[PurpleTeardrops]

This is MHO

[RainbowFanGirl]

I hate when people are judged for having daddy issues and people think it's funny. It's not funny to have an abusive father... :(

[zombiebabe]

that's true :( but a lot of people don't understand that

[Hannah591]

I second that!

[LovelyDisquiet]

Yeah... I've definitely known for awhile that I have these issues. I used to date guys that were like him too.(Manipulative, narcissistic, cruel, aggressive, derogatory, distant)

Growing up, I was a daddy's girl completely. Until about 3 years old, when he began to yell at me for every little kid thing I did. He fought with me over everything. And we had lengthy arguments where he'd talk in circles and confuse me (I'm still surprised to this day that I was smart enough at 5 through 8 to argue with him and make sense of what I was saying)

My mom would agree with me in private, but tell me to apologize and make up with him. I would be forced to (or bear the consequences) go to him, apologize profusely, and give him a hug. If I refused the hug part, he would force me, and hold me against him as I screamed and tried to pull away. If I continued to scream, he'd yell back at me louder and threaten physical violence until I calmed down.

This style of living continued almost every other day for me until high school.

I was almost completely isolated. Me and my brother were home schooled until high school, and the few people I was allowed to hang around were boys that were just as verbally abusive and messed up. When at home, I was often ignored by my father as the "problem child", and my parents would both joke/make fun of me as the "demon" child and shame me in public to other parents. My dad often passive-aggressively ask me to tell stories to the other adults about how stupid I was for doing something or other.

When I got older and better at dealing with father without it blowing into huge fights, he just turned to acting more like I didn't exist. Ignoring me when I'd ask questions if he was busy (pretty much all the time), telling me when I did something wrong, or congratulating me on a grade, or a well-done piano performance.

Also, I notice he stared to give me up and down stares at this point. He'd never really paid much attention in the form of physical affection to me before, which is why it stood out when he'd come over and rub my back, belly, give me long hugs, kiss my face, etc. If I pulled away, gave him a weird look, or said stop, he would go livid on me, and we have a full blown fight.

Honestly, now that I see the way he touches me is similar to the way he looks at/touches my mom, and his recent mistress... I'm SO creeped out by him. I moved out recently, but he still tries to initiate physical contact with me every time I visit

[zombiebabe]

am sorry to hear about that... but i understand how you feel about the huge argument part...

[Paris13]

Great Take as Always, zombiebabe, and Enough Said where I had no problem in Picking it Apart with my Heart... Well said and understood to the kid core.
My dad was a hard worker when I was growing up and being a Head Truck driver for a big company, there were times I didn't see a lot of him. However, he always made sure we had plenty of food on the table, the Best of the Rest of Everything, and Loved his family with all his own heart, which meant a lot.
However, my sister was more the tomboy sort of girl so my mom always felt he favored her more. She enjoyed playing ball with dad or doing other boy things that my other sister and I were not much into. It didn't bother my little sister and me because we Liked our dolls opposed to playing Catch.
And when it came to family vacations, we All had a blast with dad in swimming or just being part of the fun that we all made up for. Even in the winter, snowmobiling was a blast.
As we all got older and had our own lives, My other sister and I became closer to dad, having our Own lives. We all shared in many other things as Adults, keeping our Family bond very tight and Never allowing our bough or vow to be a Family, to be Broken. xx

[Paris13]

@zombiebabe

[zombiebabe]

am glad you had a happy family life

[Paris13]

Thank you for the upvote, @zombiebabe, and like all families, we have had our ups and downs, but the family that Prays together, surely Stays together, and Try and make God part of that circle where without Him, it never would have been possible. I am lucky to have good parents who were always there for me and even now. xxoo

[Hannah591]

I don't have an absent dad, he's just a dick and has loads of psychological problems which makes you feel like you're living with a maniac and you walk around on egg shells all the time which fucks you up over time. I don't think it's affected my dating, I've actually dated guys younger than me and I don't go for older more mature guys as a replacement father figure!

I do dislike it when people say I have "daddy issues" like I'm broken, messed up or just have issues that affect my every day life. You just get on with it.
People also say I should be thankful because at least I have a dad. I wish I didn't most days because although I live with him, he doesn't look at me more than once and we can go days without talking to each other. 99% of the time, he has no idea what I'm doing in my life because he has no interest in it. I would prefer to have no dad, than a useless one like I have. You can imagine a lovely dad, whilst I have to put up with a rude dad that pretty much ignores me. That's more painful.

[RedRobin]

I feel like my dad's the exact same. It seems like he only wants to speak to me when I've done something wrong just so he can yell at me and when he does try to make conversation he talks to me like I'm just pissing him off.

[VampireEmpress]

thankful? unless their dads were 100% absent from their lives, the people who told you that had fathers too. even if they're not alive now, at least they have memories.

I've always known both my parents, but there are a lot of feuds in my family. I've never met most of them. or even my aunts and uncles on both sides, and wouldn't recognise them any of them in a picture or on the street. I've had to listen to kids from all backgrounds talk about how much they love their parents brothers and sisters. I've never told them they should be thankful or that they were lucky.

I don't see it as my business. but I've been jealous of them as hell.

[VampireEmpress]

oh god. 2am in the morning and typing is awful lol

[Hannah591]

@RedRobin They sound the same. It's so hard to put your finger on it but it's mainly manipulation and passive aggression we have to put up with all of our lives.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I'd have to agree. I have major daddy and somewhat mommy issues. My dad was absent for most of my life, and when he was there, he was emotionally, physically, verbally abusive, exploiting, and not to mention neglectful and ashamed of us. And my mom. And he was worse to my mom. I will admit he ruined men for me for a loooong time.

I go for older guys almost exclusively. Not that I wouldn't date a younger man, but I'd much rather and have always been much more attracted to older men.
What sucks, is that I feel I subconsciously go for cheaters. I don't want to, but they always end up being unfaithful. I don't even know if it's me, or them. This is why I don't wanna date for now because I gotta figure this shit out! I haven't cried because of my punk ass dad in a long time, and I'll be damned if a cheating ex ever makes me cry again.

[zombiebabe]

:'( :'(

[Bluemax]

That kind of frank and courageous admission is rare on gag. It's refreshing to hear it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Bluemax thank you

[diamondhair]

I liked this. I agree. I had severe father issues. My dad never liked me and always preferred my 3 sisters. He used to pick on me really badly to the point it upset my mum. When i was 18, I fell in love with a guy who was 10 years older. I didn't act on my feelings. But it was a personality connection. For a long while, I liked only older men. Then I met my boyfriend. He is a year older and he takes care of me really well, that now I don't have the need of an older man or anything. He healed me quite honestly.
This holds true for my best friends, whom all have issues with their fathers and have gone on to have relationships with older guys.

[zombiebabe]

am glad you are in a good situation now :)

[Bluemax]

And this is why if so much as one parent is a tenth of a percent less than enthusiastic about having the baby, DON'T HAVE THAT BABY. Give it to adoption, if you have ethical qualms about aborting the child.

And I am sorry this happened to you.

[zombiebabe]

oh...

[JessikaSky]

My dad left when I was twelve and never spoke to me or my brother. I have only dated one guy who was five years older then me and hated it so much, my partner now of three years is the same age as me, in fact he's a few months younger lol. Definitely not all girls who grow up without a father in their life have daddy issues where they seek older men to replicate what they missed out on. :)

[zombiebabe]

yeah

[Blonde401]

Great take. I have always had daddy issues. My dad has always been physically and emotionally abusive and as a result psychologically I tend to yearn for a loving relationship from older men. It's never worked out well for me but thanks for the take, it's nice to see someone put it into perspective for people who don't understand.

[zombiebabe]

am glad you appreciate it!

[PT1911]

The world needs men to act like actual men. Husbands to their wives, Fathers to their daughters.

[zombiebabe]

yea but its too good to be true

[Intraluminal]

No. It's not!

[Minxxie]

Lol I have mommy issues but we are working through things now I think living with my dad and then on my own helped we needed space to stop fighting. I think everyone has issues with their family / parents at some point and daddy issues are like the extreme heart broken end of that spectrum. So telling people with daddy issues that they are broken and that they will be "easier" because they are so desperate for affection is sick. When I learned my boyfriend's biological father beat his mom and then left when he was a toddler I didn't say "Ohh shit never mind! I can't date you because you must be fucked up!" BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BLAME SOMEONE FOR THEIR PARENTS MISTAKES. And he has a stepdad who raised him and loves him as his son. We both have problems from my parents divorce and his parents divorce but we still have the power to work through it and people with parental issues should not be written off.

[vishna]

Well, my dad bailed out when I was around 7. And I adored that asshole. But I didn't care much when he left because I was too young to understand. And my mom was very strong and took over his role seamlessly. So, I never really missed him, and I never developed an urge to date an older man. I did have a hard time forming bonds with men. Once I hit puberty I didn't have a lot of guy friends. And when I got my first boyfriend, I thought something was wrong with me because I didn't feel anything after a long time even though I knew I liked him. And it still takes a long time for me to like a guy, and I do find a lot of guys just not worth investing time to get to know, I have little patience for men. So, if anything I grew distant from guys. But I love my boyfriend, I just don't need a male presence in my life unless it's a lover.

That being said, I feel like just because a woman isn't raised with a father, doesn't make her have daddy issues.

[Likes2drive]

I know my daughters won't have that issue, I'm around them more than their mom but that will be changing soon but won't effect them at this point since they are 16 now and will still see them on week ends

[zombiebabe]

am glad that they won't

[DannyFanny]

Awhh that's so sweet 😊😍

[Likes2drive]

@DannyFanny Thanks, this question is so old my daughters are going into their fourth year of college 😊

[DannyFanny]

😂😂😂🤣

[Likes2drive]

@DannyFanny I guess I’ve been on here awhile 😂

[DannyFanny]

Yeah I guess 😊
I was just scrolling and thought it was cute 🙂

[Likes2drive]

@DannyFanny Thanks again, I just saw them all yesterday

[OrangeBoy]

Hmm, interesting that point of view... Girls with a neglecting father tend to go for older guys hmm...

Aff, i hope i can be a great dad :/

[zombiebabe]

just be a great dad

[nevavanilla90]

I agree.. I think growing up without a dad makes you feel a sense of rejection and resentment. It's something I'm working on, but I always have a feeling in the back of my mind that any relationship I'm in the guy is going to eventually leave or that I'm not good enough, even though I don't show this it's how I feel inside which results in hot and cold behaviour from me.. Eventually my worst fear becomes a reality and the cycle repeats.

[zombiebabe]

oh i grow up with my dad but he is only physically here...

[HannahRose7]

My dad died of a heart attack at age 32 while my mother was 6 months pregnant with my brother and I. For the first 5 years of my life, I didn't have a dad. And after that my mother re-married and he did not treat me well at all. Whenever he was angry, he would take it out on me. I didn't have anyone to show me the correct way a man should treat a woman, I didn't have the affection that was crucial to my development at that time and thus will always have a hole in my heart where my father's love and affection should have been. I think people need to understand that that the absence of a father in a young girl's life is more serious than most believe it to be. There has never been a person I have wanted to meet more than my own father.

[zombiebabe]

am sorry to hear about that

[VampireEmpress]

I think it's an instinctual thing that girls like older guys. my dad has always really kept to himself and been closed off from other people. I fantasize about older men, but the idea of actually being with them is way too intimidating for me. they're at a completely different stage in life and I feel like they'd totally dominate me. so I've only been interested and with boys in my age range. I actually think younger boys can be sexy. 18+ guys lol

[zombiebabe]

lol i would never date a younger guy

[VampireEmpress]

and I feel like boys my age are more masculine. they have lots of energy for doing anything and look young... sexy as heeeeellll.

[RedRobin]

I like younger guys too lol, their more fun then older guys 😊

[female13]

i think your 100% right i have issues with my father!
when it comes to men or boys... i dont trust them, i feel like i can't because of my father leaving a hole in my life i notice that when im with someone i need to prove that they can't hurt me and i push them away instead of let them in... i sometimes found that the guys im with have similar traits to my father (i. e manipulative) which disturbs me and i don't understand why but i do...
people that haven't been through what we have should be quiet. the man that meant to love you the most in your whole life that doesn't but emotionally abuses you it leaves scares that take ages to heal.

[female13]

i also dont really go after older guys more guys my age

[zombiebabe]

glad you agree

[Blaiseyygirl]

I like dating older guys, and I never figured it might be linked into issues with my father. But since I was young my dad has been around just never truly supportive of anything I did/do. Makes sense though

[zombiebabe]

yea!

[gobsmacked3]

I will write a response to your take today from a Father's perspective :)

[zombiebabe]

thanks

[zagor]

Girl I knew in college used to (usually after a couple drinks) speak bitterly about how her father took off when she was 6 and they never saw him again. Now she is a lesbian AND a prosecutor; not only does she not sleep with men but she gets to put them in jail.

So yeah, Daddy issues are real.

[zombiebabe]

yea!