When giving tough love to a friend or even someone you don't know - I would like to bring up a few points that may seem "considerate" to think about, before advising. Tough Love isn't for everybody. But sometimes it's needed, it's all in the eyes of the beholder, or the person typing away, or talking with the proverbial silver tongue. So what would I like to bring up: well it's compassion, for lack of a better word; I mean this is the place - it seems, and it needs to be said. So let me continue:
1: The case of monkeys and surrogate mothers. Where monkeys were taken away from their mothers and provided with a mother just for comfort, and another mom just for food. In which the monkey chose the mother for comfort the majority of the time. And when the comfort mother was taken away, the monkey cowered in the corner.
So I mean there is freedom of speech, but also compassion for others and reasonable lines of communication. Like if I don't read any animosity in the question then you won't see any in my answers. And the same goes with compassion - if there is a certain expectation of compassion that I can interpret from the question, you will get the same in my response, And that goes hand in hand when the tides are turned and I myself ask a question.
2: Treat others as you expect to be treated. This goes a long way. If your teacher was to make a mistake on the blackboard, would you heckle them to make them feel stupid or to lower their self esteem. I hope not, It's just inconsiderate, and demoralizing. And then there's point
3: You wouldn't let someone treat your children in this manner, at least I hope not. Children learn the most from compassion instead of tough love - look up where they had the study or spanking vs other forms of punishment put forth to wayward children and how they responded.
4: When this happens to us we -oh don't we- just want to put the other person in their place and give them an attitude adjustment.
5: There's tough love and then there's bullying, where nobody likes a bully. And then there's
6: Placing yourself in the question asker's shoes, and other answerer's to give the bet possible advice that you can.
7: Audience and purpose - this is the internet so we as the question askers and answerers do not know everything that is going on - on the other side of the computer. So that's why I take compassion into consideration when answering or asking. And I ask for more details when I feel necessary, and not just give out tough love right away. I have, but
8: There's a time and a place for it.
9: You have to know when to hold 'em and now when to fold 'em. Just like with you tongue, a slip of the tongue (or just what you say or type) can be interpreted the wrong way and some people may act the way you do not want them to, or take your advice in the wrong sense, even though it is in the best of the person's interest to move on or whatever.
So, there's nothing wrong with any approach to answers or questions. I think we all will take any help any way we can get it when needed; it's just the original meaning of the advice given, the other person reading it's interpretation; and the truth of the matter may get mixed up in the heat of the moment or whatever. And then what do you got, other than another problem. And without follow through, the original meaning of what was said is meaningless.
And another thing I notice is that there is a certain level of commitment and friendship that a person gets from a good, compassionate answer. There is more of the feeling that the person answering has "Been there and done that" and their advice may seem like something that the question asker might want to continue, like updating a question for example. I do it all the time. So a wise man once said "you get more bee's with honey, than you do with vinegar." I mean tough love is tough love, but there is also being miserable before you you encounter a situation, and then letting a certain type of situation aggravate you, for one reason or another. So whether you're compassionate and understanding, or a "hard-ass on hand grenades," I think taking into consideration the audience and purpose at hand - goes a long way in helping one another. Thats what we are all here to do (I cross my fingers, lol/knock on wood).
1: The case of monkeys and surrogate mothers. Where monkeys were taken away from their mothers and provided with a mother just for comfort, and another mom just for food. In which the monkey chose the mother for comfort the majority of the time. And when the comfort mother was taken away, the monkey cowered in the corner.
So I mean there is freedom of speech, but also compassion for others and reasonable lines of communication. Like if I don't read any animosity in the question then you won't see any in my answers. And the same goes with compassion - if there is a certain expectation of compassion that I can interpret from the question, you will get the same in my response, And that goes hand in hand when the tides are turned and I myself ask a question.
2: Treat others as you expect to be treated. This goes a long way. If your teacher was to make a mistake on the blackboard, would you heckle them to make them feel stupid or to lower their self esteem. I hope not, It's just inconsiderate, and demoralizing. And then there's point
3: You wouldn't let someone treat your children in this manner, at least I hope not. Children learn the most from compassion instead of tough love - look up where they had the study or spanking vs other forms of punishment put forth to wayward children and how they responded.
4: When this happens to us we -oh don't we- just want to put the other person in their place and give them an attitude adjustment.
5: There's tough love and then there's bullying, where nobody likes a bully. And then there's
6: Placing yourself in the question asker's shoes, and other answerer's to give the bet possible advice that you can.
7: Audience and purpose - this is the internet so we as the question askers and answerers do not know everything that is going on - on the other side of the computer. So that's why I take compassion into consideration when answering or asking. And I ask for more details when I feel necessary, and not just give out tough love right away. I have, but
8: There's a time and a place for it.
9: You have to know when to hold 'em and now when to fold 'em. Just like with you tongue, a slip of the tongue (or just what you say or type) can be interpreted the wrong way and some people may act the way you do not want them to, or take your advice in the wrong sense, even though it is in the best of the person's interest to move on or whatever.
So, there's nothing wrong with any approach to answers or questions. I think we all will take any help any way we can get it when needed; it's just the original meaning of the advice given, the other person reading it's interpretation; and the truth of the matter may get mixed up in the heat of the moment or whatever. And then what do you got, other than another problem. And without follow through, the original meaning of what was said is meaningless.
And another thing I notice is that there is a certain level of commitment and friendship that a person gets from a good, compassionate answer. There is more of the feeling that the person answering has "Been there and done that" and their advice may seem like something that the question asker might want to continue, like updating a question for example. I do it all the time. So a wise man once said "you get more bee's with honey, than you do with vinegar." I mean tough love is tough love, but there is also being miserable before you you encounter a situation, and then letting a certain type of situation aggravate you, for one reason or another. So whether you're compassionate and understanding, or a "hard-ass on hand grenades," I think taking into consideration the audience and purpose at hand - goes a long way in helping one another. Thats what we are all here to do (I cross my fingers, lol/knock on wood).
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