Society & Politics

The Tale of a Single Introvert and a Battle of Loneliness

Anonymous
The tale of a single Introvert and Battle of Loneliness.

I was raised in a rather traditional European family. With most of my family being strong Roman Orthodox, something I did not quite live up to. I also happened to be born without a father, it's a rather long story in itself. Truthout most of my childhood I was different. Different not in a bad way, but different enough that I was rejected by a number of people.

As more I was rejected in life because of my views or the way I act which usually does not sit well with others. Why you may wonder? Well to be frank I'm a pretty honest person, and a very bad liar, as such I grown to tell 99.9% truth and expect the same, not something that's equally shared, even between my own family members. The other portion being is that I don't "sugar coat" things, I say things as they are, even truth I understand they may hurt someones feelings or cause some massive damage.

To be honest I always striked me how with each passing year I became more closed off, how I started loosing interesting in things and how my battle with depression, anxiety and loneliness began. You see even truth I may be a rather brutally honest individual this is not something that's rewarded for in our current day and age. As a matter of fact my honest has landed me in hot water many times, and it seems to be a primary ruining factor of my relationships. People can't function with someone who expects honesty and someone who's determined to dig until they find the truth, luckily I'm not a lawyer, judge or prosecutor, granted I could have been very successful in those jobs.

So where is this going? Well having been in only 1 relationship in my 25 miserable years I learned that being single as some claim isn't realistic. As much as I shy away from human contact, granted I can function perfectly fine in large crowds (weird aye?) I often find myself wanting a new relationship. But being an Introvert and maybe years of partial parental neglect left me unable to openly express my emotion, nor do I seem to have gotten the "How to Manual for Relationships".

People often believe that they don't deserve much and are better of being single. I believe that for many years, actually I lived with these words for many years, letting a cycle of self destruction reign supreme. But somewhere deep inside I so desperately wished for genuine contact of another person, for love and other unicorn stuff. In the same time I understood that being an Introvert isn't going to help me with getting what I want. But as you can imagine, desire to be loved is a "Want" it's not quite a "Need" so in part it's a rather selfish wish, something I could never choke over and ignore.

To be honest till this date I don't quite understand how I grown up to be so deprived of desires, so deprived of basic emotions and basic social skills. Yet I have no problem making friends, which start off as friends by rapidly become acquaintances, I don't understand how others are able to love, yet I can express some basic degree of pity. There are many things I don't understand, and to be honest it makes my heart cringe knowing I'm not the only person out there like that.

I guess people such as myself are defects, defects by 3rd party doing. So you may wonder what is the entire point of this life tale of yours some random GAG user? Well the point is quite simple. If you are ever going to have kids try to express genuine love towards your kids, try to teach them the basics of what makes us human. Don't neglect or abuse you kids in early age, because by doing so you are setting them up for a lifelong path of self destruction and misery.

I guess this is more like a personal rant then a take, but it something I thought I would share.

The Tale of a Single Introvert and a Battle of Loneliness
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