Your Past Does [Not] Define You ⏪🔽⏩

[justbanANNAz]

There are 2 kinds of people when reading a piece of text: those who read but skim over the details, and those who read everything, including what's in the brackets. This is analogous to my purpose for writing the title in the way I did. [so GaG if you change it I WILL throw punches, ya hear?! :P ]

It's actually one of my favourite debates on GaG, because of the depth to which you can take your thoughts, IF you are brave enough to do so.🔍

Does my past define me? Does the past even matter at all? ⏰

Takes like these aren't as 'popular' as others, but I think that's because sometimes we're afraid to just sit there and examine ourselves. It feels uncomfortable, useless and just downright depressing. As a result, we conclude that we know ourselves and just brush our own life story, our own journey to the present, under the rug.

Consequently, many opinions become very black and white:

"Why does he/she need to know about my previous sex life? I'm with them now, that's all that should matter."

"I'm nothing like what I used to be, my past is now irrelevant."

"I live in the moment. Why should I dwell on what was instead of what is and what is to come?"

Stuff like that. Yet I'd wonder why we still study history if the past isn't important.

Here's my view:

Your town is hit by a tempestuous storm that damages your surroundings almost completely. Once the storm passes, there is still the leftover damage to clean. The storm is gone, but the remnants remain. 🌴☔️

i.e.: The past has defined my actions until this moment, but it does not define my being in this moment.

This goes back to my choice of title. The past defines you, but it also doesn't. The past as a measure of time is what brought you to the present, one cannot deny this. The past as a measure of who I am today however, is arguably, invalid. Were any of you the same person 5 years ago? Probably not. I know I wasn't, but some of your actions, decisions, thoughts and experiences ignited change, either for the better or for the worst. When the past has changed us for the better, we're willing to contemplate on that for ages... but when it's lead us to a darker moment in our lives, we don't want to think about it. This is normal, but it's narrow. How can I know how to be a better person if I'm only acknowledging what I've achieved?

Yes, it's all well and good to celebrate that ray of sunlight after a storm, but am I going to ignore the grey clouds still lingering around? ⛅️

We need to draw some lines, make some identifications and use our past to help us LEARN MORE our present and future selves so that we aren't limiting ourselves. This is how we transform and become that man/woman/neutral you've always wanted to be. I'm not saying to hang onto the past like your life depends on it. I'm saying consider it. Don't forget it. Use it as a tool to help you grow.

- Do the decisions of my past play any role in where I am today? YES. ✔️

- Have my actions in the past lead me to where I am today? YES. ✔️

- Do the decisions of my past play any role in WHO I am today? NO. ❌

- Have the actions of my past defined WHO I am today? NO. ❌

Just food for thought. Don't let anyone tell you that who you are today is a result of your past. That's YOUR decision, and only you know yourself best. Sometimes we need to be honest with ourselves and realise we've been so far up our own asses that we don't even think about our lives and the people we're becoming.

~j.B🍌

[meowcow]

The excuse that "my past does not define me" is a way for con artists and inherently terrible human beings to avoid responsibility for their actions. They basically feel guilty for the things they have done, and this is their way of escaping it or feign ignorance to what they have done.

You see, when people are PROUD of what they have done, they do not say "my past doesn't define me". They say, "I have demonstrated what a good person I am by doing all of these things". When you go to a job interview, they ask, "what have you accomplished" as a way to gauge your history... the history that defines you and the type of person you are.

When a person is in court for say, raping a child, and becomes registered on the child sex offender registry, do you really believe that nobody's going to take that into account when they apply to a job at a daycare? Do you really think people will say, "oh, well... the past doesn't define him. Let's hire him and let him play with the kids".

The reason why your past actions define you is that people are consistently predictable. Once a thief, always a thief. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a caring, loving person, always a caring loving person. Few people make a 180 degree turnaround in life, and it is the extreme exception - not the norm.
If you have a person who has a long history of scamming people or borrowing money and never repaying, you'd be a fool to lend that person money.

While you may not be the exact same person you were 5 years ago, that could be said about who you were 2 seconds ago. But the inherent character traits that dictate your decision making remain the same. This is why, if you have a history of cheating on your partner, you really don't deserve another change for the 50th time. I can guarantee that you'll cheat on your current partner... for the 51st time.

[SuitAndTie1986]

What if you were on drugs?

[lime_rampljuset]

If you don't learn from your past, nor you know who you are and where you come from, you will fail all the time.

[justbanANNAz]

agreed.

[hellionthesage]

The past does define you and it continues to define you. For instance past sexual activity, its been proven the greater the partner count the greater the probability of divorce/cheating/marital (or relationship) disatisfaction. This doesn't go away because the person decides (for what ever reason) to stop. The brain being plastic alters itself to best fit the situation and the more you expose yourself to a situation the stronger the neural pathways become thus encouraging the behavior. Just because a dirt path is not currently being used doesn't mean the rut disappears. That takes time, substantial time, and for the brain it requires reconditioning and if the change is due to reasons other then an earnest desire to alter the behavior then relapse is highly likely to occur. As for your example of storms, sure its the past, it was destroyed and know it was rebuilt but then if it was destroyed once it has a high probability of happening again. Hurricanes hit in specific regions predictablly so do earth quakes. The past is an indicator of the future no matter how much we wish to believe otherwise. The only way of altering this is acknowledging this fact and actively trying to change. By stating it doesn't matter your simply functioning on impulse (which is simply going to reinforce the previous behavior). If some one has lied every time they have spoken to you, will they suddenly stop this time simply because they claim they have changed? Most likely not. Would you believe them if they did? Most likely not. Your actions are you, in fact they are arguablly more you then anything else (as they are the only thing you really control) so to claim they are some disenbodied event unrelated to you is fallacious at best and an enabling delusion at worse. That doesn't mean you cannot change, you can but no one owes you the chance to prove yourself, you have to earn it both because you have proven previously who you are and thus need to prove to them that you have changed and because by actively proving yourself ensures that you have changed to yourself (it helps rewrite those neural pathways, they are like ruts they are not set in stone but the more you follow that path the deeper and more rigid they become).

[justbanANNAz]

i appreciate that insight. thanks

[hellionthesage]

Not a problem.

[Fathoms77]

Oh now, I wouldn't change your title; that would be absurd. I'm not even sure you could present it any differently, as the bracketed part is imperative for this particular piece.

... see, eye-catching headlines are important but so is context and accurately reflecting the article. Believe it or not, I adhere to both rules. ;)

[justbanANNAz]

agh busted! :P

hehe i appreciate that, ill keep it in mind :D

[udit9191]

- Do the decisions of my past play any role in WHO I am today? NO.
- Have the actions of my past defined WHO I am today? NO.

I strongly disagree with this. How we react to are surroundings is almost directly influenced by our past experiences. Take people who have been through excessive trauma in their lives. There is a reason why they are unable to adapt to their surroundings. For example, take a war veteran who has heard bombs going off all the time for many years. When he comes back into the real world, loud sounds might perturb him out of nowhere.

[justbanANNAz]

to each their own. i appreciate your input.

[YourFutureEx]

Not arguing but
- Do the decisions of my past play any role in WHO I am today? YES ✔
You are what you did.

[justbanANNAz]

i appreciate the input.

[MapleFairy]

I spend too many thoughts thinking about my past and how it negatively affects me, worrying about things i can't change. I feel better when i reflect on where it positively affects me, because it helps me realize that even my mistakes have brought me to better things.

[Stacyzee]

Indeed , your past does not define you but it is a huge part of who you are.
If you do not acknowledge your past , you cannot acknowledge yourself.
Good or bad choices will not be improved because you choose to ignore the impact the past has had on your life.
If it weren't for my past I wouldn't be as self aware and strong as I am today.

[Fearless_banana]

It's a good thought but I think the past is a good indicator of who someone is. It's just logic. Agree to disagree

[justbanANNAz]

that's fine. i agree with that to an extent.

[RedRobin]

You are by far my favourite editor on this site :), keep it up

[justbanANNAz]

Oh my gosh, that's very kind of you. thanks. xx

[RedRobin]

You're welcome :)

[RainbowFanGirl]

How do you write these? 😩 I have trouble collecting my thoughts into one legible post. Ahhh.

[justbanANNAz]

i honestly just write when something comes to me. i dont look for it.

[crashsargeant]

U shouldn't change ur title. It's very creative and plus you make a good point. I sometimes skim through a book, but actually read articles and important readings.

[justbanANNAz]

i appreciate it =]

[crashsargeant]

You're welcome.

[Sabathwolf]

I totally agree that a persons history does not define him, but think about sex offenders. Even after serving their prison time they are branded for life. They have to register their home address for the rest of their lives. They can never go to parks again. They can never go to public parks. They can never get a job working with kids or elderly. They are frequently killed in prisons. Long time friends abandon them. Neighbors avoid them, etc.

[NotMyUsername15]

Decisions you've made in the past say a lot about who you are.

[Decentguy]

people kept saying that your past has nothing to do with your present and future but its soo very wrong, because what life experience i had and having i can prove it that its wrong,
for e. g if in the past you got blind by an accident and your both legs and arms have been lost due to any accident then it will mess up your future and present

[flypaper]

I think past decisions play a role in who you are today. But I do not think that some ones past should be any means define who they are.

[Keepcalm89]

You should become a writer and publish all your mytakes.! I enjoy them very much.

[justbanANNAz]

lol, a very rare opinion on this topic, thank you.
i am aiming to produce a poetry book someday :)

[Keepcalm89]

You do!

[Anotherdumbblonde]

It doesn't necessarily define who you are today but to me your low points do define your level of stupidity and that speaks volumes in some cases.

[legalboxers]

My past does define me. I been screwed over, toyed with, cheated on, and I still get the whole "Im just joking" line as if we were in high school (when I been gone for 22 years).

[DaniaMQ]

Well written!!👌 I kinda needed to read this, so thank you!❤

[SuitAndTie]

You throw punches? 😂😂😂😂😂

[justbanANNAz]

AND i've got a good kick too! if u know what i mean. 😡

[SuitAndTie]

I'd like to see that 😆

[hotstuffSRD]

Damn girl !
Your takes are awesome 😍 LOL

[justbanANNAz]

hehe thank u :)

[hotstuffSRD]

My pleasure 😊