Nerds are awesome! They have the coolest, most glamorous lives! Everyone should strive to be a nerd! Here are the reasons why:
1. Nerds are the most popular guy or gal in the library!
Everyone (in the library) loves the nerd. They are frequent patrons. The nerd is the most popular guy or gal within the library. The nerd wants to learn everything there is to know about stuff, which may or may not be the most useful to most people.
2. Nerds have eye-protectors!
Nerds are famous for their prescriptive lenses. Glasses are life. Without glasses, they can't see the world. Glasses also mean that they have eye-protectors. A quick splash is not going to hurt them, because the glasses are there to shield the eyes of unexpected splashes and debris.
3. Nerds stay within their little nerd squad!
Nerds generally tend to hang out with other nerds. They don't really fit in other social groups. Just the Nerd Squad. The Nerd Squad provides a safe haven for male and female nerds to get away from hypermasculine jocks and hyperfeminine cheerleaders.
4. A Work-Out in the Brain can turn an Infobese Nerd into a healthy Big Data Analyst!
While a work-out means going to the gym for non-nerds to improve physical health, a work-out for nerds means constantly learning how to handle big data and extracting useful information in all that cheap, informational junk. A healthy nerd must work out with the help of software applications and programming languages (such as MySQL, VBA, and R) in order to process information more effectively, while an unhealthy nerd would allow the useless information to clutter his/her mind. Also, a healthy nerd would choose the right foods to develop a strong, functional brain, while the unhealthy nerd would choose the WRONG kind of foods -- foods that can damage the brain cells.
5. Nerds have a sex life . . . in encyclopedias and academic journals!
Nerds do have a sex life. But their sex lives revolve around digging into encyclopedias and academic journals. As nerds, they know they are very unattractive to people. Dorky hairstyle. Dorky dress. Really ugly, old-fashioned glasses that fit them due to their extreme vision impairment. Aloof, taciturn personality. So, instead of having a relationship like a normal person would, a nerd would go to the library and read about sex through the world wide web. Occasionally, they would hang out with the Nerd Squad to uphold three core values: (1) clarity, (2) charity, and (3) continence. The third value, continence, tells nerds that their only "sex life" is to refrain from ALL sexual activity.
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