A lot of articles about body acceptance have been appearing in my social media feed of late. Most of the time they anger me. I used to have a pretty severe weight problem that I fixed a long time ago. It has stayed fixed. It is an ongoing effort that requires hard work, resolve, and determination.
The articles I keep seeing lead people to believe they don't have control over their lives, so they should simply surrender. The most laughable study that came out recently is the one that "proved" exercise won't really help you lose weight, "because it makes you hungry."
*sigh*
Five paragraphs and two memes in, though, I must tell you this myTake isn't really about weight loss or body image.
For those of us who weren't "born to be thin," keeping in shape is a way of life. It's a lifestyle. It isn't a side job, or a hobby, or something we do in our spare time. It factors into every social decision we make, the amount of hours we're willing to work, everything.
If that lifestyle isn't for you, then bully. It's not easy, and it isn't for everyone. I wouldn't want a world where everyone does what I do and is like me. It would be a less colorful, less interesting world.
You have a right to choose your values and way of life. There are a lot of values you can choose from, and all of them are legitimate. If you can't or won't put in the effort to shave off those pounds and keep them off, for example, then perhaps it is best for you to simply accept that as who you are and what you value, and carry on with life.
You can be a warrior, or an artist. You can be a full-time mom or a shatterer of glass ceilings. You can conquor countries or build houses. You can be fat or you can be thin. And there is plenty of middle ground where you can dwell comfortably, perhaps, within all of those choices.
A good, satisfying life is a quest for perfection. When you know who you are, what your values are, then your definition of success becomes clear: living those values, and thriving.
Once you have reached that pinnacle, despite the expectations of the world and all of the adversity life throws at you, you might very well consider yourself a successful person, whether that success offers the standard tokens one might expect, like wealth and status, or not.
Now that I have filled you with a bright, positive message of hope and inspiration, please excuse me while I proceed to destroy it all, because living your values, choosing your own individual lifestyle, and being successful in the context of those values, might come at a social cost.
It might not. If your values include things like being captain of the football team, then college quarterback, then a cushy office career at your dad's successful business building wealth and then rearing a family, then there is a pretty good chance you'll find a measure of social acceptance.
If it is more important for you to remain knowledgable of every pizza joint in town and get through every level of a particular video game while maintaining an astute knowledge of "Downton Abbey," you might have to pay a social price for those values, especially if they exclude other values like nutrition, fitness and hygiene.
However, you can rest in the knowledge that you beat that game to death, and no one knows more about Downton Abbey than you, Lord Of The Manor. Oh, and where's the best place for cheese pizza?
That paragraph might seem sarcastic, but it isn't meant to be. If you're proud of who you are, no one can take that away. They will try, trust me, the world will try. And they might make you feel terrible at times, perhaps lonely as hell, but never ashamed. Never.
Tonight I attended a party and met some new friends. I mentioned that I had been dating and never had a serious relationship. It was so disappointing, I had become a Fatalist and stopped dating altogether. "Maybe it's just not meant to be," I said.
"Standards too high?" my new friend asked.
There are articles that state that if you aren't dating up to the standards you desire, then that marks an opportunity for self-improvement. The problem, of course, is that I am pretty close to my perfect self now, and that doesn't happen to match up well with the values of the vast majority of available women. "Self-improvement" to get someone would likely be a downgrade.
For example, most of the women I meet seek an expansive lifestyle of materialism and family, while my weight loss experience has lead me down a path of mimimalism.
Over the time that I was dating, my standards would drop. I would have a terrible experience, then I would say "I need to raise my standards" and they would spiral up and down in an insanity-inducing death-loop.
I am sure my new friends believe people like me have impossibly high standards. Sadly, they are right. Once you achieve near-perfection, to be happy and to continue to thrive, you have to raise your standards to the point where finding someone who doesn't upset your applecart can seem to have the odds of winning the lottery.
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